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I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

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    I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

    Assalam alaykum

    All my life I have had doubts about Islam. I'm an Arabic speaker so I read and understand the Quran. I fast and I try to pray five times a day. I eat halal and avoid what Allah has forbidden. But still, I often feel isolated and disconnected from Allah. When I pray I feel empty. When I fast I question if it's for Allah completely or if there is a social aspect to it. When I don't eat haram things I ask the same question -- is it because of my dedication or is it so I don't eat haram around people?

    I often get frustrated at the religion. For example, today I was in the middle of prayer when I passed gas. Instead of repeating wudu, I got frustrated and cried. In a fit of anger I think I left Islam but instantly repented and said the shahada (I basically said to Allah that I wasn't going to pray until He showed me a sign). I repented as I said, but I waited an hour before calming down and making wudu and praying the prayer, making it late but still within the window of time. I do not have anger issues usually, and even when I do get frustrated I usually take a breath and I feel calm. But today was different. Why should I spend my entire life obeying rules and texts that I harbor doubts over? Again, I feel completely empty whenever I do acts of ibadah. Even at jum'ah I feel like the khutbahs are boring and the recitation of the Quran doesn't speak to my heart anymore. And yes, I do make dua for stronger iman and to keep Satan away from me, but these doubts continue.

    I ask Allah to comfort my heart, to show me a sign that I am on the true path. I know He exists, as it is irrational to believe this universe and all life came to existence from random chance. But I am not comfortable in knowing that Islam is the truth. Christians pray to Jesus and saints and experience miracles. Witches (Wiccans) pray to gods and nature and get what they want. I understand that witches use jinn (and possibly Christians when they pray to saints and Jesus), but how do I know Islam is the religion that the Creator intended for me?

    It is not questions I have; it is pure doubt. I'm the type of person to need evidence to believe something.

    Yes, I do recognize that the Quran is beautiful and complex, but that does not hinder my doubt. I just want one sign to happen to me to show me that Islam is the utter truth.

    I don't know what to do. I catch myself occasionally looking into different religions (hence the kufr/shirk in the title), but something at the back of my mind keeps me from making the leap, hoping that Allah will indeed show me a sign. But it hasn't happened yet.

    I hope the community here doesn't hold this post against me; I am not here to stir trouble or cause fitnah (though I know this post is a source of fitnah). I am genuinely seeking help, but the local imam isn't helpful, and from recent khutbahs I think he's really watering down the religion to just the Quran minus jihad, so I don't totally trust his advice.
    Last edited by lailahailaHuwa; 21-10-17, 08:35 PM.

    #2
    Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

    Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
    Assalam alaykum

    All my life I have had doubts about Islam. I'm an Arabic speaker so I read and understand the Quran. I fast and I try to pray five times a day. I eat halal and avoid what Allah has forbidden. But still, I often feel isolated and disconnected from Allah. When I pray I feel empty. When I fast I question if it's for Allah completely or if there is a social aspect to it. When I don't eat haram things I ask the same question -- is it because of my dedication or is it so I don't eat haram around people?

    I often get frustrated at the religion. For example, today I was in the middle of prayer when I passed gas. Instead of repeating wudu, I got frustrated and cried. In a fit of anger I think I left Islam but instantly repented and said the shahada (I basically said to Allah that I wasn't going to pray until He showed me a sign). I repented as I said, but I waited an hour before calming down and making wudu and praying the prayer, making it late but still within the window of time. I do not have anger issues usually, and even when I do get frustrated I usually take a breath and I feel calm. But today was different. Why should I spend my entire life obeying rules and texts that I harbor doubts over? Again, I feel completely empty whenever I do acts of ibadah. Even at jum'ah I feel like the khutbahs are boring and the recitation of the Quran doesn't speak to my heart anymore. And yes, I do make dua for stronger iman and to keep Satan away from me, but these doubts continue.

