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  • #16
    Originally posted by Um_Saf View Post

    AsSalaamu Alaykum brother, JazakAllah Khairan.

    The answer to that question is no, my father is the one who respects me the most Alhamdulillah but even he thinks religion is illogical-they are all atheists so the concept of god they don't understand unfortunately, they even make jokes of Christianity for example- but they are purely ignorant as many are about Islam preferring to believe the media over me and then also using born Muslims doing things as a way to persuade me as if they do it why cant I?

    Another thing is they think that its not fair on my child that she is stopped doing something just because I believe it. But then according to them if my mother was alive I wouldn't have became religious. I just if they think that strongly that religion is wrong surely that's the same as me encouraging/teaching my child to accept my beliefs when she is a child, ultimately its the same thing, as a parent you want your child to believe what you do.

    The funny thing is when I reverted they said we don't care whether your a Muslim or not-clearly that was a lie. Alhamdulillah my dad is the only one who wishes us on Eid and he buys Eid gifts instead of xmas, but my family are very close knit and also very traditionally British you could say, so its like a pack mentality-they are of the opinion that the British way is the right way and there's no changing them. At the same time they look after each other when in need, its just stressful fighting them constantly about small things.
    wa alaikum salam rahmatulah wa barakatu

    sorry for late reply been a hectic day

    sorry to hear about the issues you are going through. is it an option to take your child and go holiday for a couple of weeks untill xmas is over?

    my family sound more understanding about islam than yours but they too have this pack mentality. my sister is a christan minister and while there is a huge difference is akhlaq between me and her (she doesnt treat my parents too good) she does hold a bit of a sway over the family. as its a bit tricky talking about islam with my family at times. (mum has a tendancy to flip out if i mention it) im trying to be the best son i can be to inshaAllah show them them the benefits of islam that way. i used to be a junkie so there has been a huge change in me All praise is due to Allah, but they kind of take it for granted. apparently im just a "good person" (whatever that means) and its not so much Islam why i have changed
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
      :salams

      difficult time of year for new muslims but post here and we can try support each other inshaAllah
      xmas... just say no. Don't do it, don't compromise on it, especially as a new Muslim as if you give them an inch on this they'll want more and then more again the following year.

      It's much easier if you can to set firm boundaries on not celebrating any aspect of this holiday season.
      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post

        wa alaikum salam rahmatulah wa barakatu

        sorry for late reply been a hectic day

        sorry to hear about the issues you are going through. is it an option to take your child and go holiday for a couple of weeks untill xmas is over?

        my family sound more understanding about islam than yours but they too have this pack mentality. my sister is a christan minister and while there is a huge difference is akhlaq between me and her (she doesnt treat my parents too good) she does hold a bit of a sway over the family. as its a bit tricky talking about islam with my family at times. (mum has a tendancy to flip out if i mention it) im trying to be the best son i can be to inshaAllah show them them the benefits of islam that way. i used to be a junkie so there has been a huge change in me All praise is due to Allah, but they kind of take it for granted. apparently im just a "good person" (whatever that means) and its not so much Islam why i have changed
        Unfortunately (again) that going way is not an option, I have suggested to my father we go away-he also doesn't like it-finances don't permit it though.

        MashaAllah its good that your sister is a believer in an Abrahamic faith so there is some common believe and support in someway and that you have turned your life around and got of the drugs that takes some strength to do on your part-Its sad to hear that your family overlook/downplay that your faith has a big impact on you.

        I think we all struggle with getting a family to see while keeping the teachings of family ties in play. It always makes me laugh when a born muslim will say a revert is easier to marriage as theres no family issues involved-its just wrong the majority do have family struggles and a lot of family have this pack mentality too regardless of religious views.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Um_Saf View Post

          Unfortunately (again) that going way is not an option, I have suggested to my father we go away-he also doesn't like it-finances don't permit it though.

          MashaAllah its good that your sister is a believer in an Abrahamic faith so there is some common believe and support in someway and that you have turned your life around and got of the drugs that takes some strength to do on your part-Its sad to hear that your family overlook/downplay that your faith has a big impact on you.

