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Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

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  • Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

    Asalaam walaikum everyone,


    I will not introduce my name for privacy reasons, but you can call me Br, Z. This is my first time posting in a forum as this and Alhumdullilah I hope I can receive some great advice inshAllah. Now to fast forward to the questions...just a quick backdrop on my life:

    I was born muslim and diverted along the path unfortunately for my whole entire life. As far as I can remember, I don't recall my family ever being religious at all, we ate from fast food restaurants, cursed in the household, had wine, etc. To the point where family arguments occurred, police entered my house, visits from social workers, and possibly an attempted murder. As years went on by I turned into my late teens and after drinking, sexual relations with females and drugs have gotten tiring, I found one female of my pakistani heritage and she was of hijab and still is. We did talk, though i was non-mahram. We definitely like each other during those months and talked secretly but did not do anything sexual at all. We actually decided to stop talking unless our families got involved to do nikah. My family, after much trial and arguments ok'd the relationship but nikah will not be done until i have received education from medical school. Three years later we are still going to school and with huge dismay, though I love her very much we do have sexual relations but she is still a virgin. We do many other things but we are trying to stop for the sake of Allah 'azza wa ajjal..and we are doing a great job, and we rarely see each other.

    My problems..if any one can give some encouraging words from the quran , ahadith, or personal hikmah..

    1. Though I have increased in 'ilm over the years, gaining positive influences in friends and losing negative, I still struggle masturbating to awful things on the internet despite my love for Islam and its beautiful message. I feel hypocritical at best and fall into depression most of the time losing focus in school and my goal inlife...i have tried many things even going to Zeyad Ramadhans videos for help. but to my dismay, I still fall back into sin..

    2. Though I pray everyday, most days its 5, but some are just 1 a day and again i feel in shambles hopeless that i wont ever please my parents being the only son with an overachieving younger sister. I feel like I am cursed knowing im the oldest but haven't gotten anywhere in my life..I dont know how to remain positive and keep family relations..

    3. In general, my imaan, my gasoline tank for the akhira is always running empty though i try to feed the poor and help who ever i can. I feel cocky all the time, egotistical, idiotic. I just want to get into medical school, memorize the quran and find the true beauty of Islam so Allah can accept my good deeds and I can reach jannah. I can reach the happiness of my parents, I havent done a single thing to hurt them intentionally, but unintentionally, Im always to blame.

    Please help me brothers and sisters, for I cry so much and try to be patient looking for answers when I feel like I am being consumed with anger. Jazakallah khair for all the help...i tear as i write all this

  • #2
    Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

    Assalam-u-alaikum.
    You have to understand firstly, that is, Allah(SWT) is the most forgiving . So don't ever loose hope on His forgiveness. But that being said, you can not take it as a way to sin and then repent later, u don't know when you might die,. Ask for forgiveness (Repent) to Allah(SWT) and pray 5 times daily, don't miss even a single one! As for the relationship, I don''t know much but it's haram to have those b4 marriage. So stop it. And remember, the Repentance needs to be sincere.
    Recite the Qur'an daily. and you can find the translations online too, so you can understand the meanings. Do all types of good deeds. Do the sunnah of our Prophet, Muhammad (PBUH) . Listen to Qur'an recitation. Choose the friends carefully, go on religious environment. And stop listening to musics.... and stop watching anything which is bad. Do not lie, or backbite others. Believe in Allah(SWT) only. Ask for forgiveness daily as we do many minor sins almost everyday even we don't know them.
    And Insh'Allah , Allah(SWT) will accept our repentance and forgive us.

    Ameen.
    Last edited by Dhrubo; 21-01-14, 07:32 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

      And do all the good deeds and dont do the bad deeds. Read the Qur'an and you will understand the blessings of Islam. Remember this world is just a test, you can enjoy in Jannah , dunya is for test.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

        :wswrwb:

        Brother,

        I think it's time to realize where you are going wrong and having the desire to change. It seems like you want to change in the future, but we can't say we will be alive to make those changes. It's really time for you to decide right now -"I need to change"-

        How do you make these steps?