    I ask Allah to comfort my heart, to show me a sign that I am on the true path. I know He exists, as it is irrational to believe this universe and all life came to existence from random chance. But I am not comfortable in knowing that Islam is the truth. Christians pray to Jesus and saints and experience miracles. Witches (Wiccans) pray to gods and nature and get what they want. I understand that witches use jinn (and possibly Christians when they pray to saints and Jesus), but how do I know Islam is the religion that the Creator intended for me?

    It is not questions I have; it is pure doubt. I'm the type of person to need evidence to believe something.

    Yes, I do recognize that the Quran is beautiful and complex, but that does not hinder my doubt. I just want one sign to happen to me to show me that Islam is the utter truth.

    I don't know what to do. I catch myself occasionally looking into different religions (hence the kufr/shirk in the title), but something at the back of my mind keeps me from making the leap, hoping that Allah will indeed show me a sign. But it hasn't happened yet.

    I hope the community here doesn't hold this post against me; I am not here to stir trouble or cause fitnah (though I know this post is a source of fitnah). I am genuinely seeking help, but the local imam isn't helpful, and from recent khutbahs I think he's really watering down the religion to just the Quran minus jihad, so I don't totally trust his advice.
    Do you live in the middle east?
    When was the last time you actually say down and read the meaning of th Quran (even if you are a Arabic speaker)
    3 .what kind of sign do you want?

    Comment


      #3
      Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

      Originally posted by Cake o clock View Post
      Do you live in the middle east?
      When was the last time you actually say down and read the meaning of th Quran (even if you are a Arabic speaker)
      3 .what kind of sign do you want?
      Nope, I live in the West (obviously has an impact).
      I last read the meaning about 6 months ago, but I look up meanings of the verses/chapters I'm reading from time to time
      I don't want the impossible, like an animal dying and then being resurrected (as He gave Abraham, for example). I just want something like making dua for the heavy rain to stop and it stops immediately, or asking for healing and feeling healed almost immediately. I know how selfish I sound, but I really just need something that is obvious.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

        Is what you are asking for realistic?

        As far as I know, we are brought on to this planet - our understanding and knowledge of what happened before this current life is wiped (i.e. our souls were not created when our physical bodies were). And that is the purpose of the life on this planet. It is just a series of moments. God could make Himself apparent, and send down Angels and everyone would believe, that is easy for God, but would defeat the whole purpose of this passage of time (life on Earth). I think you need to understand the wisdom behind why we are here, what lead to this, the consequences of our actions - good and bad.

        Those that were alive during the time of Moses, Jesus, Muhammad (peace be upon them all) witnessed miracles - but the penalty for those that witnessed these miracles and turned their backs or continued to be disobedient is going to be very harsh. And that is something I don't think many people appreciate.

        We are meant to be living in the time we are in - there is wisdom behind it and it is up to us to dig a bit, contemplate, try to understand and that requires effort, reflection, seclusion etc.

        I think what you are going through should lead to a real sense of questioning and questioning yourself too. I have been through different phases like this, and for me, they are healthy and always take me to a higher plain I feel. It is on you to make something of this situation. However I would question your mind-set, and that is not a dig.

        If I am going through a period where I feel my practices and devotions have stalled, I will slow down - do less, but put more thought and effort into them. It has to be a conscious effort, whereas you kind of seem a bit knee-jerk. Control your emotions, don't let your emotions dictate how you feel about this issue as you will have no real control on your journey. Fasting is meant to teach us discipline, as an example, it is not just not eating. If we fast wholly, we will watch what we eat, drink, what we say, the company we keep - you get out what you put in. And you can receive inspiration and a real high of imaan doing this. A person who misses that will just think - I just went without food and drink. That is fine of course, but the person who put that much more effort in will get that much more out.

        I would say take some time out, change your routine, freshen things up. Take your time with certain things, reflect, think, process.

        Again I think its healthy to go through these moments of self-reflection.

        There are real things however that will help you.

        Sitting with someone that has a grounding in Islam - i.e. a scholar - this will super-charge your imaan.

        Prostration to Allah (SWT). Some believe you can prostrate even without being in a state of wudhu, not sure which madhab you follow - but for me, this always helps.

        Man is the closest he can be to Allah (SWT) when he is in prostration.

