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  • Mother asking me for money for brother?

    Assalaamualykum, in my entire life my mother has never asked me for a penny, Iíve had hard times and whenever I did ask for help my mother often refused, a few occasions my mother did help me financially but I was given a strict four week deadline as to when I need the to return the loan. Alhamdullilah Iím in a much better financial situation etc and a few months ago I disclosed to my mother how much money I have saved for my children. I usually donít discuss my financial situation with family I have my reasons. A week after mentioning this to my mother her n my elder brother said they need to borrow a few thousand pound from me, i was baffled as my brother in a very good profession; he has a few properties, and also has his own business on the side. I didnít refuse and said to my mother that I will give it. My mother knows that my daughters account has more money but I explained to my mother I have no access to that account till my daughter is 18, my brother asked why can it not be taken from your daughters account n he hinted he only wants it from her account. ive never asked my family for help, after I left my abusive husband I went back into education and we survived of benefits, I needed money to renovate my house I asked my mother n she refused n argued with me in front of my relatives. ¬*N asked me to leave. I had to rely on job centre loans n did part time jobs to renovate my house for my children. Alhamdullilah with Allahs grace I am in a much better position today. My mother didnít ask me for money as she was angry that I didnít give it her myself after she mentioned it I explained to my dear mother not to get angry and I was waiting for her to tell me when to transfer it to my brothers account. Few weeks went by my mother said she now needs the money for my younger brother as she wants to buy him a house. I agreed, but in this duration my mother said he doesnít want a house hence I thought ok, and have now invested that money into another home? Only a few days ago my mother said my brother doesnít want a house. I called my mother just today and asked her how she is out of the blue she said I need the money heís buying a house now and I was baffled I was put on the spot and said yes. Truth is I donít have no money to give Iíve invested it in another home. I text my elder brother n told him this n told him how I feel so bad, I genuinely do. He said to me not to worry. I feel so bad, but Iím confused because my family is financially well off, why does my mother want my money.? My elder brother lives with my mother he has a lot of money. The other day he bought a watch for £7,000. My mother has my daughter living with her too, my daughter wants to come see me but she said grandma is saying I have to ask permission before she sees me otherwise fights will happen between her and my elder brother. Iím so confused. I donít know whatís going on. My mother said she wants to keep my daughter with her to make her a better person etc. Iím scared that my mothers going to be upset but I spoke to a friend and she told me not to be upset or scared because my family have a lot of money and firstly they shouldnít even be asking for me for money. I donít know what Iím going to say to my mother tomorrow or whenever she rings me. I showed my younger brother that Iíve soonsored two orphans itís righr after that my mother called me. Am i being bad by not giving her the money? In the past my mother took money from me saying sheís need of it but later on I come to know it wasnít for my mother it was for her friend and Iíve never got that money back till this day. I forgave the lady. Iím not greedy, I just canít ¬*get my bid round things.¬*

  • #2
    And my mother asked me for money before my daughter went to live with her. Itís only been a few days my daughter is with my mother. Two years ago my mother took my daughter from school and kept her at her house. When I went to see my daughter with my son my mother closed the door on me, Allah is my witness I didnít even do anything and was confused? I was deeply hurt. My mother then left for Pakistan, and I wanted to see my daughter my elder brother said I canít and he needs to ask for mums permission again I was baffled ¬*till one day my daughter called my work place n said she wants me to pick her up, I went to get my daughter and my brother and sister would not let me take her, I got hit too but fought back. I donít know whatís going on coz my family repeated what my in-laws did to me with my son. I know that no one will believe or understand that this Cannot happen without a reason there was no reason. Me and my daughter left and then when it was my younger brothers wedding my mother came t me and everything was fine. Iím happy and sad that my daughter is with my mother. I get scared when I get flashbacks from the past. At times I get scared thinking my mother is using my daughter as revenge on my first husband from Pakistan as sheís said this many times. Please do dua for me
    Last edited by Sila; 16-05-19, 11:42 PM.

