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    #16
    Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

    Thankyou Mr.President for your valuable feedback !

    Just To clear things up : (addressing generally)

    1) My fetish is NOT related to "vanilla" pornography or nudity in ANY WAY. It is an "odd" fetish and it's oddity could be compared to other fetishes out there like spanking / balloon popping / watersports etc etc.

    2) It's not harmful or dirty in any way BUT ofcourse it is not meant to be sexual and is therefore against nature. It comprises the elements of Submission / Domination / Power / Control but it's not the actual BDSM category (Human-Human), just relates to it and involves the use of an object. That "object" is the central material creating role play.

    3) I had always and still (As a young child till now), found/find nudity and explicit pornography disgusting and shameful, I don't watch it but use "normal/straight" fantasy as a LAST RESORT against my fetish. This allows substitution and hence the fetish not being reinforced plastically. I was the extremely innocent and modest type of child who would turn his head away even from the slightest explicit image, I just became an unfortunate victim of "satanic kinks" and this upsets me whole heartedly / greatly,

    4) The fetish attacked it self an year or so after the major traumatic experience during which I had CRIED around age 5. ( arose automatically/spontaneously - I remember the first moment Age 6 ).

    5) Generally speaking, people with ODD perversion / fetishes / sexual deviations were victims of unfortunate and innocent traumatic experiences (during their very early years), which were beyond their control, arose as a result from deep emotional stuff and a very foundational part of their personality ( eg. a fear from something such as balloon popping / vomiting / spanking- all are fetishes), and have remain unresolved. The differentiating experiences between people with and without the fetish is that the person who developed it, developed from having a MASSIVE OVERWHELMING fear in the first place.

    I found an extremely informative website although it sources from the bible and is for Christians but no doubt it has very good information. It states that :-

    "How did you arrive at this state of mind? Most sins start gradually, easing you from the truth in a step by step manner. For a male, sexual arousal is expressed in muscular tension, in particular there are sphincter muscles in the groin which give males erections when they tighten. Such is the bane of adolescent males since every small tension triggers spontaneous erections, such as nervousness in standing before a class to get a talk. Obviously, spankings also create strong tensions and thus strong erections. The problem is that you focused on the physical response and tied it mentally to sexual pleasure. Repeated dwelling on the matter reinforced the pattern in your mind making it an ingrained habit.They appeal to people's baser instincts to dominate others (the "pride of life" - I John 2:16-17). Thereby, they get a person's heart beating faster. The thought of pain makes a person tense in sympathy. Combined they make erections more likely. What you need to realize is that you are being manipulated and not for your benefit. "

    http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/ans...F.htm#Fetishes

    There are different topics discussed there like :-
    How do I battle my foot fetish?
    How do I get freedom from a spanking fetish?
    I was born with a foot fetish. Is that a sin?
    What does the Bible say about having a fetish?

    As some people have said on different websites "All perversion is based in fear and the rejection of truth for lies. Fear causes the brain to react entropically and if you think that thoughts born out of this reaction are the truth then you will have rejected truth for lies and then you become formatted to that entropy and satan (false accuser) gains a measure of control over you."

    andrew_no_one
    "It has a tendency to control and saturate a persons life to the point that whatever particular fetish they are associating with consumes them. If you doubt what I am saying you can very easily find multitudes of pornographic websites and singles forums dealing with fetish. Satan wants you to become involved with this. Husband and wife honoring each other in and out of of the bedroom, obtaining sexual gratification ONLY from each other and not some satanic "kink". I struggled with this for many years and it's a HORRIBLE snare!(trap). PLEASE PLEASE do not go down that slippery slope! RUN AWAY FROM SIN! Forgive me for going over the top with capslock but this is a terrible thing to have to deal with. It poisons your ability to form relationships, creates huge pitfalls of pride, and ruins your ability to exhibit Godly love and respect to one another."

