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struggling with suicidal thoughts and just life in general

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  • struggling with suicidal thoughts and just life in general

    i'm struggling so much with my mental health and i feel like i am drifting away from my religion and it hurts my heart so much. i still pray five times a day which is obviously just the bare minimum but i keep thinking about how i would read the Quran consistently and pray as soon as it was time to pray and just do so much more. i'm so embarrassed and ashamed. all i can ask Allah swt for is forgiveness. He has given me so much and i do absolutely nothing. everytime i pray i cry but cant find any words to say because i'm just so embarrassed and ashamed. i always get angry speaking to my parents and i immediately regret it but i am so rude to them all the time just out of anger and tiredness. i feel so disgusting but it feels like i never get better. it hurts me so much to imagine how i make my parents feel. one day they wont be here anymore and i know how much i will regret all the words ive said to them and the way ive treated them. im ashamed but i dont know where to go from here. ive always struggled with my mental health for many years - suicidal thoughts, depression, bad anxiety and paranoia, eating issues. but that is not an excuse for the way i act yet i never seem to change. im so regretful and ashamed especially knowing how much i have compared to others. Allah swt even blessed me with the chance of going and performing umrah which really pushed me forward in my deen. i know islam is the truth and i truly do love this religion from the bottom of my heart. i just want to end my life so badly but i cant out of fear. i am so tired of it all. school is killing me. i have exams after exams and everything is so overwhelming especially with uni coming up soon and a levels. i always get bad grades throughout the school year but again Allah swt always blesses me and somehow i do pull through in the exams that matter even though i hardly revise. im scared that i will mess up my future and im scared that i will be unable to manage uni as i havent been able to manage secondary school at all from year 7. im so tired of it. i dont know what to do anymore. i know Allah swt is so loving and forgiving but i just feel so ashamed by the person i am - my actions and my words especially. i'm so tired.

  • #2

    Can you talk to your family about your feelings, worries and thoughts?

    Did you visit your family doctor and talked about your tiredness?
    Did you got a simple blood tests in a while?

    Do you visit gym, what are your fitness levels? Fitness will improve your mental clarity, iq, work habits, concentration, memory etc. There are halal gyms for woman in UK.

    Can you go to library and study there. When you see people studying for hours, it'll motivate you.

    Some general microadjustments:
    you'll notice great changes over a month time, inshaAllah:
    -dring daily 2x200mL organic pomegranate juice with a tablespoon of raw organic honey
    -take 2x1 teaspoon of Nigella Sativa oil
    -cook on the mixture of olive oil/butter
    -spread olive oil after bath in a very tiny ammount over body and hair, just little wet palms
    -take Solgar multinutrients formula
    -drink organic milk and least 2x200 mL daily, or if you are allergic then fermeted
    -try to cut off at least 50% refined sugar intake
    -eat only wholegrain bread
    -add more eggs, nuts and organic juices and smoothies into diet
    -add daily 2x1-2 tablespoon of apple vinager into 100% organic apple juice 2-3 dL
    -take some brain formula like Neurozan etc.
    -eat Atlantic mackerel every other day

    Regarding study skills-they can be learnt and improved a lot also. Do you know about active recall and spaced repetition?

    Please do fast some nawafil days in a month.
    Last edited by Murid; 5 days ago. Reason: Typos and additions

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    • #3

      As a PS

      You should spend time learning Islam to.
      At least read one islamic book in a week-two.
      Learning Arabic-the more the better is very recommended.

      You should memorise duas for every situation and read them.

      https://www.ka.org.za/content/morning-and-evening-duas

      http://www.ibnekaseer.net/Books/Engl...aHathiyaar.pdf

      https://muslim.sg/articles/dua-befor...ing-in-english

      The duas carry a lot of both health, whealth, deene and dunya benefits-but, everything is interconnected.

      Comment


      • #4
        Just posting here so some others might be able to offer some words of advise and hope and encouragement, inshaa'Allah
        ​​Your du'aa... Always dear, always needed (Jazaa'akumullah Khair.)

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
          i'm struggling so much with my mental health and i feel like i am drifting away from my religion and it hurts my heart so much. i still pray five times a day which is obviously just the bare minimum but i keep thinking about how i would read the Quran consistently and pray as soon as it was time to pray and just do so much more. i'm so embarrassed and ashamed. all i can ask Allah swt for is forgiveness. He has given me so much and i do absolutely nothing. everytime i pray i cry but cant find any words to say because i'm just so embarrassed and ashamed. i always get angry speaking to my parents and i immediately regret it but i am so rude to them all the time just out of anger and tiredness. i feel so disgusting but it feels like i never get better. it hurts me so much to imagine how i make my parents feel. one day they wont be here anymore and i know how much i will regret all the words ive said to them and the way ive treated them. im ashamed but i dont know where to go from here. ive always struggled with my mental health for many years - suicidal thoughts, depression, bad anxiety and paranoia, eating issues. but that is not an excuse for the way i act yet i never seem to change. im so regretful and ashamed especially knowing how much i have compared to others. Allah swt even blessed me with the chance of going and performing umrah which really pushed me forward in my deen. i know islam is the truth and i truly do love this religion from the bottom of my heart. i just want to end my life so badly but i cant out of fear. i am so tired of it all. school is killing me. i have exams after exams and everything is so overwhelming especially with uni coming up soon and a levels. i always get bad grades throughout the school year but again Allah swt always blesses me and somehow i do pull through in the exams that matter even though i hardly revise. im scared that i will mess up my future and im scared that i will be unable to manage uni as i havent been able to manage secondary school at all from year 7. im so tired of it. i dont know what to do anymore. i know Allah swt is so loving and forgiving but i just feel so ashamed by the person i am - my actions and my words especially. i'm so tired.
          Firstly make shukr that you are ashamed this is a sign of Imaan. Most these days are shameless and arrogant about their sins and wrong doings even when it comes to parents. Just try to bare a little this life is short and the reward for patience is unimaginable. Please ask your parent for forgiveness and remember they are also a part of your test and one of these day when you return to your Lord all these tests will be no more and only the patience and forbearance we endured here will take us higher.

