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  • Funerals

    salam everyone, i have questions regarding funerals in Islam.
    It's just that, recently one of my grand-aunts passed away Allah yerhama, and the "bika" was held at my house. Basically, everyone gathers at the house and cries, or attempts to comfort you. This can go on with distant relatives staying over at your house for 2 - 3 days.
    The thing is, I found the whole process extra distressing. I've never really been to a funeral, and I didn't personally know the woman who died, but of course I felt bad anyway. Elderly distantly related women came to our house. Two women in particular were cry-singing, where they're not actually crying but they're EXTREMELY loud and it sounds more like a really bad song than much else. For example, if the person who died was Rufus, the cry-singers chant: (in arabic) "Oh Rufus, why did you leave us, look at your sisters, why did you leave them like this, rufussssssssss" and everyone starts crying again. She'll stop chanting in the middle to direct me to make her a cup of Shai, no sugar, and get to get dinner going.

    so i'm just really concerned about this behaviour. i heard crying excessively hurts the dead, or tortures them. Is this true? I fear one day they'll be another funeral or a few at my house, and I don't want anyone excessively crying hurting the people I love. But these women are elderly and I have to respect them.
    So can I have some general rulings on funerals? i don't want to be an annoyance if I attend a funeral. what should i do? (stay a long while, leave immediately, try not to cry, cry endlessly)
    and would it be permissible for me to ask these women to stop? Jazak Allah khair in advance.

  • #2
    Re: Funerals

    Yes, you should ask them to stop. Not proper behavior. Seems like some sort of cultural ritual more than anything else.
    Watch those eyes

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    • #3
      Re: Funerals

      As for the dead being punished for crying over them, the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) differed over that.

      Narrated Hisham's father:

      It was mentioned before `Aisha that Ibn `Umar attributed the following statement to the Prophet (ﷺ) "The dead person is punished in the grave because of the crying and lamentation Of his family." On that, `Aisha said, "But Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, 'The dead person is punished for his crimes and sins while his family cry over him then." She added, "And this is similar to the statement of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) when he stood by the (edge of the) well which contained the corpses of the pagans killed at Badr, 'They hear what I say.' She added, "But he said now they know very well what I used to tell them was the truth." `Aisha then recited: 'You cannot make the dead hear.' (30.52) and 'You cannot make those who are in their Graves, hear you.' (35.22) that is, when they had taken their places in the (Hell) Fire.
      [Sahih Bukhari]
      Watch those eyes

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      • #4
        Re: Funerals

        Narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar:

        Sa`d bin 'Ubada became sick and the Prophet (ﷺ) along with `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf, Sa`d bin Abi Waqqas and `Abdullah bin Mas`ud visited him to inquire about his health. When he came to him, he found him surrounded by his household and he asked, "Has he died?" They said, "No, O Allah's Apostle." The Prophet (ﷺ) wept and when the people saw the weeping of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) they all wept. He said, "Will you listen? Allah does not punish for shedding tears, nor for the grief of the heart but he punishes or bestows His Mercy because of this." He pointed to his tongue and added, "The deceased is punished for the wailing of his relatives over him." `Umar used to beat with a stick and throw stones and put dust over the faces (of those who used to wail over the dead).
        [Sahih Bukhari]
        Watch those eyes

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Funerals

          Here are some more Hadith on the topic. Please note I have copy pasted them from this website so please take them with a grain of salt. I have not personally verified each one.


          On forbidding wailing over the dead, slapping the cheeks, tearing the shirt, pulling out the hair and shaving it, and against praying for destruction
          Riyad as-Salihin (Gardens of the Righteous)

          by Imam Nawawi

          Chapter 302:

          On forbidding wailing over the dead, slapping the cheeks, tearing the shirt, pulling out the hair and shaving it, and against praying for destruction

          1657. 'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, "The dead person is punished in his grave for the wailing done over him." [Agreed upon]

          1658. Ibn Mas'ud reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Someone who strikes his cheeks, tears his garments and calls out the cries of the Jahiliyya is not one of us." [Agreed upon]

          1659. Abu Burda said, "Abu Musa was ill and fainted. His head was in the lap of one of the women of his family and he was unable to reply to anything. When he came to, he said, 'I declare myself free of those from whom the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, declared himself free.' The Messenger of Allah declared himself free from women who slap their faces, shave their heads and tear their clothes." [Agreed upon]

          1660. al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "Anyone who is wailed over is punished by the wailing over him on the Day of Rising.'" [Agreed upon]

          1661. Umm 'Atiyya Nusayba said, "At the time of the oath of allegiance, the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, imposed on us that we should not wail." [Agreed upon]

          1662. An-Nu'man ibn Bashir said, "'Abdullah ibn Rawaha fainted and his sister began to weep and say, 'What a paragon he was!' and this and that, repeating them. When he recovered consciousness, he said, 'You did not say anything without it being said to me, "Are you really like that?"'" [al-Bukhari]

