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    #16
    revert stories

    [MENTION=127092]eesa the kiwi[/MENTION] and @ LailaTheMuslim

    Thanks for sharing your stories! May Allah help both of you remain steadfast. SubhanAllah I can't imagine how much Iman it must take to change your life so much. It takes me months sometimes to change one bad/haram habit. MashaAllah

    May Allah guide your family back to Islam Laila, I know that must hurt a lot but don't despair and always hope in the mercy of Allah. Sorry about your illness tahoor inshaAllah (may your illness be expiation for your sins)

    "... despair not of relief from Allah . Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people." Surat Yusuf 87

    وَلا تَيْأَسُوا مِنْ رَوْحِ اللَّهِ إِنَّهُ لَا يَيْئَسُ مِنْ رَوْحِ اللَّهِ إِلا الْقَوْمُ الْكَافِرُون

    Comment


      #17
      Re: revert stories

      Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
      figured we need a revert stories thread, so if you are a revert feel free to post yours here [MENTION=107240]brightesthour[/MENTION]
      [MENTION=130111]john_repents[/MENTION]
      [MENTION=131437]Mick1002015[/MENTION] [MENTION=129583]legomahmego[/MENTION]
      [MENTION=125189]Abdur al Rahman[/MENTION]
      Ah salam wa laikum all.
      Just finished work will write my full essay later Insha'Allah :)

      Comment


        #18
        Re: revert stories

        Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
        asalamu alaikum brothers and sisters
        anyway heres mine (note i have left some details out as there too private to share on a public forum but here goes)

        bismillahir rahmanir raheem
        i was raised christian in a fairly religious family. we went to church most sundays and i went to a lot of christian youth camps. i believed in this with all my heart and as a kid i was terrfied of hell. it wasnt something my parents taught (they werent like if your bad you'll go to hell but the concept really scared me. i hated vice (well as a christian concept of it, used to nag my aunt for smoking and had a loathing of drugs) i was fairly bright and used to go for a school for gifted children once a week. my early teens were fairly uneventful but when i was 14 i changed high school to a scummy rat hole. i fell into the wrong crowd and while it started innocently (i knew most of them from church) it got messed up real fast. i started using drugs and became hooked. all my ambitions went out the window, i started failing school (because i was absent half the time) and i went from being a kid with a bright future to being a junkie whose sole ambition in life was to to take drugs until i died. i started using harder and harder drugs and soon was commiting crimes to fuel my habit. i left christianity around 15, 16 and became heavily influenced by heavy metal music. for those that say music is halaal you have no idea how manipulated you can become because of it. i was listening to a lot of marilyn manson (someone who if i heard he died tommorow i would make sujood of thanks) and i found that the heavy metal was just as corrupting on my soul as the drugs
        then i OD
        it literally felt like dying, probablly one of the most horrific experiences of my life, i was taking drugs with friends i took too much and bam. i was so sick it wasnt funny. i remember praying to god in the od. i was too sick to even remember the trinity, it was just me and god, i was like god you have to help me, and i know im a scumbag and ill probably go back to my same old tricks tommorrow (which i did for a while astaghfirullah) but you have to help me (imparaphrasing this prayer coz i dont remember it exactly)

        things started to change after that

        when i was 17 i got in heaps of trouble with the law, like heaps of trouble, i got locked up for a while and alhamdulilah this was one of allahs greatest blessings upon me
        it got me away from my scumbag friends and gave me time to think. I quit the drugs alhamdulilah, i wanted to get back into religion but i figured with all the bad stuff i had done god didnt want me. ii spent two years on the verge of suicide because i felt so scummy about the things i done and people i had hurt. i was terrified of god, like so scared i couldnt even pray i figured i was doomed to hell and i couldnt do anything about it

        but one day that fear went away (mostly) and istarted trying to pray again. id lost all belief in the trinity and i had a basic version of tauheed. i stopped eating pork cause the old testament was so against it and wasnt drinking anymore. and then i found a copy of english quran

        it hit me like a ton of bricks and cut right into my heart, i knew instantly that this was from my creator. it scared the living daylights out of me and i knew if i didnt accept i was in big trouble
        so on jan 4th 2009 shortly before my 20th birthday i decided to become a muslim. i emailed the local masjid and not long after took shahadah

        alhamdulilah through islam Allah turned my life around, i turned my back on the drugs alhamdulilah have been clean 6 years, ditched the loser friends and started trying to repair things. i get along really well with my parents (whom i had hated), allah taught me how to deal with them. i have a pretty quiet life these days, i dont really go out much but alhamdulilah im way happier than i ever was chasing after the drugs and the girls and the dunya. theres something about placing your head on the ground in salaat that makes your soul go this is what i was created for

        some reverts have these amazing stories and they were like super good people before islam, me mines not so pretty so apologies

        if you hadve asked the christians i knew as a teen, what's god going to do with jeremy? they would probably say god will throw him in hell
        if allah had have taken my soul and put me in jahanam he would have been completely justified but instead he had mercy on this sinner and guided him instead. subhannallah look at the mercy of allah something i will always be grateful

        anyway thats basically me
        asalamu alaikum
        Masha allah Inspiring and amazing how Allah guided you
        Your story made me think of the aya in which ALlah says
        ooh my servants who have trangressed themselves (by sinning) do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah forgives all sins. Indeed it is He who is Most forgiving most Merciful. (Surah zumar:53

        Comment


          #19
          Re: revert stories

          Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
          Umm, I just fele more lonely. And there was a thread I posted saying that I felt a bit ignored in my duaas. Well sometimes, I ask why my duaas aren't being answered, when I'm being oppressed by family, and they aren't Muslim and they still have stable lives, so why aren't they being punished as I being more loyal to God than them? Astaqfirullah I know that Allah doesn't owe me anything, though
          I read your story and its beautiful and inspiring.