          I think we all struggle with getting a family to see while keeping the teachings of family ties in play. It always makes me laugh when a born muslim will say a revert is easier to marriage as theres no family issues involved-its just wrong the majority do have family struggles and a lot of family have this pack mentality too regardless of religious views.
          How old is your child? Are they old enough for you to sit down and explain things a little?
          difficult situation for you to be in sister may Allah make things easy for you
          It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
          "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Um_Saf View Post
            for telling my child santa isn't real and the rest 'as all the Muslims around them celebrate both Christmas and Eid .
            Tell them you do not lie to your children, same with telling them the tooth fairy or easter bunny isn't real....Just yesterday a Christian woman said she tells her children santa isn't real and mummy and daddy give the presents.

            I know what you mean about other Muslims making it difficult for the rest of us....
            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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            • #21
              Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post

              How old is your child? Are they old enough for you to sit down and explain things a little?
              difficult situation for you to be in sister may Allah make things easy for you
              she has just turned 4- I do explain things to her and Alhamdulillah she does listen, the other month my gran asked me if I could eat this fish (meaning because of the diet I was on) and my child replied 'no we don't eat fish-she isn't keen on fish so didn't want to eat it- we only eat halal because we are muslims' I started laughing and had to explain fish is halal.

              Again today when I collected her from nursery the teacher was saying she was telling us she doesn't celebrate Christmas just Eid today (I was actually thinking has she given the Christmas lie away to so many 3/4yr olds-but she hadn't.)

              My wider family is the issue when it comes to Islamic issues for example (not xmas related) she has naturally associated babies with marriage so we walked by a wedding shop and she said something like you can wear that dress and get to married then I can have a brother or sister (I think she assumes if you don't live together then you aren't married anymore because we haven't explained anything to her & she knows mammy and daddy got married then had her) so I was explaining her cute comment to my family and my aunty said to her you don't need to be married to have a baby (because her son has kids and isn't married), annoyed isn't the word for my feelings at that point.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                Tell them you do not lie to your children, same with telling them the tooth fairy or easter bunny isn't real....Just yesterday a Christian woman said she tells her children santa isn't real and mummy and daddy give the presents.

                I know what you mean about other Muslims making it difficult for the rest of us....
                oh I definitely tell them I wont pretend anything-hence there annoyance at my refusal, they are no doubt worried my child will spill the secret to their children. I find it funny that more often than not its not even Christian people who get annoyed with people celebrating its atheists who have turned a religious holiday into some consumer filled fantasy excluding religion completely.

                There are many sects of Christianity whom don't even mark Christmas- Johva's witnesses for one, and yet its the atheists that get annoyed

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                • #23
                  Br eesa the kiwi alhamdulillah, I'm well, dear brother. How are things going for you? Hope it isn't getting to you too much (OP). Trying to imagine being in your shoes and those like you who have to go through this time of year with Christian/celebrating family. :| Must be grim.

                  For years, the only thing I've had to deal with in that regard, would you believe, is cards from co-workers? Subhaanallah. Doing right in the face of all those pressures must be seeing the ajr and Rahmah pile up for you with Allah Ta'aalaa. May Allah Ta'aalaa help you all go through these times in the way most pleasing to Him, and may the efforts of all of you brothers and sisters be accepted in ways magnified and rewarded [I]abundantly[I/] multiplied.
                  LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                  -------------------------------
                  "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                  NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
                    Br eesa the kiwi alhamdulillah, I'm well, dear brother. How are things going for you? Hope it isn't getting to you too much (OP). Trying to imagine being in your shoes and those like you who have to go through this time of year with Christian/celebrating family. :| Must be grim.

                    For years, the only thing I've had to deal with in that regard, would you believe, is cards from co-workers? Subhaanallah. Doing right in the face of all those pressures must be seeing the ajr and Rahmah pile up for you with Allah Ta'aalaa. May Allah Ta'aalaa help you all go through these times in the way most pleasing to Him, and may the efforts of all of you brothers and sisters be accepted in ways magnified and rewarded [I]abundantly[I/] multiplied.


                    thanks bro may Allah increase you in khair

                    Looking forward to the 26th lol so much drama
                    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                      :salams

                      difficult time of year for new muslims but post here and we can try support each other inshaAllah
                      What do converts do on Christmas

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Abu Jarir View Post

                        What do converts do on Christmas
                        In my case try avoid my family as much as I can
                        It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                        "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post

                          In my case try avoid my family as much as I can
                          What does your family say and what excuses do you use?