        There are steps you can take and you will see signs for yourself - you won't even need to see the things you mentioned - people can see those things and still turn their backs and of course God knows this and there is a wisdom in it.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

          Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
          Assalam alaykum

          All my life I have had doubts about Islam. I'm an Arabic speaker so I read and understand the Quran. I fast and I try to pray five times a day. I eat halal and avoid what Allah has forbidden. But still, I often feel isolated and disconnected from Allah. When I pray I feel empty. When I fast I question if it's for Allah completely or if there is a social aspect to it. When I don't eat haram things I ask the same question -- is it because of my dedication or is it so I don't eat haram around people?

          I often get frustrated at the religion. For example, today I was in the middle of prayer when I passed gas. Instead of repeating wudu, I got frustrated and cried. In a fit of anger I think I left Islam but instantly repented and said the shahada (I basically said to Allah that I wasn't going to pray until He showed me a sign). I repented as I said, but I waited an hour before calming down and making wudu and praying the prayer, making it late but still within the window of time. I do not have anger issues usually, and even when I do get frustrated I usually take a breath and I feel calm. But today was different. Why should I spend my entire life obeying rules and texts that I harbor doubts over? Again, I feel completely empty whenever I do acts of ibadah. Even at jum'ah I feel like the khutbahs are boring and the recitation of the Quran doesn't speak to my heart anymore. And yes, I do make dua for stronger iman and to keep Satan away from me, but these doubts continue.

          I ask Allah to comfort my heart, to show me a sign that I am on the true path. I know He exists, as it is irrational to believe this universe and all life came to existence from random chance. But I am not comfortable in knowing that Islam is the truth. Christians pray to Jesus and saints and experience miracles. Witches (Wiccans) pray to gods and nature and get what they want. I understand that witches use jinn (and possibly Christians when they pray to saints and Jesus), but how do I know Islam is the religion that the Creator intended for me?

          It is not questions I have; it is pure doubt. I'm the type of person to need evidence to believe something.

          Yes, I do recognize that the Quran is beautiful and complex, but that does not hinder my doubt. I just want one sign to happen to me to show me that Islam is the utter truth.

          I don't know what to do. I catch myself occasionally looking into different religions (hence the kufr/shirk in the title), but something at the back of my mind keeps me from making the leap, hoping that Allah will indeed show me a sign. But it hasn't happened yet.

          I hope the community here doesn't hold this post against me; I am not here to stir trouble or cause fitnah (though I know this post is a source of fitnah). I am genuinely seeking help, but the local imam isn't helpful, and from recent khutbahs I think he's really watering down the religion to just the Quran minus jihad, so I don't totally trust his advice.


          First, you need to get out of the mindset of always look for something empirical in order to validate its existence. Even scientists and top research believe in unseen phenomena. For an example Brian Greene believes in Parallel universes. This is unseen and he cant empirically prove it. Its purely based on mathematics which itself is abstract.

          Now coming to Islam being the truth, think of this. You have a man (Prophet Muhammed Sallalahu Alayhi Wassallam) who lived in a desert and was given revelation. His revelation united the people of Arabia who were in constant warring against each other (Clan warfare) and then they defeated the Persian Empire in the 7th century then went on take lands away from the Byzantine empire, then eventually conquered the Byzantines in the 14th century.

          One only needs to ponder this. There is NO MAN in the history of mankind who preached with the littlest of means and gave rise to empires, and a faith adhered by over a quarter of the world's population. Second, if you don't think Islam is the truth...then why on earth would a man like the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) spread false hood? And don't you think the earliest adherents would have been skeptical of Islam? There is literally NO BENEFIT for them to accept it, during their time, unless they believed he was truly a prophet sent by Allah (swt). People back then were't stupid.

          So if you don't think this is enough proof of heavenly guidance and revelation then you need to really sit down and ponder about the history of Islam.

