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    #16
    Re: I hate being married

    Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
    Why are my tags funny? Given what the OP asked for.
    It's a kid and has nothing to offer here so can happily be ignored.

    Comment


      #17
      Re: I hate being married

      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
      It's a kid and has nothing to offer here so can happily be ignored.
      Who is a kid, the OP? They're married - I don't understand you.

      Comment


        #18
        Re: I hate being married

        Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
        Who is a kid, the OP? They're married - I don't understand you.
        I was referring to the person that you were replying too. The one with the laughing fit.

        I'm very easy to understand.

        Comment


          #19
          Re: I hate being married

          Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
          I was referring to the person that you were replying too. The one with the laughing fit.

          I'm very easy to understand.
          Oh.

          Thank you for explaining.

          Comment


            #20
            Re: I hate being married

            Sad to see and hear of all these accounts of people suffering in their marriages. Makes you wonder how many of the people you see in the masjid and just about in general are actually engaged in this type of thing towards their spouses.

            We won't do these things to anyone else but someone that's meant to be the closest and who is owed the best treatment, we think it's alright to abuse and and inflict pain on them like this.

            Really... What causes a Muslim man to Punch their wife at all, let alone punch them in the face with a suspected broken nose. Anger issues? Well, how many other people did you have the courage to punch in the face like that because they made you angry?

            I don't know... I can understand maybe, someone with anger issues shoving their wife, grabbing them roughly, or something similar, if they've had a serious argument or the wife was really provoking them, but punching the face and repeatedly attacking them? That's not anger issues... that's something else.

            Edit:
            Who knows, maybe those of looking in on these situations might ourselves turn into different people (for the worse) once married, (Allah Ta'aalaa protect us), given how unique that relationship is in terms of closeness and the kind of power to psychologically and emotionally influence we might have... It's still very, very hard to see how we can be doing these types of things as Muslims.
            Last edited by Fakhri; 15-10-17, 07:28 AM.
            LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
            -------------------------------
            "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
            NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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              #21
              Re: I hate being married

              Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
              Sad to see and hear of all these accounts of people suffering in their marriages. Makes you wonder how many of the people you see in the masjid and just about in general are actually engaged in this type of thing towards their spouses.

              We won't do these things to anyone else but someone that's meant to be the closest and who is owed the best treatment, we think it's alright to abuse and and inflict pain on them like this.

              Really... What causes a Muslim man to Punch their wife at all, let alone punch them in the face with a suspected broken nose. Anger issues? Well, how many other people did you have the courage to punch in the face like that because they made you angry?

              I don't know... I can understand maybe, someone with anger issues shoving their wife, grabbing them roughly, or something similar, if they've had a serious argument or the wife was really provoking them, but punching the face and repeatedly attacking them? That's not anger issues... that's something else.

              Edit:
              Who knows, maybe those of looking in on these situations might ourselves turn into different people (for the worse) once married, (Allah Ta'aalaa protect us), given how unique that relationship is in terms of closeness and the kind of power to psychologically and emotionally influence we might have... It's still very, very hard to see how we can be doing these types of things as Muslims.
              :salams

              I've come across two causes professionally. A personality disorder with one individual and another had a very henpecked upbringing, a polarised view of females (you're viewed as either an angel and you're put on a pedestal or you're like the overbearing, critical females he grew up with), and once the unrealistic expectations of the wife fall away, then he relates to her like his overbearing, critical mother and seeks to dominate his wife as now he has the power to do that where as growing up, he didnt.

              So in the second scenario, the husband did not have a healthy outlet for his anger/frustration and became resentful so when he comes across vulnerability in a female (his wife) he resents, he will take out all that history on her.

              As I say, those are the two examples I've come across while in my uni placement along side a therapist. There are other causes as well though.
              Last edited by Rifqah; 15-10-17, 07:53 AM.

              Comment


                #22
                Re: I hate being married

                Originally posted by regretmarried View Post
                Assalamulaikum sisters. id prefer advice from the admins or married/divorced muslims only, please.

                I've been married going on one year, husband is a narcissist by every definition of the word. abusive both mentally and physically. will curse me with the most vile words and curses for no reason at all and then act sweet two hours later like nothing happened, without an apology, and expects me to reply with affection like i havent just been insulted or hit. I love him and have grown close to him during his short happy moods, but I am at the end of my rope with his immaturity and pettiness and explosive anger. when he shoves me it takes all my strength not to physically fight him back, and i only do that because i do love him. lately I disobey every order because his petty, controlling commands are ridiculous and i just cant take it anymore. like which fingers i'm allowed to eat with, when and what im allowed to eat or drink but of course he can eat or drink whatever he likes, or not being allowed to have any friends or speak to anyone without permission. ever. i cant even answer my own phone that i pay for and he checks my call logs. he also takes my salary to use and doesnt allow me to spend my money without permission. no reason or explanation if i complain i get insulted until i shut up. so i am alone and not even allowed to shop without him because he is jealous of both male and female shop employees and doesnt want me speaking to anyone except him or buying myself food he doesnt approve of. if he gets angry about anything he ignores me for days sometimes weeks, not one single word just walks past without eye contact, even if its not my fault. this marriage is destroying my iman and my respect for him is completely gone. and yes he pretended to be religious before marriage, but he isnt at all. fooled me and wali, who was an unrelated sheikh because i have no family. i wont go into more detail to avoid more backbiting. im not sure i want a divorce but at the same time i wish i had never married him. i doubt that he is ever going to mature and even if he does, i dont have the patience to wait 10 or 20 years for him to grow up. im miserable now. when i ask for marriage therapy i get another rage fit and episode of being ignored. i dont want to fight i just want him to be normal and have a normal marriage but hes so emotional that each day is like torture just not knowing what to expect from him im always afraid to even breathe around him. sometimes im hopeful that he will change and care about me like he did in the beginning and other times i just want to run away and never come back. really i regret getting married.
                If what you have said is true, then you married the wrong person.

