Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I was sexually abused by my brother

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I was sexually abused by my brother

    I'm sorry for a very long post and I dont know why I'm posting this or what I want out of it but Its something I've never told anyone and i feel like the only way I can is anonymously. Actually thinking back to it and talking about is very hard. I've been sexually abused and raped by my older brother when I was younger. He's 13 years older than me. Im 20 years old now. I can't exactly remember but I think I was between 8-10 years old when it started and it went on until I was about 13 maybe even 14 years old. I might be a little off with the ages but it went on for a long time. I am so disgusted. Its so disgusting. I feel so ashamed and guilty. The thing is, I was old enough to know what was happening. Sometimes I would hangout or watch TV with him alone or whenever I was alone he would come to me and touch me. He performed several different sexual acts on me. But it's like I wanted it at times, he would do it and I'd let him for a bit and I think I may have sort of liked it at times. He would sort of force himself on me and at one point I would try to push away but he wouldn't stop immediately because he thought I liked it. But I would also say I'm going to tell mum and dad for him to stop. I would always pretend like nothing ever happened and just carry on talking to him as normal when not alone. I cant believe this happened to me. This is so so wrong. Its incest and its absolutely disgusting. I feel so bad. I feel like it's partly my fault.

    The fact that it's a Muslim brother. Its so sickening. I hate him so much. I hate what he did to me. He is so digusting. I can't put it into words. It's his fault because he was much older and he did it to me. He was the second oldest brother out of 4 brothers. I wish he was never born. But I feel like it's also my fault and I feel like I just want to die right now. I don't know what kind of human would ever do this. I hate that this memory keeps popping up sometimes. I just want to forget what happened. It's so messed up.

    Not only that but there was also another time when I was like 9/10 years old and I was being home schooled for learning Quran and the imam teaching me and my older brother (youngest out of the 4) was a 40 year old paedophile. One day whilst I was reading he molested me and just touched my breasts quickly. I was extremely uncomfortable and I didn't know what to do. I was too afraid to say anything. My brother was sitting on the other side and I dont think he saw. I just act like it didn't happen. I cant believe a religious teacher could do that sort of thing, it's so disgusting and shocking. He also had a wife and kids. He also would look at me pervertedly. He would come outside my primary school and see me from the gates. I felt like he was stalking me.

    Then one day when he came to teach again, we were reading and my brother got up and left the room for a moment, and I was sitting on the end and he was on the side. He was on his phone and then he opened the flip case and showed the phone to me quickly. I saw a quick glimpse of it and then he put it away. I didn't know what it was called at that time but after I had realised he was watching porn. I am so disgusted. I'm in so many emotions right now.
    Why did these things have to happen to me especially with my brother. The fact that he's married and is expecting a baby soon. But I'm living in the same house as him having to interact at times and just living life as everything is normal. But now I just wanna get away from him. I just dont want him in my life. I feel so angry.

    I wish I could tell everyone what he did so they all know what an awful disgusting sick person he is. I hate to admit it but I watch porn alot and have been for a while but im trying to stop. It's like I'm almost addicted to it and I don't even know why I do it, sometimes I like it but at the same time I feel disgusted. It's so haram and wrong. But i think that because of what I've been exposed to at such a young age its caused me to be obsessed with sex and sexual desires and porn since I was like 14. I dont understand how it had come to this. I hate this and I hate myself. I'm messed up and my life is so messed. I was and still am so helpless and ashamed, guilty and everything. I dont know what to do. I dont know how I can ever tell my family or anyone this. Well Im just going to continue living my life as I have been and keep moving on trying to avoid contact with him as much as possible.

    Fortunately, it hasn't affected me so much to the point that I have PTSD or nightmares or something severe. I'm actually fine and it's never really affected me, like I've never thought about it and I've just ignored it. I've just been living my life as normal like nothing has ever happened. When I was younger I didn't even realise the magnitude of what was happening. But I could sense it wasn't right but I still gave in to it and let it happen for so long.

    But lately it's been coming to my mind. Only now that I'm older do I realise the gravity of what happened. It's not haunting me at least it hasn't been, and like looking back, I actually can't believe these things have happened to me. That I'm a victim of abuse. I just wish for it to be completely erased off my memory. I just hope I can still enter Jannah and I pray that Allah forgives me for everything.
    Thank you for taking the to read this.
    Last edited by Tanz76; Yesterday, 05:40 AM.

  • #2
    Sister tell your parents.

    Can anyone else help this sister too?

    Indefinable eesa the kiwi Abu Abdur_Rahman Loving first people coming to mind
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

    Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

    Comment


    • #3
      Sorry that such terrible things have happened to you. It's not your fault. You were very young at the time and they took advantage of their positions of authority over you. None of this is your fault. You might want to watch this:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oU1...7&index=9&t=0s
      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

      Comment


      • #4
        What is the Islamic stance tiwards the Muslim brother who performed this act towards her own sister? And the Ustad who touched her and behaved inappropriately?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post
          What is the Islamic stance tiwards the Muslim brother who performed this act towards her own sister? And the Ustad who touched her and behaved inappropriately?
          They get a strong punishment.

