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Going ahead with divorce or making it work

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  • Going ahead with divorce or making it work

    Salam,

    Me and my wife have been separated for a bit and we have had a lot of issues. To keep things brief, we both had baggage and got married under pressure. She got married because of her parents pressuring her as she was getting older and me because I was lonely. It was a horrible foundation for us. She didn't want to have kids right away nor buy a home and that honestly shot us in the foot but I too had my own issues with health and finances but then I was like so many other people do it because buying a home and starting a family, there is a certain window and if you pass that window it becomes harder. During that time we had more issues compound on us, like my health and her fertility, as well as some other things I did that I regret.

    I know that we should part, but I miss her and I truly care for her but I think I am only with her because I know I wont find anyone else due to all the baggage I have and the fact I will be a divorcee. I also do not have the best reputation in the community so finding someone within the same ethnicity as me will also be hard. Divorce is hard enough but its even harder when you are alone, have other issues to contend with and then attempting to find a new spouse. I know I have a lot of work to do if I do plan on going through with the divorce, but it scares me to hell that I will be alone and she will find someone.

    I sometimes think if I stay with her, I am forcing myself. I know she doesnt care a lot about having a family or home. If she did, she would have been more vocal about it. I know we're totally wrong for each other and I cannot stand by her because of all the pain and sheer damage, caused by both of us. But I am only with her because I am lonely and fear that I wont be able to find someone and it will utterly destroy my life.

    I try to seek help from Allah but my faith is weak and I have to work on that. I know Allah tells me deep down to let her go, but it is so hard, it really is :(

  • #2
    It seems neither of you are invested particularly in this marriage, but you want to hang on to her for your own selfish reasons. Have you spoken to her to see if she wants to try to make it work? In your own words, you aren't much of a catch, so what are YOU doing to try to resolve things? First and foremost, you need to improve your relationship with Allah swt. Be regular in your prayers, read up about your duties as a husband, and perhaps attend marriage counselling to see where you both want to go.

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    • #3
      Ignore the foundations on what your marriage started on. You can both have a new start now. You mentioned you miss her and do care truly for her. Communicate with each other. Spend time together. Learn to accept each other's flaws as you may end up with a partner with worser flaws. What are the main issues in your marriage now? Do you have children?

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