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    Men keep staring at my wife!

    Asalamu alaykum brothers & sisters

    I’m a happily married muslim guy. Alhumdullilah Allah has blessed me with a beautiful wife. Unfortunately everytime we’re out together men will really stare at her and some will even approach her when I leave her alone for a few minutes. These men are so disgusting, why do they still do it when she’s clearly got her husband next to her?

    We get the tube together to work and these animals will stare, go out of their way to help her even when it’s not needed. My blood boils with anger everyday, I usually stare back with, which works at times. I’ve even barged a few and had a physical fight whilst abroad. Its not like my wife dresses or behaves provocatively, it upsets me when these guys leave her feeling uncomfortable. What makes me even angrier is that some muslim guys who have their wife next to them will stare as well. My wife wears the hijab with loose fitting clothes. I’ve had a conversation with my wife about wearing the abaya but she’s not willing to wear one, and I don’t want to force her. What do I do!? This is making me very frustrated! Any tips on how to convince her to wear an abaya? Thank you

    #2
    Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

    Firstly keep trying to persuade your wife about her abaya. It's good that you're not forcing her mashaAllah, but have you spoken to her about how much it upsets you when men look at her? Most women are not comfortable with strange men eyeing them up, and not all women notice that this is happening, or they may notice it a bit not not the extent of it. If she is aware and doesn't like it, maybe she needs to think again about an abaya? Or maybe talk to her about what reservations she has about it, because it's really comfortable and convenient to wear, alhamdulillah. She may be worried about being too hot or tripping over the hem, well if it's a light fabric and cut to the right length this isn't an issue. It's really convenient because you can just wear whatever you want at home, then stick your abaya and headscarf on to go out. If she's wearing baggy clothes, then she'll be wearing the same baggy clothes indoors or she'll have to do a complete change of dress every time she wants to go out. IMO It's far more convenient to just stick an abaya on top. One of the Saudi button down abaya styles would be the most convenient. You can get a whole range of styles too, decoration on the sleeves or no decoration at all, etc. They are very elegant mashaAllah. Maybe a trip to an abaya shop (if you live in the middle east) or a link to an abaya website with a range of elegant designs might help :)

    but also talk to her about what the actual issue is with her and abaya, why she feels she doesn't like it, then you can work on that belief about it inshaAllah, or find a way to fix that particular issue etc.




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      #3
      Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

      Some men are just like that sadly. Dont blame your wife for the attention - these dudes are just losers.
      You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

      ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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        #4
        Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

        Try get her to wear the abaya and maybe a niqab.
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          #5
          Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

          Walaikumassalam

          Force her to wear it or stay indoors. End of problem.
          FEAR ALLAH (SWT) AS HE DESERVES TO BE FEARED!!!
          OH Allah help your slaves in As Sham
          Donate to syria.
          *Sisters please do not rep or PM me as my wife will kill me so rep her instead*

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            #6
            Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

            Abaya and niqaab is the only solution to this problem nowadays.

            And those who are saying not to blame the wife for others staring at her; is like saying don't blame me for leaving my home open over night, when the others should not enter. This mindset it's unrealistic
            There is a clock on your forehead counting down to the time of your death. Only Allah knows how many seconds are left on it

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              #7
              Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

              FYI: You can't change what sin people commit! It's not fard to wear an "abaya." The fard is to cover ones body not showing her shape/body parts. You can't justify people's evil upon your wife! Get over it. Perhaps stop staring at others so you do not notice. What is a woman going to do if women do not stop staring at her husband? That's right -- she has to learn to live with it because she can't do anything! Stop pinning on your WIFE.

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                #8
                Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                Originally posted by mo1234 View Post
                Asalamu alaykum brothers & sisters

                I’m a happily married muslim guy. Alhumdullilah Allah has blessed me with a beautiful wife. Unfortunately everytime we’re out together men will really stare at her and some will even approach her when I leave her alone for a few minutes. These men are so disgusting, why do they still do it when she’s clearly got her husband next to her?

                We get the tube together to work and these animals will stare, go out of their way to help her even when it’s not needed. My blood boils with anger everyday, I usually stare back with, which works at times. I’ve even barged a few and had a physical fight whilst abroad. Its not like my wife dresses or behaves provocatively, it upsets me when these guys leave her feeling uncomfortable. What makes me even angrier is that some muslim guys who have their wife next to them will stare as well. My wife wears the hijab with loose fitting clothes. I’ve had a conversation with my wife about wearing the abaya but she’s not willing to wear one, and I don’t want to force her. What do I do!? This is making me very frustrated! Any tips on how to convince her to wear an abaya? Thank you
                wa alaykumus salaam,

                lose fitting clothing is not the correct hijab, you are the amir of the household so do need to order her to wear abaya and quite possibly niqab as well to avoid fitnah and may Allaah swt reward you for showing protective jealously of your womenfolk which is part of our deen, ameen
                Abu Saalehah

                OUTREACH4ISLAM - Calling the not yet Muslims of Leicester to Islam since 2006

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                  Talk to her about her its making you feel, im sure she will take that on board. I know I would, if my husband was unhappy with this. I get this too sometimes, he notices it a lot more than I do, but I already have abaya on which is extremely comfortable ( to my surprise) and looks very elegant. Try to show her some styles, gulf style abayas, they are stunning.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                    if your wife is dressing appropriately, then she is not doing anything wrong, its those low life men who are. ignore it for now, if they ,ake advances to your wife give them a kick up the backside :)
                    Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

                    -Quran (57:20)

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                      #11
                      Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                      I reckon they will look even she has an abaya and niqaab on. Pervs will be pervs no matter what. But with niqaab you can be sure that no one has had the pleasure of even looking at her face.