        - First have the will-power and cut out all the prohibitions you are involved in.

        Pornography, - gone, it's not difficult to let it go so don't be deceived into "only one more time then I'll stop"

        No drugs, no alcohol.

        Now, this girl

        You can't be interacting or having intimacy with her - it is absolutely wrong,

        How would you feel if someone was being intimate with your sister out of marriage? Angry? So don't do this..

        If you want to get married to this girl then do it the right way.

        Praying only 1 time a day is not good enough, even if it's occasional, it is absolutely wrong

        Pray all your five prayers and be motivated to do it,

        It might be because of your sins that you feel 'demotivated', that's why I said drop them, drop them all out of your life and let's see if your faith improves in shaa' Allah.

        Make du'aa in repentance, sincerely - Seriously.

        Pray all your five prayers at least, but try to do some extra prayers,

        Do dhikr and learn about Islam more and really strive to do this..

        I hope this is a changing point in your life now,

        There is no happiness in sin,

        It is short term excitement for long term grief.

        You are still alive and the doors of repentance are still open,

        Here, try to watch this

        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...d+the+repenter
        Allāhu akbar

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

          Salam Alaykum,
          Marry this girl fast lol
          Don't ever miss a prayer and if you do miss a prayer, make it up later
          You should always be making an effort to pray on time.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

            Salaam aliekum my dear brother.

            May Allah ta ala heal you, guide you and increase you in emaan and taqwa.

            I've come across this kind of situation many times which has made me reflect on the society our beloved prophet, peace and blessings of Allah ta ala be upon him, came into. They were drinking alcohol, murder was rife, killing daughters by burying them in the sand was very common, fornication was epidemic.

            Let us reflect on the process of change that happened and how in particular our noble messenger went about effacing this change, this might give us some clues as to how to progress with our situations (which tend not to be nearly as bad, unless we are in the habit of burying our daughters alive in the sand,drinking alcohol, fornicating and killing with impunity.

            It is worthy of note that Ayesha (may Allah ta ala be pleased with her) stated that if the first verses of the Qur'an were about stopping alcohol no one would have be able to stop. This is because among other things the understanding and love of Allah ta ala and His dean had not penetrated. Years later after many verses had been revealed when the prohibition came the companions had no trouble giving it up.

            It is very easy to tell someone to start to pray, read Qur'an stop fornicating etc (which is good advice) but we have to understand that to change human behaviour is very difficult.

            Let us follow the prophet example in all matters.

            First is to confirm and understand Tawheed. Know that there is nothing worthy of worship but Allah and what this means, which in turn entails understanding who Allah ta ala is, his qualities, attributes and understanding our responsibility.

            A lot of Muslims are Muslims simply because they were born into a Muslim family, they haven't actually made a choice which is why converts to Islam tend to be more passionate about Islam because they have made a real choice (often with real loss attached).

            All the time you must understand that any transgression against Allah ta ala is wrong and have a real sense of regret (not depression), but also hope that He will help you (He is the Most Loving (al-Wadood) and is always wanting to help us). Make a real repentance after each and every sin (sincerely promise to not repeat the sin, have regret and have faith that Allah ta ala will accept sincere repentance). If you repeat the sin, then repeat the repentance and keep on going.

            This does not justify the sin and we must be clear that we don't fall into that trap, but it gives one positive mental energy knowing that it buys you time to reform yourself and so you don't have to completely change overnight.

            Just starting the process of reformation with the firm intent on progressing is a cause to receive Allah ta ala's forgiveness (as in the man who killed 100 men and wanted to seek forgiveness and so was on his way to a town to get help where by he died on the way and Allah ta ala forgave him, just for being on the journey. Allah ta ala not only forgave Him but he actually made angels come down and measure the distance between the place where he died and his home town and the town he was headed to. The angels declared that if he was closer to his goal (the town he wanted to find repentance and reformation) then the angels of mercy would take him, if he was closer to his home town then the angels of punishment would take him. He actually died closer to his home town so the angels of punishment should have taken him, but the wording of the hadith mentions that Allah ta changed the distances and made him end up closer to his goal so the angels of forgiveness ended up taking him. Scholars have stated that Allah ta ala could have just forgiven him, but he wanted to demonstrate that He would even change the dimensions of space to admit someone who was just heading on the path of forgiveness into His great Mercy.

