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Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

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    Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Salaam everyone.

    I was in talks with a brother... American national, Arab background. I'm British, Pakistani background.
    He is 7 years older and divorced... fine. He lives abroad in Saudi Arabia for work and has options to travel/live in America/Saudi for work too.

    All my family are here and to up stakes and move to a land I know nothing of or no one about was giving me anxiety. I mean, what if he turned out to be someone I thought he wasn't? Where would I go? I think I'd have been more open if he was in London for a bit then deciding where to move came up. He wanted to move to America next year. I explained that I'm shy and introverted. In the end he did sound a bit aggressive when I said I can't see myself moving abroad.

    Now, I am thinking did I make the right choice? Have I made a mistake? Loads of people move abroad for marriage. However in this case he is already abroad. I feel so crap! This marriage lark is hard.

    #2
    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Bump

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      #3
      Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

      If in doubt, the answer is there.

      I'd say don't do it especially when your family haven't met him.

      Too risky.

      Move on to the next one. Follow your gut instincts and if necessary pray isthikaara.
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

      Comment


        #4
        Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

        You should prioritize local candidates imo.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

          Originally posted by IGetScared View Post
          Salaam everyone.

          I was in talks with a brother... American national, Arab background. I'm British, Pakistani background.
          He is 7 years older and divorced... fine. He lives abroad in Saudi Arabia for work and has options to travel/live in America/Saudi for work too.

          All my family are here and to up stakes and move to a land I know nothing of or no one about was giving me anxiety. I mean, what if he turned out to be someone I thought he wasn't? Where would I go? I think I'd have been more open if he was in London for a bit then deciding where to move came up. He wanted to move to America next year. I explained that I'm shy and introverted. In the end he did sound a bit aggressive when I said I can't see myself moving abroad.

          Now, I am thinking did I make the right choice? Have I made a mistake? Loads of people move abroad for marriage. However in this case he is already abroad. I feel so crap! This marriage lark is hard.
          The good thing about moving to US from UK is you speak English, so it shouldn’t be difficult get around or meet people. However, have you visited here before? If you haven’t, that might be a bit iffy, in that you might not like it. I wouldn’t personally move somewhere without visiting first. The other thing is you don’t know him well, and you won’t have your family close for difficult times, such as pregnancy and raising your children. Realistically, how often can he afford to visit family? That’s a big question. Living in different countries means you will not see your family, maybe once or twice a year. I would think really hard about this decision. He might turn out to be great, but can you be without your family? Maybe see what you can do about compromising on location, if it’s possible. If not, I can only say what I would do, and unless it’s to make hijra, I would have to decline.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

            :wswrwb:

            Why are you in talks with a brother overseas when you are having anxiety about moving there? Best to look in London since you're more open to it, as you said.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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              #7
              Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

              Originally posted by IGetScared View Post
              Salaam everyone.

              I was in talks with a brother... American national, Arab background. I'm British, Pakistani background.
              He is 7 years older and divorced... fine. He lives abroad in Saudi Arabia for work and has options to travel/live in America/Saudi for work too.

              All my family are here and to up stakes and move to a land I know nothing of or no one about was giving me anxiety. I mean, what if he turned out to be someone I thought he wasn't? Where would I go? I think I'd have been more open if he was in London for a bit then deciding where to move came up. He wanted to move to America next year. I explained that I'm shy and introverted. In the end he did sound a bit aggressive when I said I can't see myself moving abroad.

              Now, I am thinking did I make the right choice? Have I made a mistake? Loads of people move abroad for marriage. However in this case he is already abroad. I feel so crap! This marriage lark is hard.
              Just to add on with some of the good advice already provided, you must keep in mind the cultural clashes that may occur. You are a British Pakistani and he is an American Arab. Both of you have a mix of back-home/adopted-country backgrounds. However, these backgrounds are completely different between you two (Arab/Pakistani). Before you even consider the marriage, you need to vet the situation itself and understand the differences between Pakistani/Arab culture, etc.

              I personally think you may be in for quite a culture shock, especially if this person follows his Arab culture strongly (which is in stark contrast to how South Asians behave) and you hold on to yours strongly too.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                Waalaikumussalam,
                Do you know why he divorced ?

                First question you need to clarify,clear and confirm before proceeding

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                **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

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                  #9
                  Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                  I think stepping foot in America is a huge mistake.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                    Originally posted by Poster View Post
                    I think stepping foot in America is a huge mistake.
                    ++1
                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                      If someone has been divorced speak to their ex to find out how they are as youl never know someone truely until you live with them

                      Obviously if the ex just bad mouths the potential then u know not to listen to them

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                        Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                        If someone has been divorced speak to their ex to find out how they are as youl never know someone truely until you live with them

                        Obviously if the ex just bad mouths the potential then u know not to listen to them
                        But what if the ex is telling the truth?

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                          Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
                          But what if the ex is telling the truth?
                          Then u should run

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                            But theres a difference between

                            This persom is the worst they did this wrong they are rubbish at this they do this and this and that

                            Compared to
                            She or he is a good person just didnt get along due to this this and that

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

                              Just always do ur research

                              Some sahaba would hide behind trees and look at the potentials

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