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    #31
    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Originally posted by SaraVR View Post
    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post
    As-Salāmu ‘alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi wa Barakātuhu, sister.

    It has been suggested that I might have something useful to say. Possibly. I know next to nothing about you, and nothing at all about your family; and this makes it (potentially) hazardous to offer advice. This being so, allow me to be personal for a while.

    I’ve been around for some time; and on many occasions have found myself in bother – sometimes serious bother. If I have learned anything at all it is this: that Allāh (Subḥānahu ūta'āla) is to be trusted. Even when the night is at its darkest, and the road ahead difficult, if not impossible, to see and to follow, He is there. He is always there. All we have to do is take Him at His word when He says: ‘So truly where there is hardship there is also ease; truly where there is hardship there is also ease.’ (Al-Sharh: 5-6).

    Note that His promise is repeated; this is to emphasise that it is true.

    I accept that all of this might appear to be cliché cliché. If it were not for the fact that I have seen His promise at work, not only in my own life, but in the lives of others I would – perhaps – hesitate to write in this manner.

    Here’s a poem that you might want to reflect on:

    And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
    ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’
    And he replied:
    ‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
    That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’ (‘God Knows’; Minnie Louise Haskins).

    I began by saying that I don’t know you. And because I don’t know you I can’t advise on how best to tread into your particular unknown. This is a task for those who know you well, and who are in a position to help. Rest assured, help will come. It will come because Allāh (Subḥānahu ūta'āla) has called you into Islam, and He did not do so in vain, or as a sport.

    As for your family. You will need to be patient, and to understand why they behave as they do. It may be that, fearing the nonsense they have heard concerning Islam, they are fearful for you. It may be that they feel hurt; pained that you have (in their eyes) rejected most – and perhaps all – of what they have taught you over the years. People can say, and do, harsh things in these circumstances. Only time – and your good example as a daughter who happens to be a Muslim – will remedy this. You know them best. Act is the best way – based on this knowledge – always remaining true to yourself, and to your Lord.

    May Allāh (Subḥānahu ūta'āla) continue the excellent work that He has begun in you; and bring you peace.
    'Sometimes, silence is the best answer for a fool.' (Alī ibn Abī Tālib‎)

    Comment


      #32
      Re: Sorry for my absence

      :salams sister :love:

      I am so sorry to hear of the hardships you're going through. If there is anything I can do to help you Please let me know and I will do my best inshallah. :there:

      Please feel free to PM me if you just want someone to listen to you or you have any questions,no matter how small/random/weird you think they are.

      Keep faith and keep strong through your trials. Allah has a plan for everyone.

      May Allah ease your hardships and carry on guiding you. Ameen
      Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

      Comment


        #33
        Re: Sorry for my absence

        Assalaamu Alaykum Sister Sara,

        Good to have you back with us, and may Allah keep you in good health and emaan and find you a way out of your difficulties, ameen.

        As others have pointed out, other reverts have faced similar struggles as yourself, some much worse than yourself. That is not to belittle your own difficulties, but just to let you know that such things have happened before, will happen again and that Allah test all of us, but not to a level we cannot take as He tells us in the last verse of Surah al Baqarah.

        So first question should be are you safe physically and not being harmed by your family?

        The second question is that you've mentioned you can pray, what about other aspects of your deen (way of life)? Are they putting any other difficulties on you in terms of keeping to the halal and away from the haram in your lifestyle, your learning and practicing Islam or are they just being difficult verbally?

        As others have said, they may be being this way for a good reason, because they feel you've gone down the wrong path and want to help you, but I've also seen the bad side of these cases and often, especially with women or the young it's about control as well. You know your family and why they are doing this, if the former when they see you're not changing back, they may well leave off after a while, if the later they may be difficult for much longer.

        Either way get ready for a long, sometimes life long struggle, whether you stay where you are or move out, they are still your family and they are not likely to find this easy and nor are you. In my own case, it was only arguments from my family, but it was still making my life difficult enough I felt I had to get out so I know this sort of pressure can be quite intense and hard to deal with.

        If it has reached the point where they are physically harming you or restraining you, i.e keeping you in the home against your will then it is worth keeping the authorities informed about that.

        I know Eire has slightly different laws to the UK but they are similar enough and usually with the police it is better when physical force is being use to at least let them know, even if you don't want to press charges so they can monitor the situation and if they need to intervene later it is easier to do so for them.

        If it's less than physical force or being restrained then still you need to think where is the best place for you in terms of your spiritual development, and think from previous threads and this one then clearly it's not where you are now.

        That being said... don't rush into anything especially marriage.

        Marriage is a difficult enough thing when new, more difficult still when one of the partners is new to Islam, and when you add on cultural differences it can get very hard indeed and so there is a reason the divorce rate is so high among reverts.