    Slug1
    "Hey W4C, God Bless you. I don't know if you've ever happened upon any of my comments in threads dealing with demonization but about 2 years ago in my healing of my own sexual immoral addictions, two demons were cast out of me. The two demons that demonized me were masochism and satanism. Since then, the "pain" desires I had through fatasy have gone away. Sure, I'm still tempted but the authority, the "fetish" desires that seemed to control me (which they did) are gone once those demons were forced out of me."
    http://bibleforums.org/showthread.ph...-ungodly/page2

    The Toltec
    "what the indigenous Africans and Nahuatl Indians say is that sexual fetishes come from the demon world...the liaison for the demon world in 3d is neurosis...demons hide behind mental illnesses, It's also even what they taught Carl Jung...It's also what Rockefeller Foundation researchers learned from Africans and Indians...The masks in the mask rituals are termed fetishes...so that's where I'm coming from. So maybe you don't see it, but the oldest cultures on the planet do, when you study Freud you can more or less determine that he thought about 50% of all neurosis was tied to sexual repression and dysfunction...and then Jung thought roughly a little more like say 75%, but Wilhelm Reich thought that 100% of neurosis was tied to sexual repression and dysfunction. The high Tibetan lamas say that the 2 strongest forces in the universe are 1st the imagination and secondly the sex drive....the former Jesuit priest and exorcist Father Malachi Martin, who was also trained as a psychologist, and wrote the book "Hostage to the Devil" said point blank that a mental illness can actually be a possession and a seeming possession could just be a mental illness...but in reference to a fetish the indigenous said that the mask rituals were a way to experience the fetish, and if they weren't experienced in this way that the possibility of a mental illness would occur but without a doubt possession by the fetish would occur because it is a predatory "unseen" force. long story short I think I have to concur with Dr. Reich.."

    If focused analysis be given, one can easily note the majority of them have one element in common, NERVOUSNESS AND FEAR, YES ! The nervous system becomes effected and corrupted creating a false,trickery, manipulative image and Reinforcement of the delusive pattern takes the victim further away from reality. No doubt, shaitan can potentially be involved in this.

    The nervous system corrupts to such an extent that the individual becomes desensitized to normal sex/romance and develops a risk of not gaining any arousal or satisfaction from his partner and would solely become dependent on the fetish to get off !
    Last edited by UsiGX; 13-12-14, 10:10 AM.

    Comment


      #17
      Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

      Dont tell your sins as it is a big sin.

      Comment


        #18
        Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

        Originally posted by Azmyr View Post
        Dont tell your sins as it is a big sin.
        I think its a "sin" when there's no purpose of sharing them. If someone needs to disclose his/her problems or difficult and.or unfortunate life experiences (which are very serious and had/have disastrous effects on life which may need to be addressed from a religious point of view especially when all this seems to have satanic potential being involved !) it is justified...
        Last edited by UsiGX; 01-12-14, 10:28 AM.

        Comment


          #19
          Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

          Originally posted by UsiGX View Post
          I think its a "sin" when there's no purpose of sharing them. If someone needs to disclose his/her problems or difficult and.or unfortunate life experiences (which are very serious and are/have ruining/ruined your life and needs to be addressed from a religious point of view) it is justified...
          read this brother
          http://islamqa.info/en/9562

          Comment


            #20
            Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

            Originally posted by UsiGX View Post
            I think its a "sin" when there's no purpose of sharing them. If someone needs to disclose his/her problems or difficult and.or unfortunate life experiences (which are very serious and are/have ruining/ruined your life and needs to be addressed from a religious point of view) it is justified...
            We are too closeminded often not taking people's problems into account. I think it is good mashaAllah that you are trying to get rid of your problem anonymously as they can have negative influence on marriage later on if you get stuck in a certain thing. You are working on changing it which you should continue to try inshaAllah.
            The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

            Comment


              #21
              Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

              Originally posted by liya1 View Post
              We are too closeminded often not taking people's problems into account. I think it is good mashaAllah that you are trying to get rid of your problem anonymously as they can have negative influence on marriage later on if you get stuck in a certain thing. You are working on changing it which you should continue to try inshaAllah.
              And you know what brought fire in me to change in the first place ? The thought of to what extent and degree it degraded the quality of my life ( I mean it came into being when I was only 6 yrs old ! ), where my life is leading to and most importantly, my future....my relationships. Atleast I feel relieved that I've begun to take the step from a young age....

