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Severely depressed, don't know what to do

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Maria fatima View Post

    As of now, I'm just afraid of getting married. All my life I tried so hard to be perfect, be kind and humble, study hard, obey my parents just to compensate this flaw of mine but it didn't happen. I see myself as a failure and a loser. I've failed in all walks of life. So far behind my peers and friends. I don't think I'll ever catch up.
    I'm sorry if I've misinterpreted but it sounds like you avoided the question. If you are unwilling to accept someone in similar situation then I'm afraid it is kind of hypocritical. I guess it's a common human behaviour where we are good at overlooking our own flaws but magnifying those of others.  

    As for comparing yourself to others, no good will come of it. Only look at pious righteousness people and aim to try and emulate their level of faith and good deeds. I understand your immature parents are an unnecessary  cause of stress, just know that this life is a test. But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow.Even darkness must pass. A new day will come.And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. 

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    • #17
      I'm sorry if u felt that way. I'm open to accept anyone with a disability I guess. But if u asked me this question a couple of years ago I would have said no (I didnt thought something was that wrong with me to be honest). I've spent all my life thinking I was normal and competing with normal people. Having recently diagnosed with this makes a lot of sense of how my life has been so far, (socially awkward, low self esteem, being ignored and stuff) so I don't expect much now. I've been weak all my life and everyone is like whats the big deal with u. The problem is that I'm not abnormal either so I can't disclose this problem and discuss it with anyone. I tried talking to a friend of mine but she thought it was all in my head and I was not just privileged to be one of the best looking people (which a surgery can fix). If someone is missing a leg or an arm people acknowledge it, understand it and they have some sympathy for that person. So u see I'm neither normal or abnormal. I dont know what I am myself and I don't know how to behave anymore. "I've spent my whole life as an ugly duckling when I wasnt even a duckling at all."
      Last edited by Maria fatima; 15-11-19, 08:49 AM.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

        I don't know, sister. I know it must hurt you, but after looking at how it affects people, I don't think it's that big of a deal. If it's just your jaw, then I don't think this would take much away from the beauty of your face. Facial features are what determines someones beauty. If someone would reject you over your jaw, then this just goes to show how superficial they are. If they think you're "abnormal" because of your facial asymmetry, then it goes to show how closeminded and uneducated they are. Be grateful because this is acting as a filter.

        And yes, count your blessings. It's better to have facial asymmetry and to have money than to be poor and vulnerable out on the streets with a symmetrical face. It's better to have good character, deen and an asymmetrical face than to have a symmetrical face and a nasty character with no deen. No one is perfect and everyone is lacking in some areas.

        You're putting too much pressure on yourself because of the ignorance of others. I know it's easier said than done, but try to not let this bother you so much. Look on the bright side and count your blessings. Make dua for a righteous husband and continue to try to work on your flaws. You will get married when it's written for you. Don't let these ignorant people make you feel bad about yourself to the point shaytan suggests that you take your own life. You need to reject these thoughts. Is the chance of going to the hellfire worth escaping this temporary pain? Have patience and ease will come. Have hope in Allah. If He can create the universe with how expansive, detailed and perfect it is, then remember that finding you a good husband is easy for Him. Keep making dua and don't give up on it.
        He made everything perfect but He intentionally didn't made me perfect and I would never know why. And there is no one who can tell me why. I will never get an answer to this question. I really am not a strong person like others when it comes to faith. I'm afraid if this might be a tipping point in my life to make me go astray.

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        • #19
          No one wants to get to know me lol.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Maria fatima View Post
            He made everything perfect but He intentionally didn't made me perfect and I would never know why. And there is no one who can tell me why. I will never get an answer to this question. I really am not a strong person like others when it comes to faith. I'm afraid if this might be a tipping point in my life to make me go astray.
            Sister, not everything is perfect. You may have a slight problem with your jaw, but this is not the end of the world for you.

            There are people who have life-threatening illnesses that leave them bedridden and their bodies ache with pain. You are not in this position. There are women and children who live on the streets, do not have much access to food and are exposed to disgusting, filthy men who prey on them every single day. You are not homeless, starving and victim to violent predators on the streets. There are people sitting in prison around thugs and criminals for a crime they did not commit. You have freedom and worldly comfort. Examples can go on and on.

            Say Alhamdulillah. Would you rather have your life or theirs? There are people who are in positions far worse than yours, and some of these people are believers who still have good opinions about Allah. Do not allow shaytan to make you think you are imperfect while others are perfect. Everyone has a struggle, big or small, so you are not alone in this.