          Never loose hope sis. Allah tests those who He loves. The prophet peace be upon him and the companions were tested. They faced so much hardship that they said 'mataa nasrullah' when is the victory of Allah.

          Allah told us as believers that we would be tested with our health,wealth,family etc. Allah doesnt do this to torture you dear sis but its to see if you will come closer to Him. Those who faced /face the most hardships were the prophets ,Companions and the saaliheen ( righteouss believers). Just ask yourself sis if they are those loved by Allah why would they face hardship? Its through these hardship they get rewarded by Allah draw closer to Him and are raised in higher position. And the fact that Allah has given you the gift of guidance is a sign that Allah loves you insha Allah.

          Please dont let shaitan get to you..never loose hope and always belief that Allah will answer your dua..maybe you dont see it today or tomorrow but insha Allah one day you will look back and think Allah has not only answered my dua but replaced it with something better.

          When you feel sad,lonely know that Allah is ready to listen..He is the Most Kind,Most Merciful. He will never turn away if you dont. You are His servant and He loves you more than anyone could ever love you.

          If you need anyone to talk to feel free to pm me
          Last edited by muslimainblack; 15-11-15, 05:53 AM.

          Comment


            #20
            Re: revert stories

            Mine is 3 parts. Warning! It's long..very long

            Part 1

            Yes, part 1. Because this will probably be the longest post I’ll make and I would hate to have you all spend too much of your time reading it. Enjoy!

            Like most Americans, I wasn’t aware of what Islam was. Especially before 9/11, I had no clue. I thought everyone in the world were Christians, and I didn’t know there were different religions. I never grew up religious, the only time we would go to church is when we were at a funeral, but I knew the basics of Christianity. My dad is a non practicing Catholic and my mom believes in God but doesn’t follow religion. I have three older brothers who aren’t religious, to be honest even to this day I’m not aware of what they believe. I know one of my brothers is either Atheist or Agnostic, but I never bring up religion when I’m around them. I believe when I was around the age of 8 I was very interested in God and used to beg my dad to go to church but he never took me. I went a few times with my best friend but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I was majorly disappointed, because finally I was going to church! I was hoping I’d feel blissful and feel the presence of God, but I never did. Eventually I lost interest and stopped going and I never identified myself as a Christian. I believed in God, and I believed Jesus existed, but I didn’t believe in the fundamentals of Christianity. I spent the next few years as someone who believes in God but didn’t follow religion, just like my mother.

            Death would terrify me as a kid, I was petrified of losing my parents. I remember standing outside with my dad and my brother and my dad was saying that someday he’ll die, and my mom will too, and that it can happen at any moment without warning. Of course being under the age of 10 that scared me and I would cry, a lot of times I would lay in bed trying to fall asleep and would cry with worry over losing my parents. I used to pray to God to keep my parents safe and to not take them away from me. I hated going to school because I didn’t like being away from my parents, and I remember a few close calls with death my parents had growing up. I was thankful to God for not taking them away from me, but how would I ever thank God? I didn’t follow religion and I wasn’t a Christian, all I could do was pray, but I didn’t know how to show my gratitude to God for keeping them safe. Eventually I stopped worrying and forgot about God, I went on with my life as a normal kid who didn’t think about things like that anymore. I stopped praying to God or thinking about God until 9/11 happened.

            9/11

            When 9/11 happened, like every American, I was so angry. I was 12 years old when it happened and it was very traumatizing to see the planes get hit and for them to fall. I remember seeing people jumping out of the buildings, it was awful. I was eating breakfast that morning with my brothers and my dad had the radio on and they were reporting that a plane struck the World Trade Center. My dad turned on the news and we watched, and I had no idea what was going on. My dad said “this was either an accident or a terrorist attack.” I remember looking at him and saying “what’s a terrorist attack?” Yeah, I know, but I was 12! He explained it and I got scared, but I went to my room to get ready for school. As I was getting ready the 2nd plane hit the other tower and at that moment I was absolutely terrified. I didn’t know what this meant, who was doing it, and I was even scared that was going to happen in my little town. A little while after my brother and I left for school and when I got to my classroom my teacher was very upset. She had a son in the military and was worried about what would happen to him if a war were to happen because of this. We went to the computer room to watch it on television, and it was around that time the towers collapsed. After all that happened we found out who was responsible for the attack, and that the attackers were Muslim. Pretty much from 2001-2005 (or 2006) I did not like Muslims. I thought they were all terrorists who were determined to kill Americans and non Muslims and wanted to take over the world. I was an avid Fox News watcher like my dad, I just didn’t like Islam or Muslims. I remember seeing something on our local news about a mosque in a our town and I go soooooo scared. I was thinking “there are Muslims in our town!? That’s scary!” To me at the time I believed there were Al Qaeda agents in our town planning to attack.

            Around 2005/2006 I met a Muslim on the internet. I met him in a Yahoo chatroom, if you’re around my age or older I’m sure you remember those Yahoo chatroom days. Probably wasn’t the best place to go to meet a Muslim, but alhamdulillah it made me think about my hatred towards Islam and Muslims. He was Palestinian and a doctor from what I can remember, he was a bit older than me and I think he lived in Jourdan at the time. I think the conversation started with me calling him a terrorist, and ranting on about Israel. He started asking me if I even knew anything about Islam and why I’m so hateful. I said I didn’t know anything, but look what they did on 9/11. They oppress women and beat their wives, it happens so surely Islam is responsible for it. He started sending me links about Islam which I didn’t care to look at to be honest, I just thought he wanted to brainwash me. A little while after I stopped talking to him but I was constantly thinking about Islam. I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I began to get curious. One day I told myself that the man I spoke to was right, I don’t know anything about Islam. All I know is what the media and my father tells me, why not study it so that way I can know? I wasn’t going to learn it so that I could convert or even like Islam, but I was just tired of people telling me to fear something I knew nothing about. I thought too that maybe if I learn about it and it is violent I could tell others so they can be weary of Islam and Muslims, you know like a “know your enemy” kind of thing.