        As well as this reverts often fall into bad matches as they don't know better and think they can handle all of these matters themselves, or they are exploited by evil men within the Muslim community to their own or their families advantage.

        So though marriage can be a solution to getting out of such problems, it's not the only solution nor necessarily the best one.

        If you are going to move otherwise, then do so with careful planning. The hijrah of the Prophet (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) took 3 years of planning and preparation so don't rush things and possibly end up back where you started or end up jumping into an even more difficult situation.

        You need help as well, don't be shy in asking for it from the Muslim community you indeed to move to or from others here in terms of advise, help finding work, housing etc or other things you may need.

        Finally in my own difficulties there are two verses of the Quran which also help me when times get tough, and remind me that my struggle is something I, and indeed we all must go through to reach success in this dunya (worldly life) and akhira (afterlife).

        Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?
        But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.

        Surah Ankabut, 29:2
        FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

        www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

        Comment


          #34
          Re: Sorry for my absence

          May Allah swt make it easy for you. Ameen

          Comment


            #35
            Re: Sorry for my absence

            Originally posted by SaraVR View Post
            Eesa you've always been so kind to me even though I know I must annoy you lol. Thank you



            Thank you, you're words made a lot of sense to me and I'm going to try and be an even better daughter to them and let them see that I'm still the same person. They are the ones that have changed not me.



            I will stay strong and your words are of great comfort to me. Their inability to accept my life isn't something I'm going to get upset about anymore.
            has your behaviour towards your family changed in any way? its just that I have come across some reverts, they become very hostile to family simply because they are non-muslim.
            Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

            -Quran (57:20)

            Comment


              #36
              Re: Sorry for my absence

              Originally posted by deen1984 View Post
              its just that I have come across some reverts, they become very hostile to family simply because they are non-muslim.
              Salam alaykom

              That is something strange and I would argue completely unislamic.

              The repelling of one's parents is of the worst sins and something which brings Allah's displeasure. So much so that he mentioned it immediately after requesting worship only for Him.

              And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. [17:23]

              Breaking the ties of kinship directly invokes the curse of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. It is to be avoided at all cost unless they want to oppress you severely. Even then it can never be a complete cut off. The doors of reconciliation must always be open.

              “And those who break the Covenant of Allaah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allaah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allaah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” [al-Ra’d 13:25]

              https://islamqa.info/en/4631

              I understand everyones situation is different and what have you but I wonder how people can comfortably sleep knowing that if their parents don't wake up tomorow then it's safe to assume that they are amongst the inhabitants of the hell fire.

              Perhaps born Muslims can never understand the scenario, the reality is far worse than what is imagined. I beleive when one converts their lifelong goal at this point is to save their families from entering Jahannam. That comes first , our feelings and desires should be put aside in obedience to what Allah has commanded. Not that you should become extreme and not live yourself, but priorities need to be set in place. Your life becomes a constant means of daa'wa to them.

              O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families
              from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. [66:6]

              Even if they have treated us harshly and even oppressed us, you should seek reconciliation at the expense of your ego. You only get one set of parents.

              And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. [31:14]

              Certainly a foundational aspect of the deen. A direct ticket to paradise or the hell fire.

              May Allah forgive us all , perhaps now is a good time to make a solid intention to do what is right , at all times.
              Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 24-03-17, 03:44 PM.

              Comment


                #37
                Re: Sorry for my absence

                [MENTION=72362]deen1984[/MENTION] [MENTION=123043]Grandad[/MENTION] [MENTION=123920]-qed-[/MENTION] [MENTION=80176]arfatzafar[/MENTION] [MENTION=63294]AmantuBillahi[/MENTION] Thank you all for your kind words. The support I have gotten over the past couple of days has been amazing

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: Sorry for my absence

                  Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
                  Assalaamu Alaykum Sister Sara,

                  Good to have you back with us, and may Allah keep you in good health and emaan and find you a way out of your difficulties, ameen.

                  As others have pointed out, other reverts have faced similar struggles as yourself, some much worse than yourself. That is not to belittle your own difficulties, but just to let you know that such things have happened before, will happen again and that Allah test all of us, but not to a level we cannot take as He tells us in the last verse of Surah al Baqarah.

                  So first question should be are you safe physically and not being harmed by your family?

                  The second question is that you've mentioned you can pray, what about other aspects of your deen (way of life)? Are they putting any other difficulties on you in terms of keeping to the halal and away from the haram in your lifestyle, your learning and practicing Islam or are they just being difficult verbally?

                  As others have said, they may be being this way for a good reason, because they feel you've gone down the wrong path and want to help you, but I've also seen the bad side of these cases and often, especially with women or the young it's about control as well. You know your family and why they are doing this, if the former when they see you're not changing back, they may well leave off after a while, if the later they may be difficult for much longer.

