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I'm so worried and scared; please, please help me

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  • I'm so worried and scared; please, please help me

    Dear Ummah,

    I've technically been a Muslim all my life, but only now am I seriously trying to apply the rules of Islam to my life.
    One facet of Islam I'm finding extremely, extremely difficult is how to interact with non-mahram women.
    I'm a 17 year old guy with a brother and two step-sisters. We more or less grew up together over the last few years. But now I find out that because they're non-mahram, according to Islam, I'm supposed to treat my step-sisters as I would any unrelated lady.
    It's already taking so much out of me to keep the girls outside my family who were in my life at arm's length; to apply to that to my own family is a new level of difficulty.
    I belong to an Indian family. We all live in the same house, and love each other a great deal. My parents are Muslim, but nowhere near as strict about it as I am; as such, they take my step-sisters out with us wherever we go, on everything from trips to the mall to vacations abroad. So what am I to do? In order to follow Islam, am I to isolate myself from my family completely?
    What about their weddings? Am I to refuse an invitation?
    Please, please be gentle in your replies. Please don't tell me "if you speak to your sisters again, you will be thrown in the fire of Hell for all eternity".
    Please tell me I can continue to spend time with my family. Because with all these rules, I'm already so incredibly anxious about how I'm going to live my life. And my family is the only thing keeping me sane.

  • #2
    Re: I'm so worried and scared; please, please help me

    Originally posted by TIK View Post
    Dear Ummah,

    I've technically been a Muslim all my life, but only now am I seriously trying to apply the rules of Islam to my life.
    One facet of Islam I'm finding extremely, extremely difficult is how to interact with non-mahram women.
    I'm a 17 year old guy with a brother and two step-sisters. We more or less grew up together over the last few years. But now I find out that because they're non-mahram, according to Islam, I'm supposed to treat my step-sisters as I would any unrelated lady.
    It's already taking so much out of me to keep the girls outside my family who were in my life at arm's length; to apply to that to my own family is a new level of difficulty.
    I belong to an Indian family. We all live in the same house, and love each other a great deal. My parents are Muslim, but nowhere near as strict about it as I am; as such, they take my step-sisters out with us wherever we go, on everything from trips to the mall to vacations abroad. So what am I to do? In order to follow Islam, am I to isolate myself from my family completely?
    What about their weddings? Am I to refuse an invitation?
    Please, please be gentle in your replies. Please don't tell me "if you speak to your sisters again, you will be thrown in the fire of Hell for all eternity".
    Please tell me I can continue to spend time with my family. Because with all these rules, I'm already so incredibly anxious about how I'm going to live my life. And my family is the only thing keeping me sane.
    are they from another father or mother?
    did you breastfeed from the same mother?

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    • #3
      Re: I'm so worried and scared; please, please help me

      They're my 'step'-sisters; ghayr-mahram (no blood relation, not breast fed by the same woman etc.)

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      • #4
        Re: I'm so worried and scared; please, please help me

        [MENTION=125074]TIK[/MENTION]
        Rule of thumb: If you can't/haven't found a solution to your problem, do what makes sense, don't try to be drastic or do something completely alien.

        Like there's an anecdote about a kid who started practicing Islam seriously, and he heard some preacher say that the TV is the dajjal, and he went to the living room and tipped it over so it broke, but his father was watching it. So his father took him to the other room to spank him, and during that, the kid was going "AHADUN, AHAD!".
        That is to do something alien, because if the kid was to think for himself what would make sense, he wouldn't just go start a ruckus, nobody does that, he probably had to sit in his room for a while before that and gather the courage and convince himself to do something that nutty.
        And it is not haram to not know a solution or to try to not make matters worse. If you isolate yourself, you will make matters worse, and loneliness is said to be the hunting ground of shaytaan.
        In the meantime, you should continue to look for a solution and try to think of something, hang in there, people will surely reply to this thread. And while you don't find a solution, just act normally. Surely it's not like you were actively having intercourse with them up until just now or something, that would've been crazy lol. If you eat breakfast with them every morning, have some third person there too maybe, don't push yourself to do drastic things when you're not sure.

        I don't know of any solution, so I won't rpetend that I can give you any advice, other than the stuff I wrote up there.
        Say what somebody can do instead of the haram if you want to help.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I'm so worried and scared; please, please help me

          Originally posted by TIK View Post
          Dear Ummah,

          I've technically been a Muslim all my life, but only now am I seriously trying to apply the rules of Islam to my life.
          One facet of Islam I'm finding extremely, extremely difficult is how to interact with non-mahram women.
          I'm a 17 year old guy with a brother and two step-sisters. We more or less grew up together over the last few years. But now I find out that because they're non-mahram, according to Islam, I'm supposed to treat my step-sisters as I would any unrelated lady.
          It's already taking so much out of me to keep the girls outside my family who were in my life at arm's length; to apply to that to my own family is a new level of difficulty.
          I belong to an Indian family. We all live in the same house, and love each other a great deal. My parents are Muslim, but nowhere near as strict about it as I am; as such, they take my step-sisters out with us wherever we go, on everything from trips to the mall to vacations abroad. So what am I to do? In order to follow Islam, am I to isolate myself from my family completely?
          What about their weddings? Am I to refuse an invitation?
          Please, please be gentle in your replies. Please don't tell me "if you speak to your sisters again, you will be thrown in the fire of Hell for all eternity".
          Please tell me I can continue to spend time with my family. Because with all these rules, I'm already so incredibly anxious about how I'm going to live my life. And my family is the only thing keeping me sane.
          I would suggest treat them the same way as you would treat your real sisters. if you consider them as your sisters then whats the issue. You live in the same house have the same parents you cant completely ignore them. If you keeping thinking that they are not your sisters then you will keep getting worried. and whats the issue of mehram huh. of course you would keep some sort of distance with your real sister keep the same distance with your step sisters. and it does not mean cutting off completely from them..

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I'm so worried and scared; please, please help me

            Originally posted by saadking View Post
            I would suggest treat them the same way as you would treat your real sisters. if you consider them as your sisters then whats the issue. You live in the same house have the same parents you cant completely ignore them. If you keeping thinking that they are not your sisters then you will keep getting worried. and whats the issue of mehram huh. of course you would keep some sort of distance with your real sister keep the same distance with your step sisters. and it does not mean cutting off completely from them..
            How can you treat mahrams and non-mahrams in the same way? He should keep away from them like he would with any other woman. I don't think what you said is correct, unless I misunderstood you.
            Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

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