            Boy was I wrong. I learned about the five pillars of Islam on the internet, and the 6 articles of faith.

            5 Pillars of Islam

            (source: IslamiCity.com)

            1. Shahada – The declaration of faith.

            2. Prayers – Praying 5 times a day.

            3. Zakat – Giving charity

            4. Fasting – Fasting during the month of Ramadan (eating before sunrise and eating after sunset)

            5. Pilgrimage (Hajj)

            I was expecting when I learned the 5 pillars that it would say “Kill non believers, enslave non believers, beat women” etc. I was amazed from what I have learned. What really gained my interest was the belief in one God. I have always believed that, I would never pray to Jesus or to anything else when I was younger, I would pray to God alone. I liked the idea of Jesus being a prophet in Islam, instead of believing he died on the cross for our sins or that he was the son of God. I was also fascinated with the five prayers. This isn’t a diss at Christians, but I liked that Muslims had to put some *work* in to get to heaven. They had to be a good person, pray 5 times a day, give charity, etc to get to heaven. It wasn’t that you can just go to the mosque and speak to someone and then be forgiven, you would talk to God directly and pray for forgiveness and not do the sin you did before ever again. That had me thinking, but of course I told myself I would never become a Muslim. Hell would freeze over before that happened. But I couldn’t stop learning about Islam. When I would go to school I would think about it, if I was at home relaxing I would, when I would try to sleep I would think of it. I just had this need to learn more, it was kind of like hunger. I hungered learning more about Islam. I went on an Islamic forum asking where I could read the Quran at, and I think I was linked to quran.com. Not sure if that was around back then, but if not it was a site similar. Every night after I did my homework I would get on the computer and read it. When my dad would say things about Muslims I would get very offended and defend them. I would tell him he knows nothing about Islam and that he should study it before he makes these bizarre accusations about Islam. We would get into some heated debates astaghfirullah (may Allah forgive me), but I was just frustrated that he had so much hate against this beautiful religion. On April 24th, 2007 (yes I remember the exact date) I planned on saying my shahada alone in my room when I got home from school. It was to the point that I wanted to be a Muslim so badly, it was like all my life I had all these questions and finally these questions were answered and I knew my purpose in life. I was so thankful for God guiding me to this beautiful religion that I wanted to make it official. So I said

            “Ash-hadu an laa ilaahah illallaah (I bear witness and attest that there is no god worthy of worship but the One God Allaah)

            Ash-hadu anna muhammad-ar-rasool ullaah (I bear witness and attest that Muhammad is the messenger of Allaah)

            to myself and became a Muslim. I was so excited, I was excited to learn my prayers. I remember printing pages after pages on learning how to pray. There were even little pictures, I was so excited. For once in my life I was happy. But unfortunately, I was tested by Allah SWT and didn’t exactly pass.

            Part 2 will be posted tomorrow insha’allah (god willing)!

            Comment


              #21
              Re: revert stories

              Part 2

              When I originally converted to Islam in April of 2007 I was thrilled. I was anxious to learn how to pray, how to fast, how to dress more modestly, I even stopped listening to music! I replaced all my music with Nasheeds or audio reciting from the Quran. and would listen to that every night. The next morning Iíd have nasheeds stuck in my head, or Iíd have verses of the Quran stuck in my head. Everything was new and exciting and I wanted to experience it all. But I didnít understand the concept of Ēdoing too much too fastĒ. I didnít know much Muslims, I only knew of one that I met online. She would help but it was pretty difficult for her to teach me how to pray. She had a webcam but I didnít, and she never offered to teach me through her camera so she would send me videos or articles, like how I mentioned before I was learning how to pray from printing pages off the internet. It was extremely difficult, but alhamdulillah I still tried my best. I was pretty brave back then, my parents werenít exactly fans of Islam so I kept it from them, but I would still pray in my room without fear of them barging in. One night we were eating dinner at the table and we had the news on. We have a television in the kitchen, so my dad would have Fox News on or another news channel on while we ate. It made me extremely uncomfortable because now I was a Muslim, and my dad is watching a news network that doesnít like Muslims. I canít remember the topic at hand but they were discussing Islam and my dad was going on with his normal rant about Muslims, and I spoke up and said heís wrong. I told him I have been reading the Quran and learning about Islam through the internet. He looked at me like I grew another head. I canít remember word for word what was said and I donít want to put words in his mouth, but letís just say he wasnít happy. He thought I was becoming brainwashed or that I watch too much ĎLiberal newsí, that Iíll always remember. I asked him how he would feel if I became Muslim and he told me heíd be disappointed. That he feels sorry for me that I would even consider following Islam, and that Iíll get beat by my husband. Another thing he said was if he ever saw me in hijab (or the burka/niqab) heíd be so upset with me. I dropped the topic afterwards and decided to keep it a secret. I didnít say I converted or that I was going to, but he knew I was interested and I wanted to keep it at that.

