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Feelings - Would like advice

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  • Help! Feelings - Would like advice

    Hello and assalamualaikum.
    Something I did out of curiosity in the past has led to me having homosexual desires. Because of my upbringing and just what makes me "me", my nature - it feels wrong. I've removed the root cause, but I get these attacks of an existential crisis of sorts here and there. I don't know, coming to accept that I cannot be like this later on in life hits me hard.
    A part of me keeps feeling like I'm losing something. It could be the devil's misgivings, since I was going on a spiritual high recently and he might be wanting to drag me away. The way I deal with them usually is to make an argument against them. I have no idea what I should be telling myself when these thoughts/feelings arise, much less a concrete convincing argument. It's not necessarily lust itself (although it might start like that), nowadays it's just coming to accept that I cannot act a certain way in the future. I've never really planned realistically on acting like that in the future but yeah. Similar stuff has taken me away from the religion in the past - but I won't let that happen to myself again. I used to try motivating myself with paradise but for whatever reason that has lost its charm the last time I had a spiritual low. For now, I'm telling myself that it's because I want to be close to Allah.

    I would like advice.

    Also, if anyone has gone through something similar, what helped you?

    PS: I know the act itself is a major sin, which is why I quit.

    Any and all thoughts are appreciated.
    Keep me in your prayers.
    Last edited by Bolt; 30-06-20, 09:05 AM. Reason: Typo

  • #2
    salam alaykum wa rahmat allah
    you can try make yourself stronger by doing voluntary worship as many sunnah prayer as you can or fast every monday and tuesday 3 white days of each lunar month or the fasting of daoud i also suggest reading this book coming out straight

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Hamza1416 View Post
      salam alaykum wa rahmat allah
      you can try make yourself stronger by doing voluntary worship as many sunnah prayer as you can or fast every monday and tuesday 3 white days of each lunar month or the fasting of daoud i also suggest reading this book coming out straight
      Yeah I am working on adding more ibadah.
      When it gets cooler I'll probably do the fasts too. I'll check out that book too.
      Thanks

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      • #4
        Wa Alaykumus salaam dear brother..

        Developing desires of any sort is no real surprise. Desires will develop in all of us. And shaytan knows exactly the sorts of desires that will take us away from the path that Allah the Almighty wants us to travel on. he is a being with a lot of experience in misguiding us humans.

        It is a requirement that is part of the Shahaadah that we have taken, that our desires will be subject to the commands of Allah. This is key.

        Having desires in itself is no issue - subjecting them to the commands of Allah is what is admirable in the eyes of Allah the Almighty, and will be the source of the great rewards and the lofty ranks of Paradise, once we leave this temporary abode.
        وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمۡ ءَامِنُواْ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلنَّاسُ قَالُوٓاْ أَنُؤۡمِنُ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ*ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّهُمۡ هُمُ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ وَلَـٰكِن لَّا يَعۡلَمُونَ


        And when it is said unto them: believe as the people believe, they say: Shall we believe as the foolish believe? Beware! They indeed are the foolish? But they know not.
        Al Baqarah : Verse 13

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        • #5
          Originally posted by i.badat View Post
          Wa Alaykumus salaam dear brother..

          Developing desires of any sort is no real surprise. Desires will develop in all of us. And shaytan knows exactly the sorts of desires that will take us away from the path that Allah the Almighty wants us to travel on. he is a being with a lot of experience in misguiding us humans.
          This was reassuring to read.

          Originally posted by i.badat View Post
          It is a requirement that is part of the Shahaadah that we have taken, that our desires will be subject to the commands of Allah. This is key.

          Having desires in itself is no issue - subjecting them to the commands of Allah is what is admirable in the eyes of Allah the Almighty, and will be the source of the great rewards and the lofty ranks of Paradise, once we leave this temporary abode.
          Yeah, this is what I'm keeping in mind.

          Thanks for the reply

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          • #6
            Assess your environment, what you watch, listen to etc. and what company you keep. It's not easy and some things are hard to avoid but our environment and company have a huge impact on us. Society today is also aggressively pushing this agenda. Be honest with yourself, and admit your faults, there is no shame in that, but use them to help you figure out where you stand and how to proceed.

            In terms of your faith, imaan and feeling spiritual, seeking Jannah etc. this may sound a bit hard and extreme but try tearing those concepts down. When we focus so much on them we sometimes miss the actual process and purpose of deeds. Why do we worship? and do good? Ultimately we want good for others and ourselves and we want our Creator's happiness. Do voluntary deeds that build love for your Lord, and make that the linchpin for your everything, like an anchor. The benefits, the rewards are secondary, don't focus so much on them. And do not get attached to that 'spiritual high' you feel. When that goes or your worship is not on the same level - and that happens to us all, then what? you are building yourself up for a slump. Get used to being neutral and flat, there is absolutely nothing wrong or sinful about that. Get used to it, get used to how it feels, enjoy the spiritual highs but recognise them for what they are.

            I have found this process really purifies my intentions and gives a real taste to my worship, it's worshipping God for the sake of God.

            There is also an element of letting go, and putting your desires, dreams, passions away for a moment and submitting your will to God and pledging to do what he commands and avoid those things that bring harm to yourself and others. There is something truly liberating about that. Our desires and passions are false idols that we chase and chase, this World commands you to chase them, hurt yourself and others in the process and in the end, they are fleeting and you can waste a lifetime - very easily. There are too many examples of millionaires living hedonistic lifestyles that died alone, sick, in pain with millions hoarded, millions that are ravaged and looted by friend, family and foe once they are no longer here.

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