            Avoid despair, for none despairs in the Mercy of Allah ta ala except he is lost (like shaitan who despaired)

            We all sin, but the best of sinners are those who repent.

            The next step is the pray 5 times a day in their right time: this is the bed rock of our Dean and is a must under all circumstances.

            As your understanding of Allah ta ala and love for Him grows so will your obedience in sha Allah. The rest will follow. Your strength and resistance to sin will increase by the Grace of Allah ta ala.

            Try not to think about the bigger picture just yet, focus on the here and now and what you have to do next along the process of reformation.

            We have the Words of our Creator, the Qur'an, let us read, understand, believe and Love Him who has provided this for us, out of His great Mercy. It will put things into perspective. The superiority of the Qur'an over all other speech is like the superiority of Allah ta ala over His creation.

            I remember that prophet peace be upon him saying in a hadith while passing a mother who shielded her baby from a fire as it roared up, 'Do you think that mother would ever allow her baby to be harmed by the fire?' his companions said, 'No, never'. He said 'Allah has more love for His servants than that mother'

            Just as He has provided us with food, water, air, an atmosphere and billions of other creation comforts for our physical needs, He most assuredly has provided us the means for our spiritual needs.

            Make du'a to Allah ta ala, the only One that has the power to do anything and to change your situation. Don't feel that because you sin Allah ta ala will not listen, He listens to those who praise Him and scholars have said that he answered shaitan's du'a after he was expelled and disgraced when he asked Allah ta ala to give him a postponement of punishment till the day of judgment. I'm pretty sure you are nowhere near as bad as shaitan.

            The companions reformed and became the best of generation, they were not born super pious without any fault...

            Start your journey my brother and may Allah ta ala help you in your endeavour.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

              Originally posted by AbdulWahid View Post
              Salaam aliekum my dear brother.

              May Allah ta ala heal you, guide you and increase you in emaan and taqwa.

              I've come across this kind of situation many times which has made me reflect on the society our beloved prophet, peace and blessings of Allah ta ala be upon him, came into. They were drinking alcohol, murder was rife, killing daughters by burying them in the sand was very common, fornication was epidemic.

              Let us reflect on the process of change that happened and how in particular our noble messenger went about effacing this change, this might give us some clues as to how to progress with our situations (which tend not to be nearly as bad, unless we are in the habit of burying our daughters alive in the sand,drinking alcohol, fornicating and killing with impunity.

              It is worthy of note that Ayesha (may Allah ta ala be pleased with her) stated that if the first verses of the Qur'an were about stopping alcohol no one would have be able to stop. This is because among other things the understanding and love of Allah ta ala and His dean had not penetrated. Years later after many verses had been revealed when the prohibition came the companions had no trouble giving it up.

              It is very easy to tell someone to start to pray, read Qur'an stop fornicating etc (which is good advice) but we have to understand that to change human behaviour is very difficult.

              Let us follow the prophet example in all matters.

              First is to confirm and understand Tawheed. Know that there is nothing worthy of worship but Allah and what this means, which in turn entails understanding who Allah ta ala is, his qualities, attributes and understanding our responsibility.

              A lot of Muslims are Muslims simply because they were born into a Muslim family, they haven't actually made a choice which is why converts to Islam tend to be more passionate about Islam because they have made a real choice (often with real loss attached).

              All the time you must understand that any transgression against Allah ta ala is wrong and have a real sense of regret (not depression), but also hope that He will help you (He is the Most Loving (al-Wadood) and is always wanting to help us). Make a real repentance after each and every sin (sincerely promise to not repeat the sin, have regret and have faith that Allah ta ala will accept sincere repentance). If you repeat the sin, then repeat the repentance and keep on going.