                Hating on marriage itself isn't the solution, choosing a righteous muslim husband is.

                What petty commands?

                Your can't fight back and expect no response, don't compound the situation, you need to resolve it.

                If you two can't do it by sitting down and speaking in a civilized manner, then you need to get the walis involved, meaning yours and his parents.

                Did you base your Imaan on your marriage or did you accept Islam because it is the Haqq?

                If is the former, then you need to fix those serious deffieiencies in your Imaan,

                If is the latter, then no marriage, family breakdown or anything LSE can destroy your Imaan

                You say you love him, can you tell us how you met him and hit married?
                http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                Comment


                  #23
                  Re: I hate being married

                  salaams to all

                  theres always two sides to every story
                  currently, we only have your side.

                  if what u are saying is 100% true, then u need to get someone senior, knowledgeable & PIOUS to mediate before things get worse
                  or u will have to separate from him.

                  i hope u are not leaving out anything u do or say that would make his actions more understandable(but not justifiable).

                  i hope u are regular with your salaah
                  sometimes those who neglect their salaah due to laziness or chasing money, get punished by Allah ta'ala in different ways.


                  and Allah ta'ala knows best
                  jazakallah
                  Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                  very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Re: I hate being married

                    Assulamu aalaikam wrt brk,

                    My dear sister, very sorry to hear about your situation. May Allah swt grant you strength to get through this period in your life and reward you for your sabr, ameen.

                    How did it get to this situation ? Was he always like this ? Or is there a trigger that upsets him and causes him to act in such a awful and unacceptable behaviour ?

                    There has to be a root cause here ?

                    This is not good for you and not fair you should live in these conditions with someone who is behaing like this.

                    Does your husband realise the pain he is causing you ? Have you spoken to him about this and how seriously it is impacting you ?
                    Have you spoken to anyone that can speak with your husband to understand what, if any, what the issue is ?
                    a
                    Sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling, that you love him and want your marriage to be a success, but his behaviour is scary and unhealthy and has to be addressed. This is not the way for a Muslim to behave.
                    If that doesnt work and as this has been going on for a while, please speak to a senior member of the family to try and address this.
                    Remeber this is also a test for both of you and there will be some Khair from this.

                    I pray that this issue is resolved in the best possible way - Ameen.
                    Coffe and a slice of your finest cake :-)

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Re: I hate being married

                      Originally posted by regretmarried View Post
                      Assalamulaikum sisters. id prefer advice from the admins or married/divorced muslims only, please.

                      I've been married going on one year, husband is a narcissist by every definition of the word. abusive both mentally and physically. will curse me with the most vile words and curses for no reason at all and then act sweet two hours later like nothing happened, without an apology, and expects me to reply with affection like i havent just been insulted or hit. I love him and have grown close to him during his short happy moods, but I am at the end of my rope with his immaturity and pettiness and explosive anger. when he shoves me it takes all my strength not to physically fight him back, and i only do that because i do love him. lately I disobey every order because his petty, controlling commands are ridiculous and i just cant take it anymore. like which fingers i'm allowed to eat with, when and what im allowed to eat or drink but of course he can eat or drink whatever he likes, or not being allowed to have any friends or speak to anyone without permission. ever. i cant even answer my own phone that i pay for and he checks my call logs. he also takes my salary to use and doesnt allow me to spend my money without permission. no reason or explanation if i complain i get insulted until i shut up. so i am alone and not even allowed to shop without him because he is jealous of both male and female shop employees and doesnt want me speaking to anyone except him or buying myself food he doesnt approve of. if he gets angry about anything he ignores me for days sometimes weeks, not one single word just walks past without eye contact, even if its not my fault. this marriage is destroying my iman and my respect for him is completely gone. and yes he pretended to be religious before marriage, but he isnt at all. fooled me and wali, who was an unrelated sheikh because i have no family. i wont go into more detail to avoid more backbiting. im not sure i want a divorce but at the same time i wish i had never married him. i doubt that he is ever going to mature and even if he does, i dont have the patience to wait 10 or 20 years for him to grow up. im miserable now. when i ask for marriage therapy i get another rage fit and episode of being ignored. i dont want to fight i just want him to be normal and have a normal marriage but hes so emotional that each day is like torture just not knowing what to expect from him im always afraid to even breathe around him. sometimes im hopeful that he will change and care about me like he did in the beginning and other times i just want to run away and never come back. really i regret getting married.
                      lol bro got married to a so called practising mozlem, was all a play got divorced soon after

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Re: I hate being married

                        Sister there are people in this world who are sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists who love to dominate and abuse and control others with little to no feeling towards the victims of their abuse. Your husband has deep rooted psychological issues and you are being abused no doubt and he is also denying you your basic islamic rights since no husband can dictate to his wife how and where she spends her money since this is your right under islam to have money property and even a job independently, at best he can advise you in such matters but the final choice is yours. Try seeking couples counselling and maybe get your husband to attend anger control classes and othe therapy and explain to him he oversteps your boundaries when he abuses or hits you and that you will not be treated like that. Keep track of how your husband then treats you and if hes making a genuine effort to change over the next months and if not seek the help of local imams and they can warn him not to transgress on his islamic duties and see what your options are in case his behavior gets worse before thinking about the future of your relationship or its end. If hes willing to work things through then you have some chance of saving your marriage and if not then you cant force him to change nor live with such abuse.

                        Comment

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