              //

              After that everything seemed to fall apart. I was getting frustrated because I wasnít sure if I was doing my prayers correctly. It got to the point where Iíd quit mid prayer because I was that flustered with it. I started reverting back to my old ways, I begun listening to music again and watching movies. I would stop reading the Quran and listening to the Quran, I became very detached from Islam. I wasnít exactly the happiest teenager in the world, it seemed like once I stepped foot into High School everything went downhill. I became depressed, my anxiety started to worsen, and I couldnít connect with anyone, even my old friends. So finding Islam was like all the darkness went away and I could finally smile and mean it. When I started losing interest in Islam everything came back. The depression, the anxiety, I stopped talking to my friends at school. I would spend lunch time in my History class and just sit there the entire time. I didnít want to leave Islam, but I didnít think I could do everything that a Muslim was supposed to do. I started feeling anxiety about telling my parents, in fact my brother found out I was interested in Islam through my Myspace page. I had a bunch of Muslims added, I had the Quran listed as my favorite book, and I even had a ďIím proud to be a MuslimahĒ image on there as well! He called my mom and talked to my mom about it, and she confronted and I lied and said I wasnít a Muslim, I was just curious about it. I felt awful for lying, I couldíve just come clean and things wouldíve gotten a bit easier. But I didnít, I lied, and I thought to myself maybe Islam isnít for me. If it was for me, Iíd say it loud and proud. I wouldnít let anyone scare me away from it, not even my own parents. As I was getting closer to graduation I focused on my senior project more and my school work, I didnít push Islam away yet because I thought once Iíd get out of high school I would get a job and tell my parents. I didnít graduate though, which is very embarrassing for me to talk about. I wanted nothing more than to finish high school, all that stress I went through and all the depression I went through, if I received my diploma all of that wouldíve been worth it. Since I didnít I felt like a waste, I felt like a loser, I felt like an idiot. I passed my senior project and all my classes, but I didnít pass a math test. Iím really bad at math, Iíve struggled with it my entire life, and I would take after school classes or before school classes to try and get it but I couldnít. So I was extremely depressed when high school was over, I didnít want to do anything with my life. I was angry at God for not listening to my prayers, so after that I pretty much gave up on Islam.

              //

              The girl who I was friends with on the internet stopped following Islam too. She used to make youtube videos about Islam, she knew so much and I looked up to her. She would answer every single question I had about Islam, she was just extremely helpful. Even though we lived on opposite sides of the country I could still call her my friend. When I would talk to her she started becoming hostile towards me and would say that she just got back from a party and is so wasted, and she just had sex with a guy. I was shocked because this was abnormal for her, and I found it disheartening. Sadly enough that was another reason why I left Islam, she was the only person I knew who was a Muslim and now I was all alone. I couldnít talk to her anymore about my struggles because she didnít care, and I couldnít ask her questions anymore about Islam. She eventually blocked me from messenger and we never spoke again. After high school [2008-now] I became a different person. My anxiety started to get so bad that I couldnít leave the house anymore. I would literally spend every single day, 24/7, in my house without feeling the need to go anywhere. If my mom asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her Iíd decline, if a friend asked if I wanted to hang out I would also decline. I would lie to my best friend about why I couldnít go out, or I would cancel last minute, and I didnít even care. I didnít want to be out around people, I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to die, everyday I thought how should I kill myself. My dad would constantly nag at me about why Iím not working and why Iím home all the time. Itís not normal, I wasnít normal, and it made me hate myself. My mom understood but she wanted me to get help but I would always say no. I became very angry towards God even though I was doing this to myself. My mom would always offer to help me and take me to a therapist or put me on medication because she wanted to see me happy. She would cry while talking to me and I would blow her off like she was nothing to me. Thankfully I never turned to drugs or alcohol, I have had alcohol before but from my experiences with it I decided to stop. Alcohol would make me more social and happy, but I didnít want to become addicted to it. My dad has issues with alcohol and I didnít want to follow in his footsteps so I stopped myself before it got bad. For a while nothing happened in my life, like I said I was a complete homebody. I did call myself Agnostic, but I donít believe I ever was because I would blame God for all my problems. I think I just said Agnostic so I could go by something, and because I didnít want people thinking I 100% believed in a God.

              //

              God wouldnít let me go though. This part is kind of ridiculous, but I finally understood the concept of Ďeverything happens for a reasoní, so please bear with me. One night last year in August or September I was getting in the shower. I started feeling a little dizzy, but I brushed it off. Didnít want to scare myself into thinking I was going to faint so I ignored it. As I was showering I noticed my head felt weird, not that I was dizzy because I didnít feel like I was spinning, but I felt like inside my head it was. I donít know if that makes sense, but it was a really weird feeling. I started panicking just a little thinking oh no Iím going to faint. So I got out and got dressed and sat in the living room next to my dog. My face started feeling fuzzy and so did my tongue. It felt like my tongue was enlarging and I started hyperventilating. I got really cold and couldnít stop shivering, I honestly felt like I was going to die. I was so scared I started crying, I stood up and walked around to try and shake it off but it wouldnít go away. I felt like my throat was closing up and I was seconds away from collapsing on the floor. My dog being a sweetheart laid next to me and calmed me down, so then I decided I should go to bed. Eventually I fell asleep and I felt better when I woke up and I told my mom what happened. She said I need to see someone because what if this is serious, I had a feeling it was a panic attack but my mom wanted to make sure. Nothing happened after, it was like she forgot about it, but in October I received a summons for Jury Duty. I have always feared Jury Duty, Iím a 24 year old who has never worked a day in her life and Iím going to need to sit in a room and talk in front of people. I was scared, I freaked out, I told my mom I couldnít do it. Thereís no way, Iíd rather have a warrant out for my arrest for not showing up (doesnít make sense, but us Anxiety sufferers tend to overreact and make little sense). My mom told me that my reaction was not normal and that sheís taking me to see a doctor. She was serious this time, and she wasnít going to back out of it. So in November I went to my first doctorís appointment in maybe 7 or 8 years and I was so nervous. I was around people and had to fill out papers, that was hell for me. I literally shake when Iím having an anxiety attack and I turn red. I talked to my doctor and she prescribed me medication and also wrote a doctorís note so I wouldnít have to go to Jury Duty (yay!). She also gave my mom and I the number to a therapist.

