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Pornography has ruined my life...

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  • Pornography has ruined my life...

    Salaam all,

    Please don't judge me. What I'm about to talk about is quite shocking, shameful and unforgiveable. But it has been very difficult for me to finally come and seek help for this serious problem. 20+ years of pornography and masturbation has ruined my life. When I started off I did not know any better but then over the years it became a habit and now I just cannot step out of it.

    The worst part of this is that I am married, and due to my reliance on pornography and masturbation, I cannot have normal sexual relations with my wife. My wife doesn't know about my shameful secret and I tell her I'm having trouble due to anxiety - but that is clearly not the truth.

    I know what I am doing is wrong and I want to stop doing it. However I am convinced that pornography has done a lot of mental damage to me. I have no real emotions. I try to turn to Allah SWT, by reading namaz and Quran shareef, but it doesn't affect me. I get no feeling from it, no matter how much I try. I have pornographic thoughts even whilst reading namaaz.

    In the past I have tried using filters on my PC and phone - to stop me accessing pornography, but eventually I just end up turning the filters off again when the urge gets too much. I cannot lower my gaze when I am out, even when I am with my wife.

    I read jumma prayer every Friday and try to read the odd namaaz here and there but I still feel empty. I have heard that I should cry my heart out in dua - but I can't seem to do this - I lack any form of emotion.

    I fear that my heart has been sealed - and that I am forever doomed. My eyes appear sunken and I have the look of a disgraced person. I am failing my wife by not fulfilling my obligations towards her. I feel there is no way out. I hope somebody can tell me there is a way?

    JazakAllah Khair.

  • #2
    Waalaykumassalam

    You need to seek help and counseling. You can’t fight it alone at this point.

    Look up “purify my gaze”. They are designed for people like you.

    Also look up “nofap” community for people in your situation, they can help too.

    Comment


    • #3
      I am sorry my friend - I agree with Stoic Believer, you cannot do this on your own. You need to seek either counseling or other people to help you walk through this.

      As we see these images and participate in this activity, chemicals are released in our brains, like taking drugs. And like taking drugs, our bodies and minds form an addiction.

      I am reminded of the example of Joseph, found in the Holy Bible, Genesis 39 (in the Taraut - I am paraphrasing)...it says that Joseph was “well-built and handsome”, and his master’s wife wanted to sleep with him. He replied, “how can I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?”

      One day they were all alone and she grabbed his cloak to bring him to bed. His response? He RAN. We have to run from this temptation or it will overpower us. God also says in the Injeel “Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7).

      I empathize bro...I was a slave to this sin and shame for just as many years and it affected my marriage also. But with the grace and mercy of the Almighty, you can experience freedom from the sin and shame.

      Comment


      • #4
        salam alaykum wa rahmat allah

        if you follow this steps you will improve inshaeallah
        you cannot have normal sex with your wife because your brain got used to the amount of dopamine released when watching porn.and since you watch porn for a longer amount of time than the time it takes you to have sex you will find having normal sex less appealing . you can fix this by avoiding any type of pornographic materials from videos to pictures. if you do this just for a couple of days the urges will keep getting stronger and stronger once they reach peak you can have sex with your wife .if you keep doing this your brain will get reprogramed to preferring normal sex

        if you have issues with premature ejaculation during sex you can pm me and i will give you a couple of tips wich will help you improve

        try voluntary fasting if you can either monday or thursday 3 white days of each lunar month or the fasting of daoud fasting is very good fasting is very good it brings you closer to allah it makes you will stronger it makes you appreciate food and your wife moreand it healthy for your body

        also maintain all your daily fard prayers on time in the masjid especialy fajr

        after you try this pm me with the results or any difficulties you found and inshaeallah i will help you improve

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Hamza1416 View Post

          if you follow this steps you will improve inshaeallah
          you cannot have normal sex with your wife because your brain got used to the amount of dopamine released when watching porn.and since you watch porn for a longer amount of time than the time it takes you to have sex you will find having normal sex less appealing . you can fix this by avoiding any type of pornographic materials from videos to pictures. if you do this just for a couple of days the urges will keep getting stronger and stronger once they reach peak you can have sex with your wife .if you keep doing this your brain will get reprogramed to preferring normal sex
          UKG This is good advice bro...praying you get the help you need. I say again, there is hope. 🙏🏼🤲🏼🧎🏻

          Comment


          • #6
            idk if you can still read these but,first of all whatever you do make sure your wife never finds out,it would destroy your marriage.This is a sin between you and Allah so keep it between you and Allah.Its not treason,so its ''ok'' to keep it hidden.
            Do what brother hamza said,thats excellent advise.What i would add is that even if,even if you have to masturbate and you cant endure it,then please do it without any pornographic material,even better without using your imagination at all.Just do it to get rid of the feeling,if you cant stop it.But the best thing to do is what brother hamza said.
            For the time being you can use medicine in secret (viagra) once in a while,to give your wife her rights.Dont give up.It takes time to reboot your brain.

            About your heart no your heart isnt been sealed.The fact that you came here and you care to leave this evil act and feel remorse about the sin is proof that your heart is still alive.May Allah help us all.

            Comment


            • #7
              Firstly you should know that you aren’t the only person going through this unfortunately it’s become very common under the society we live in. People have explained to you the reasons why this is happening on top of that the Ed could be caused by the fact you are used to ejaculating quickly whilst watching porn so you can’t maintain it for long enough during intercourse now. I think the other comments are correct and that you need to seek out some counselling. Personally whenever I am tempted to sin in anyway I try to have a conversation with myself tell myself Allah is watching me right now, how guilty I will feel afterwards etc, it doesn’t always work but sometimes it does. Secondly I think you need to limit the time you are alone, try to stay around your wife or other people. Have a conversation with your wife and you can stick with your story of anxiety but tell her you would like to keep trying and hopefully you can overcome it. I know you may not be successful but I think after a while your body and mind will understand what you’re doing is different to normal and you will start to be able to perform better slowly. It’s imperative you don’t break whilst you’re trying. Lastly how much you’re praying is not enough our 5 daily prayers are fardh you have to try harder to fulfill our compulsory obligations.

              Comment


              • #8
                I know its an old thread, but for other brothers and sisters suffering from the same issue, work on ways to get rid of the habits that lead you towards doing this sin, even putting more barriers between you and it, and keep yourself more busy with different obligations. If you usually get the urge when you're on your laptop in bed, stop bringing your laptop to bed, keep it in another room if you can, and always go their for work, if you always get the urge to look at it on your phone when you're on the toilet, stop taking your phone to the bathroom, if you usually specifically use a certain device, like another laptop or tablet to look at the stuff, then sell, throwaway, or destroy that device, Allah (SWT) will surely reward you something better if you do it for His sake. If you're using lotion to do it or something, get rid of it. If social media is showing you soft core porn, then delete your social media. Start working out heavily, get involved with volunteering, or a hobby, or something.

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