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When did your grandparents first marry?

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  • When did your grandparents first marry?

    Just a random poll. It would be interesting to know the age gap between the first marriages of our Muslim societies form two generations ago. Each person gets two options to tick since we all have two sets of grandparents.
    Feel free to share your thoughts in replies.
    5
    Less than 15
    20.00%
    1
    15-18
    20.00%
    1
    18-22
    80.00%
    4
    22-27
    40.00%
    2
    27-33
    0%
    0
    33-40
    0%
    0

  • #2
    I don't know
    Don't even know when my parents got married, do I have to?

    Lastly, I can't remember which year I got married



    I do know that both my paternal and maternal grandparents loved one another dearly. May Allah swt have mercy on them and the deceased, Ameen.

    My dadi was treated like a queen by my dada, my mum said she never saw him raise his voice with her, she died a couple of months after he passed away and seemed lost without him. During that time women had it hard and were oppressed culturally so knowing that women were loved by their spouse in the olden days is a success story.

    Nani had a hard time with her mother in law but my nana was a good sensible and generous man.

    ​​​​​Would have liked to have a chat with the grandads to get to know them more. Could have found out more about Bangladesh's history but I was too young to care or understand.

    They passed away quite young.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    • #3
      On my dads side my grandma was either 14, 15 or 16. I am not sure but she was young. I don’t know how old my grandpa was.

      on my moms side my grandma was 18 and my grandpa was 28.

      my grandpa on my dads side died before I was born but I know he was very calm and handsome. My grandma says that her sister was trying to do black magic on him to get him but it didn’t work and he ended up with my grandma. My dad says they had a very terrible relationship, even going as far to say that she was the reason for his death! In the “all her nagging killed him” kind of way. My Arab side has so much drama. I don’t know if it has any relevance to getting married very young but my dad has many complaints. I am not sure if it was about her being a teenager and immaturity because everyone was getting married at that age. Granted the other people I know who did don’t have a great relationships either so it could be observed that that created issues.

      I have talked about my other grandparents before. They had a similar dynamic of my grandpa being very calm and my grandma being more of a talker but they have a very good, loving relationship. Maybe it was because they had a 10 year age gap. 18 is still young but my grandpa was almost 30 and had his life figured out. I think that made things easier.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by aelmo View Post

        I have talked about my other grandparents before. They had a similar dynamic of my grandpa being very calm and my grandma being more of a talker but they have a very good, loving relationship. Maybe it was because they had a 10 year age gap. 18 is still young but my grandpa was almost 30 and had his life figured out. I think that made things easier.
        It could be also that your grandmother was more willing to trust your grandfather as the leader of the household. It is just my observation but the greater the age gap the more harmonious/peaceful the marriage. Not in all cases of course but usually when both man and women are good people. I personally think that even in friendships it is much easier to be friends with someone who is older or younger than you than someone who is the same age. I think the symbiotic relationship is more pronounced in such cases. But of course there are countless marriages with partners of similar ages who live beautiful lives.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by RED ICON View Post

          It could be also that your grandmother was more willing to trust your grandfather as the leader of the household. It is just my observation but the greater the age gap the more harmonious/peaceful the marriage. Not in all cases of course but usually when both man and women are good people. I personally think that even in friendships it is much easier to be friends with someone who is older or younger than you than someone who is the same age. I think the symbiotic relationship is more pronounced in such cases. But of course there are countless marriages with partners of similar ages who live beautiful lives.
          I think 10 years is a good age gap for that. my grandparents and aunt are in marriages where that is the case and they all have great marriages.

          I think at 18 my grandma was mature enough to be ready for marriage but was still too unaware about the world to be able to overpower the relationship. She relied on him because he was a lot older and knew more but my grandpa also respected her role enough to let her make decisions as well.

          If you marry someone a lot younger than you who looks up to you so much it could be very easy to manipulate and control them. I like that my grandpa didn't do that and worked to make her feel valued in their relationship instead of overpowering her.

          Likewise you might end up with someone younger who is very immature and spoiled which can definitely cause strains in the relationship. It really just depends on the people involved.

          I generally tend to think that good people who aren't so prideful can make a marriage work. It's a partnership after all so you have to work together.

          Comment


          • #6
            I think my grandmother was 14. Grandfather was much older (don't remember the exact age).

            Comment


            • #7
              The poll is set out in a weird way cos all four grandparents were of different ages and I'm not sure if the poll is asking what age they were or what the age gap was. I can only give a rough guestimate of how old they were. My nani probably got married when she was 15 and my daadi was about 14. As far as I know their husbands were in their twenties, most likely mid twenties. I don't know their specific dates of birth.
              The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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