            Don't despair because of your condition. At least this is fixable or can be overlooked. You are only looking at one aspect of yourself while ignoring others. Your jaw has a slight problem, but your body functions smoothly. Your organs work and are intact. Alhamdulillah.

            Take this situation as an opportunity to get close to Allah. Fix your salah, have good company and put your trust in Him. Make plenty of istighfar. Make lots of dua for a good, righteous husband. Maybe if you fix your deen and focus on religious suitors, you will find someone who isn't superficial and couldn't care less about perfection.
            Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

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            • #21
              Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

              Sister, not everything is perfect. You may have a slight problem with your jaw, but this is not the end of the world for you.

              There are people who have life-threatening illnesses that leave them bedridden and their bodies ache with pain. You are not in this position. There are women and children who live on the streets, do not have much access to food and are exposed to disgusting, filthy men who prey on them every single day. You are not homeless, starving and victim to violent predators on the streets. There are people sitting in prison around thugs and criminals for a crime they did not commit. You have freedom and worldly comfort. Examples can go on and on.

              Say Alhamdulillah. Would you rather have your life or theirs? There are people who are in positions far worse than yours, and some of these people are believers who still have good opinions about Allah. Do not allow shaytan to make you think you are imperfect while others are perfect. Everyone has a struggle, big or small, so you are not alone in this.

              Don't despair because of your condition. At least this is fixable or can be overlooked. You are only looking at one aspect of yourself while ignoring others. Your jaw has a slight problem, but your body functions smoothly. Your organs work and are intact. Alhamdulillah.

              Take this situation as an opportunity to get close to Allah. Fix your salah, have good company and put your trust in Him. Make plenty of istighfar. Make lots of dua for a good, righteous husband. Maybe if you fix your deen and focus on religious suitors, you will find someone who isn't superficial and couldn't care less about perfection.
              I'm indeed blessed with a lot, even more than I can ever be thankful for. But the point in my life right now is that I'm facing this particular problem and it is only fixable with sugery, going abroad, spending a lot of money and time and has its own risks because my nerves work fine. Should I even consider surgery? As for my future it is not very safe either, my father is the only source of support for me both financially and emotionally. As for my brother, he is not that much of a support for me. He made fun of me when I was young and all I could do was cry. I never had much expectations from him. Got No other sibling, so I don't know what I'll do after my parents r gone. I'll have no one to talk to. All my friends are busy with their own families and they cant really help me in this so can't talk to them either. I'll just have to deal with all this on my own.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Maria fatima View Post

                I'm indeed blessed with a lot, even more than I can ever be thankful for. But the point in my life right now is that I'm facing this particular problem and it is only fixable with sugery, going abroad, spending a lot of money and time and has its own risks because my nerves work fine. Should I even consider surgery? As for my future it is not very safe either, my father is the only source of support for me both financially and emotionally. As for my brother, he is not that much of a support for me. He made fun of me when I was young and all I could do was cry. I never had much expectations from him. Got No other sibling, so I don't know what I'll do after my parents r gone. I'll have no one to talk to. All my friends are busy with their own families and they cant really help me in this so can't talk to them either. I'll just have to deal with all this on my own.
                Maybe before trying surgery, try what was mentioned in the last paragraph. Keep asking Allah to guide you to what is best.

                I sorry to hear that he did that to you. But you really never know what the future holds, sister. Don't anticipate anything so soon.
                Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

                  Maybe before trying surgery, try what was mentioned in the last paragraph. Keep asking Allah to guide you to what is best.

                  I sorry to hear that he did that to you. But you really never know what the future holds, sister. Don't anticipate anything so soon.
                  I'm sorry for being so hopeless and sad. I know this behavior and thought process of mine isn't helping me. Who knows, I would just be dead tomorrow and none of this would matter anymore. Nobody knows what the future holds but it just looks dark to me. Its all happening because I'm alive, I'm causing distress to my parents and my friends (they r just tired taking about my unique problems) and I'm causing distress to u guys too. I'm just in pain, I've been in pain all my life but now its becoming too much. I hope God forgives me for losing hope. This world is beautiful and so r all the people, I just don't belong here no matter how much I try. I never belonged here anyways.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Maria fatima View Post

                    I'm sorry for being so hopeless and sad. I know this behavior and thought process of mine isn't helping me. Who knows, I would just be dead tomorrow and none of this would matter anymore. Nobody knows what the future holds but it just looks dark to me. Its all happening because I'm alive, I'm causing distress to my parents and my friends (they r just tired taking about my unique problems) and I'm causing distress to u guys too. I'm just in pain, I've been in pain all my life but now its becoming too much. I hope God forgives me for losing hope. This world is beautiful and so r all the people, I just don't belong here no matter how much I try. I never belonged here anyways.
                    There is no need to be sorry. You're not bothering anyone here. I'm sure everyone is just concerned with how sad you are. It's not easy.

