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i destroyed my hereafter for the price of duniya please help

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    i destroyed my hereafter for the price of duniya please help

    Asalam alikum

    Please do not judge me i am in need of serious advices and i have nowhere else to turn except to Allah swt and His Believers

    I recently started my salah and practising my deen due to extream fear of the punishment of the grave and death,


    everywhere i look my mind pictures the grave and the punishment that will happen inside it, i also recently read no1 is saved from the squeezing of the grave this makes ill i feel sick to my stomach and i feel i have no energy in my body i feel helpless like the punishment is coming for me and i cannot do anything about it i try to tell myself this is shytan waswasa but it not helping me. I even hate the darkness at night, when i see grass outside it remind me i will be beneath it 1 day.. even the thought suffocates me

    how can i deal with this its making me depress i try to stay in dhikr and memorise duas and read surah mulk and sajjdah every night i have repented to Allah swt but i have also heard Allah swt can forgive but we still have to take the punishment to be cleansed of the sins we done in the duniya :(

    when i see what is happening to our ummati (e.g syrian and bashar) around the world i feel the worst is saved for me if they have to go through that for jannah what will i have to do

    I have done alot of mistakes and i know Allah swt will punish me in my grave i am the worst sinner here...

    when i look at my life i feel down and depress i am good for nothing i am not a good daugther i cannot cook properly..i am not a good wife as me and my husband fought alot in 6 years of our marriage and i said alot bad thing to him about his family (we use to argue about his family as i felt he has preffered them over me and he has never provided me where as i work for myself and always lied to me about stuff, infact he lied about his financial status before we married to marry me and i did give him hardtime for it)

    i was pregnant with my husband child and i had a abortion at 6 weeks and i did tell him i was going to do it, only after it happened i was regretful and remorseful but later my husband told the rest of family and said he didnt know about it i was shamed and humiliated i even took overdose and self harmed my self,, all i wanted my in law to love me and treat me as their own but my husband did not understand this

    recently i worked on myself alot to improve myself as i was in a horrible state i was very emotional and reacted to every negative comment my in law use to say about me (my husband has 2 sis here) and my husband did not defend me ever. but i am over this now

    Eventually my husband left me (as we were phyiscally fighting )and going against every1 advice i begged him to come back i was on my knees texting him all time and same time his sisters use to put post on watsapp to get at me with certain quotes (he was able to keep his anger for long time where as i couldnt keep sabr i feel i have to make up asap ) so i begged and he came back (in my mind i was thinking i am fighting against shytan for my marriage) Allah swt knw if this was good for me or not

    Alhumdulilah i am in a better state now and things are well and i have been blessed with a son but i feel gulity in having him,,, i feel bad that he has to face the test of this life and he will also face death and the grave i wish i was non existance myself

    overall i missed alot of fast, salah perhap not paid my zakkat properly and worst of all i have scammed alot of people on ebay... i use to claim i not received item when the items were not as described and gave the item away to charity shops i knew this was wrong but not to the extent that the Prophet Pbuh did not pray jannaza on those who were in debt i feel i am in that catergory i dont know what to do

    i tried emailing a lot of sellers to pay for the item but i cannot recall which item i did send back it very very hard for me i feel like i need to take a step back and stop over burdening myself but i feel like i deserve this

    i am really struggling i need help please i need advice what to do how to do it

    i have to redo my wudu after each salah , my son cries all the time sometime i let him cry whilst in salah as i feel Allah swt should be 1st and i remember the verse wealth and children are a test.. then i feel like i am a bad mother allowing my son to cry.. i live with my parents and husband ... he does the night feeds and my mother also helps i also feel bad that my mother salah gets delayed as she does house chores and tries to help with my sons

    can some one please help me please

    #2
    Re: i destroyed my hereafter for the price of duniya please help

    Salaam.

    Recite Astaghfirullah in abundance , you can keep prayer beads with you to comfort you in this process but more important pray ontime and make dua.

    May Allah swt make it easy on you ukhti. S.a.w.

    Ameen.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: i destroyed my hereafter for the price of duniya please help

      Dear sister, No matter what you have done if you just raise your hands to Allah the mighty and sincerely ask for forgiveness he will In Sha Allah forgive you no matter what. In fact Allah swt would turn your mountains of bad deed into mountains of good deeds. NEVER EVER despair from the mercy of Allah he is oft- forgiving and most merciful and loves to forgive the sins of his servants. He always loves you no matter what you have done just sincerely turn to Allah swt.

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