                          Must be difficult

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                          • #28
                            Even though my family are Muslim, I've faced years of pressures at this time of year. Ironically, when I was little, my brother taught me that we're Muslims so we don't celebrate Xmas, but then when we grew up, he made a point of inviting everyone round his place "just for a gathering" of roast chicken dinner with gravy followed by mince pies and lights decorating his house every 25th December- in fact it was the only day the whole year when he'd invite the whole family round every year this went on for a few years. Initially I accepted the "it's just a family gathering cos' everyone has the day off" excuse but I became increasingly uncomfortable with it, especially as he was making excuses to not mark Eid and go to work instead.

                            Things came to a head about 5 years ago when I decided that year I wouldn't go to his house on Xmas and he had the biggest hissy fit I've seen in my whole life- I'm not kidding, he went mental and we very very nearly broke ties over it, it was that bad. My mum sided with him cos' he's her only son and she sides with him no matter what so this made him even more obstinate and insistent that he was right and I was wrong- he said several very hurtful things and although we get on okay now, I see him in a different light now and will never be able to trust him the way I did before and it has changed our relationship permanently. That was the day when I realised what my choices were; that if I want to still keep ties with my family then I can never remind my brother about the deen or Quran or stuff like that; either I remind him about such things and end up losing the family members I rely on (cos' my mum will also take his side) or else we stay in touch in a cordial way but I chose to wash my hands of all responsibility for correcting his deen. He's a grown man, he's made his choices, he can live with them. The odd thing is, if I stop reminding him, he'll view that as his point of view being more "respected" when the opposite is true- I no longer care enough to aspire to seeing him better himself... I've been disappointed too many times to hope for that anymore.

                            Alhamdullilah afterwards my sister set him straight and since then he's stopped harassing me about such things and my parents stop insisting that I conform to what he wants cos' I guess that day the lines were drawn and we knew where we stood.

                            My sister is quite indifferent to Xmas even though she's not that religious. She isn't bothered if other people celebrate it so she wont lecture anyone that it's haram, but she just doesn't like to be sucked into obligations to "have to" attend Xmas events or give presents. The year after I had that row with my brother, he called her to ask what her plans were for Xmas day and she said she'd clean her flat and then watch a DVD and he exclaimed "Is that all?!" lol. The idea of someone not marking the day at all was so unthinkable for him, I laughed when she told me. Another real irony is he tells colleagues "I don't celebrate Xmas" but clearly he does. I think once he had kids of his own and their mum was just as irreligious as him so he "didn't want the kids to miss out" and got sucked into the whole commercialism of buying and decorating a tree for their living room and buying special gifts for the day. That whole thing changed him. One time I talked to him about this and he said his kids are only little and he didn't want them to feel they were missing out, at which point I reminded him that his kids are as little as I was when he told me that we're Muslims and we're not supposed to celebrate Xmas and I never got a Xmas gift from my family since. I guess being a parent changed him, which is odd cos' with most Muslims I know, even irreligious ones, once they have kids they want them to know their roots a bit more and learn to say salam and bismillah etc but with him I think it was the opposite or something.

                            I dunno why I'm ranting here, this all happened a long time ago and I'm sure brothers and sisters from non Muslim families have a worse time of it anyway. What happened to me was hurtful but at the same time I think if I'd conformed more, I'd have lost my own integrity and that would've been even more regrettable.
                            Last edited by neelu; 13-12-17, 10:09 PM.
                            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                            • #29
                              I really hate this time of year I dread it all year round
                              It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                              "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                I may have shot myself in the foot. My phone is on the way out. There was a telecom mailer on the table with a phone model similar to mine going cheap.

                                I made the comment that I might pick one up as my phone is going kaput and my mum kind of jumped on it and started asking questions

                                I saw later her list of people she was buying presents for and my name was on there with a smiley face

                                I've told my family no presents but I know already two of my sister's have got me something

                                Xmas stresses me out
                                It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                                "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

                                Comment

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