              You know how serious does this get ? It CONSUMES and CONTROLS your life having absolute disastrous effects and sometimes, even often, it even brings you suicidal thoughts by degrading the quality of life to an unbelievable extent !

              Our fate and destiny is in our own hands !
              Last edited by UsiGX; 01-12-14, 10:49 AM.

              Comment


                #22
                Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                Originally posted by UsiGX View Post
                And you know what brought fire in me to change in the first place ? The thought of to what extent and degree it degraded the quality of my life ( I mean it came into being when I was only 6 yrs old ! ), where my life is leading to and most importantly, my future....my relationships. Atleast I feel relieved that I've begun to take the step from a young age....

                You know how serious does this get ? It CONSUMES and CONTROLS your life and has absolute disastrous effects and sometimes it even brings you suicidal thoughts, it degrades the quality of one's life to an unbelievable extent !

                Our fate and destiny is in our own hands !
                I can imagine it is hard. I hope inshaAllah you are able to do something about it. I believe, as you, we can bring change if we try inshaAllah. Sometimes though it may not happen but even then we have patience and faith in Allah. Everything in life is not easy.
                The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

                Comment


                  #23
                  Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                  Salam to All,

                  About the whole "revealing sins" area, being a Muslim, and then being a counselor, I've been through this discussion with various scholars. All of them said that it's allowed to discuss problems like the ones people have discussed in this thread, if it is for a medical (psychiatric) purpose such as getting rid of addiction. Addiction, of any kind, is a mental problem, and then a spiritual problem. It will only and only go away with professional intervention, and if that means talking to someone, whether in person or online, then it is allowed in the Shariah.

                  One of the key resources that I give to my subjects when they come on board, and ask them to give to others who are confused when they start counseling, is an excellent FAQs and page published by the Islamic Online University in Qatar. Kindly read this link, and the questions on the bottom to have your answers about whether talking about your addiction is "revealing a sin" or "getting rid of a disease" as allowed by the Shariah.

                  http://www.islamiconlineuniversity.c...ng/counsel.php

                  JazakAllah Khair.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                    Originally posted by Mr.President View Post
                    Salam to All,

                    About the whole "revealing sins" area, being a Muslim, and then being a counselor, I've been through this discussion with various scholars. All of them said that it's allowed to discuss problems like the ones people have discussed in this thread, if it is for a medical (psychiatric) purpose such as getting rid of addiction. Addiction, of any kind, is a mental problem, and then a spiritual problem. It will only and only go away with professional intervention, and if that means talking to someone, whether in person or online, then it is allowed in the Shariah.

                    One of the key resources that I give to my subjects when they come on board, and ask them to give to others who are confused when they start counseling, is an excellent FAQs and page published by the Islamic Online University in Qatar. Kindly read this link, and the questions on the bottom to have your answers about whether talking about your addiction is "revealing a sin" or "getting rid of a disease" as allowed by the Shariah.

                    http://www.islamiconlineuniversity.c...ng/counsel.php

                    JazakAllah Khair.
                    Mr.President, any comments for my last major post ?

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                      Originally posted by UsiGX View Post
                      Thankyou Mr.President for your valuable feedback !

                      Just To clear things up : (addressing generally)

                      1) My fetish is not related to "vanilla" pornography or nudity in ANY WAY. It is an "odd" fetish and it's oddity could be compared to other fetishes out there like spanking / balloon popping / watersports etc etc.

