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Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

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  • neelu
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Man you must have really bad self esteem issues if you keep letting that jerk back into your life, let him [email protected] someone else numerous times and still took him back when he came back to you and insulted you, called you mean names about your weight and you still forgave him? What is wrong with you? Get a backbone and kick him to the kerb! Don't let him creep his way back into your life- he literally made his bed with another woman, let them lie on it.

    It's not your fault they broke up- it's not like they took your feelings into consideration when they got together, so stop feeling guilty for them, you are not their keeper or their mother, you have no responsibility towards them. Let them go and you stay as far away from them as possible if you want any form of a life that doesn't involve demeaning yourself by sticking with that lowlife.

    If there is anything that displeases Allah (swt), it is carrying on with this guy as a fiance for six years and you still hadn't reached the point of approaching your family about marriage in a respectable way. Long engagements are disliked in the deen. Informing his bit-on-the-side that he was still claiming to be loyal to you is not sinful and I don't see how that would displease Allah as you only told them the truth whilst they were busy running from it.

    I hope you learn your lesson from this. If a guy really wants to marry you, then the first thing you do is agree to inform your family and go about things the respectable way- not drag it on into a six year relationship; though I do give you credit for avoiding starting a physical relationship with him at least. Don't you want to marry someone who will respect you and not insult you? I think Allah (swt) has blessed you by showing that creep's true colours and getting him out of your life, otherwise if you'd married him you'd have ended up suffering for it the rest of your life.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslimhelp
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    He does not seem like a good man, do istighfar and you muslim sisters seem better off without him. Pick a good muslim husband.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mikha’eel
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    As long as you learn from your mistakes, then that is good.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rehnuma
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Originally posted by Musbah View Post
    Just out of curiousity. Why did you both wait for over 6 years to get married and not marry sooner so you both didn't have to suppress your desires for each other? And this is one of the reasons why Islam forbids free mixing of men and women. You should not have accepted that he free mix with other women especially since you both were engaged.
    We were student then, he managed to convince us that he need to be established financially to start a family and we agreed.
    That's where we did the mistake I think.
    And I shouldn't allowed the free-mixing. next time (If there is) with anyone - my husband, children, siblings-- I will remember that for sure.

    Leave a comment:


  • Musbah
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Just out of curiousity. Why did you both wait for over 6 years to get married and not marry sooner so you both didn't have to suppress your desires for each other? And this is one of the reasons why Islam forbids free mixing of men and women. You should not have accepted that he free mix with other women especially since you both were engaged.

    Leave a comment:


  • KeeKee
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    don't lose faith in Allah He will give you better inshaAllah, someone so much better you will wonder 'why on earth was i upset over that crumpet.'

    tell him to do 1, leave you alone and get on with your life. don't care about what he says, he's the one in the wrong.


    Originally posted by Rehnuma View Post
    I know they will reconcile, But, right now he is saying "You took revenge", "You cannot see me happy, because you are unhappy" etc. etc.
    That girl is also blaming me.

    But what about they did to me?
    I always used to tell myself, Allah will do better for you.
    I feel I have disappointed my lord.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rehnuma
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Originally posted by Mikha’eel View Post
    How was that revenge? You didn't do anything wrong other than the relationship you were in. That guy deserves to be exposed for his actions. Don't beat yourself up over it and don't let that guy or his actions be the cause of a mental breakdown.

    And even for the sake of argument you did wrong by taking revenge, then repent and seek forgiveness, its not the end of the world. You made a mistake, it happened to the best of people - inluding the sahaba who fell into some major mistakes and sins but the difference was they learnt from it, they acted as a believer should do when you fall into a mistake and Allah forgave them, and he will forgive you too.

    Thank you, yes, I know now what I have to do. I will totally strengthen my relationship with Allah,
    Being in a relationship or getting true love is not the main reason we were sent.
    I will repent for every those moment I spent for this sins.

    Thank you brother, again.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rehnuma
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Originally posted by KeeKee View Post
    what a pig (him)

    with all due respect my sister, you need to take a reality check.
    you were with him in whatever sense for 6 years and during those 6 years he didn't marry you? warning bells right there.
    Also physical contact or not your relationship was haram so YOU were in the wrong too.

    Then he went and cheated on you -technically islamically you had no relation anyway- and yet you still continued to
    take him back etc etc. please wake up and smell the coffee, he's a cheating scumbag and you still want him? still care about what he does?
    forget him, think better of yourself and aim higher next time. you did wrong in being in that relationship but you didn't do wrong in informing the other girl, not in my opinion anyway. drop him like a hot potato, severe all contact with him and strengthen your relationship with Allah insha allah. May Allah protect you.
    I know they will reconcile, But, right now he is saying "You took revenge", "You cannot see me happy, because you are unhappy" etc. etc.
    That girl is also blaming me.

