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  • Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    :salams:

    Figured a thread like this would be a good idea (dunno if it will take off though)

    Being converts to Islam you don't always get the support you need irl so if you want advice or just want to rant you can post here
    [MENTION=140612]Rifqah[/MENTION] [MENTION=9956]bright[/MENTION]est hour

    I'll start, my family is so difficult to be around with Christmas it's not easy. Also something happened with a born "muslim" and my sister that I can't mention here coz I think you lot would start cursing the "Muslim". it's so sad it's not funny
    I just found out my Schitzophrenic ex-BF just got arrested with a felony... I want to know what I can do for him that will not go beyond propriety. I'm going to be a character witness, but I'd also like to write to him/ send him a gift box because I know he's in a very bad place (he's not the type to do well in Jail and he is very suicidal). What do I even say in such a letter? I've seen his FB and Mug shot he is clearly out of his mind and he is not himself I didn't even recognize him (dare I say possessed by Jinn)?

    BTW I'm going to have my mom read any letter I write before I send it so it's supervised. I don't have any feelings for him beyond a friendship Alhamdulillah If I had feelings of romantic love I wouldn't write to him at all. I just need some advice. Am I going about this the right way?

    Edit: Today he was in court and they gave him a $2,500 bail. If he gets out I sent him a few encouraging messages, like we (my family and I) are praying for him and the like.
    Last edited by ELM; 12-04-19, 08:54 PM.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by ELM View Post

      I just found out my Schitzophrenic ex-BF just got arrested with a felony... I want to know what I can do for him that will not go beyond propriety. I'm going to be a character witness, but I'd also like to write to him/ send him a gift box because I know he's in a very bad place (he's not the type to do well in Jail and he is very suicidal). What do I even say in such a letter? I've seen his FB and Mug shot he is clearly out of his mind and he is not himself I didn't even recognize him (dare I say possessed by Jinn)?

      BTW I'm going to have my mom read any letter I write before I send it so it's supervised. I don't have any feelings for him beyond a friendship Alhamdulillah If I had feelings of romantic love I wouldn't write to him at all. I just need some advice. Am I going about this the right way?

      Edit: Today he was in court and they gave him a $2,500 bail. If he gets out I sent him a few encouraging messages, like we (my family and I) are praying for him and the like.
      Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

      sister if I'm being honest I'm not too sure how to advise you in this situation. It's a bit tricky because as you have mentioned he is suicidal so I dont know what to advise

      inshaAllah another poster will be able to help aelmo Indefinable LailaTheMuslim
      “Allah gave you a gift of 86,000 seconds today, have you used one to say ‘Alhamdulilah

      Comment


      • Originally posted by ELM View Post

        I just found out my Schitzophrenic ex-BF just got arrested with a felony... I want to know what I can do for him that will not go beyond propriety. I'm going to be a character witness, but I'd also like to write to him/ send him a gift box because I know he's in a very bad place (he's not the type to do well in Jail and he is very suicidal). What do I even say in such a letter? I've seen his FB and Mug shot he is clearly out of his mind and he is not himself I didn't even recognize him (dare I say possessed by Jinn)?

        BTW I'm going to have my mom read any letter I write before I send it so it's supervised. I don't have any feelings for him beyond a friendship Alhamdulillah If I had feelings of romantic love I wouldn't write to him at all. I just need some advice. Am I going about this the right way?

        Edit: Today he was in court and they gave him a $2,500 bail. If he gets out I sent him a few encouraging messages, like we (my family and I) are praying for him and the like.
        I’m not sure. It’s a tough situation. You probably don’t want to hear this, but you really shouldn’t have any contact with him. But given the situation, I understand how its difficult to cut him off at this stage.

        If you write a letter then just write general words of support and maybe what you will say in court so he knows your position in all of this. Nothing more than that.

        I hope he knows that there is nothing between you too. He’s in a vaulnrable place right now, and he probably wants someone who is constantly going to be there for him every step of the way. If you are that person then it may rekindle old flames. These types of things bring people closer together.

        At the end of the day whatever decisions he makes, he makes for himself. Dont feel like you have an obligation towards him. Just do the bare minimum in the letter and care package and that should be enough.

        I don’t know if this was helpful or not.