                      2) It's not harmful or dirty in any way BUT ofcourse it is not meant to be sexual and is therefore against nature. It comprises the elements of Submission / Domination / Power / Control but it's not the actual BDSM category (Human-Human), just relates to it and involves the use of an object. That "object" is the central material creating role play.

                      3) I had always and still (As a young child till now), found/find nudity and explicit pornography disgusting and shameful, I don't watch it but use "normal/straight" fantasy as a LAST RESORT against my fetish. This allows substitution and hence the fetish not being reinforced plastically. I was the extremely innocent and modest type of child who would turn his head away even from the slightest explicit image, I just became an unfortunate victim of "satanic kinks" and this upsets me whole heartedly / greatly,

                      4) The fetish attacked it self an year or so after the major traumatic experience during which I had CRIED around age 5. ( arose automatically/spontaneously - I remember the first moment Age 6 ).

                      The nervous system corrupts to such an extent that the individual becomes desensitized to normal sex/romance and develops a risk of not gaining any arousal or satisfaction from his partner and would solely become dependent on the fetish to get off !
                      Apologies for the late reply, I appreciate the sincerity that you have for yourself. More over, it's very good, from a therapist's perspective, to know that you explicitly remember where this chain of fetish addiction starts and where it evolves. It's like you aced one of the first sessions we have with our subjects when we start to counsel them.

                      Basically, let's go one step back from the fetish itself. Let's analyze the beginning here. What you need to understand is that how a sudden jolt of stress at an early age can trigger abnormal responses to that stress, like picking up a fetish addiction. You're probably wondering....stress? Yes, stress, one of the most powerful players in the dimension of our emotional pathways. Stress and affection are two emotions that can make or break a human-being, given the context of different situations that we see in the world around us.

                      What happens is that when your body undergoes trauma, the stress builds up inside. When you don't have an outlet, the body will find an outlet itself, and that outlet will obviously be something naturally inclined towards your carnal nature as a human-being. To be honest, especially at that tender age of 6, unless an adult comes into the picture, and understands your trauma and helps you through it, you will recede into your shell with deep scars and those scars will emanate in the form of one bad habit or the other. It's the human-being in his most natural and carnal form....like someone left on an island alone, and now they've got to look for food in one way or the other. Survival is intriguing, isn't it?

                      So, the bottom line is, that genetic tendency was in there, and the trauma was like the spark that blew it out of proportion, and time crafted it into the problem that it is today. The solution here, my friend, is therapy with two focus areas simultaneously. And pay attention now. It's not just the habit, but the underlying trauma is also very much there. You need to rearrange those messed up tectonics underneath, as well as reconstruct the buildings on top, and that's probably the easiest way to summarize it. Online counseling will not work at this point in time, because of the duration of the trauma that is residing in there. How much therapy do you need and in what format obviously depends on you explaining in great detail to a counselor, in an introductory session, what happened and how it progressed, and only then can a professional opinion be given about the duration of therapy and the format thereof.

                      However, the summary or the greater picture of your journey towards freedom will be what I told you. It's the habit as well as the catalysts behind it, not just the habit itself. God be with you.

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                        Originally posted by Mr.President View Post
                        Apologies for the late reply, I appreciate the sincerity that you have for yourself. More over, it's very good, from a therapist's perspective, to know that you explicitly remember where this chain of fetish addiction starts and where it evolves. It's like you aced one of the first sessions we have with our subjects when we start to counsel them.

                        Basically, let's go one step back from the fetish itself. Let's analyze the beginning here. What you need to understand is that how a sudden jolt of stress at an early age can trigger abnormal responses to that stress, like picking up a fetish addiction. You're probably wondering....stress? Yes, stress, one of the most powerful players in the dimension of our emotional pathways. Stress and affection are two emotions that can make or break a human-being, given the context of different situations that we see in the world around us.