                    You need to work on your self-esteem. Sometimes when you don't value yourself, you tend to think that people hate you and this idea is also encouraged by waswas. Shaytan wants us to feel low and depressed. Things probably aren't as bad as you think. This could all be in your head. And I'm not trying to make you feel crazy, I'm just speaking from experience. You just have to be careful about the way you perceive things. Interpreting everything as a sign that people dislike you is very dangerous.

                    You may see darkness as a reality for you when it's not. A lot of people in difficult situations see the future as bleak, but when what was the future becomes the present, they see that things aren't nearly as bad as they thought it would be.
                    Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

                      There is no need to be sorry. You're not bothering anyone here. I'm sure everyone is just concerned with how sad you are. It's not easy.

                      You need to work on your self-esteem. Sometimes when you don't value yourself, you tend to think that people hate you and this idea is also encouraged by waswas. Shaytan wants us to feel low and depressed. Things probably aren't as bad as you think. This could all be in your head. And I'm not trying to make you feel crazy, I'm just speaking from experience. You just have to be careful about the way you perceive things. Interpreting everything as a sign that people dislike you is very dangerous.

                      You may see darkness as a reality for you when it's not. A lot of people in difficult situations see the future as bleak, but when what was the future becomes the present, they see that things aren't nearly as bad as they thought it would be.
                      I've worked on my self for years. But all in vain. Everyday has been a struggle since I turned 14. I'm not exaggerating. I was afraid things would turn out to be bad and they turned out to be worst. Same goes for my future. I just don't want to live after my parents r gone because I won't be able to face this world alone. Thats all I want really.
                      Last edited by Maria fatima; 17-11-19, 07:12 AM.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Maria fatima View Post

                        I've worked on my self for years. But all in vain. Everyday has been a struggle since I turned 14. I'm not exaggerating. I was afraid things would turn out to be bad and they turned out to be worst. Same goes for my future. I just don't want to live after my parents r gone because I won't be able to face this world alone. Thats all I want really.
                        Sorry, sister, but I think there is some exaggeration in your thinking if you assume you're distressing people on here. You won't be able to sense that you're thinking the wrong way because it makes sense to you despite the fact that it's far removed from reality. Maybe just the way you assumed that we feel negatively about you, maybe you did the same with your parents. Maybe they're somehwat worried, but it doesn't mean that you're ruining their lives... Or maybe you're misinterpreting things. Maybe they're bothered by other things at times and you're assuming it's about you.

                        I apologize if I offended you, but I felt that there's a need to be completely honest with you here.

                        Try to be optimistic about the future and have hope in Allah. You really don't know how things will turn out. Maybe you'll be married, maybe your brother's heart will soften, maybe you'll be self-sufficient, etc.
                        Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

                          Sorry, sister, but I think there is some exaggeration in your thinking if you assume you're distressing people on here. You won't be able to sense that you're thinking the wrong way because it makes sense to you despite the fact that it's far removed from reality. Maybe just the way you assumed that we feel negatively about you, maybe you did the same with your parents. Maybe they're somehwat worried, but it doesn't mean that you're ruining their lives... Or maybe you're misinterpreting things. Maybe they're bothered by other things at times and you're assuming it's about you.

                          I apologize if I offended you, but I felt that there's a need to be completely honest with you here.

                          Try to be optimistic about the future and have hope in Allah. You really don't know how things will turn out. Maybe you'll be married, maybe your brother's heart will soften, maybe you'll be self-sufficient, etc.
                          May God forgive me for being ignorant and ungrateful and bless all of us with the best of both worlds. May He have mercy on my parents and ease these worldly affairs for them. AMEEN

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                          • #28
                            keep making duaa, things change in a matter of days weeks etc honestly as long as your're trying Allah will provide just don't loose hope no matter how tiring it may get, may Allah ease your sitution and strengthen you through it, you go this

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