                  Either way get ready for a long, sometimes life long struggle, whether you stay where you are or move out, they are still your family and they are not likely to find this easy and nor are you. In my own case, it was only arguments from my family, but it was still making my life difficult enough I felt I had to get out so I know this sort of pressure can be quite intense and hard to deal with.

                  If it has reached the point where they are physically harming you or restraining you, i.e keeping you in the home against your will then it is worth keeping the authorities informed about that.

                  I know Eire has slightly different laws to the UK but they are similar enough and usually with the police it is better when physical force is being use to at least let them know, even if you don't want to press charges so they can monitor the situation and if they need to intervene later it is easier to do so for them.

                  If it's less than physical force or being restrained then still you need to think where is the best place for you in terms of your spiritual development, and think from previous threads and this one then clearly it's not where you are now.

                  That being said... don't rush into anything especially marriage.

                  Marriage is a difficult enough thing when new, more difficult still when one of the partners is new to Islam, and when you add on cultural differences it can get very hard indeed and so there is a reason the divorce rate is so high among reverts.

                  As well as this reverts often fall into bad matches as they don't know better and think they can handle all of these matters themselves, or they are exploited by evil men within the Muslim community to their own or their families advantage.

                  So though marriage can be a solution to getting out of such problems, it's not the only solution nor necessarily the best one.

                  If you are going to move otherwise, then do so with careful planning. The hijrah of the Prophet (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) took 3 years of planning and preparation so don't rush things and possibly end up back where you started or end up jumping into an even more difficult situation.

                  You need help as well, don't be shy in asking for it from the Muslim community you indeed to move to or from others here in terms of advise, help finding work, housing etc or other things you may need.

                  Finally in my own difficulties there are two verses of the Quran which also help me when times get tough, and remind me that my struggle is something I, and indeed we all must go through to reach success in this dunya (worldly life) and akhira (afterlife).

                  Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?
                  But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.

                  Surah Ankabut, 29:2
                  No, I haven't been harmed physically and I don't think they ever would cross that line. I haven't been permitted to travel to the nearest city where the only Islamic centre I know is located. In my small town there are very few Muslims. Maybe less than 50. My parents love me I know this, they just don't understand my choices and they don't seem to want to try to understand. Because of where I'm located I have no contact with other Muslims, everything I've learned has been from the internet which I'm full aware may not be totally accurate. I've watched videos and learned how to pray and I thought that would be the best thing to concentrate on first. My parents mostly try and interrupt me when I pray and they make comments on how I dress and they try to make me go out for the evening and go to the pubs with my friends but I've resisted this. I have to confess that I have become moody and uncooperative with them at times and I realise now that this was wrong and I should instead become even nicer to them to show them that Islam has made me a better daughter. That was wrong on my part. I don't know where their hostility comes from. A couple of years ago my brother was offered a position in UAE and he didn't want to go because he knew it was an Islamic country and he believed everything in the media. Someone ended up convincing him to go anyway and he ended up staying way beyond his contract period. He travelled to all parts of the UAE and Saudi Arabia, Oman and Qatar and he said he never once encountered a problem. He came home with only positive stories to tell about the Middle East and Islam and he said even as a Christian he was respected as long as he respected Islam and understood he was living in a Muslim country. It was actually my brothers experiences that brought me to Islam so I'm not sure why they are so hostile but I'm just going to have to prove to them that I'm still the same person, just a better version of myself .

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Re: Sorry for my absence

                    Originally posted by SaraVR View Post
                    No, I haven't been harmed physically and I don't think they ever would cross that line. I haven't been permitted to travel to the nearest city where the only Islamic centre I know is located. In my small town there are very few Muslims. Maybe less than 50. My parents love me I know this, they just don't understand my choices and they don't seem to want to try to understand. Because of where I'm located I have no contact with other Muslims, everything I've learned has been from the internet which I'm full aware may not be totally accurate. I've watched videos and learned how to pray and I thought that would be the best thing to concentrate on first. My parents mostly try and interrupt me when I pray and they make comments on how I dress and they try to make me go out for the evening and go to the pubs with my friends but I've resisted this. I have to confess that I have become moody and uncooperative with them at times and I realise now that this was wrong and I should instead become even nicer to them to show them that Islam has made me a better daughter. That was wrong on my part. I don't know where their hostility comes from. A couple of years ago my brother was offered a position in UAE and he didn't want to go because he knew it was an Islamic country and he believed everything in the media. Someone ended up convincing him to go anyway and he ended up staying way beyond his contract period. He travelled to all parts of the UAE and Saudi Arabia, Oman and Qatar and he said he never once encountered a problem. He came home with only positive stories to tell about the Middle East and Islam and he said even as a Christian he was respected as long as he respected Islam and understood he was living in a Muslim country. It was actually my brothers experiences that brought me to Islam so I'm not sure why they are so hostile but I'm just going to have to prove to them that I'm still the same person, just a better version of myself .
                    It's natural for parents and families to feel more protective of daughters, however it can go to extremes and sometimes lead to oppression as well as in this case.