                        What happens is that when your body undergoes trauma, the stress builds up inside. When you don't have an outlet, the body will find an outlet itself, and that outlet will obviously be something naturally inclined towards your carnal nature as a human-being. To be honest, especially at that tender age of 6, unless an adult comes into the picture, and understands your trauma and helps you through it, you will recede into your shell with deep scars and those scars will emanate in the form of one bad habit or the other. It's the human-being in his most natural and carnal form....like someone left on an island alone, and now they've got to look for food in one way or the other. Survival is intriguing, isn't it?

                        So, the bottom line is, that genetic tendency was in there, and the trauma was like the spark that blew it out of proportion, and time crafted it into the problem that it is today. The solution here, my friend, is therapy with two focus areas simultaneously. And pay attention now. It's not just the habit, but the underlying trauma is also very much there. You need to rearrange those messed up tectonics underneath, as well as reconstruct the buildings on top, and that's probably the easiest way to summarize it. Online counseling will not work at this point in time, because of the duration of the trauma that is residing in there. How much therapy do you need and in what format obviously depends on you explaining in great detail to a counselor, in an introductory session, what happened and how it progressed, and only then can a professional opinion be given about the duration of therapy and the format thereof.

                        However, the summary or the greater picture of your journey towards freedom will be what I told you. It's the habit as well as the catalysts behind it, not just the habit itself. God be with you.
                        Again, Thankyou so much Mr.President for your golden feedback, I really appreciate your contribution as a Muslim and Councillor to the forum. Below I've listed some notable points :-

                        1) It's been a few months and I've been brainstorming about what you have said already i.e rebuilding and reconstructing the wrongly sensitized pathways. I've been conducting self therapy all by myself, applying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Extinction learning, both which have proved very beneficial. In these I have done a research and compared the emotions and reactions of individuals which are not effected by the fetish and furthermore have thought about very similar fetish-related situations ( which I'm not effected from ) and compared them to my own fetish situation and actually found it surprising that although both situations represent very similar elements but one doesn't mean any thing special to me. This allows me to identify the key differences and analyse the triggering elements in my fetish which causes it to fire. Freud's theory makes so much sense as he said there are mental processes going on in our mind that we are not even aware of (unconscious) . Tell me if you have other strategies that I can implement.

                        2) Sometimes I wonder if Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) takes place in the form of a fetish. I've found some info on it which very much matches the context here,
                        "In general, most people with fetishes say they've had them since childhood or "for as long as I can remember". But post-traumatic stress can apparently increase the intensity of the fetish."

                        "Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition created by exposure to a psychologically distressing event outside the range of usual human experience, one which would be markedly distressing to almost anyone, and which causes intense fear, terror, and helplessness. The trauma is an assault to the person’s biology and psyche."

                        "Because traumatic events are often unable to be processed by the mind and body as other experiences are, due to their overwhelming and shocking nature, they are not integrated or digested. The trauma then takes on a life of its own and, through its continued effects, haunts the survivor and prevents normal life from continuing until the person gets help."

                        3) From a biological perspective I think the pre fontal cortex (PFC) is the dominant region of the brain responsible for limbic and stress and logical thinking. That region or other , for the matter, needs to be healed and maybe meditation would contribute to some improvements ? Minimizing the unwanted "Beta" waves in the mind and creating "Alpha" waves by practicing mindfulness meditation / deep relaxation.

                        4) Is this true that , the more "intense" the stimulus / sexual experience -> the more dopamine/serotonin shot released -> the more you (body) will feel drained ? i.e more brain receptors and chemicals being burnt out hence making you feel extremely (and more) lethargic and weak (physically) than the average person with the average stimulus.
                        I MUST mention that during all these years I've felt empty from the inside, like extremely lethargic, deprived of life. I started to significantly notice it about 5 years ago and it only got worse with the passage of time.