          I don't think many people understand the magnitude of the difficulty for some to spread a religion, and ensure it survives through the ages unless it is being guarded by Allah (swt). But sadly people don't ponder much these days.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

            so you are on the verge of becoming a pagan ?

            not a jew or a christian ?

            those who preach the latter will be disappointed
            "arm yourself with knowledge and laugh at the accusers"
            me - 2017

            Comment


              #7
              Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

              Originally posted by Azraael View Post
              First, you need to get out of the mindset of always look for something empirical in order to validate its existence. Even scientists and top research believe in unseen phenomena. For an example Brian Greene believes in Parallel universes. This is unseen and he cant empirically prove it. Its purely based on mathematics which itself is abstract.

              Now coming to Islam being the truth, think of this. You have a man (Prophet Muhammed Sallalahu Alayhi Wassallam) who lived in a desert and was given revelation. His revelation united the people of Arabia who were in constant warring against each other (Clan warfare) and then they defeated the Persian Empire in the 7th century then went on take lands away from the Byzantine empire, then eventually conquered the Byzantines in the 14th century.

              One only needs to ponder this. There is NO MAN in the history of mankind who preached with the littlest of means and gave rise to empires, and a faith adhered by over a quarter of the world's population. Second, if you don't think Islam is the truth...then why on earth would a man like the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) spread false hood? And don't you think the earliest adherents would have been skeptical of Islam? There is literally NO BENEFIT for them to accept it, during their time, unless they believed he was truly a prophet sent by Allah (swt). People back then were't stupid.

              So if you don't think this is enough proof of heavenly guidance and revelation then you need to really sit down and ponder about the history of Islam.

              I don't think many people understand the magnitude of the difficulty for some to spread a religion, and ensure it survives through the ages unless it is being guarded by Allah (swt). But sadly people don't ponder much these days.
              Christianity is the largest religion in the world and has survived two thousand years, yet we believe the entire religion is false. One man, Paul, started everything: the divinity of Christ, the crucifixion as being the sole means of salvation, the elimination of Moses's law. All of these acts are clearly unIslamic and false, yet the religion persists.

              I am not arguing with you, but that statement (how a man preaching a religion that opposed pretty much everything the pagans did could spread rapidly and continue for 1400 years) brought peace to my heart for a while, but then I remembered Christianity's similar story. Even Buddhism and Hinduism are major religions, yet are steeped in shirk.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                Originally posted by magok View Post
                so you are on the verge of becoming a pagan ?

                not a jew or a christian ?

                those who preach the latter will be disappointed
                I don't know. Christianity is paganistic due to the divinity of a man and the appropriation of pagan holidays into the religion. Yes, they're people of the Book, yet no doubt have deviated into shirk. Judaism doesn't accept converts, yet they've bastardized their religion to the point that believing in God doesn't matter. I know a Jewish man who's gay, doesn't observe kosher, doesn't care about holidays, and yet observes the Sabbath, and that's all fine to them. Clearly not the religion of God.

                Believing in a creator and praying to Him makes sense to me, but it's still kufr if it's not Islam.

                My feelings are confused, clearly.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                  Originally posted by AX1300 View Post
                  Is what you are asking for realistic?

                  As far as I know, we are brought on to this planet - our understanding and knowledge of what happened before this current life is wiped (i.e. our souls were not created when our physical bodies were). And that is the purpose of the life on this planet. It is just a series of moments. God could make Himself apparent, and send down Angels and everyone would believe, that is easy for God, but would defeat the whole purpose of this passage of time (life on Earth). I think you need to understand the wisdom behind why we are here, what lead to this, the consequences of our actions - good and bad.

                  Those that were alive during the time of Moses, Jesus, Muhammad (peace be upon them all) witnessed miracles - but the penalty for those that witnessed these miracles and turned their backs or continued to be disobedient is going to be very harsh. And that is something I don't think many people appreciate.