          There is a hadith of a man who was given capital punishment for raping a woman:


          Abu Alqama reported: A woman went out to pray during the time of the Prophet and she was met by a man who attacked her and raped her. She said, “This man has molested me!” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
          ارْجُمُوهُ

          He is condemned to death.

          Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1454, Grade: Sahih

          Also Abu Bakr followed the Prophet PBUH's law in that he did not punish any victim of sexual abuse.
          Nafi’ reported:
          أَنَّ رَجُلاً أَضَافَ أَهْلَ بَيْتٍ فَاسْتَكْرَهَ مِنْهُمَ امْرَأَةً فَرُفِعَ ذَلِكَ إِلَى أَبِي بَكْرٍ فَضَرَبَهُ وَنَفَاهُ وَلَمْ يَضْرِبْ الْمَرْأَةَ

          A man was invited as a guest of the family of a household, then he forced himself upon a woman among them. It was referred to Abu Bakr, so he flogged him and expelled him, and he did not flog the woman.

          Source: Muṣannaf Ibn Abī Shaybah 29013
          وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

          And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


          أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

          Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


          Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

          Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

          Comment


          • #6
            Assalamu Alaykum,

            I can't help with much else, but just wanted to say you should not blame yourself. You were young and vulnerable and taken advantage of by someone older and stronger who was supposed to protect, not hurt you. Your feelings of self blame are common as many people who get abused also report feeling the same. There are some free Muslim Counselling sites online. You can remain anonymous on them. You should really consider talking to someone with professional knowledge to help you overcome this. I'll see if I can find and post them.

            I am sorry for your pain and suffering, talk to Allah and ask him to help you heal.
            Last edited by Zuli; 15-01-20, 02:38 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Sister, be careful about rushing to tell your parents. This is a very serious matter and can cause a lot of problems in a family. It is not your fault, so please don't think that I am blaming you, but as this is a very serious matter, you have to be careful. Allah knows best about how your parents would react, but there have been cases where parents were informed and the girls were accused of lying, they shunned the daughter, etc. You should talk this over with someone who knows a lot about this topic and has knowledge of Islam before making a decision like that.
              قد كانت لكم أسوة حسنة في إبراهيم والذين معه إذ قالوا لقومهم إنا برآء منكم ومما تعبدون من دون الله كفرنا بكم وبدا بيننا وبينكم العداوة والبغضاء أبدا حتى تؤمنوا بالله وحده

              Comment


              • #8
                Please speak to someone who can help professionally, respected sister, or at least who can get you in touch with people who can.
                ​​​
                Just the reading alone of some of what's written is incredibly disturbing... For someone to actually have actually gone through this... You really do need to speak with those who have experience in dealing with this and can help you in person.

                ​​​​​​Those of us who haven't gone through such terrible ordeals can't ever imagine the difficulty you've endured. It's incomprehensible how people can bring themselves to do such things. So sad to see you say you feel as though you are to blame, as seems to be the case with others who have gone through similar.

                As the sister mentioned above, its not inconceivable that you could be treated with distrust, shunned, etc. It happens a lot in our community unfortunately where families refuse to acknowledge such things.



                ( https://aafiyahproject.org/need-help/

                There are a few numbers, emails on there from a few Muslim organisations. (a few are non Muslim.)


                ​​​

                LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAAH
                -------------------------------------

                ​​​​​NOTE: Please kindly avoid 'liking' my posts (Jazaa'akumullah khair)

                Comment


                • #9
                  If this is all true, then I agree that you have to weigh the positives and negatives of telling your parents. Speaking to someone who has experience with this will be the best.

                  Other than that, there's not much else you can do about your past. What they did was extreme dhulm (oppression), the effects of which will stay with you until you die if Allah wills. The only thing to do is to turn to Allah, make du'a to Him to relieve you of the horrors of your past, and for Allah to turn it into a reward for you in the Hereafter. Pray on time, make your goal the Hereafter, and seek healing from the Quran.

                  Lastly, you said you are 20 years old. This is a very critical time in your life for you. What you have to do is drop everything in your life (worldly pursuits, career this or career that), and instead focus on solving this issue of yours, which is that the past is haunting you, it is causing you to watch pornography, and it may ruin your Hereafter. There is no greater loss than that.

                  So, if you think marriage will help your issue, seek to get married. If you think traveling will and getting away, try to live elsewhere. Don't let worldly pursuits get in the way of you finding a solution for this.