                        5) Does the fetish itself affect the inner "genuine" personality of an individual ? For eg. his personal positive traits like sense of humor, charm, cheerfulness, overall personality OR would he be exactly the same person he is today even if he hadn't had such a thing. What I really mean is that could he be a totally new man in the inside without him even realizing it, his "best version" .... does a fetish mask / lock a person's true identity especially when the developing child was "shattered " from an intense trauma ? I don't know but for some reason I feel deep in the inside that I was somehow different before having this foul thing and the "true me" didn't get the chance to develop in the first place....

                        Sorry for asking so many questions, but I'm doing this for the sake of easing doubts and confusions in my curious & complicated mind and to proceed with the very challenging trial God has given me in my life.....

                        Basically Stress has the following sub-divisions:-
                        a) Fear
                        b) Anxiety
                        c) Upsetting
                        d) Anger
                        There may be multiple components involved...
                        Last edited by UsiGX; 04-12-14, 11:02 AM.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                          Originally posted by UsiGX View Post
                          Again, Thankyou so much Mr.President for your golden feedback, I really appreciate your contribution as a Muslim and Councillor to the forum. Below I've listed some notable points :-

                          1) It's been a few months and I've been brainstorming about what you have said already i.e rebuilding and reconstructing the wrongly sensitized pathways. I've been conducting self therapy all by myself, applying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Extinction learning, both which have proved very beneficial. In these I have done a research and compared the emotions and reactions of individuals which are not effected by the fetish and furthermore have thought about very similar fetish-related situations ( which I'm not effected from ) and compared them to my own fetish situation and actually found it surprising that although both situations represent very similar elements but one doesn't mean any thing special to me. This allows me to identify the key differences and analyse the triggering elements in my fetish which causes it to fire. Freud's theory makes so much sense as he said there are mental processes going on in our mind that we are not even aware of (unconscious) . Tell me if you have other strategies that I can implement.

                          2) Sometimes I wonder if Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) takes place in the form of a fetish. I've found some info on it which very much matches the context here,
                          "In general, most people with fetishes say they've had them since childhood or "for as long as I can remember". But post-traumatic stress can apparently increase the intensity of the fetish."

                          "Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition created by exposure to a psychologically distressing event outside the range of usual human experience, one which would be markedly distressing to almost anyone, and which causes intense fear, terror, and helplessness. The trauma is an assault to the person’s biology and psyche."

                          "Because traumatic events are often unable to be processed by the mind and body as other experiences are, due to their overwhelming and shocking nature, they are not integrated or digested. The trauma then takes on a life of its own and, through its continued effects, haunts the survivor and prevents normal life from continuing until the person gets help."

                          3) From a biological perspective I think the pre fontal cortex (PFC) is the dominant region of the brain responsible for limbic and stress and logical thinking. That region or other , for the matter, needs to be healed and maybe meditation would contribute to some improvements ? Minimizing the unwanted "Beta" waves in the mind and creating "Alpha" waves by practicing mindfulness meditation / deep relaxation.

                          4) Is this true that , the more "intense" the stimulus / sexual experience -> the more dopamine/serotonin shot released -> the more you (body) will feel drained ? i.e more brain receptors and chemicals being burnt out hence making you feel extremely (and more) lethargic and weak (physically) than the average person with the average stimulus.
                          I MUST mention that during all these years I've felt empty from the inside, like extremely lethargic, deprived of life. I started to significantly notice it about 5 years ago and it only got worse with the passage of time.

                          5) Does the fetish itself affect the inner "genuine" personality of an individual ? For eg. his personal positive traits like sense of humor, charm, cheerfulness, overall personality OR would he be exactly the same person he is today even if he hadn't had such a thing. What I really mean is that could he be a totally new man in the inside without him even realizing it, his "best version" .... does a fetish mask / lock a person's true identity especially when the developing child was "shattered " from an intense trauma ? I don't know but for some reason I feel deep in the inside that I was somehow different before having this foul thing and the "true me" didn't get the chance to develop in the first place....
                          -) In a nutshell, you've pretty much achieved as much as you could with self-therapy...which, from a professional perspective, is pretty much restricted to achieving awareness of the issue. Does self-therapy ever work? I highly doubt it, and I'm being courteous when I say that. The reality is, it probably won't ever, especially in the present world where tribulations can change face & modes in real-time. A well-informed individual like yourself is like that rocket which has fuel tanks filled up, but your ignition will only come from working with a therapist. You've decoded a part of your mind, but what you really need is someone to "get into' your mind and clean those corners, if you will.

