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  • Family issues

    Assalam o Alaikum guys
    I'm 21 years old. 10 years ago i observed that my mother is talking to someone for hours and laughing and stuff. Later on i got to know that it's a relative she's having an affair with i was shocked and emotionally hurt by that. than i saw some Pictures of her that she had sent him those were inappropriate i shouldn't have seen them. after that i was devastated mentally And before that she was always angry and physically abusive on small things and verbally too so i was already depressed and this gave me a shock.
    I was having so many mental issues i tried to suicide i tortured myself because of her i used to hit myself because of her. I made my mind that i will talk to her and i talked to her politely that it's wrong don't do it u are my mother and i love you she said okay i won't do it but she did that again and again after years i thought it's over now and i was kind of mentally peaceful but couple of days ago i saw his text again she said she is not talking to him. She lie often about things manipulate me but now i don't trust her i know she's my mother i honor her but this time i was so so mad that i couldn't control and said inappropriate things to her and i am ashamed of it. And i don't love her now.
    At first she said she haven't done anything wrong and than shw was like no i ended it i know nothing about it u are getting mad at me without any reason without knowing anything. I don't talk to him and don't meet him.
    Im engaged and my fiance knows about it he said we are going to cut ties after our marriage and from now on don't talk to her and also my sisters because they are supporting her in her wrong doings.
    ​​​He is a really good person and he loves me we are getting married after 4 months. he said if i didn't do it we aren't getting married than. I want to marry him he really is a gentleman but i don't know if it's the right thing to cut ties with my family and my sisters I'm a practicing Muslim and recently started wearing nikab and doing pardah I'm just confused as if it's right or not. Am i going to be sinful. My father is a kind man. I don't trust her she says bad about my father too my father don't know anything about her affair
    ​​​​​​he loves her more than anything i really need help.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Tge mask women View Post
    Assalam o Alaikum guys
    salam alaykum wa rahmat allah

    Originally posted by Tge mask women View Post
    i tried to suicide i tortured myself because of her i used to hit myself because of her.
    resorting to this sort of actions only create more problems and fixes none you are still responsible for them and having mental issues or your mother being bad and abusive dosent justify them unless you are crazy then you are not accountable

    Originally posted by Tge mask women View Post
    i was so so mad that i couldn't control and said inappropriate things to her and i am ashamed of it. And i don't love her now.
    next time to avoid losing control while being mad try leaving the house and go for a walk untill you calm down

    Originally posted by Tge mask women View Post
    Im engaged and my fiance knows about it he said we are going to cut ties after our marriage and from now on don't talk to her and also my sisters because they are supporting her in her wrong doings.
    you shouldnt of told your fiance about this those are familly secrets especially that you are not married yet

    Originally posted by Tge mask women View Post
    ​​​I want to marry him he really is a gentleman but i don't know if it's the right thing to cut ties with my family and my sisters.........My father is a kind man
    if your mother and sisters are a bad influence on you then your husband is allowed to prevent you from visiting them but not your father since you said hes a good man


    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks brother
      I never wanted to tell him that was an accident brother.. Now he hates my family. My sisters are bad influence on me giving illogical advises etc. My sister she misbehaved with him just because he wanted me to not to wear makeup in front of anyone like na mehram, i don't have any issue with that but my sister did misbehaved and i was hurt deeply .. My another sister did the same too. Me and my fiance we love each other that's the reason he kept quite on all of this but he said after getting married we aren't going to meet any of them and im not welcoming them to my home.
      And i was thinking of telling my father about it because i know otherwise my mum's not gonna stop talking to that person and she will lie again. Should I do it.

      Comment


      • #4
        He said you aren't going to meet them or visit them and your father is welcome to come to our house.

        Comment


        • #5
          Waalaikumusalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu,

          It is absolutely devastating that you had to go through all that, May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for your patience. You should never resort to suicide and self torture because that never solves any problems, running away from problems only increases them. You would be destroying not only your worldly life but your afterlife as well. Suicide is a major sin, and the one who does that is faced with a warning of eternity in the Fire of Hell, where Allah will punish him with the means that he used to commit suicide.

          Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

          “Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be throwing himself down in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron will have that iron in his hand, thrusting it into his belly in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari (5442) and Muslim (109)


          There are a couple of things that you must keep in mind when dealing with this matter.
          • Always be respectful and polite to your mother. Allah tells us in the Quran to not even say "uff" to our parents as that is considered disrespectful. It is one of the major sins to be disrespectful towards your parents as they are your gates to heaven. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
          "say not to them a word of disrespect" [al-Isra 17:23]
          • It is not permissible to cut ties with your parents even if they tell you to do shirk, even if they are kaafir, let alone if they're sinning themself. You should always be kind to your mother and advice her continuously and politely reminding her to fear Allah, fear the day of judgement, fear the day when she will be asked about this relationship. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
          “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge,
          then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15]

          It was narrated that Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:

          "My mother came to me when she was a mushrik. I consulted the Messenger of Allaah (S) and said: 'O Messenger of Allaah (S), my mother has come to me and she is expecting (something), should I uphold the ties of kinship with my mother?' He said: 'Yes, uphold the ties of kinship with your mother.'" Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2620) and Muslim (1003)
          • It is not permissible to talk to a non-mahram unless it is absolutely necessary. Your fiance is a non-mahram to you, what you have done by talking to him let alone sharing family secrets with him is not permissible. Allah says (interpretation of thhe meaning):
          "Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way" [al-Isra 17:32]

          Allah the Almighty used the word "near" to prohibit us from doing anything that can lead to zinah as well.


          You are obliged to your mother well, and to do your utmost to advise her with goodness, wisdom and beautiful preaching. Always pray for your mother, asking Allaah to guide her and bring her back to the true religion before it is too late.

          May Allah make it easy for you.

          And Allah knows best.

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