              //

              I wasnít exactly thrilled about taking medication or seeing a therapist. I was scared the medication was going to make me crazy, or that I was going to suffer from some side effects. I had anxiety about taking anxiety medication! Go figure. I remember laying in bed freaking out about seeing my therapist, not going to lie I was talking to myself. I had to rant to someone and since I didnít want to complain to my mom I decided I would complain to myself. I started talking to God and would say things like ďwhy are you doing this to me? Why couldnít you have made me normal? Why did you turn me to a religion and then have everything backfire on myself?Ē I was crying and in tears, like I said I know I did this to myself. I think a lot of people blame God for their problems they themselves caused. I ran away at the first sign of trouble so I was mad at myself. I was saying ďwhy donít you just show yourself? Why donít you move the chain on the ceiling fan, or show yourself. If you show yourself or you do something Iíll believe and Iíll go back to Islam.Ē Nothing happened so I got up and went to take my dog out so she can go to the bathroom. I had to walk by the living room to get to the backyard and I noticed my dad had the news on, I didnít really pay attention I just passed by the tv. As I came back inside our local news channel was reporting a meteor that flew past a few Californian towns. Now, you can sit back and laugh and say Ďoh please, that was a sign you took?í But it was, it may not have happened right when I was begging God to show me a sign but it happened within minutes. I didnít know what to make of it, I didnít fall to my knees and praise God or anything, but it made me very curious. People expect God to show himself to you in a physical form, maybe saying ďI am God, worship me.Ē But when something happens like a meteor passing by earth, or a lighting strike, or the sun rising and setting every morning and day I believe that to be a sign from God. I had all these signs in front of me yet I ignored them. That was an experience I canít get out of my head and I havenít told anyone that, only one sister. I think about that night every single day, because I believe that to be God calling me back to Islam.

              Part 3 will be up tomorrow inshaíallah. Thanks for sticking around and reading. Love you all for the sake of Allah (SWT).

              Comment


                #22
                Re: revert stories

                Part 3

                Ever since that experience I would lurk through Muslim forums. I was way too shy to join any because I didn’t know how that would go. There was a part of me that was telling me I didn’t want to become Muslim, I was just curious to talk to Muslims again. But the other half I buried deep down and at the time would deny was there was that I was interested in Islam again and I missed it. Through the holidays I kept it a secret and I decided to hold off on joining any Islamic forums. I didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas obsessing over if I wanted to become Muslim again and I didn’t want it to ruin the holidays. I started seeing my therapist in December of 2013, but none of that relates to how I came back to Islam so I don’t think I’ll be writing about that. I’ll just say she gave me a lot of confidence and was very easy to talk to, I enjoyed seeing her every week. I did talk to her about my interest in Islam, but that happened later on. Eventually in January of this year I joined Ummah Forums, I felt pretty reluctant to mention the forum because I don’t want anyone going there and trolling, but really that forum was my other home while I went through the process of coming back to Islam and I’m definitely not ashamed of admitting that. I had no other place to go, I was way too shy to even call the masjid, so I had to rely on an internet forum. I wanted to become Muslim again but it took a lot for me to be honest with myself. I was thinking why am I doing this again, I know how much problems this will bring. I’ll have to tell my parents, my brothers, the rest of my family, my friends. I would have to go back to praying five times a day, I would have to dress more modestly and give up music which I love dearly. Why would I do this again?

                //

                I met a lot of nice Muslim women through the website. A lot of them understood my struggles and wouldn’t force Islam on me. It was funny because they’d ask if I believed in one God, yes I do. Do I believe Prophet Muhammad to be the final messenger of God? Yes I did. I was already a Muslim in belief, I just needed to say my shahada to make it official. I didn’t want to do that though because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I didn’t want to call myself a Muslim and not practice any of it, and I used to complain about people who said they were a part of a religion and didn’t follow it. They were just Christian, Jewish, Muslim by name. They were kind and understood my my worries, but I didn’t need to rush into it right away. I needed to take baby steps or else I would overwhelm myself. Which brings me back to what I said in part 2, I didn’t understand the concept of “doing too much too fast.” If I jump into Islam and try to do everything right away I’ll overwhelm myself and I’ll burn myself out. My therapist taught me the same thing, going back into the world, if I jump into it all at once I’ll overwhelm myself and I’d want to fall back into my old “safe” ways. If I did everything one step at a time I wouldn’t overwhelm myself and everything would be easier. Islam wasn’t anything different, I needed to have the same mindset with Islam. I think it was towards the end of March I decided I wanted to come back to Islam, I needed it, I just needed to do it differently this time. I told myself I wouldn’t get overwhelmed and that I would take it one step at a time. So I decided on a date, April 4th. I decided on April 4th because it was a Friday, and Friday in Islam is the most holiest day. I only told one sister, in fact she was going to help me say my shahada through Skype, but I didn’t have a phone available to do it so unfortunately I couldn’t say it with her. I brought up a website where I could read the Shahada in Arabic and in English. I was so nervous, wallahi I was shaking. This time felt very different from when I did it in 2007. I felt more emotional and this time I felt like I was speaking directly to God. I didn’t want to mess this up. I recited the Shahada about 10 times to myself because I couldn’t stop saying it, and I wanted to get it right. I did ghusl afterwards and did everything else I was supposed to do after saying my Shahada and I felt so good. I didn’t regret it at all, I was so excited. It felt like a veil was removed from my eyes and I could see clearly once again. Was I happy when I converted back in 2007? Of course! But this time I felt much happier.