                    If you read the biographies of the sahabah (Companions of Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam)) you will see many examples of them being confined, and having to sneak out to learn about Islam, or eventually to move to a place better suited to an islamic lifestyle, even against the wishes of their parents or families.

                    Obedience to parents is an excellent trait, but not when it means going against your needs as a Muslim or the rights of Allah so you don't need to obey them in this.

                    I know it can be hard to be patient with parents in such circumstances, however usually, after several ups and downs the parents of reverts calm down but if you are going to move to a more islamic community, then it will take a lot of planning and being careful not to upset your family even more if that is possible, if it is not then put your needs of yourself learning about islam in a more productive environment first, as that is one of the main things new Muslims need, especially in the early stages.

                    What is your relationship like with the local Muslims?
                    Are they practicing themselves or just cultural Muslims?
                    FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                    www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Re: Sorry for my absence

                      Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
                      It's natural for parents and families to feel more protective of daughters, however it can go to extremes and sometimes lead to oppression as well as in this case.

                      If you read the biographies of the sahabah (Companions of Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam)) you will see many examples of them being confined, and having to sneak out to learn about Islam, or eventually to move to a place better suited to an islamic lifestyle, even against the wishes of their parents or families.

                      Obedience to parents is an excellent trait, but not when it means going against your needs as a Muslim or the rights of Allah so you don't need to obey them in this.

                      I know it can be hard to be patient with parents in such circumstances, however usually, after several ups and downs the parents of reverts calm down but if you are going to move to a more islamic community, then it will take a lot of planning and being careful not to upset your family even more if that is possible, if it is not then put your needs of yourself learning about islam in a more productive environment first, as that is one of the main things new Muslims need, especially in the early stages.

                      What is your relationship like with the local Muslims?
                      Are they practicing themselves or just cultural Muslims?
                      There was a lot of pressure put on me around Christmas time and that particularly hard. It is difficult but as someone pointed out earlier in this thread, there are other muslims suffering a lot more than me because of their choices so I can't let this get to me. I will need to think a lot about moving away. There are many things to consider so it won't be a decision I make lightly. I don't see them a lot. They are usually just families I see around town and they are polite when I say hello but I'm a stranger to them. There is a young man around town who is a muslim and he's a nice person but I think he is just a cultural muslim as you called it

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Re: Sorry for my absence

                        Originally posted by SaraVR View Post
                        There was a lot of pressure put on me around Christmas time and that particularly hard. It is difficult but as someone pointed out earlier in this thread, there are other muslims suffering a lot more than me because of their choices so I can't let this get to me. I will need to think a lot about moving away. There are many things to consider so it won't be a decision I make lightly. I don't see them a lot. They are usually just families I see around town and they are polite when I say hello but I'm a stranger to them. There is a young man around town who is a muslim and he's a nice person but I think he is just a cultural muslim as you called it
                        As he's a man it really is better to stay well clear as revert, until you've learnt the basics and settled into the deen. I am sure you've been around this forum long enough to know some Muslim brothers behave less than ideally towards revert sisters.
                        FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                        www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Re: Sorry for my absence

                          :salams:

                          Hope everything is well [MENTION=139917]SaraVR[/MENTION]
                          It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                          "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: Sorry for my absence

                            Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
                            As he's a man it really is better to stay well clear as revert, until you've learnt the basics and settled into the deen. I am sure you've been around this forum long enough to know some Muslim brothers behave less than ideally towards revert sisters.
                            I am avoiding this man :) It is tough being a Muslim in Ireland
                            Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                            :salams:

                            Hope everything is well [MENTION=139917]SaraVR[/MENTION]
                            Thank Eesa, since my behaviour towards my parents changed the atmosphere around the house has gotten a little better so I am thankful for this

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Re: Sorry for my absence

                              Originally posted by SaraVR View Post
                              I am avoiding this man :) It is tough being a Muslim in Ireland


                              Thank Eesa, since my behaviour towards my parents changed the atmosphere around the house has gotten a little better so I am thankful for this
                              Just an update on this. Things have improved gradually and now my my parents are allowing to move to Sarajevo for 6 months with Bosnian friend. My mother thinks living in semi-Islamic country will open my eyes to evils of Islam so she has allowed me to go. I'm just glad I'm allowed relocate!!!

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Re: Sorry for my absence

                                salaams to all

                                May Allah ta'ala make everything easy for u
                                pls remember us in your duaahs.

                                which part of SA are u originally from?
                                im from Durban

                                And Allah ta'ala knows best
                                jazakallah
                                Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                                very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

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