What would you do?

[Purplehyacinth]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
So I decided to post this seeking advice/tips on what to do in the following situation? Does anyone have any experience? Sisters only please!

A bit of background info:
I've known this friend since secondary school, so about 9/10 years now. At first we were close, good friends and never had any fall outs or arguments. We would bond over books and Islam and just chat really. Fast forward to uni days, when she started studying in another city and we didn't see each other as often. We were still close, and would send messages and also visit her house regularly at least once a week. During these visits, we would have deep conversations and I felt so connected, more than I had been with any other person in my life, especially cause we would also talk about Islam and I would feel my imaan growing. It got to the point where we would wake each other for night prayers. Long story short, I thought she was my best friend lol. Then after a bit, the night calls would cease, the messaging stopped, the visits didn't happen. I remember one phone call where I asked how she really was but she dodged the question. A little while after that she reveals that she's engaged to be married, and I thought ah! that was why we were distant. It was more of a shock when I found out a mutual friend knew before me (though she would always tell me to tell her first if I'd ever get married)?? Prior to this her behaviour was questionable, as in she would make snide remarks about why I ordered a completely different dish at a restaurant than everyone else at the table (she mentioned this twice on separate occassions). Every time we met, I'd greet her enthusiastically, but her energy just wouldn't match. We've grown distant and like strangers now, and it's hard for me to think where it all went wrong? Just recently, she messaged me asking how I was, how I'm doing, etc. and when I replied, she'd never respond to the same questions I asked her? And I know she's not so busy because she was also messaging a mutual too. I have no other conclusions other than to think she's jealous? But then again, of what? I'm a pretty private person, so I don't go on about my personal life, whereas I know a lot about hers. She may think that I don't have any problems?

There's another issue as well. She's about to leave for another city, and it's inevitable that we'd have to meet, so what do you advise? Should I attend or give it a pass? I don't think I'd like to talk to her again due to not wanting her in my life anymore.

[Flawed]

If you want my honest opinion then I'd say respect yourself first, lay some ground rules, don't go, instead text her and say what you'd say in person if she was leaving, don't go and see her. Show her she is not your priority anymore as she has other friends and chose them over you. Make it know to her that your willing to put YOURSELF over her .

[Layla_]

Wa alaykum Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

if it was me and she wanted to meet then I’d probably go let bygones be bygones and just wish her well. Especially if I’d never see her again. If she didn’t make the effort to arrange a meet up, then neither would I.

some women can drop friendships for literally no reason. I used to have a friend since like the age of 12. One day she rang me out the blue and was like ‘my uncle died and you didn’t text me, everyone else text me’. I obviously was very sympathetic but I told her I had no idea her uncle died and was really sorry I didn’t message but I didn’t know (how would I know?!!!!!!!!) then I realised that on her watsap status she’d put something like ‘rip uncle’. This was before the new watsap update so you don’t see people’s status unless you go on to their name and check and ive never done that!! After that she didn’t respond to my messages, got married, had a child etc and didn’t bother telling me. Obviously it was quite upsetting as we were close friends and she was a big part of my marriage & when my children were born etc but I just decided myself to stop making an effort, I already explained that I had no idea her uncle died & where was her husnul dhann of me anyway! Sometimes women will just drop you without an excuse and other times they have a reason but it’s not even justified

[Purplehyacinth]

If you want my honest opinion then I'd say respect yourself first, lay some ground rules, don't go, instead text her and say what you'd say in person if she was leaving, don't go and see her. Show her she is not your priority anymore as she has other friends and chose them over you. Make it know to her that your willing to put YOURSELF over her .

Yes, I thought the same, but my heart was telling me otherwise Thanks for confirming.
The only thing I forgot to mention was that it's actually a surprise party her other friends are doing and they invited me (the friend doesn't know) which would make me look bad if I do go (as she didn't ask for me to be there in the first place) as opposed to if she was the one inviting me.

[Flawed]

Yes, I thought the same, but my heart was telling me otherwise Thanks for confirming.
The only thing I forgot to mention was that it's actually a surprise party her other friends are doing and they invited me (the friend doesn't know) which would make me look bad if I do go (as she didn't ask for me to be there in the first place) as opposed to if she was the one inviting me.

I mean, imagine showing up and you wasn't even invited by the main person who was suppose to be your bestie. How would it feel? I know I'd feel embarrassed and it would prolly be a humiliating experience. Your heart is too nice you should protect it and not let users like this stamp on it. Its your responsibility to protect your heart its more precious than people like are. Save it for real friends.

If she is behaving badly then chances are she has always been like this but you just didn't figure it out back then and now she has new people and her true colours have come out.

[Purplehyacinth]

Wa alaykum Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

if it was me and she wanted to meet then I’d probably go let bygones be bygones and just wish her well. Especially if I’d never see her again. If she didn’t make the effort to arrange a meet up, then neither would I.

some women can drop friendships for literally no reason. I used to have a friend since like the age of 12. One day she rang me out the blue and was like ‘my uncle died and you didn’t text me, everyone else text me’. I obviously was very sympathetic but I told her I had no idea her uncle died and was really sorry I didn’t message but I didn’t know (how would I know?!!!!!!!!) then I realised that on her watsap status she’d put something like ‘rip uncle’. This was before the new watsap update so you don’t see people’s status unless you go on to their name and check and ive never done that!! After that she didn’t respond to my messages, got married, had a child etc and didn’t bother telling me. Obviously it was quite upsetting as we were close friends and she was a big part of my marriage & when my children were born etc but I just decided myself to stop making an effort, I already explained that I had no idea her uncle died & where was her husnul dhann of me anyway! Sometimes women will just drop you without an excuse and other times they have a reason but it’s not even justified

This also went through my head, if I would never see her again, surely I could go one last time. But honestly, I don't see her doing the same for me, and I don't think I'd like the experience anyway. I think I'll pass. Though I would've wanted some closure at least, some explanation and reason for her behaviour, but maybe there isn't one as you said. Anyway, thanks for your input sister.

Seriously This brings the saying, 'hurt people hurt people,' to mind. I get you, it feels a lot like grieving, knowing them for that long, and all those memories. Subhan Allah how things change.