          1663. Ibn 'Umar said, "Sa'd ibn 'Ubada fell ill and the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, came to visit him with 'Abdu'r-Rahman ibn 'Awf, Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas and 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud. When he arrived, he found him in a stupor and said, 'Has he died?' They said, 'No, Messenger of Allah.' The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, wept. When the people saw the Prophet weeping, they wept. He said, 'Listen, Allah does not punish on account of the tears of the eyes nor for the grief of the heart, but he punishes or shows mercy on account of this,' and he pointed to his tongue.'" [Agreed upon]

          1664. Abu Malik al-Ash'ari said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When someone who wails fails to repent before she dies, she will be raised up on the Day of Rising with trousers of tar and a mangy chemise." [Muslim]

          1665. Usayd ibn Abi Usayd at-Tabi'i from one of the women who gave homage who said, "Among the things the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, made us agree to regarding correct behaviour in respect of which we promised not to disobey him were not scratching our faces nor wailing nor tearing our shirts nor pulling out our hair." [Abu Dawud]

          1666. Abu Musa reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "There is no one who dies whose mourners then stand and say, 'O chief! O master!' or similar things without two angels being delegated to him to prod him in the chest saying, "Were you really like that?'" [at-Tirmidhi]

          1667. Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Two things people do have disbelief in them: attacking lineage and wailing over the dead." [Muslim]
          Watch those eyes

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ZeeshanParvez View Post
            Here are some more Hadith on the topic. Please note I have copy pasted them from this website so please take them with a grain of salt. I have not personally verified each one.


            On forbidding wailing over the dead, slapping the cheeks, tearing the shirt, pulling out the hair and shaving it, and against praying for destruction
            Riyad as-Salihin (Gardens of the Righteous)

            by Imam Nawawi

            Chapter 302:

            On forbidding wailing over the dead, slapping the cheeks, tearing the shirt, pulling out the hair and shaving it, and against praying for destruction

            1657. 'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, "The dead person is punished in his grave for the wailing done over him." [Agreed upon]

            1658. Ibn Mas'ud reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Someone who strikes his cheeks, tears his garments and calls out the cries of the Jahiliyya is not one of us." [Agreed upon]

            1659. Abu Burda said, "Abu Musa was ill and fainted. His head was in the lap of one of the women of his family and he was unable to reply to anything. When he came to, he said, 'I declare myself free of those from whom the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, declared himself free.' The Messenger of Allah declared himself free from women who slap their faces, shave their heads and tear their clothes." [Agreed upon]

            1660. al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "Anyone who is wailed over is punished by the wailing over him on the Day of Rising.'" [Agreed upon]

            1661. Umm 'Atiyya Nusayba said, "At the time of the oath of allegiance, the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, imposed on us that we should not wail." [Agreed upon]

            1662. An-Nu'man ibn Bashir said, "'Abdullah ibn Rawaha fainted and his sister began to weep and say, 'What a paragon he was!' and this and that, repeating them. When he recovered consciousness, he said, 'You did not say anything without it being said to me, "Are you really like that?"'" [al-Bukhari]

            1663. Ibn 'Umar said, "Sa'd ibn 'Ubada fell ill and the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, came to visit him with 'Abdu'r-Rahman ibn 'Awf, Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas and 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud. When he arrived, he found him in a stupor and said, 'Has he died?' They said, 'No, Messenger of Allah.' The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, wept. When the people saw the Prophet weeping, they wept. He said, 'Listen, Allah does not punish on account of the tears of the eyes nor for the grief of the heart, but he punishes or shows mercy on account of this,' and he pointed to his tongue.'" [Agreed upon]

            1664. Abu Malik al-Ash'ari said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When someone who wails fails to repent before she dies, she will be raised up on the Day of Rising with trousers of tar and a mangy chemise." [Muslim]

            1665. Usayd ibn Abi Usayd at-Tabi'i from one of the women who gave homage who said, "Among the things the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, made us agree to regarding correct behaviour in respect of which we promised not to disobey him were not scratching our faces nor wailing nor tearing our shirts nor pulling out our hair." [Abu Dawud]

            1666. Abu Musa reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "There is no one who dies whose mourners then stand and say, 'O chief! O master!' or similar things without two angels being delegated to him to prod him in the chest saying, "Were you really like that?'" [at-Tirmidhi]

            1667. Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Two things people do have disbelief in them: attacking lineage and wailing over the dead." [Muslim]
            Jazak Allah khair for your reply! I've never come across any of these ahadeeth, I had just heard my mom saying that crying excessively/with sound tortures the dead. :(

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Funerals

              Originally posted by ZeeshanParvez View Post
              Yes, you should ask them to stop. Not proper behavior. Seems like some sort of cultural ritual more than anything else.
              Better to wait till after the mourning is done, because the fact is they're prolly not gonna be listening to anything you say in that state of mind.
              Allah is always watching [VIDEO]

              How To Weep For The Fear Of Allah

              Please remember to share these links with people you know so they can also benefit from them. :jkk:

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