              This does not justify the sin and we must be clear that we don't fall into that trap, but it gives one positive mental energy knowing that it buys you time to reform yourself and so you don't have to completely change overnight.

              Just starting the process of reformation with the firm intent on progressing is a cause to receive Allah ta ala's forgiveness (as in the man who killed 100 men and wanted to seek forgiveness and so was on his way to a town to get help where by he died on the way and Allah ta ala forgave him, just for being on the journey. Allah ta ala not only forgave Him but he actually made angels come down and measure the distance between the place where he died and his home town and the town he was headed to. The angels declared that if he was closer to his goal (the town he wanted to find repentance and reformation) then the angels of mercy would take him, if he was closer to his home town then the angels of punishment would take him. He actually died closer to his home town so the angels of punishment should have taken him, but the wording of the hadith mentions that Allah ta changed the distances and made him end up closer to his goal so the angels of forgiveness ended up taking him. Scholars have stated that Allah ta ala could have just forgiven him, but he wanted to demonstrate that He would even change the dimensions of space to admit someone who was just heading on the path of forgiveness into His great Mercy.

              Avoid despair, for none despairs in the Mercy of Allah ta ala except he is lost (like shaitan who despaired)

              We all sin, but the best of sinners are those who repent.

              The next step is the pray 5 times a day in their right time: this is the bed rock of our Dean and is a must under all circumstances.

              As your understanding of Allah ta ala and love for Him grows so will your obedience in sha Allah. The rest will follow. Your strength and resistance to sin will increase by the Grace of Allah ta ala.

              Try not to think about the bigger picture just yet, focus on the here and now and what you have to do next along the process of reformation.

              We have the Words of our Creator, the Qur'an, let us read, understand, believe and Love Him who has provided this for us, out of His great Mercy. It will put things into perspective. The superiority of the Qur'an over all other speech is like the superiority of Allah ta ala over His creation.

              I remember that prophet peace be upon him saying in a hadith while passing a mother who shielded her baby from a fire as it roared up, 'Do you think that mother would ever allow her baby to be harmed by the fire?' his companions said, 'No, never'. He said 'Allah has more love for His servants than that mother'

              Just as He has provided us with food, water, air, an atmosphere and billions of other creation comforts for our physical needs, He most assuredly has provided us the means for our spiritual needs.

              Make du'a to Allah ta ala, the only One that has the power to do anything and to change your situation. Don't feel that because you sin Allah ta ala will not listen, He listens to those who praise Him and scholars have said that he answered shaitan's du'a after he was expelled and disgraced when he asked Allah ta ala to give him a postponement of punishment till the day of judgment. I'm pretty sure you are nowhere near as bad as shaitan.

              The companions reformed and became the best of generation, they were not born super pious without any fault...

              Start your journey my brother and may Allah ta ala help you in your endeavour.
              Excellent post! :jkk:

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

                Asalaam walaikum Dhrubo, jazakallah khair for the kind words, may Allah reward you for taking the time out to reply to me. With the best of my intentions, I will never lose hope, for Islam is the truth to our paradise. Being human, it's natural for me to just escape the fear of failure and find my comfort zone to let loose my inner delinquency. Repentance is key, and may Allah accept mines. Ameen

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

                  Excellent post!!! Jazakallah Khairun my heart felt so much at ease reading this post! You know it is definitely true what Aisha (ra) said if the first verses of the quran were about stopping the consumption of alcohol, people will still transgress because their hearts have not opened up yet to the in-depth meaning of the verses later on.

                  Its amazing what dua can do for the believer, and being a 23 year old male I make myself feel inefficient because I have not attained what I desire in life. TBH, money means everything in my family. Growing up in my household, it is implemented by my father that money comes before Islam. I consider my father to be the most hard working man, who I compare to Al-Khattab, Umar (ra) father. His father, as you all probably know, used to beat him if he slackened was always hard on him. Same as my dad, the only non-parallel is that Umar and I are completely different in the fact that I am afraid to be just outward when I am just inward.

