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Dont want to be married anymore

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  • Help! Dont want to be married anymore


    Got married to someone I have known for a while this year march 2021

    This woman has 2 children from her previous marriage 5 and 7

    i have never been married previously

    Since early days of marriage shes been constantly complaining about why i dont do things i expect of her as a wife/mother. Why do you not feed the kids, why dont i take them out. Expects me to do household chores etc. Complains im not her mum and wants me to do my own laundry cook meals for everyone and feed her.

    I work 6 days out of 7. Minimum wage job and all my money is spent on bills groceries and my personal expenses. She also expects me to buy takeaways when needed because shes too lazy to cook.

    she hates being intimate and makes no effort when i try and initiate with her she doesnt respond or do anything different then blames me if i look like im not intrested.

    i have advised her to keep herself busy but majority of her day is spent in bed on social media. The children when off school either watch tv the whole day or on their ipads

    When my money does run out and she ends of paying out of her pocket she complains I have to be providing for her.

    She constantly speaks to me in a rude manner and have warned her about her tone. Ridicules my job or anything I do for her and is never enough. Expects me to pay for holidays spend money on going out etc but i get nothing in return.

    Have spoken to her family but no one can get through to her. I have given up completely. Have been patient and quiet but nothing seems to change. She will apologise and go back to doing the very same things I dislike

  • #2
    I wouldn't handle someone talking to me like that and telling me to do things I'm not obliged to do, why doesn't she feed her own kids, lazy moo. She sounds like a mess and if what you are saying is all true then she's a disgrace, she should be ashamed of herself. Her family must be embarrassed.

    what the heck did you see in her, seriously, she sounds like a waste of space, neither does she respect you or herself
    ​​​​
    Usually single mums are pretty organised and independent, this one sounds like a user, and she is waiting, in fact she asking for the rude awakening that is about to come her way, she doesn't understand that she could have haD it good if she acted like a mum and a decent wife

    ​​​​​​I'd say get in touch with your local mosque or Shari'ah council and start praying isthikaara

    If she doesn't change and you can't even have a normal relationship with your own wife, ask yourself what role this individual plays in your life other than contributing to negativity and resentment


    All the best

    Comment


    • #3
      She was fine before she got married. Independent and had her life together. Now im in it shes just become lazy and wants to put in no work at all. I live in London and the cost of things in general are extremely high. Factor in 2 children whose father is not in the picture because he does not want to be involved with them makes it so difficult. I try and spend most of my time out of the house because she makes me misreable

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Abdi112 View Post
        She was fine before she got married. Independent and had her life together. Now im in it shes just become lazy and wants to put in no work at all. I live in London and the cost of things in general are extremely high. Factor in 2 children whose father is not in the picture because he does not want to be involved with them makes it so difficult. I try and spend most of my time out of the house because she makes me misreable
        What a disgusting father, oh my days
        good for nothing, what are these people, they were both made for each other really

        If she doesn't want to change, it's upto you, if you have tried everything, and you really think you can't spend the rest of your days with her, please see a scholar or speak to someone you know like your own family member
        marriage isn't about babysitting an over grown mother or a man

        I'm finding it difficult to believe she doesn't do anything at all and expects you to feed her kids

        it's best to speak to someone you know and make the necessary decisions before any nasty surprises take place, please don't have another baby any time soon because from what you have described, it's a messy situation

        please plan ahead and may you make the right decision

        ​​​​please make sure you make it clear to the next lady that you aren't rich and can't afford the lifestyle of deluded morons obsessing over social media fake posers




        Comment


        • #5
          If you are unhappy with her and you dont have children by her, why are you staying with her?
          .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
          نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
          دولة الإسلامية باقية





          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by AbuMubarak View Post
            If you are unhappy with her and you dont have children by her, why are you staying with her?
            i agree that not having kids makes it a lot easier to leave, if thats what you want to do

            Comment


            • #7
              I find it difficult to believe that any marriage can have problems so one sided

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by MyUsernameIs... View Post
                I find it difficult to believe that any marriage can have problems so one sided
                whether he is accurately describing her or not, he is clearly not happy with her
                if he has to make up stuff, then he is a liar and she is better off without him

                if he is telling the truth, then she is more work than worth
                .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
                نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
                دولة الإسلامية باقية





                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Abdi112 View Post
                  Got married to someone I have known for a while this year march 2021

                  This woman has 2 children from her previous marriage 5 and 7

                  i have never been married previously

                  Since early days of marriage shes been constantly complaining about why i dont do things i expect of her as a wife/mother. Why do you not feed the kids, why dont i take them out. Expects me to do household chores etc. Complains im not her mum and wants me to do my own laundry cook meals for everyone and feed her.