                  We are meant to be living in the time we are in - there is wisdom behind it and it is up to us to dig a bit, contemplate, try to understand and that requires effort, reflection, seclusion etc.
                  I understand that seeing a sign would mean dire consequences if I turn my back. But at this rate, I fear that I'll die a kafir because I never get a sign, and I end up in juhannam. I don't know, I'd rather see clear evidence and have the chance to become the best Muslim I could possibly be than to never have that chance and end up leaving.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                    Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
                    Christianity is the largest religion in the world and has survived two thousand years, yet we believe the entire religion is false. One man, Paul, started everything: the divinity of Christ, the crucifixion as being the sole means of salvation, the elimination of Moses's law. All of these acts are clearly unIslamic and false, yet the religion persists.

                    I am not arguing with you, but that statement (how a man preaching a religion that opposed pretty much everything the pagans did could spread rapidly and continue for 1400 years) brought peace to my heart for a while, but then I remembered Christianity's similar story. Even Buddhism and Hinduism are major religions, yet are steeped in shirk.
                    Of course because Christianity was for a time practiced properly. It's spreading occurred during the Roman era before it split into east and west Roman empire.

                    Also I would argue the religion doesn't really "exist" anymore in the sense that today it's been reduced down to just an identity and most European countries are atheist today. Christianity is on the decline while islam is still growing.

                    As for Buddhism it is practiced mainly in east Asia and part of south Asia. As for Hinduism...there is a big misconception about it. There is not one religion called hinduism. That term was coined by the British who basically joined up all the local religions into one. Differs t parts of India worship a different deity. Hinduism is exclusively restricted to an ethnic background and is mainly restricted in South Asia. It was almost wiped out when the Mughals ruled there.

                    Point Is, you have to look at the future trends and most sources will say Islam is going to bypass all religions.

                    And going back to Christianity there is no way to trace back the teachings in Christianity to Isa (AS). Also Paul didn't preach the religion that was Isa(AS) all he did was propagate what was already there and put his own spin on it. Not even close to what our Prophet Muhammad (Alahi wassalam) achieved so your argument doesn't work here.
                    Last edited by Azraael; 22-10-17, 02:22 PM.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                      Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                      Of course because Christianity was for a time practiced properly. It's spreading occurred during the Roman era before it split into east and west Roman empire.

                      Also I would argue the religion doesn't really "exist" anymore in the sense that today it's been reduced down to just an identity and most European countries are atheist today. Christianity is on the decline while islam is still growing.

                      As for Buddhism it is practiced mainly in east Asia and part of south Asia. As for Hinduism...there is a big misconception about it. There is not one religion called hinduism. That term was coined by the British who basically joined up all the local religions into one. Differs t parts of India worship a different deity. Hinduism is exclusively restricted to an ethnic background and is mainly restricted in South Asia. It was almost wiped out when the Mughals ruled there.

                      Point Is, you have to look at the future trends and most sources will say Islam is going to bypass all religions.
                      The reason Islam is growing quickly is because the birth rate in Muslim countries is so high, not because many convert.

                      And living in the West has opened my eyes to the fact that many Muslims are like Christians in that Islam is just a label. I know a Muslim who drinks and tells everyone that it's halal. I know Muslims who don't pray at all and believe prayer isn't compulsory. Muslims who avoid pork but embrace ever other haram in life and still maintain that their abstinence from pork is what makes them a good Muslim. Many practice sihr and believe it's halal. Many commit kufr on a daily basis. But if you ask them if they're Muslim, they'll say yes.

                      Again, I dislike that I'm arguing with you, but all of these arguments brought me peace until I realized the ugly truth: just because someone says they're Muslim doesn't mean they are.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                        Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
                        The reason Islam is growing quickly is because the birth rate in Muslim countries is so high, not because many convert.

                        And living in the West has opened my eyes to the fact that many Muslims are like Christians in that Islam is just a label. I know a Muslim who drinks and tells everyone that it's halal. I know Muslims who don't pray at all and believe prayer isn't compulsory. Muslims who avoid pork but embrace ever other haram in life and still maintain that their abstinence from pork is what makes them a good Muslim. Many practice sihr and believe it's halal. Many commit kufr on a daily basis. But if you ask them if they're Muslim, they'll say yes.

