What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

[talibilm09]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

:salams

Imam Nawavi and another Imaam Ibn Tammiyah ( rah alay) did not marry.

If you do not have the URGE or enough money you need not marry.

Or else its a sunnah to marry, If you have both then YOU MUST MARRY.

[LostMan]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

Praise be to Allaah.

I accepted Islam.

I kind of regret making this thread though. I have a hard time explaining myself and it may come across weird. I try to avoid engaging with most people unless its the poor. I am just a 20 year old disturbed man. It is not just MS but many things going on. wont post here anymore, this place definitely not for me. Im just going to keep myself focused on my relationship with Allaah the most high. That is number one to me. cant put that into words

Bolded bit sounds like you're drugs or something... What kind of lifestyle do have....

how obnoxious..

my lifestyle? I submit to Allaah. what about you? and drugs? no.

its called having a chronic illness along with other battles and many may not handle being around someone like me. Thats all I meant.



Anyway, goodbye everyone. Thanks for the responses and messages. Alhamdulillaah.

[Indefinable]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

Praise be to Allaah.

I accepted Islam.

Alhamdulillaah.

Please post if you have any more questions.

May Allaah the Most Merciful, make it easy for you. Aameen.

[neelu]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

Welcome to the deen LostMan, I'm so happy for you. I hope you'll get back in touch inshaAllah but if not, I still hope you manage to find a Muslim community who are helpful and supportive.

I have burning questions about Islam too, but i live in a community where people are born muslim who don't ask and just take in anything from their ustad, so there's this concept of 'blind faith' that is common in my culture. This means they don't question why things are the way they are in Islam. I mean, I don't mean to say the folks around me are unintelligent, but I think that if a faith is a big prt of my life, should'nt I have the right to question it? And to ask in such a way that is meant to benefit everyone, not to go against Islam? It's a bit baffling to me over the years, because it's hard to find someone who follows the same line of thought.

Your last para kinda hit me, because I am going through that situation where I question some aspects of Islam,especially the part on treatment of women. These questions I have are burning inside of me, and I'd like to know how you come into terms with your doubts.

I assume you have close contacts with Ustazahs or some sortz

Islam allows us to question. In fact there's an ayah in the Quran which translates as "contemplate about the alternation of the night and day" and says these are "signs for people who understand". So seeking answers about how creation could come into being, these all are signs that indicate that the world couldn't come into being of its own accord and required a creator and so on. So questioning by contemplating your surroundings actually helps improve understanding of the deen.

As for Islam's treatment of women, the more I learned over time, the more perspective I gained on context and that sort of thing. It's very difficult to sum up years of experience on this sort of thing, but y'know how when there's a "terrorist" incident, all of a sudden there's a spotlight on the Muslim community. All Muslims have to answer for the actions of one man because the tabloids said it raises serious questions about our beliefs and our character and so on... then the next week, a white guy commits the exact same kind of attack on people with the exact same weapons and the incident barely gets a 3 line mention on page 27 of a newspaper. No question of what it means to belong to his race or religion, no scrutiny, no case to answer because he's from the superior people who aren't inherently violent according to this line in a holy book (even though the bible does contain violent verses but they never publicise it so we never hear about it).

What does that kind of double standard publicity tell you? It tells you that they're setting up a narrative, they're setting up the paradigm which means they set the limits and parameters and want your thoughts to be contained within that, not just on terrorism (that's just the most blatant and obvious example), but also on other aspects of Islam such as Islamic history, such as the view on the rights of men and women in Islam and so on.