                  Meaning I know what is right from what is wrong yet I am afraid to be different, I feel afraid to be competitive and striving because I fear to fail at it. I guess trying to step out of my comfort zone. My intentions I feel are somewhat displaced most of the time. At first my intentions are for the sake of Allah, but is it wrong to say , my intentions are also to please my parents? To make my parents feel proud of me, to make my in-laws proud of me? Just these little things that question me all the time..

                  I want to thank all everyone who has responded to my thread out of the hundreds posted everyday..if you all don't mind, can I ask what each of you do individually to maintain your belief of predestination? The concept of it is still really shaky which causes some doubt in my faith..more advice is appreciated nonetheless!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Seeking Advice on life problems, predestination, etc.

                    BarakAllahu fi my brother.

                    I think it 's entirely natural to want to please our parents and parents have a very high station in Islaam as everyone knows.

                    Part of developing into an adult, psychologically speaking is the transition away from your self worth and confidence, the measure and idea of what 'success' means and all the other 'value' psychological states from what we think would please our parents to what our Creator wants and what pleases Him. It goes without saying that if the two coincide then alhamdullilah.

                    I was born into a Shi'a family and even though i realised I was in a deviant sect in my early 20s it took my a full year to begin to verbalise my dissent and physically do something about it. We all as children act really for the approval and acceptance of our parents, as we get older this turns into peer group/friends/associate acceptance (one of the reasons to have good friends and associates) and ultimately, one hopes our faces will turn to the One who created us in the first place.

                    On of the scenes I always picture is when Abu Talib was dying on his death bed. The prophet, peace be upon him loved Abu Talib and the same was true of abu Talib who sacrificed a lot for the Prophet who he took care of as his own son really. On his death bed, the prophet urged him to say the kalimah over and over, but the likes of Abu Jahl kept on saying 'Are you going to abandon the religion of Abdul Mu'Talib?' in the end he dies a mushrik (he said he did not want people to think he 'weakened' on his death bed. Later people asked all that Abu Talib did for the prophet (and he did a lot), will it save him. The noble prophet replied yes, instead of the midst of hell fire he will be in the periphery where by he will wear sandals so hot it will make his brains boil, abiding there in for ever.

                    Just think my dear brother, after how many seconds/minutes or hours in that kind of a fire will Abu Talib realise how foolish he had been. Where are his tribe/his forefathers now? can they help him, are they even aware of his star? for all eternity, its quite shocking really, nothing is worth that state even for an hour (being in hell fire also means that our creator is not happy with us, more anguish)

                    The sad reality is that literarily billions of human beings are going to fill hell fire and abide there in for all eternity, only Allah ta ala knows their number.

                    If you read the Qur'an regularly (especially the last two Juz) you will repeatedly have your Creator tell you about the scenes on that day, the day of judgement, the day that lasts 50,000 years. It helps to put things into perspective.

                    As for predestination, it is all with in Allah ta a la's infinate Power and Knowledge. All we need to know is that we have free choice and Allah ta ala has given us every opportunity to know Him and to follow his path. This requires reliance on Him alone and effort on our part.

                    Intentions should be purely for the sake of Allah ta ala, dual intention (meaning a deed done for Allah ta ala and also for some other reason be it to please mum/dad/for pride/for recognition, no matter how small) is not acceptable at all. Scholars of past had spent years trying to perfect their intentions, it's a lot harder to do once you start thinking about it (and being honest to yourself about your real intentions). And deeds are only by but intentions.

                    Imam Malik (may Allah ta ala be pleased with him) actually stated that he hoped Allah ta ala would accept a near perfect intention as the 100% pure intention is extremely difficult to achieve.

                    Please deal with your parents with kindness and love but you should love your Creator much more.

                    Salaam aleikum my dear brother.

                    Comment

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