                        Again, I dislike that I'm arguing with you, but all of these arguments brought me peace until I realized the ugly truth: just because someone says they're Muslim doesn't mean they are.
                        That is true birth rates are high among Muslims. However conversion is also a factor as well relative to itself the conversion RATES have gone up. Look at pre and post 9/11.

                        Second, you do realize the Muslim population in the West account for possible 1-2% of the world wide Muslim ummah.

                        Third regarding the ugly truth about Muslims who drink and do all kinds of haram. What you're telling me is that your faith in your religion rests on the action of others rather than the religious teachings themselves. I do admit those Muslims are a problem however that shouldn't affect your imaan. Also it's human nature to remember negative experiences over good experiences.

                        If you're seeing the prevalence of Muslims that drink and eat pork etc I would question who you're spending time with. Perhaps you should seek out the company of adhering Muslims?

                        I still don't understand the root cause of your problem...
                        Also purpose of Islam isn't to bring you "peace" in the sense of "it makes me feel good" but rather open your eyes to the reality of existence and be aware that you are required to obey Allah(swt) and his messenger. Doesn't matter what other people are doing, you won't be held accountable for their actions.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                          Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                          That is true birth rates are high among Muslims. However conversion is also a factor as well relative to itself the conversion RATES have gone up. Look at pre and post 9/11.

                          Second, you do realize the Muslim population in the West account for possible 1-2% of the world wide Muslim ummah.

                          Third regarding the ugly truth about Muslims who drink and do all kinds of haram. What you're telling me is that your faith in your religion rests on the action of others rather than the religious teachings themselves. I do admit those Muslims are a problem however that shouldn't affect your imaan. Also it's human nature to remember negative experiences over good experiences.

                          If you're seeing the prevalence of Muslims that drink and eat pork etc I would question who you're spending time with. Perhaps you should seek out the company of adhering Muslims?

                          I still don't understand the root cause of your problem...
                          Also purpose of Islam isn't to bring you "peace" in the sense of "it makes me feel good" but rather open your eyes to the reality of existence and be aware that you are required to obey Allah(swt) and his messenger. Doesn't matter what other people are doing, you won't be held accountable for their actions.
                          No, the actions of Muslims don't affect me. I meant that though many would label themselves as Muslims, they are not. This means that some part of the population that reports being Muslim isn't actually Muslim. And many of those who deny that prayer is compulsory and claim that alcohol is halal are from the Middle East, like many of the people I know who live in the ME commit kufr.

                          I completely disregard the actions of people when it comes to religion because they do not represent the religion itself.

                          And I did not mean to say that I obey Allah for "peace." I meant I used to feel a peace in being sure that this is the true religion. My dua and acts of ibada felt amazing. Even on those low days where I felt even making dua was too much, I still remembered that I must worship Allah no matter what and that motivated me to get out of bed. Now I get out of bed "in case," but I've lost that motivation and that spark.

                          The truth is, I have no idea where this doubt is coming from, either. That's why I made this post. That's why I'm frustrated. That's why whenever I go to do basic and "extra" acts of ibadah (fasting extra days, offering extra prayers, etc), I feel empty and think "what's the point if my iman is shaky?" I have been in a depressive state about this for a long time. And whenever I reach out to Muslims, I'm told to read the Quran and make dua and they tell me to look around me for the existence of God.. May Allah give those Muslims al-firdous for their efforts, but my problem isn't not understanding the Quran, or not believing in God, or not making dua.

                          I know I must be frustrating you, but I frustrate myself, too. Thank you for putting up with me.
                          Last edited by lailahailaHuwa; 22-10-17, 04:29 PM.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                            Wa ‘Alaykum Al-Salam,

                            Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
                            I just want something like making dua for the heavy rain to stop and it stops immediately, or asking for healing and feeling healed almost immediately. I know how selfish I sound, but I really just need something that is obvious.
                            The truth of Islam depends on the prophethood of Muhammed ﷺ. And his prophethood can be proven by way of a miracle, such that if you know he ﷺ was aided by a miracle, you know that he ﷺ is a true prophet. You do not need to witness this miracle first hand in order to know about its occurrence, since sense perception is not the only way to knowledge. Mass transmission is also a perfectly fine way to acquiring knowledge.