    But what about they did to me?
    I always used to tell myself, Allah will do better for you.
    I feel I have disappointed my lord.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mikha’eel
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    How was that revenge? You didn't do anything wrong other than the relationship you were in. That guy deserves to be exposed for his actions. Don't beat yourself up over it and don't let that guy or his actions be the cause of a mental breakdown.

    And even for the sake of argument you did wrong by taking revenge, then repent and seek forgiveness, its not the end of the world. You made a mistake, it happened to the best of people - inluding the sahaba who fell into some major mistakes and sins but the difference was they learnt from it, they acted as a believer should do when you fall into a mistake and Allah forgave them, and he will forgive you too.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rehnuma
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Originally posted by Eric H View Post
    Greetings and peace be with you Rehnuma;



    Probably, all of us on this forum sin, so we are not in a good place to make judgements on anyone else's sin. Despite any wrong doing you may have done, I believe you are doing so much to strive to put things right, prayer, forgiveness, striving to do the will of Allah. You might benefit more from spiritual help, rather than psychiatric help.

    In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God

    Eric
    Thank you, yes, you are right. Saying prayer, reading Quran helped a lot me to calm down.
    The thing I cannot forget that instead of being dependent on Allah, I tried to take revenge. I can't forgive myself.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rehnuma
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Thank you.


    You only need to feel guilty over the fact you had a relationship with a man - which you should not have done. Even if u are engaged, that doesn't change anything Islamically. It is not permissible for you to be "dating" or hanging around with each other until the nikah is done.

    I am totally remorseful for that. I have always been that "Anti-Dating" person not only as a Muslim but also as a Woman. My Allah knows how much I cried for forgiveness. At least, From me there will never be any kind of "haram," relationship.

    I HAD. And each time he came back telling he is repenting. Even now he wants to maintain a friendship. I really dont understand this kind of behavior.
    I just want that the Allah forgives and consider me and my situation.

    Leave a comment:


  • Eric H
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Greetings and peace be with you Rehnuma;

    The total event made me so emotionally damaged that I had to consult a psychiatric. BUT, from last couple of weeks my mental condition got worse and it's that time I stopped saying any prayer.
    Probably, all of us on this forum sin, so we are not in a good place to make judgements on anyone else's sin. Despite any wrong doing you may have done, I believe you are doing so much to strive to put things right, prayer, forgiveness, striving to do the will of Allah. You might benefit more from spiritual help, rather than psychiatric help.

    In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God

    Eric

    Leave a comment:


  • Rehnuma
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    Firstly, we were engaged and were planning to marry this year(2014)

    I regularly say my prayer. I was not in good shape while writing this. "I totally turned to Allah" means I left everything on Allah instead of doing anything myself.

    I am already ashamed, remorseful for that relationship. Allah knows how many times I have asked forgiveness.

    The total event made me so emotionally damaged that I had to consult a psychiatric. BUT, from last couple of weeks my mental condition got worse and it's that time I stopped saying any prayer.

    Now, I am ashamed of the fact that even though I left everything on Allah and keep my patience for last 6 months -- Just I could not control my anger, agony - instead of keeping patience I blurt everything to that girl. Why I did that?

    I feel, I did the same thing they did to me> Then where is the difference between me and them?

    Even they reconcile (which I am sure they will did), I can't forget that I stooped to their level?
    I feel Allah was testing me and I failed.

    Leave a comment:


  • KeeKee
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    what a pig (him)

    with all due respect my sister, you need to take a reality check.
    you were with him in whatever sense for 6 years and during those 6 years he didn't marry you? warning bells right there.
    Also physical contact or not your relationship was haram so YOU were in the wrong too.

    Then he went and cheated on you -technically islamically you had no relation anyway- and yet you still continued to
    take him back etc etc. please wake up and smell the coffee, he's a cheating scumbag and you still want him? still care about what he does?
    forget him, think better of yourself and aim higher next time. you did wrong in being in that relationship but you didn't do wrong in informing the other girl, not in my opinion anyway. drop him like a hot potato, severe all contact with him and strengthen your relationship with Allah insha allah. May Allah protect you.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mockingjay
    replied
    Re: Remorse after taking revenge (kind of)

    :wswrwb:

    Sister, that man is a total loser. You should dump him. Never let him come back to you. Never ever give him another chance. You should cut contact with both of them.

    Find another man who is religious and kind. And you must not date. Dating is haraam.

    Leave a comment:

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