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in need of advice or help in any manner

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  • in need of advice or help in any manner

    A brief history of me. Wasn't raised a Muslim. My dad was abusive towards my mother. My dad although loved us kids he still always compared us to others and always was strict with school. This made me hate school.
    In grade 1 my dads friends son who went to same school was in grade 5. He used to take me to the bathroom and make out with my face until after a few times I told my siblings hes bothering me but not actually what he was doing. The memory of this is always on my mind. I became socially awkward and always had fantasy life. I always used to daydream of how I'd want my life to be compared to how awkward and damaged i was. Seeing my dad always yelling, hitting my mom, comparing us children to his more intelligent nieces and nephews really damaged me and my siblings. We all have our issues. Although my dad has improved and we've all turned to Islam, I'm still left unhappy.
    When I brought salah into my life I used to pray with the utmost happiness.
    Now for 6 plus years I'm praying like a robot hoping my sincerity comes back. I wake up for tahajjud hoping for something but it never comes.
    I've grown up now unhappy and comparing myself to others. To be honest I dont remember the last time I was truthfully happy for more than a day. I am uneducated as after high school I worked restaurants etc. Allah swt gifted me an amazing job, although I dont make much the security is there. In a previous post I had mentioned I was offered an amazing opportunity which could have financially fixed me for life. I could have made a large amount of income that I never dreamed of. But due to low self esteem and low confidence in myself I doubted myself and left that job and came back to my old job. Even though I knew I could have done it.

    A few people wrote amazing advice and how to look at it and I'm trying.
    Since March I am highly depressed over this. I'm trying very hard to let it go and there are days I tell myself although Allah gifted it to me maybe just maybe it wasn't meant to be.
    I just dont know how to be happy and pray with the happiness I once had.i feel like a failed muslim who is just holding on to a lost cause. I feel like a failure to my family that I still have to struggle and make minimum for food and rent. I cant provide my kids with nice clothes or good schooling or anything. I haven't bought clothes for my wife in 5 years and I feel just like an utter failure. I dont know what to do. I listen to Quran and I'm reading it I'm also taking lessons to learn tajweed. It's not like I'm not trying but I just cant be happy or do religious things with happiness I just feel like I'm forcing something that's not there. I believe in only One God but I am losing hope in myself.
    Last edited by new2islammm; 06-11-19, 07:02 PM.

  • #2
    You are in my duas in sha Allah

    ill try to come back with more advice in sha Allah
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."

    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].

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    • #3
      Brother sorry for my post which doesn't deal with your problems directly but its all I know.

      Maybe start from scratch to renew your iman if you feel its getting to a low point. A reset usually helps often.

      1) See a psychologist for counseling. Don't take anti-depressant meds, its side effects have serious consequences (long term, irreversible).
      2) You need to put implicit trust on your Creator. I have a feeling there is something getting in the way between your faith on HIm and thats the problem. In that case, you must learn about Allah, and only through that you will love and fear him. Orders become hard to carry once a person loses faith in the Authority who had issued that order. And please get rid of junk books. Don't follow those hadiths that are not authentic please. Allah will guide you if He wishes once He is pleased with you. Also see/read the life of Prophet Muhammed (saas), Because he is the prime example of how to follow and implement the Qur'an. If you find something troublesome skip it and read/research some more and come back to it later maybe Allah will guide you to the truth if He wills.

      There are so many ways to Allah, and this is just one. Maybe you have to find yours as well if none worked so far. However, giving up is not an option. Remember, no matter how difficult the world seems the deen was given to us to make our life easier. Also, never claim you are a failed muslim. Qur'an states that the shaytan (satan) wants to trick you by thinking there's no way to go back to Allah, that you are past forgiveness. He just wants you to surrender to him, if you don't he will tell you are not worth anything (by making you think Allah's love (rahma) doesn't extend to you). So you end up hurting yourself. He wants your iman, if not then your body. If not the whole of body then part of it, and so on. He lays and waits in the seeratul mustakim (straight path) ( quote from Qur'an) to deceive the believer, so you can't say that satan would be gone once you start praying, etc.

      Additional suggestions:

      Check out sheikh Nowman Ali Khan's explanation of the word rahma, from which one of Allah's name is derived from "Ar- Rahman"
      Check out stories of the past prophets in Qur'an (with supplementary resources where needed). Much is there to be learned.
      For Seerah (and this is if you have time); check Sheikh Mufti Menk's life story of Prophet Muhammed (saas) and his closest 4 companions to begin with, because within it lies inspiration to find the truth and discard all innovations.

      Dislaimer: I do not have any formal education in Islam.