        Comment


        • aelmo thanks for replying
          “Allah gave you a gift of 86,000 seconds today, have you used one to say ‘Alhamdulilah

          Comment


          • Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
            aelmo thanks for replying
            No problem

            Comment


            • Originally posted by ELM View Post

              I just found out my Schitzophrenic ex-BF just got arrested with a felony... I want to know what I can do for him that will not go beyond propriety. I'm going to be a character witness, but I'd also like to write to him/ send him a gift box because I know he's in a very bad place (he's not the type to do well in Jail and he is very suicidal). What do I even say in such a letter? I've seen his FB and Mug shot he is clearly out of his mind and he is not himself I didn't even recognize him (dare I say possessed by Jinn)?

              BTW I'm going to have my mom read any letter I write before I send it so it's supervised. I don't have any feelings for him beyond a friendship Alhamdulillah If I had feelings of romantic love I wouldn't write to him at all. I just need some advice. Am I going about this the right way?

              Edit: Today he was in court and they gave him a $2,500 bail. If he gets out I sent him a few encouraging messages, like we (my family and I) are praying for him and the like.
              I think sister you and your family members should make the effort together to send him the gifts and letters. So it won't be just yourself, and that wouldn't count as free-mixing which is the problem you're taking issue with I think.

              I definitely would help him along with your family. Maybe that can be dawah too? Prison is a very isolating place and he's mentally ill, why not contact some charities with your fam that can actively help him?

              Send him some money or organize those prison support/buddy volunteers to come visit him. I'm not sure if they have that in the US, but please send me a PM with the state he is in and maybe I can compile a link of charities?

              Also send him some dawah leaflets, and the Qur'an. To comfort and guide him, prison is a time to reflect and in these hard times we need our Lord. He needs Allah right now!
              xxx
              وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

              And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


              أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

              Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


              Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

              Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

              Comment


              • Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post

                I think sister you and your family members should make the effort together to send him the gifts and letters. So it won't be just yourself, and that wouldn't count as free-mixing which is the problem you're taking issue with I think.

                I definitely would help him along with your family. Maybe that can be dawah too? Prison is a very isolating place and he's mentally ill, why not contact some charities with your fam that can actively help him?

                Send him some money or organize those prison support/buddy volunteers to come visit him. I'm not sure if they have that in the US, but please send me a PM with the state he is in and maybe I can compile a link of charities?

                Also send him some dawah leaflets, and the Qur'an. To comfort and guide him, prison is a time to reflect and in these hard times we need our Lord. He needs Allah right now!
                xxx
                That is a good idea! I brought it up with my folks and they liked the idea because he is a friend of the family. He does not have his glasses and he is legally blind without them though so I'll have to wait to send him The Qu'ran and dawah books. He lives four hours away so I won't be able to see him all the time. He lives in North Carolina.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by aelmo View Post

                  I’m not sure. It’s a tough situation. You probably don’t want to hear this, but you really shouldn’t have any contact with him. But given the situation, I understand how its difficult to cut him off at this stage.

                  If you write a letter then just write general words of support and maybe what you will say in court so he knows your position in all of this. Nothing more than that.

                  I hope he knows that there is nothing between you too. He’s in a vaulnrable place right now, and he probably wants someone who is constantly going to be there for him every step of the way. If you are that person then it may rekindle old flames. These types of things bring people closer together.

                  At the end of the day whatever decisions he makes, he makes for himself. Dont feel like you have an obligation towards him. Just do the bare minimum in the letter and care package and that should be enough.

                  I don’t know if this was helpful or not.
                  I think I'm going to get my parents involved because they are his friends too so it'll be all three of us writing him a letter/ care package (maybe even get my sister and uncle involved too). I live four hours away so I'm not really worried about getting too involved in his life, I just don't want to be texting him and writing him letters without supervision it's not appropriate. He knows for a fact we aren't a couple and I'm not interested in him that way.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by ELM View Post

                    I think I'm going to get my parents involved because they are his friends too so it'll be all three of us writing him a letter/ care package (maybe even get my sister and uncle involved too). I live four hours away so I'm not really worried about getting too involved in his life, I just don't want to be texting him and writing him letters without supervision it's not appropriate. He knows for a fact we aren't a couple and I'm not interested in him that way.
                    That sounds like a good idea. I hope everything goes well for him.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by ELM View Post

                      I think I'm going to get my parents involved because they are his friends too so it'll be all three of us writing him a letter/ care package (maybe even get my sister and uncle involved too). I live four hours away so I'm not really worried about getting too involved in his life, I just don't want to be texting him and writing him letters without supervision it's not appropriate. He knows for a fact we aren't a couple and I'm not interested in him that way.
                      Apologies for the late reply, but yes - this is the better option.

                      Get your parents/family involved for contact if you feel so strongly about helping him.


                      Comment

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