Not just terrorism but I can also give an example from history: on the one hand, America glorifies its history and Britain glorifies its history too even though they're eyeball deep in genocides, colonialism and racism dating back centuries. America was built on the genocide of natives followed by the enslavement of Africans and so on. Columbus and his men were actively involved in killing, torturing and raping peaceful natives on one of the Caribbean Islands until the population was wiped out within a few generations... yet look at how glorified he is. They name cities and colleges after him. They name one of their national holidays after him and so on. Other US leaders did terrible things too like Thomas Jefferson kept a black woman as his sex slave and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway if you point these things out to a patriotic American, he'd say "yes through the lens of history they did bad things but this sort of slavery and genocide was the norm of that time- it was a different era back then"- even Harvey Weinstein says that and his prehistoric era dates back to the 60s! Yet those same people would jump up and down having a hissy fit demanding "why did your prophet marry a CHILD?" and if you dare to say "y'know that was the norm over a thousand years before your founding fathers (were committing genocide)" and they would not for a second accept that as an excuse. So again we're talking double standards just as they use one standard in reporting a brown faced "terrorist" and another when talking about a white "lone wolf" doing the exact same thing.

These things help you realise that their yardstick for measuring acceptable behaviour is more like a yoyo that shoots up and down depending on their own biases rather than an objective gauge of right and wrong and this includes their outlook on what they consider acceptable in terms of treatment of women. First of all, regarding the age of Aisha (ra) when she got married; we have to realise that this concept of an "age of consent" of 16-18 years old is a fairly new construct that has only been around for maybe 4 generations or 150 years or so. Before that, it was not unusual in ALL societies including the West for women to get married before the age of 16. At the time of the Prophet (saw), NONE of the people of other religions, none of the mushrikeen or ahle kitaab criticised the marriage of Aisha (ra) because young marriage was just as much a part of kufr society as it was a part of Islamic society... then the kufaar live according to their whims and desires and change the parameters of what they consider acceptable or not and expect everyone to conform. Just look at today with the increasing acceptance of LGBT. Who knows maybe in another four generations, our Muslim great grandchildren will be unsure as to whether to accept or reject LGBT just as our generation are unsure as to whether to accept or reject such a young marriage. Why do we hesitate to accept such a thing? Because society has conditioned us to believe that they can draw the lines of what is acceptable and what isn't- even though I could write a book on the kinds of double standards and the violation of rights of women etc that go on in Western societies, but that would make this post far too long.

I think we dislike polygamy not just cos' society conditions us to believe in monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage, but also because these societies use enticing buzzwords like "equality" to make their concepts sound better- but again, bear in mind they used the "equality" slogan to introduce gay marriage, so we have to be very mindful that whilst equality sounds like a nice word, it can carry very unislamic and unpleasant connotations. Men and women are mentioned in the Quran equally in terms of deeds (eg the verse that says "for believing men and women" saying there is a good reward for their good deeds etc) but in terms of rights and responsibilities, they are different. Women get a smaller share of inheritance cos' the woman is only responsible for spending on herself whereas the man is responsible for spending on providing for the whole family- so it is different and to the kufaar, having a difference is considered as being unfair when in fact they make both men and women go to work, they don't acknowledge that some women have painful periods that can affect their attendance, they expect women to dump their 6 month old babies into nurseries so that they can go back to work- all so that the women can boast they are more "equal" in the workplace even though they'd rather be at home recuperating from the C section and bonding with their babies.

Men don't give birth or have C sections or breastfeed, we're created with these differences from the opposite gender which Allah has acknowledged and assigned our roles and responsibilities for as Allah made us and knows our needs and requirements better than we do and most certainly better than these western societies who think men can "identify" as not being men so we all have to share in their delusion and start calling them women.... do you really think people like that have the answers on gender roles?

There's so much that can be said about this and I don't know if I've explained it very well. As I said earlier it's hard to condense years of experience and what I've learned into one post. I can tell you that I'm not in touch with any Ustazas or anything like that. I'm not a scholar and I'm not in touch with any scholars. PM me if you have any further questions. Although I've answered your question I'm not sure my answer was adequate as I feel I've left stuff out to prevent this from getting too long.

[Fakhri]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

Welcome to the deen LostMan, I'm so happy for you. I hope you'll get back in touch inshaAllah but if not, I still hope you manage to find a Muslim community who are helpful and supportive.