                      It must be crap to have to get into confrontations everyday, the only thing you can do bro is to fight your way through it, make dua' that Allah gives you the strength. People need sense knocked into them.

                      He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
                      www.QuranicAudio.com
                      www.Quran.com

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                        asalaamu alaykum

                        To everyone whose discouraging her from wearing the abaya or niqab, please remember that if a woman is attractive - then they can make it mandatory on her to wear niqab.


                        To brother mo, teach her to love Islam so she wears the hijab and abaya more strictly. The anger you have to protect your wife and keep her to yourself is praised in Islam, so you should not let other men approach her, even if that means shouting at them. Train and become stronger so you can really respond to them if they make the wrong move. Since when is she theirs? She's yours. So you should be strict with your wife on this issue (through kindness and firmness), telling her that you love her and you don't want other men approaching her or staring at her. Just like she would not like it if you were doing the same to other women.

                        Make her earn your Respect (through your strength and kindness and chivalry), and she will show Care to you through obeying you in what you say. All this should have the backbone of Islam.


                        Here's a list of Prophetic sayings about the husband and wife;

                        http://www.zawaj.com/rights-of-the-h...wife-in-islam/

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                          #13
                          Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                          I agree with Ebony. First of all, whilst I follow the opinion that abaya/jilbab is fard, I don't think it will stop people from staring. If men are pervy enough to stare at a woman who has her head covered, wears loose clothes and is sitting with her husband then I doubt they'll avoid looking just because she covers more. Secondly, I don't know if you can impose jilbab on her- or if you should.

                          Thirdly, are you in East London by any chance? I wear the scarf and jilbab and used the tube numerous times to travel to numerous locations, but it was specifically whilst travelling to East Ham that just sitting in that train became more and more nauseating as more dirty freshies stepped on board staring and perving and ugh! I've not noticed this problem when going to central or north London.

                          Oh last but not least- I'm uneasy with suggestions that you discuss this with your wife, or I suppose I'm wondering what purpose it would serve to discuss it with her. You can't expect her to take any responsibility for this as it's not her fault and it'll only put obstacles within your own marriage if she begins to feel that you start resenting her for the way men look at her when she is not exactly provoking or encouraging anyone it makes her uncomfortable too.

                          You wont like this suggestion but I'll mention it anyway. In my experience men stare even more at women who are more modest and shy and lower their gaze. I'm assuming if that's the way your wife is then that's how you want her to behave but generally speaking dirty pervy men misbehave even more towards women like that because such sisters are not confronting them. If you think the tube is bad, just try taking her to Faisalabad where staring is like an olympic sport (more popular than cricket) and the men would try to grope her as well. I learned years ago that the more I lowered my own gaze the more dirty ****my pervs kept staring so now I give them a couple of evil glances to drop a hint and if they are still staring I shout menacingly "what the **** are you staring at?" or words to that effect and that tends to make them stop. I'm not sure if that would work in East London though.
                          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                            #14
                            Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                            ....
                            Last edited by Grotbags; 15-08-15, 11:39 PM.
                            The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

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                              #15
                              Re: Men keep staring at my wife!

                              Originally posted by mo1234 View Post
                              Asalamu alaykum brothers & sisters

                              I’m a happily married muslim guy. Alhumdullilah Allah has blessed me with a beautiful wife. Unfortunately everytime we’re out together men will really stare at her and some will even approach her when I leave her alone for a few minutes. These men are so disgusting, why do they still do it when she’s clearly got her husband next to her?

                              We get the tube together to work and these animals will stare, go out of their way to help her even when it’s not needed. My blood boils with anger everyday, I usually stare back with, which works at times. I’ve even barged a few and had a physical fight whilst abroad. Its not like my wife dresses or behaves provocatively, it upsets me when these guys leave her feeling uncomfortable. What makes me even angrier is that some muslim guys who have their wife next to them will stare as well. My wife wears the hijab with loose fitting clothes. I’ve had a conversation with my wife about wearing the abaya but she’s not willing to wear one, and I don’t want to force her. What do I do!? This is making me very frustrated! Any tips on how to convince her to wear an abaya? Thank you
                              salaams to all

                              it works both ways
                              muslim men have to lower their gaze & muslim women should not leave their homes unless absolutely necessary.
                              when they do so, they should also lower their, dress & behave in way befitting a muslimah & not do anything to attract towards themselves.

                              also. a muslim woman is obliged to obey her husband unless he is telling her to do something against the comands of Allah Ta'ala.
                              in this case if you tell her that she MUST wear an abaaya & hijab, at the least-she has to obey you
                              but this will still not stop men from staring at her, as her face is still uncovered & thats the first thing to attract attention-generally speaking.

                              im assuming you dont with you wife-she works at some other place
                              how do you know whats going on there?

                              here, in your presence, guys are approaching her.
                              what about when youre not around?
                              there may be things that she is too embarassed or ashamed to tell you about?

                              she should remain indoors or wear a niqaab & a loose, plain abaaya made from thick material when leaving home.

                              and Allah ta'ala knows best
                              jazakallah
                              Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                              very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

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