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    • #3
      Your child should be with you unless you are mentally or physically unwell to look after your child.

      You're in the UK so you could get the authorities involved because from the sounds of it, they want your daughter's money.

      You are in a better position Alhamdullilah

      Don't share anything about your money with your mother anymore or anyone else.

      Don't give her money either because they are financially well off.

      Protect yourself from the evil eye and recite surahs daily.

      ¬*
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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      • #4
        You have to ask your mum where the money is going

        Most importantly why are they interested in your daughter's savings?

        And why on Earth does she have your daughter?

        It's like a pakistani drama

        ‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚ÄLudicrous, very appalling¬*
        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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        • #5
          JazakAllah for replying. My daughter was residing with me but I was against her keeping a smartphone, Iím not from the dark ages, far from it. I wanted her to stop social media etc and only focus on education and deen. This created some problems, last year in December my daughter broke my heart and walked out on me and said she is going to live with her father. Grass isnít always greener on the other side. My daughter would message me, call me and cry on the phone and tell me how her dads wife calls her names, makes her do all the house chores and they donít feed her. I raised this concern with her father but he took no notice. I called the police many times too but police did not care. Up until last week my daughters father said to me that he has to keep his wife happy he cannot keep my daughter at his house and is going to send her to social devices kids zone. I explained to him that will never happen, I spoke to my daughter and explained to her that my doors are always open for her but this time round she must obey my rules. I just want respect. My mother rang me and said itís best she keeps my daughter and my daughter agreed. ¬*As grandma is allowing her to keep a smart phone so thatís the story behind it all.¬*

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
            You have to ask your mum where the money is going

            Most importantly why are they interested in your daughter's savings?

            And why on Earth does she have your daughter?

            It's like a pakistani drama

            ‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚Äč‚ÄLudicrous, very appalling¬*
            my mother said itís to buy my younger brother a house, but just a few days ago my mother said he doesnít want to buy a house? Should I feel bad that I have now invested it and I cannot give it to my mother? May Allah forgive me if Iím thinking weird. And my family has money. Iím not bragging. ¬*I explained to my mum my daughters money cannot be accessed. Itís for her university and marriage etc. Then my mother said for me to transfer it from my sons account. I feel so guilty I wish this feeling would go away. Yes I will recite for evil eye.¬*


            ¬*

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Sila View Post
              JazakAllah for replying. My daughter was residing with me but I was against her keeping a smartphone, Iím not from the dark ages, far from it. I wanted her to stop social media etc and only focus on education and deen. This created some problems, last year in December my daughter broke my heart and walked out on me and said she is going to live with her father. Grass isnít always greener on the other side. My daughter would message me, call me and cry on the phone and tell me how her dads wife calls her names, makes her do all the house chores and they donít feed her. I raised this concern with her father but he took no notice. I called the police many times too but police did not care. Up until last week my daughters father said to me that he has to keep his wife happy he cannot keep my daughter at his house and is going to send her to social devices kids zone. I explained to him that will never happen, I spoke to my daughter and explained to her that my doors are always open for her but this time round she must obey my rules. I just want respect. My mother rang me and said itís best she keeps my daughter and my daughter agreed. ¬*As grandma is allowing her to keep a smart phone so thatís the story behind it all.¬*
              You did the right thing by telling her to obey the rules and not allowing her a smartphone. Explain to her the reasons behind all that.

              The dad should have shown her some discipline instead of being irresponsible.

              Don't give your daughter's money to your mum. Keep it for her studies and try to be her friend-someone she can talk to and role model.

              Teach her about the religion and if you have mosques nearby, take her to sisters events that might inspire her to be more practising and respectful.

              Also, keep your communication with your mum as polite but firm as possible. Your daughter will watch and learn otherwise.

              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Tell your mum you are not going to give money to your brother to buy a house.