Islam allows us to question. In fact there's an ayah in the Quran which translates as "contemplate about the alternation of the night and day" and says these are "signs for people who understand". So seeking answers about how creation could come into being, these all are signs that indicate that the world couldn't come into being of its own accord and required a creator and so on. So questioning by contemplating your surroundings actually helps improve understanding of the deen.

As for Islam's treatment of women, the more I learned over time, the more perspective I gained on context and that sort of thing. It's very difficult to sum up years of experience on this sort of thing, but y'know how when there's a "terrorist" incident, all of a sudden there's a spotlight on the Muslim community. All Muslims have to answer for the actions of one man because the tabloids said it raises serious questions about our beliefs and our character and so on... then the next week, a white guy commits the exact same kind of attack on people with the exact same weapons and the incident barely gets a 3 line mention on page 27 of a newspaper. No question of what it means to belong to his race or religion, no scrutiny, no case to answer because he's from the superior people who aren't inherently violent according to this line in a holy book (even though the bible does contain violent verses but they never publicise it so we never hear about it).

What does that kind of double standard publicity tell you? It tells you that they're setting up a narrative, they're setting up the paradigm which means they set the limits and parameters and want your thoughts to be contained within that, not just on terrorism (that's just the most blatant and obvious example), but also on other aspects of Islam such as Islamic history, such as the view on the rights of men and women in Islam and so on.

Not just terrorism but I can also give an example from history: on the one hand, America glorifies its history and Britain glorifies its history too even though they're eyeball deep in genocides, colonialism and racism dating back centuries. America was built on the genocide of natives followed by the enslavement of Africans and so on. Columbus and his men were actively involved in killing, torturing and raping peaceful natives on one of the Caribbean Islands until the population was wiped out within a few generations... yet look at how glorified he is. They name cities and colleges after him. They name one of their national holidays after him and so on. Other US leaders did terrible things too like Thomas Jefferson kept a black woman as his sex slave and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway if you point these things out to a patriotic American, he'd say "yes through the lens of history they did bad things but this sort of slavery and genocide was the norm of that time- it was a different era back then"- even Harvey Weinstein says that and his prehistoric era dates back to the 60s! Yet those same people would jump up and down having a hissy fit demanding "why did your prophet marry a CHILD?" and if you dare to say "y'know that was the norm over a thousand years before your founding fathers (were committing genocide)" and they would not for a second accept that as an excuse. So again we're talking double standards just as they use one standard in reporting a brown faced "terrorist" and another when talking about a white "lone wolf" doing the exact same thing.

These things help you realise that their yardstick for measuring acceptable behaviour is more like a yoyo that shoots up and down depending on their own biases rather than an objective gauge of right and wrong and this includes their outlook on what they consider acceptable in terms of treatment of women. First of all, regarding the age of Aisha (ra) when she got married; we have to realise that this concept of an "age of consent" of 16-18 years old is a fairly new construct that has only been around for maybe 4 generations or 150 years or so. Before that, it was not unusual in ALL societies including the West for women to get married before the age of 16. At the time of the Prophet (saw), NONE of the people of other religions, none of the mushrikeen or ahle kitaab criticised the marriage of Aisha (ra) because young marriage was just as much a part of kufr society as it was a part of Islamic society... then the kufaar live according to their whims and desires and change the parameters of what they consider acceptable or not and expect everyone to conform. Just look at today with the increasing acceptance of LGBT. Who knows maybe in another four generations, our Muslim great grandchildren will be unsure as to whether to accept or reject LGBT just as our generation are unsure as to whether to accept or reject such a young marriage. Why do we hesitate to accept such a thing? Because society has conditioned us to believe that they can draw the lines of what is acceptable and what isn't- even though I could write a book on the kinds of double standards and the violation of rights of women etc that go on in Western societies, but that would make this post far too long.