                          -) PTSD is a catalyst, but not the actual fetish. So it can fuel the fetish, but not take the form of the fetish. These are two seperate things. Because, a lot of people with PTSD don't have fetishes or habits as their escape...

                          -) As far as the drained energy levels are concerned, firstly, you need to understand that whether the habit changes or not, your body definitely is. Age is something that you can't stop. The way your habit interacts with changes in your overall metabolism is common sense. You won't have the same resilience you did as a kid, against the habit, as a teenager. And so on. Moreover, in terms of the fetish masking the real personality. To a certain extent, yes. It's the addict taking over the real you, but it's not like something that won't recede once you start getting some real therapy.

                          My friend, I think what your real problem is the stigma of sitting face-to-face with a therapist, and to a certain extent that's natural. But I really think, since you do so much introspection into yourself (which is wonderful), that isn't it time that you took some concrete steps to get over it once and for all? About the "very challenging trial God has given me" thing....Buddy, God has given you the insight to deal with that habit, not embedded the trial into you. If you've dived into CBT a bit, then wouldn't you agree that the Cognitive Behavioral approach would have you look differently at the problem? Change your mindset, relax, and if you find it stigmatic to work directly with a counselor, Google someone you can work with online via real Skype sessions and confront this problem once and for all.

                          I wish you best of luck along those practical lines :) Ma'Salam.

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                            Originally posted by Mr.President View Post
                            -) In a nutshell, you've pretty much achieved as much as you could with self-therapy...which, from a professional perspective, is pretty much restricted to achieving awareness of the issue. Does self-therapy ever work? I highly doubt it, and I'm being courteous when I say that. The reality is, it probably won't ever, especially in the present world where tribulations can change face & modes in real-time. A well-informed individual like yourself is like that rocket which has fuel tanks filled up, but your ignition will only come from working with a therapist. You've decoded a part of your mind, but what you really need is someone to "get into' your mind and clean those corners, if you will.
                            Thankyou for the feedback!
                            I am currently living in Northern America. From research and articles that I've come across, they say that therapists only help the individual in "removing guilt / shame" or help in"dealing" with it by coming into terms...(acceptance and moderately controlled). According to most therapists/psychologists (Atleast in the West), from research, fetishes and paraphilias cannot be "removed" as they are too deeply ingrained into the subconscious, what they do is help the individual broaden his stimulus with more variety so that his fetish has a less hold on his life. What do you have to say regarding this ?

                            Furthermore, since I'm only 21 yrs old, taking therapy would mean compromising privacy in my family...

                            I am extremely thankful that I've come across not only a professional therapist such as you who is willing to help people on forums, but who is also a Muslim / religious, GOD bless you! Feels peace in the mind knowing this fact alone since one is being guided not just from a psychological context but also from his very own religion. Its absolutely beautiful when psychology is combined with religion...
                            Last edited by UsiGX; 13-12-14, 09:06 PM.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                              Originally posted by UsiGX View Post
                              Thankyou for the feedback!
                              I am currently living in Northern America. From research and articles that I've come across, they say that therapists only help the individual in "removing guilt / shame" or help in"dealing" with it by coming into terms...(acceptance and moderately controlled). According to most therapists/psychologists (Atleast in the West), from research, fetishes and paraphilias cannot be "removed" as they are too deeply ingrained into the subconscious, what they do is help the individual broaden his stimulus with more variety so that his fetish has a less hold on his life. What do you have to say regarding this ?