                Don't feel bad.
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  Yes I am trying to be her friend too as friendship is the base of every relationship.¬*

                  Mt daughrer is praying her salaah regularly at my mothers house and Iím happy she is. And Iíve never spoke to my mother with disrespect I think I do need to be more firm, as my daughter called me today and asked me a question, she asked me ďwhy are you so scared of grandma?Ē¬*

                  I was very very young when I had my daughter.¬*

                  Today when I called my mother, she asked me for money and said the house sale will commence, and I was put on the spot and said yes because a few months ago I did say to my mother I wil give her the money, but during the period up until now my mother said no house will Be purchased hence I have now invested my sons money. I feel bad because when my mumum asked me today I said yes I will give it, but when I ended the call I thought what did I just say? I had no courage to say no to my mum. I had to text my elder brother and tell him the situation. I just donít know what to say to my mum when I speak to her. Sorry for rambling on. Lol at Pakistani drama.¬*

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                    Tell your mum you are not going to give money to your brother to buy a house.

                    Don't feel bad.
                    I wish I had said this when my mother first asked me; but I had given her my word but then my mother changed her mind and Said no to the house purchase but today out of the blue, they want to buy the house.
                    what baffles me is that my elder brother has a lot of houses why canít he gift one to our younger brother. I pray my mum doesnít resent me thinking I lied to her etc.¬*

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Anyways, Iím sure there is a lot worse going on in the world. I do dua May Allah make it easy for all of us and ease everyoneís hardships and may we reap the true benefits of this month rather than worry about petty stuff as such. Thank you for your advice and messages.¬*

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Sila View Post
                        Yes I am trying to be her friend too as friendship is the base of every relationship.¬*

                        Mt daughrer is praying her salaah regularly at my mothers house and Iím happy she is. And Iíve never spoke to my mother with disrespect I think I do need to be more firm, as my daughter called me today and asked me a question, she asked me ďwhy are you so scared of grandma?Ē¬*

                        I was very very young when I had my daughter.¬*

                        Today when I called my mother, she asked me for money and said the house sale will commence, and I was put on the spot and said yes because a few months ago I did say to my mother I wil give her the money, but during the period up until now my mother said no house will Be purchased hence I have now invested my sons money. I feel bad because when my mumum asked me today I said yes I will give it, but when I ended the call I thought what did I just say? I had no courage to say no to my mum. I had to text my elder brother and tell him the situation. I just donít know what to say to my mum when I speak to her. Sorry for rambling on. Lol at Pakistani drama.¬*
                        That's good your daughter prays Alhamdullilah

                        Sometimes kids get bored and don't understand so remind her now and then she is pleasing Allah and her book of deeds should be filled with good actions as much as possible, then she will be rewarded one day

                        Teach her to love Allah and both of you can learn together

                        Try to keep the boundaries otherwise if you get too friend like she just won't take you seriously, soon enough you'll find a balance.

                        Yeh, just tell your mum you will no longer help with purchasing houses

                        If she brings up the subject just say you feel uncomfortable with it and you want to focus on your childrens future.

                        Don't say you will do something and then change your mind after, if this happens often your mum won't trust you.

                        Keep your words in Sha Allah so that way everyone will respect it

                        Recite the dua Musa Alihissalam used to recite

                        ​​​​​
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Your family want to control you by keeping you poor and in need. so you will always need them and they can rule over your family matter. there is no reason you need to help your younger (adult) brother buy a house. If your mom wants to gift him, it should be from her saving. Not stealing from her grandkids. What type of mother are you that you are willing to buy your brother a house over your children's future. What if you never get the money back? what will your kids do for college or marriage or any need they have.

                          You are willing to give that away just so your mom can be proud of you. Grow up, you are an adult & a mother. your kids come first before your brother. If your mom needed the money for her own need, I would understand. Your brother has no right over your money. Tell them you invested and have no money

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