                //

                I didn’t dramatically change after I reverted back to Islam. I was taking it slow. Another sister I met on Ummah gave me her Skype ID and we would voice chat. She would teach me how to recite Al-Fatiha which is the first chapter of the Quran. It is extremely important to know and understand the first chapter of the Quran because we need it to do our prayers. I got it pretty fast, I wasn’t sure if I were saying the words correctly but I tried my best, and she said I was doing fantastic. So I took her word for it and eventually began to recite Al-Fatiha every night in Arabic so I would memorize it, then I would do it in English. Alhamdulillah I learned it pretty fast, it was to the point where I was reciting it without looking at a computer! She taught me how to pray through video chat on Skype and explained what “Rakat” was and a couple of other things we had to recite in Arabic. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her, she was so patient with me. I don’t think I would’ve learned how to pray without her. May Allah bless her. I did struggle with my prayers, being in a house with non Muslims was hard to hide from them. My parents barge into my room now more than they did when I was younger, and imagine having to explain that? It’s the middle of Summer and I’m wearing my winter pajamas with a sweater on with the hood up! I couldn’t get out of that one, so doing my prayers was hard. I did try, so Allah knows what was in my heart and is aware of my situation at home so I tried not to let it bother me. I didn’t want to get frustrated again so I went with the flow. A few months passed and I continued to learn more about Islam, would go to Quran recitation groups on Skype with other sisters and would happily listen in. Things were going well, I would get stressed and think about leaving Islam again but this time it was different. I had those thoughts but I didn’t want to leave Islam. It would break my heart if I even thought about it, I would say to myself if I leave it I’ll still have problems. Islam can solve these problems I just need to be patient and continue to make dua to Allah. This is a test, I’m being tested, I don’t want to run away again. I would remind myself of this everyday if I was struggling and masha’allah it helped. I love Islam and Allah too much to leave, and I wouldn’t know what to do without it.

                //

                I feel like a calmer person now. I don’t get angry easily, and I don’t let people upset me. I feel like Islam has given me self esteem, and has made me more confident. Not too confident because I still have issues, but I’ve learned to not hate myself. This happened in September, it was dinner time and I went out to the kitchen to join my parents for dinner. My dad wasn’t there, my mom said he went to a baseball game, so I sat down and thought to myself “this could be it. I feel like I need to tell her.” You know when you really want to say something, you can feel it in your heart, and you can’t think of anything else? Well that’s how I felt. My mom was talking about Nascar since there was a race on television that night, and I kept telling myself tell her now before it’s too late! So I took a deep breath, and said “Mom, I need to talk to you about something. You won’t like it, but I need to tell you because keeping it a secret from you is driving me crazy.” She looked at me like I was crazy, I don’t know what she thought I was going to say. Am I pregnant, on drugs, gay? I think it was all running through her head. I told her for the past 7 years I’ve been interested in Islam. She looked confused and asked me why. I said well I was tired of hearing the media telling me to be afraid of something I knew nothing about. So 7 years ago I decided to research Islam on the internet and it was the complete opposite of what the media made it out to be. I told her it makes me happy and I feel at peace with it in my life. She said why not Christianity, why Islam? What does Islam give you that Christianity doesn’t? I told her why, and she understood. She did express worry over me becoming brainwashed, and she said she’d have the same worries if I was interested in any other religion. I told her I’ve been doing this all on my own, yeah I have a few Muslim friends on the internet, but they never forced Islam on me. I was already interested in it before I even knew them. I asked her if I’ve been different in a bad way. Have I done anything that has scared her this past year? She said no, I said parents, especially mothers, are highly respected in Islam. I was helping her out more and I wasn’t getting into petty arguments with her anymore, I was changing into a better person. She accepted that but still said she was concerned about this. I understood where she was coming from, I wasn’t expecting her or wanting to force her to accept this. It would be puzzling for anyone, since it came out of nowhere. She said she still loves me and that it will take her time to accept, but I’ll always be her daughter and she doesn’t hate me. I remember asking her with teary eyes if she hated me, she said of course not. This is just the last thing she’d expect me to say, so she told me not to worry and that she’d keep it a secret from my dad. I was happy with her reaction.

                //

                My dad still doesn’t know I’ve become Muslim. My mom wants me to tell him soon because it’s really weighing on her shoulders. She knows how he’ll react and she wants him to get upset, yell a little bit, and then get over it. I just feel so much anxiety about telling him. I don’t even know how to bring it up. I feel like he would react better to me telling him I was pregnant or on drugs. I’m not ashamed of being a Muslim, it’s just a delicate situation that I want to do right. My dad has been stressed about work so every night when he comes home he’s in a bad mood. How am I supposed to tell him when he’s already angry about something? That would be a disaster. While he was on vacation he was drinking the entire time, how can I tell him when he isn’t sober? I do plan on telling him sooner, but I think when it happens it won’t be planned. It’ll just come out, and if he gets mad then he gets mad. I can only show him through my actions that I’m a better person and daughter with Islam and he has nothing to fear. This is pretty much the end of my revert story, I did go to a masjid and I’ve met other Muslimahs that I will without a doubt share, I just want to make another post of just talking about that and not cram it all in here. Not the most exciting revert story since it revolved around the internet, but I’m forever thankful to Allah for bringing me back to Islam. I feel like I was born to be a Muslim, and that I was a Muslim before I even heard about Islam. Everything I went through in my younger days I believe happened for a reason, so that I could come back to Allah and I can appreciate Islam more. Over the past couple of months my dua’s have been answered and everything has gone so well, I’m extremely happy alhamdulillah.