                              Furthermore, since I'm only 21 yrs old, taking therapy would mean compromising privacy in my family...

                              I am extremely thankful that I've come across not only a professional therapist such as you who is willing to help people on forums, but who is also a Muslim / religious, GOD bless you! Feels peace in the mind knowing this fact alone since one is being guided not just from a psychological context but also from his very own religion. Its absolutely beautiful when psychology is combined with religion...
                              Anytime my friend, mention not. See, the good thing about a well-informed customer like yourself is that you understand that psychology and spirituality are overlapping circles. Why do we feel guilty in our mind about sins, which are spiritual errors? It's because making that spiritual mistake sends a signal to our neuro-circuitry, that something went wrong. And that's one of the ways to gauge that, Yes, there is a God, because someone had to design you the way you are.

                              Anyway, how this ties into your scenario is that there's a lot of things that psychologists say, but that's because they unfortunately don't have the element of Islam to put along with it. The Prophet (saw) made it clear that "There is no disease that Allah has created, except that He also has created its treatment," (Al-Bukhari), and that includes the disease of fetish. So, like you pointed out, it's beautiful and wonderful when psychology is combined with religion. For Muslim mental health professionals, their approach to the problem suddenly takes a new level, when it is combined with Prophetic guidance.

                              Practically speaking, I don't even get into that whole notion of not being able to be removed, because the whole thing about broadening your stimulus is pretty much another way of saying that you've got to shrink the problem, such that you are bigger than it, and can work around it. And then the Hadith that I pointed out, that the disease of paraphilias is included, when the Prophet (saw) says that every disease has a cure.

                              The way you combine both things is....on one side it is true that you have to outgrow the problem by learning to work around it....but at the same time, Allah will grant shifa to the actual problem itself. Hope that clarifies both sides of the equation.

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                                #30
                                Re: Perverted Addictions: Why Can't I Just Quit!

                                Originally posted by Mr.President View Post
                                Anytime my friend, mention not. See, the good thing about a well-informed customer like yourself is that you understand that psychology and spirituality are overlapping circles. Why do we feel guilty in our mind about sins, which are spiritual errors? It's because making that spiritual mistake sends a signal to our neuro-circuitry, that something went wrong. And that's one of the ways to gauge that, Yes, there is a God, because someone had to design you the way you are.

                                Anyway, how this ties into your scenario is that there's a lot of things that psychologists say, but that's because they unfortunately don't have the element of Islam to put along with it. The Prophet (saw) made it clear that "There is no disease that Allah has created, except that He also has created its treatment," (Al-Bukhari), and that includes the disease of fetish. So, like you pointed out, it's beautiful and wonderful when psychology is combined with religion. For Muslim mental health professionals, their approach to the problem suddenly takes a new level, when it is combined with Prophetic guidance.

                                Practically speaking, I don't even get into that whole notion of not being able to be removed, because the whole thing about broadening your stimulus is pretty much another way of saying that you've got to shrink the problem, such that you are bigger than it, and can work around it. And then the Hadith that I pointed out, that the disease of paraphilias is included, when the Prophet (saw) says that every disease has a cure.

                                The way you combine both things is....on one side it is true that you have to outgrow the problem by learning to work around it....but at the same time, Allah will grant shifa to the actual problem itself. Hope that clarifies both sides of the equation.
                                So, how should I find the right therapist who DOES believe about its removal and therefore implements treatment accordingly here in the West, perhaps you have any sources ?

                                AND
                                how should I handle the privacy problem of visiting a therapist, in my family.

                                Lastly, Could shaitan be, in any way, involved for fetishes to arise in the first place or is it purely based on science and psychology? (Just Curious since many of them out there are very disturbing). Can treatment from religious peers be effective to any extent?

                                Thanks
                                Last edited by UsiGX; 15-12-14, 06:50 AM.

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