                  I work 6 days out of 7. Minimum wage job and all my money is spent on bills groceries and my personal expenses. She also expects me to buy takeaways when needed because shes too lazy to cook.

                  she hates being intimate and makes no effort when i try and initiate with her she doesnt respond or do anything different then blames me if i look like im not intrested.

                  i have advised her to keep herself busy but majority of her day is spent in bed on social media. The children when off school either watch tv the whole day or on their ipads

                  When my money does run out and she ends of paying out of her pocket she complains I have to be providing for her.

                  She constantly speaks to me in a rude manner and have warned her about her tone. Ridicules my job or anything I do for her and is never enough. Expects me to pay for holidays spend money on going out etc but i get nothing in return.

                  Have spoken to her family but no one can get through to her. I have given up completely. Have been patient and quiet but nothing seems to change. She will apologise and go back to doing the very same things I dislike
                  Firstly, if what you say is true and real, it seems she has false expectations and a false sense of entitlement.

                  She feels entitled, despite her last failed marriage, to a new husband who will take on her two children and treat them as her own. She must know that she cannot replace the father of those children. No man will come and marry her and treat her children as his own. That's one thing.

                  Secondly, if she hates being intimate and she says "I'm not your mom" and won't take care of your needs in the home (food, laundry, etc.) then why are you even married? What is your benefit in this marriage? She's out trying to replace her first husband and find another father for her kids; but what about you? Yes, a man can cook his own food and do his own laundry. But if his wife doesn't do it for him, the loss is her's in the end. She's not gaining anything from it except his resentment. Just like a woman may feel resentment if her husband doesn't do things for her which she otherwise could do on her own.

                  Allah has created males and females such that, even if a husband gets such poor treatment from his wife, the responsibility still comes on him. What led him to such a poor choice? Why did he not discuss these things prior to the nikah - especially knowing that he would have to take on the role of a step father? Why didn't he lay out his expectations clear cut before he got into this mess?

                  If what you said is true akh, run for the hills now. Allah knows best.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Had a lenghty discusion with her today and was saying to me she expects me to love her kids as they were my own and be a father to them. Ive already told her they dont accept me and ive tried and shes blaming me if they dont feel comfortable around me 'because i tell them off'

                    She then said if you cant do that they dont need you neither do I because we was fine before

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Abdi112 View Post
                      Had a lenghty discusion with her today and was saying to me she expects me to love her kids as they were my own and be a father to them. Ive already told her they dont accept me and ive tried and shes blaming me if they dont feel comfortable around me 'because i tell them off'

                      She then said if you cant do that they dont need you neither do I because we was fine before
                      I'd say run for the hills or mountain

                      Whichever is the nearest
                      If she is so disrespectful and an overgrown brat, she's not worth your time

                      She needs to get it through her head that the childrens biological father left them, their real father doesn't even care about them and she is asking you to take his part, what a

                      Ok, if a man can do that, that is amazing, and if he can at least show the girls some respect that's the minimum, but to ask the man to treat them as his own, this is a big ask and expectation from someone who you said is not even having a relationship with you

                      What you have a described is despicable

                      I'd like to have seen how she would have treated someone else's child as her own, the lady can't even feed her own kids
                      ​​​​​
                      You don't have to provide any further updates, just make a decision about your future

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Abdi112 View Post
                        Had a lenghty discusion with her today and was saying to me she expects me to love her kids as they were my own and be a father to them. Ive already told her they dont accept me and ive tried and shes blaming me if they dont feel comfortable around me 'because i tell them off'

                        She then said if you cant do that they dont need you neither do I because we was fine before
                        Have some self respect and grow a pair.

                        Sorry, but you need to hear this.
                        You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                        You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Sorry, but it’s your fault for not discussing these important things prior. It’s still your fault for continuing with a woman with such horrible behavior.

                          Either get counseling and make firm rules which both of you abide by. Or call it a wrap. You will be hurt and go through a healing process. But that’s the price to pay for making a bad choice.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Abdi112 View Post
                            Had a lenghty discusion with her today and was saying to me she expects me to love her kids as they were my own and be a father to them. Ive already told her they dont accept me and ive tried and shes blaming me if they dont feel comfortable around me 'because i tell them off'

                            She then said if you cant do that they dont need you neither do I because we was fine before
                            5 & 7 are far too young to have developed such feelings towards you, esp if their father is not in their lives

                            It seems you got in over your head

                            She doesn't respect you and she is teaching her kids not to respect you

                            I rarely advocate for divorce, but this sound like a train wreck
                            .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
                            نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
                            دولة الإسلامية باقية





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