                Comment


                  #23
                  Re: revert stories

                  excited to read this [MENTION=107240]brightesthour[/MENTION]
                  its magrhrib time here so inshaallah will read after salaat
                  It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                  "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.Ē ibn Taymiyyah.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Re: revert stories

                    Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                    excited to read this [MENTION=107240]brightesthour[/MENTION]
                    its magrhrib time here so inshaallah will read after salaat
                    No problem. It's from my old blog so it's very detailed lol

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Re: revert stories

                      Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                      asalamu alaikum brothers and sisters
                      anyway heres mine (note i have left some details out as there too private to share on a public forum but here goes)

                      bismillahir rahmanir raheem
                      i was raised christian in a fairly religious family. we went to church most sundays and i went to a lot of christian youth camps. i believed in this with all my heart and as a kid i was terrfied of hell. it wasnt something my parents taught (they werent like if your bad you'll go to hell but the concept really scared me. i hated vice (well as a christian concept of it, used to nag my aunt for smoking and had a loathing of drugs) i was fairly bright and used to go for a school for gifted children once a week. my early teens were fairly uneventful but when i was 14 i changed high school to a scummy rat hole. i fell into the wrong crowd and while it started innocently (i knew most of them from church) it got messed up real fast. i started using drugs and became hooked. all my ambitions went out the window, i started failing school (because i was absent half the time) and i went from being a kid with a bright future to being a junkie whose sole ambition in life was to to take drugs until i died. i started using harder and harder drugs and soon was commiting crimes to fuel my habit. i left christianity around 15, 16 and became heavily influenced by heavy metal music. for those that say music is halaal you have no idea how manipulated you can become because of it. i was listening to a lot of marilyn manson (someone who if i heard he died tommorow i would make sujood of thanks) and i found that the heavy metal was just as corrupting on my soul as the drugs
                      then i OD
                      it literally felt like dying, probablly one of the most horrific experiences of my life, i was taking drugs with friends i took too much and bam. i was so sick it wasnt funny. i remember praying to god in the od. i was too sick to even remember the trinity, it was just me and god, i was like god you have to help me, and i know im a scumbag and ill probably go back to my same old tricks tommorrow (which i did for a while astaghfirullah) but you have to help me (imparaphrasing this prayer coz i dont remember it exactly)

                      things started to change after that

                      when i was 17 i got in heaps of trouble with the law, like heaps of trouble, i got locked up for a while and alhamdulilah this was one of allahs greatest blessings upon me
                      it got me away from my scumbag friends and gave me time to think. I quit the drugs alhamdulilah, i wanted to get back into religion but i figured with all the bad stuff i had done god didnt want me. ii spent two years on the verge of suicide because i felt so scummy about the things i done and people i had hurt. i was terrified of god, like so scared i couldnt even pray i figured i was doomed to hell and i couldnt do anything about it

                      but one day that fear went away (mostly) and istarted trying to pray again. id lost all belief in the trinity and i had a basic version of tauheed. i stopped eating pork cause the old testament was so against it and wasnt drinking anymore. and then i found a copy of english quran

                      it hit me like a ton of bricks and cut right into my heart, i knew instantly that this was from my creator. it scared the living daylights out of me and i knew if i didnt accept i was in big trouble
                      so on jan 4th 2009 shortly before my 20th birthday i decided to become a muslim. i emailed the local masjid and not long after took shahadah

                      alhamdulilah through islam Allah turned my life around, i turned my back on the drugs alhamdulilah have been clean 6 years, ditched the loser friends and started trying to repair things. i get along really well with my parents (whom i had hated), allah taught me how to deal with them. i have a pretty quiet life these days, i dont really go out much but alhamdulilah im way happier than i ever was chasing after the drugs and the girls and the dunya. theres something about placing your head on the ground in salaat that makes your soul go this is what i was created for

                      some reverts have these amazing stories and they were like super good people before islam, me mines not so pretty so apologies

                      if you hadve asked the christians i knew as a teen, what's god going to do with jeremy? they would probably say god will throw him in hell
                      if allah had have taken my soul and put me in jahanam he would have been completely justified but instead he had mercy on this sinner and guided him instead. subhannallah look at the mercy of allah something i will always be grateful

                      anyway thats basically me
                      asalamu alaikum
                      I really enjoyed your story. Heartbreaking to see people struggle with drugs and attempting suicide at such a young age, but I'm really glad you were able to turn your life around. I think I've said this before but it goes to show that Allah swt never turns away from us. Even if you're struggling and doing things that are really bad, Allah swt will never give up on us. Your story is easy to relate to as well, so don't think yours isn't interesting just because it may be different from others. Everything you did is forgiven so don't beat yourself up about it.

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Re: revert stories

                        Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
                        I really enjoyed your story. Heartbreaking to see people struggle with drugs and attempting suicide at such a young age, but I'm really glad you were able to turn your life around. I think I've said this before but it goes to show that Allah swt never turns away from us. Even if you're struggling and doing things that are really bad, Allah swt will never give up on us. Your story is easy to relate to as well, so don't think yours isn't interesting just because it may be different from others. Everything you did is forgiven so don't beat yourself up about it.
                        thanks it means alot, im very self conscious about my past (i honestly dont know what i was thinking opening up here but anyways) yeah i know i should let it go but i just cant. in a way its good because im so motivated to make up for it. allah has shown me so much kindness and i know ill never be able to thank him enough but maybe this way i can try

                        thanks for sharing your story (i dont know what your on about not having a good revert story subhannallah sister this is the type of stories you read in dawah pamphlets that make people want to become muslim) i relate a lot especially the anxiety part, since i quit the drugs i struggle with stress alot and im not the best at dealing with social situation. i dont even like going shopping or catching buses and trains. you should feel pretty special i really get the sense reading this that Allah chose you out of all the people you know to practise his religion. perhaps you did something he approved of or had something deep inside you that made him choose you allahu alim

                        this is good dawah, perhaps you should start your blog back up again
                        It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                        "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.Ē ibn Taymiyyah.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          revert stories

                          You lot have really good revert stories may allah bless you all
                          [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][B][U][CENTER]Oh Allah, in your name, I die and live.[/CENTER][/U][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]
                          [CENTER]:):lailah::lailah::lailah::lailah::)[/CENTER]

                          [B][CENTER]Ya Allah, Grant Me A Heart That Sees[/CENTER][/B]

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Re: revert stories

                            Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                            thanks it means alot, im very self conscious about my past (i honestly dont know what i was thinking opening up here but anyways) yeah i know i should let it go but i just cant. in a way its good because im so motivated to make up for it. allah has shown me so much kindness and i know ill never be able to thank him enough but maybe this way i can try