                            Read this here. You can skip to sections 4 and 5 if you want. Some of the comments below the OP are also relevant.

                            Since you said you understand Arabic here’s some more material that I think will help you out:
                            1. https://youtu.be/_SL5NRMOu8Q - this is the first of a three part series discussing the single topic of mass transmission, and showing how it is a reliable way of knowledge. i recommend going through all three videos.
                            2. https://youtu.be/7lo2ywt78zg - this is a single video discussing the topic of miracles. Goes through a lot of detail, so it should be helpful. I'm assuming there will be a continuation to that talk on miracles, though I'm not sure.

                            The same channel uploads discussions once every month or so, and they have some good material on various other topics. I can link you to more advanced lectures, even entire courses, if you want. There is a lot that is available online which is freely accessible to an Arabic speaker.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: I'm on the verge of shirk/kufr, and I need a sign

                              Originally posted by karkooshy View Post
                              Wa ‘Alaykum Al-Salam,



                              The truth of Islam depends on the prophethood of Muhammed ﷺ. And his prophethood can be proven by way of a miracle, such that if you know he ﷺ was aided by a miracle, you know that he ﷺ is a true prophet. You do not need to witness this miracle first hand in order to know about its occurrence, since sense perception is not the only way to knowledge. Mass transmission is also a perfectly fine way to acquiring knowledge.

                              Read this here. You can skip to sections 4 and 5 if you want. Some of the comments below the OP are also relevant.

                              Since you said you understand Arabic here’s some more material that I think will help you out:
                              1. https://youtu.be/_SL5NRMOu8Q - this is the first of a three part series discussing the single topic of mass transmission, and showing how it is a reliable way of knowledge. i recommend going through all three videos.
                              2. https://youtu.be/7lo2ywt78zg - this is a single video discussing the topic of miracles. Goes through a lot of detail, so it should be helpful. I'm assuming there will be a continuation to that talk on miracles, though I'm not sure.

                              The same channel uploads discussions once every month or so, and they have some good material on various other topics. I can link you to more advanced lectures, even entire courses, if you want. There is a lot that is available online which is freely accessible to an Arabic speaker.
                              I've seen these before. I've been trying to find comfort for a long time. Many other people throughout history have claimed miracles and there are mass transmissions about them, but Muslims always say they experienced those because of jinn, insanity, or Allah misguiding them. The Christians claim Jesus died and was resurrected and there's mass transmission of that, does that make it true? According to Islam, no. But I also acknowledge Muhammad's salAllah alayhi w salam performed miracles and that witnesses were there.

                              I don't know what I want/need. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I just want something to assure my heart. As discussed above, Allah showed the Bani Israel many signs and showed the sahaba ra many signs which confirmed the truth. That is all I want: to witness a sign. Sure reading about signs supports the claim, but it can never compare to actually witnessing a sign.

                              I'm terrified of dying this way. That even if I hold on to Islamic commandments I'll never have true faith, rendering everything I've done null. The thought of this increases my anger/frustration. I don't want to pray and fast and avoid alcohol and music and free mixing if I know that my heart is not firm and that my deeds could all be erased because of it. It is not my desire for earthly pleasure that makes me deviate, but the emptiness and lack of khushu does. It makes me feel that I'm doing these actions to no avail, like if you cooked a difficult dish everyday with exact ingredients and it took up all your time, knowing that at the end you're not going to taste it and just through it away. What's the point if you're not enjoying it? At the same time, I don't want to stop and find out after it's too late that I was wrong. But that leads me back to the original dilemma: if I am not true in faith, then I am going to Hell anyway.

                              I will gladly maintain my lifestyle if I know that I am absolutely on the truth. But after studying Islam for a few years (sure I'm no scholar, but I spent at least 3 hours every day reading Quran and sunnah and asking questions and listening to lectures, and I continue to do so), I feel that I know too much about the religion for anything to be new to convince me.

                              I am in a state where I know there's no reason for me to reject Islam, and yet I am unable to embrace with all my heart.

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