          We also going through stuff that we cant understand why the one dua we think is right for us just isnt coming about. But Almighty knows us better then we know ourselves.

          Ask Almighty for contentment... try to stay away from social media and try to be stadfast on zikr and tilawat daily.

          Go fix up with your parents then pray two rakaats of taubah and tell Almighty about all your issues if your mouth cant let your heart talk.

          No one is a true friend you can trust like the Almighty... let is all out to Him...

          Keep remembering we only have a few days left on this earth than the real life starts we just need to endure a little more.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            ....................................
            salam alaykum wa rahmat allah

            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            He has given me so much and i do absolutely nothing.
            you should try doing extra sunnah prayers or voluntary fasting like each monday and thursday 3 white days of each lunar month or the fasting of daoud inshaeallah fasting will solve your eating issues as well

            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            get angry speaking to my parents and i immediately regret it...............im ashamed but i dont know where to go from here
            regreting it alone isnt enought . eachtime you treat your parents badly go and apologies to them

            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            ive always struggled with my mental health for many years - suicidal thoughts, depression, bad anxiety and paranoia, eating issues
            try doing ruqya and you will get cured inshaeallah
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2Gj...HOTXGWm7cCC4rL
            watch this playlist to learn more

            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            i just want to end my life so badly
            muslim women around the world sturggling with deseases starvation getting bombed by the kuffar 24/7 getting thrown in the prison for no reason getting raped watching the kuffar kill their families kids brother husbands yet they dont want to end their life but you living a very luxurious life want to end your life . never say this again .and no mental health issues is no execuse for saying this

            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            school is killing me. i have exams after exams and everything is so overwhelming
            because you are giving school too much of a priority. the purpose of life is to worship god not to pass exams at school .getting good grades is good and whatnot but not mandatory

            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            im scared that i will mess up my future
            faillure at school = messing your future propaganda is made by secular goverments to give some fake sense of purpose to their young atheist communities . failling at school wont mess your future but failling this dunya test will do

            Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
            and im scared that i will be unable to manage uni as i havent been able to manage secondary school at all from year 7. im so tired of it
            stop making it a big deal then
















            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by cakeflower123 View Post
              i'm struggling so much with my mental health and i feel like i am drifting away from my religion and it hurts my heart so much. i still pray five times a day which is obviously just the bare minimum but i keep thinking about how i would read the Quran consistently and pray as soon as it was time to pray and just do so much more. i'm so embarrassed and ashamed. all i can ask Allah swt for is forgiveness. He has given me so much and i do absolutely nothing. everytime i pray i cry but cant find any words to say because i'm just so embarrassed and ashamed. i always get angry speaking to my parents and i immediately regret it but i am so rude to them all the time just out of anger and tiredness. i feel so disgusting but it feels like i never get better. it hurts me so much to imagine how i make my parents feel. one day they wont be here anymore and i know how much i will regret all the words ive said to them and the way ive treated them. im ashamed but i dont know where to go from here. ive always struggled with my mental health for many years - suicidal thoughts, depression, bad anxiety and paranoia, eating issues. but that is not an excuse for the way i act yet i never seem to change. im so regretful and ashamed especially knowing how much i have compared to others. Allah swt even blessed me with the chance of going and performing umrah which really pushed me forward in my deen. i know islam is the truth and i truly do love this religion from the bottom of my heart. i just want to end my life so badly but i cant out of fear. i am so tired of it all. school is killing me. i have exams after exams and everything is so overwhelming especially with uni coming up soon and a levels. i always get bad grades throughout the school year but again Allah swt always blesses me and somehow i do pull through in the exams that matter even though i hardly revise. im scared that i will mess up my future and im scared that i will be unable to manage uni as i havent been able to manage secondary school at all from year 7. im so tired of it. i dont know what to do anymore. i know Allah swt is so loving and forgiving but i just feel so ashamed by the person i am - my actions and my words especially. i'm so tired.
              reading this made me feel like i was reading about myself. i've struggled through the same issues my dear, LITERALLY the same exact things -- i have pretty bad anxiety, and as a result depression, i also have struggled a lot in school academically (especially in English and Math) and had eating problems (i don't know if yours is leaning towards anorexia, but mine was a very bad binge disorder. when i had such bad mental health issues, eating was my only comfort and escape, and i gained so much weight. embarrassing i know)

              some of these things i am still struggling with, but my only solace is that Allah SWT knows about our despair and Hears our cries. He knows how broken our hearts are, and only He is able to help. I'm not the most religious but I know that the horrible things that have happened in my life, happened for a reason. Whether its because Allah wants to get rid of all my sins in this life so that I come to Him with a pure clean slate in the next, or whether its because He is simply testing me... Wallahi i do not know but when i think of these things it gives me sooo much peace. Sister Allah would never ever make you go through all these hardships "just because", He would never just sit back and allow these to happen to you, there is always always ALWAYS a reason. Allah loves you so much more than you know.

              i'm not perfect at all, i need to become better in my Deen, but i no longer have resentment when i think of the bad things that have happened to me and the things that continue to happen to me.

              because i know He loves me and wants only good for me.

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