                            thanks for sharing your story (i dont know what your on about not having a good revert story subhannallah sister this is the type of stories you read in dawah pamphlets that make people want to become muslim) i relate a lot especially the anxiety part, since i quit the drugs i struggle with stress alot and im not the best at dealing with social situation. i dont even like going shopping or catching buses and trains. you should feel pretty special i really get the sense reading this that Allah chose you out of all the people you know to practise his religion. perhaps you did something he approved of or had something deep inside you that made him choose you allahu alim

                            this is good dawah, perhaps you should start your blog back up again
                            Yeah I can understand that. Have you met any other reverts with the same history with drug use? Would be nice if you met a brother who struggled with it as well in his past, that way you can have someone you trust to talk to and understands what you went through. Even online would be good! Lots of people came to Islam in such diverse ways. Just do good, Allah swt knows what's in your heart :)

                            Mine's just boring in the sense that it was all basically done online lol. You know some people meet Muslims, or they might go to a masjid just to see what it's like and end up converting. But like I said, lots of people come to Islam in different ways, I love reading the stories. Thanks for saying that about mine though, I appreciate it. My outlet for anxiety before Islam was self harm, but I had control over it. It didn't get as bad as what other people go through. But going on medication & coming back to Islam has taken me away from that. Thought I'd share that since you shared something private as well! I know, I'm scared to drive..go to the grocery store alone, go shopping alone, definitely scared of taking the bus. I can't even walk around my neighborhood, but my fear might be justified for that. I try to avoid those things as best as I can, unless I'm with someone.

                            I told you once that I don't understand why Allah swt chose me out of everyone I know. But like you said Allah knows best, so there must of been something that Allah saw that wanted to bring me to Islam. Something I just try to remember, all that matters is I was guided and I hope my family is too :insha:. And yours as well, and every revert out there!

                            I didn't really know what to write about on my blog so I decided to end it. I'm curious to hear when you first went to the masjid though? If you'd like to share. I wrote my first visit lol

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Re: revert stories

                              Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
                              Yeah I can understand that. Have you met any other reverts with the same history with drug use? Would be nice if you met a brother who struggled with it as well in his past, that way you can have someone you trust to talk to and understands what you went through. Even online would be good! Lots of people came to Islam in such diverse ways. Just do good, Allah swt knows what's in your heart :)

                              Mine's just boring in the sense that it was all basically done online lol. You know some people meet Muslims, or they might go to a masjid just to see what it's like and end up converting. But like I said, lots of people come to Islam in different ways, I love reading the stories. Thanks for saying that about mine though, I appreciate it. My outlet for anxiety before Islam was self harm, but I had control over it. It didn't get as bad as what other people go through. But going on medication & coming back to Islam has taken me away from that. Thought I'd share that since you shared something private as well! I know, I'm scared to drive..go to the grocery store alone, go shopping alone, definitely scared of taking the bus. I can't even walk around my neighborhood, but my fear might be justified for that. I try to avoid those things as best as I can, unless I'm with someone.

                              I told you once that I don't understand why Allah swt chose me out of everyone I know. But like you said Allah knows best, so there must of been something that Allah saw that wanted to bring me to Islam. Something I just try to remember, all that matters is I was guided and I hope my family is too :insha:. And yours as well, and every revert out there!

                              I didn't really know what to write about on my blog so I decided to end it. I'm curious to hear when you first went to the masjid though? If you'd like to share. I wrote my first visit lol
                              my first visit to the masjid was really cool, i emailed the masjid when i first decided to become muslim and some brothers met up with me a few times before hand and ran through the basics of islamic beliefs with me. id already said shahadah by myself but they encouraged me to do it publicly

                              never have i seen such a response, i said it with a very bad accent and then afterwards i had brothers from like fifty different nationalities giving me a hug and shaking my hand, it was like people meeting a long lost relative for the first time, i made some good friends that i still have today. coming from a european background with very little exposure to other cultures to see everyone all praying the same, worshipping the one who created them in exactly the same way was very humbling

                              seriously cool

                              actually a lot of the reverts in my city come from very dodgy backgrounds (ex gang members etc) so i can relate alot to some of their stories. still dont think ill ever shake these demons but alhamdulilah they are a lot easier to deal with now im trying to make up for them

                              alhamdulilah for islam
                              It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                              "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.Ē ibn Taymiyyah.

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Re: revert stories

                                Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                                my first visit to the masjid was really cool, i emailed the masjid when i first decided to become muslim and some brothers met up with me a few times before hand and ran through the basics of islamic beliefs with me. id already said shahadah by myself but they encouraged me to do it publicly

                                never have i seen such a response, i said it with a very bad accent and then afterwards i had brothers from like fifty different nationalities giving me a hug and shaking my hand, it was like people meeting a long lost relative for the first time, i made some good friends that i still have today. coming from a european background with very little exposure to other cultures to see everyone all praying the same, worshipping the one who created them in exactly the same way was very humbling

                                seriously cool

                                actually a lot of the reverts in my city come from very dodgy backgrounds (ex gang members etc) so i can relate alot to some of their stories. still dont think ill ever shake these demons but alhamdulilah they are a lot easier to deal with now im trying to make up for them

                                alhamdulilah for islam
                                That's so nice :masha:. The part about when everyone was hugging you, and the long lost relatives feeling, I felt the same exact way. I didn't say my shahadah at the masjid, but I went to visit last year and everyone (the sisters) hugged me. I felt so comfortable with them that it felt like we met before. This older woman started tearing up when she heard I reverted, I was like oh, please don't cry lol. They were so sweet. They still want me to say my shahadah publicly but they understand that I'm nervous lol.

                                Yeah see that's good, you have people you can relate to. Although it's in your past, talking it out still helps. I'll make dua for you, that it gets easier for you.

                                Comment

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