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  • Islamic advice needed

    I write here to ask for an Islamic perspective on a few things in my marriage.
    my husband has female friends he talks to over the phone and exchanges photos with but he keeps it a secret or he lies about it to me..
    he says he is not doing anything wrong and did not want to upset me so that is why he lies. He says these women were his friends before we married and he cannot just ignore them because it upsets me because then they would be upset.
    In my heart and head this does not seem ok. What would be your Islamic views on this matter?
    also, we have a 9 month old baby and have recently found out we are pregnant again. He is determined that we need to have an abortion because it is too soon and wasn’t planned.
    despite the problems we have in our marriage my heart tells me this is Allah’S will and it would be wrong to abort. My husband tells me that I just need to take a pill and not complicate thinking about it.
    thank you greatly for reading and for any advice you give.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Sjr2020 View Post
    I write here to ask for an Islamic perspective on a few things in my marriage.
    my husband has female friends he talks to over the phone and exchanges photos with but he keeps it a secret or he lies about it to me..
    he says he is not doing anything wrong and did not want to upset me so that is why he lies. He says these women were his friends before we married and he cannot just ignore them because it upsets me because then they would be upset.
    In my heart and head this does not seem ok. What would be your Islamic views on this matter?
    also, we have a 9 month old baby and have recently found out we are pregnant again. He is determined that we need to have an abortion because it is too soon and wasn’t planned.
    despite the problems we have in our marriage my heart tells me this is Allah’S will and it would be wrong to abort. My husband tells me that I just need to take a pill and not complicate thinking about it.
    thank you greatly for reading and for any advice you give.
    In general these questions should be asked of scholars and not on forums. Everyone on this forum is a layperson (bar one brother who barely posts on here Darul Ilm).

    He has done a sinful thing by speaking behind your back to non-Mahram women that he is not married to (I am not saying this is how you should put it to him, just saying the reality of it). It is prohibited for him to do that, unless a Male Mahram of the woman or their husband is listening/present. It is prohibited for him to share photos like that to such non-Mahram women. A man cannot be 'friends' with such non-Mahram woman. Allah has commanded the men and the women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty in the Qur'an, and He commanded the men first. This is known in the religion by necessity.

    As for abortion, it is prohibited at all points of pregnancy with a few exceptional circumstances (that do not apply in your case).1 If you were to do it after 120 days have past it would even be counted as Murder. Prior to 120 days, the child is a part of your body and you are not permitted to sever/amputate a part of your body except where in Shari'a that is permitted. Your body is a trust from Allah - we and our bodies are the property of Allah Azza Wa Jal, it is generally prohibited to damage Allah's property.

    There is no obedience to authority where there is disobedience to Allah. You should completely disregard what he has said on this matter for he has called you to the Haram.

    Note: None of the above is indicative of how you should convey these things to him. Being forceful will not help anyone. You may wish to arrange a meeting with his parents or with a mosque imam or something.

    Reading about how you felt in your heart that this is wrong, this reminded me of the famous Ahadith of the Prophet Alayhis Salatu Was-Salam:

    On the authority of an-Nawas bin Sam’an (may Allah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

    "Righteousness is in good character, and wrongdoing is that which rankles in your chest, and which you dislike people finding out about."

    Muslim narrated it. (Sahih)

    And on the authority of Wabisah bin Ma’bad (may Allah be pleased with him) who said:

    I came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “You have come to ask about righteousness.” I said, “Yes.” He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels at ease and the heart feels tranquil. And wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and causes uneasiness in the chest, even though people have repeatedly given their legal opinion [in its favour].”

    This Hadith is Hasan. It is narrated in the Musnads of Imamayn Ahmed bin Hambal and Ad-Darimi, with Hasan chains.

    - Secondary: Arba'een an-Nawawi, Hadith 27.
    Congratulations on this pregnancy and on your first child!

    Insha'Allah your husband will leave these sins and opposing his next child with some encouragement from his parents/religious authorities.

    I make dua to Allah for you both and your children, and wish you all the best.
    Reference
    1. Desai, E. (2003, April 16). Complete Fiqh of Abortion. AskImam.
    The above is an early fatwa directly from the late Mufti Ebrahim Desai himself on the topic, later he would get his students to write such fatawa which he would then check. He has quoted directly from the Qur'an and Sunnah in this fatwa and has given a adequate explanation of all of this.
    Last edited by Muhammad Hasan; 01-09-21, 09:23 PM. Reason: Grammar
    Amir ul-Muminin Sayyiduna Ali KarramAllahu Wajhah said,
    "Mahma tasawwarta bi-balik, fallahu bi-khilaf dhalik,"
    Whatever comes into your mind, Allah is other than that,

    Al-Aqeedah Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal (Riwayah Abu Bakr al-Khallal),
    1/116

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Sjr2020 View Post
      I write here to ask for an Islamic perspective on a few things in my marriage.
      my husband has female friends he talks to over the phone and exchanges photos with but he keeps it a secret or he lies about it to me..
      he says he is not doing anything wrong and did not want to upset me so that is why he lies. He says these women were his friends before we married and he cannot just ignore them because it upsets me because then they would be upset.
      In my heart and head this does not seem ok. What would be your Islamic views on this matter?
      also, we have a 9 month old baby and have recently found out we are pregnant again. He is determined that we need to have an abortion because it is too soon and wasn’t planned.
      despite the problems we have in our marriage my heart tells me this is Allah’S will and it would be wrong to abort. My husband tells me that I just need to take a pill and not complicate thinking about it.
      thank you greatly for reading and for any advice you give.
      salam alaykum wa rahmat alah
      Originally posted by Sjr2020 View Post
      he says he is not doing anything wrong
      when he tells you hes not doing anything wrong ask him if you had male friends wich you talk to over the phone and exchange photos with them would that be wrong if he says yes then just like it wrong for you to do that same applies to him if he say that not wrong then you should divorce him your better off divorced than being married to a dayouth
      Originally posted by Sjr2020 View Post
      He says these women were his friends before we married and he cannot just ignore
      same applies to te previouse example would he be upset if those men were your friends before you got married ? and you cant just ignore those men because they would be upset ?is it okay for you to upset your husband to please some randpom men ?does the feelings of random women matters more to him than the feelings of hes wife ? these type of relationships are forbidden there is no such thing called friendships between opposite genders and this type of relationships does not please allah
      do not abort and tell your husband either he corrects himself and become a better muslim or you wil ldivorce him because staying with such individual who is involved in haram relationships and on top of that he tell you to murder your child is bad for you

      Comment


      • #4
        do not abort, that child may be a blessing for you on the day of Judgment

        as far as your husband goes, if you are not happy with him or his behavior, you can seek justifiable alternatives with some person of knowledge AND piety in your area, if not, there are Islamic scholars on the internet

        just verify their position with quran and sunnah and if you need to, you can post their responses here. People here can verify if what is said is true (we cannot make fatwa, but we can check out the fatwa)
        .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
        نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
        دولة الإسلامية باقية





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