                  All these negative feelings and thoughts are from the Shaytan. You need to protect yourself from it.
                  Last edited by Abu Abdur_Rahman; 15-01-20, 07:20 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post
                    If this is all true, then I agree that you have to weigh the positives and negatives of telling your parents. Speaking to someone who has experience with this will be the best.

                    Other than that, there's not much else you can do about your past. What they did was extreme dhulm (oppression), the effects of which will stay with you until you die if Allah wills. The only thing to do is to turn to Allah, make du'a to Him to relieve you of the horrors of your past, and for Allah to turn it into a reward for you in the Hereafter. Pray on time, make your goal the Hereafter, and seek healing from the Quran.

                    Lastly, you said you are 20 years old. This is a very critical time in your life for you. What you have to do is drop everything in your life (worldly pursuits, career this or career that), and instead focus on solving this issue of yours, which is that the past is haunting you, it is causing you to watch pornography, and it may ruin your Hereafter. There is no greater loss than that.

                    So, if you think marriage will help your issue, seek to get married. If you think traveling will and getting away, try to live elsewhere. Don't let worldly pursuits get in the way of you finding a solution for this.

                    All these negative feelings and thoughts are from the Shaytan. You need to protect yourself from it.
                    Assalaamu alaikum

                    Actually she should continue to focus on education and studies. It will make her more independent and focus and can help her keep her mind busy.

                    Being idle in regards to worldly activities can make one more feel low - and can stop people looking after their lives and hygiene, eating and general motivation.

                    She should also definitely try to focus on building a relationship with Allah and confessing all her problems to Allah, too.

                    This helps a lot. Even non-Muslim psychologists encourage their patients to do mind-fullness and breathing activities.

                    Dua, salat and dhikr has a more cooling effect and center u more then that meditation, cos u are trying to reach out to your Creator and thank Him and talk to Him - though breathing activities are pretty cool.

                    So, yes I was wrong to quickly suggest speaking to her parents right off the bat. It is better to speak to an organization or people who have expertise in this field

                    I think Fakhri-bin-Ali had posted an Islamic charity and organization for that, so alhamdulilah
                    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                    Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Why you people calling him a sister, he is a male.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        First and foremost it is NOT your fault. You were a child victim who was abused by people who had authority over you. It is a very big test and I would suggest making istikhara about whether to divulge this information. If your brother or the imam have access to other children then I would inform the police in the hope that their chances of abusing other children are minimized.

                        I cannot see how renouncing all worldly activities will help, you need to focus on building up your own life and that includes making an independent living for yourself. Definitely contact abuse charities as they will be able to signpost you on to counselling.

                        last but not least take this matter up with your Lord, who is owt just. A believer is not even pricked by a thorn except that he is rewarded for it. Be patient and you will get a great return and your oppressors will get a fit punishment. This does not mean that you have to forgive or forget though.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by ThisIsJannah View Post
                          Why you people calling him a sister, he is a male.
                          Nope. Read again.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post
                            If this is all true, then I agree that you have to weigh the positives and negatives of telling your parents. Speaking to someone who has experience with this will be the best.

                            Other than that, there's not much else you can do about your past. What they did was extreme dhulm (oppression), the effects of which will stay with you until you die if Allah wills. The only thing to do is to turn to Allah, make du'a to Him to relieve you of the horrors of your past, and for Allah to turn it into a reward for you in the Hereafter. Pray on time, make your goal the Hereafter, and seek healing from the Quran.

                            Lastly, you said you are 20 years old. This is a very critical time in your life for you. What you have to do is drop everything in your life (worldly pursuits, career this or career that), and instead focus on solving this issue of yours, which is that the past is haunting you, it is causing you to watch pornography, and it may ruin your Hereafter. There is no greater loss than that.

                            So, if you think marriage will help your issue, seek to get married. If you think traveling will and getting away, try to live elsewhere. Don't let worldly pursuits get in the way of you finding a solution for this.

                            All these negative feelings and thoughts are from the Shaytan. You need to protect yourself from it.
                            Yes, this is all true. Why would I be lying about this? Just a few days ago, I was talking to my older sister over text about family matters and all of a sudden she told me that our brother sexually abused her when she was younger and then asked if it happened to me too. He's also one of the main reasons why she moved out for good after uni.

                            It actually hasn't been haunting me or affecting me much. I've just never thought about it and just been living my life as normal. But only until my sister mentioned it, the thought of what's happened had come back to me and makes me want to tell someone. Only now have I realised the magnitude of what's happened.

                            I do want to get married ASAP but I know I'm not ready yet and I want to make sure that I find a good partner. I wish I could live elsewhere but it wouldn't be possible right now. I just wish that he wasn't living here and I know they're not going to move out anytime soon.
                            Last edited by Tanz76; Yesterday, 04:55 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by ThisIsJannah View Post
                              Why you people calling him a sister, he is a male.
                              I'm a female

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X