I think we dislike polygamy not just cos' society conditions us to believe in monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage, but also because these societies use enticing buzzwords like "equality" to make their concepts sound better- but again, bear in mind they used the "equality" slogan to introduce gay marriage, so we have to be very mindful that whilst equality sounds like a nice word, it can carry very unislamic and unpleasant connotations. Men and women are mentioned in the Quran equally in terms of deeds (eg the verse that says "for believing men and women" saying there is a good reward for their good deeds etc) but in terms of rights and responsibilities, they are different. Women get a smaller share of inheritance cos' the woman is only responsible for spending on herself whereas the man is responsible for spending on providing for the whole family- so it is different and to the kufaar, having a difference is considered as being unfair when in fact they make both men and women go to work, they don't acknowledge that some women have painful periods that can affect their attendance, they expect women to dump their 6 month old babies into nurseries so that they can go back to work- all so that the women can boast they are more "equal" in the workplace even though they'd rather be at home recuperating from the C section and bonding with their babies.

Men don't give birth or have C sections or breastfeed, we're created with these differences from the opposite gender which Allah has acknowledged and assigned our roles and responsibilities for as Allah made us and knows our needs and requirements better than we do and most certainly better than these western societies who think men can "identify" as not being men so we all have to share in their delusion and start calling them women.... do you really think people like that have the answers on gender roles?

There's so much that can be said about this and I don't know if I've explained it very well. As I said earlier it's hard to condense years of experience and what I've learned into one post. I can tell you that I'm not in touch with any Ustazas or anything like that. I'm not a scholar and I'm not in touch with any scholars. PM me if you have any further questions. Although I've answered your question I'm not sure my answer was adequate as I feel I've left stuff out to prevent this from getting too long.

Sr [MENTION=1489]neelu[/MENTION] , unable to rep, respected sister, but :jkk: for this post. Baarakallah feek. (Alhamdulillah. A very good post imho, by the kindness of Allah Ta'aalaa).

[rahmat89]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

I am a young adult male and have come to accept I will never find a woman due to the way I look, and due to me not having any real good qualities. I also have chronic multiple sclerosis and I have a certain way that I live life that most could not handle to be around

I am not a muslim but I am interested in Islam and I dont want to be a slave to judgmental women, feeling like I owe them something or feeling constant inferiority because I am not "enough" for them, I just want to be a slave of God.

He is my only true friend and I know he loves me and accepts me because he created me, but women today are definitely not like that



so when I do convert, what is the stance for guys like me who will never be able to find a woman? Is it not a problem?

Bismillah,
Ask the mighty god a good woman as your wife. :) (i am serious). God create the entire universe, so its a very easy work for god to find you good woman.

I did it! I do prayer tahajud with my father asking for a good woman as my wife. And alhamdulillah now I have a best wife in the world and most beautiful daughter ever. (In my point of view :) )

Marriage is part of the sunnah. convert now and ask allah a good woman letter. DO THE 5 PILLAR OF ISLAM. Insya Allah, allah will grant you a great wife that you need (not that you want). It works for me and I am sure it will work for you too. InsyaAllah.

One last thing, when you already embrace Islam go to Mecca and perform umrah. Make your dua in from of the ka'bah. Insya Allah

AllahuAlam

[Ummati09]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

Bismillah,
Ask the mighty god a good woman as your wife. :) (i am serious). God create the entire universe, so its a very easy work for god to find you good woman.

I did it! I do prayer tahajud with my father asking for a good woman as my wife. And alhamdulillah now I have a best wife in the world and most beautiful daughter ever. (In my point of view :) )

Marriage is part of the sunnah. convert now and ask allah a good woman letter. DO THE 5 PILLAR OF ISLAM. Insya Allah, allah will grant you a great wife that you need (not that you want). It works for me and I am sure it will work for you too. InsyaAllah.

One last thing, when you already embrace Islam go to Mecca and perform umrah. Make your dua in from of the ka'bah. Insya Allah

AllahuAlam

Allah wanted me to read this post.

Jazaakallah brother for such an uplifting post.

[rahmat89]

Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

assalamualaikum.

alhamdulillah. Jazakallahu Khair brother.
I don't read the full thread. And I don't know he already embrace Islam when I reply to this thread. :) Alhamdulillah.