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Is feeling lonely a sign of weak imaan?

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  • Is feeling lonely a sign of weak imaan?

    Salaam everyone. I love Allah and i am very happy with everything he gave me. But sometimes i feel very lonely even though i know Allah is always with me. Is it normal to feel lonely sometimes or is it a sign of weak imaan? My father doesnt talk to me except once or twice a month and my mother is im not sure how to say without backbiting but a little bit materialistic? She doesnt talk to me at all unless she wants to talk about shopping/clothes/etc. She doesnt seem to care when i cry or when i accidentally burn myself from cooking. I love my mom very much and i tried to sit down with her for twenty minutes a day and teach her some duas and tell her some stories about the Prophets. But she is always going through her phone or changing the topic to clothes. I continued teaching her for about two weeks but i could see that i was forcing her and none of the even very short duas she was practicing or learning so i stopped. After i stopped she didnt ask me to teach her again so i could tell her mind was elsewhere. I am very happy that Allah gave me two parents and i dont want to force the religion on them but it makes me sad sometimes because they are getting old and I worry about what will happen to them after I die. They think im an extremist and they distance themselves from me. Also, I did a secret nikah a few months ago with an aalim but he doesnt live with me and he is poor so he said he wants me to move in with him in a few years when he can afford it. I didnt tell my dad because he doesnt talk to me unless absolutely necessary but he found out and says the marriage isnt valid because he wasnt present so i'm not sure if it was valid because my husband said he was the wali since hes an aalim but my dad said thats not how it works. I dont think my husband likes to talk to me so we only talk on thursdays for 10 minutes on the phone but he is tired from work so i dont want to bother him too much. He gets upset if i text him while hes working which i understand cause hes busy. I asked him if he could give me 5 minutes a day but he said no. So we talk for 10 minutes every thursday. So since my dad, mom and husband dont talk to me except once in awhile i end up feeling lonely. Also my husband doesnt like when i go outside and i dont like it either because i get harassed a lot and i dont want to displease him so i end up feeling very alone. im doing an islamic program online alhamdullilah and i try to keep busy with cooking and cleaning and worship and sometimes i will teach from home. But once in awhile i still feel lonely but i always try and pretend im strong and happy around everyone because I dont want to bring them down but i cry to Allah a lot. I guess my question is can people with strong imaan still feel lonely sometimes when they dont have any human companionship or is that only a sign of weak iman? And also what are things you do outside of worship that you can do alone that help when you're feeling lonely? I say outside of worship because I worship all day and still sometimes feel lonely. Jazakhallah so much everyone. This is probably the most i will ever open up on this forum lol i will probably regret opening up so much and edit this post to delete everything i said out of embarassment. Also i apologize if this sounded like im pitying myself because i accept the decree of Allah, whatever it is and i am happy that he has blessed me with so much especially for making me a muslim but im just venting and also sorry if it sounds like a second grader wrote this because when im very emotional i cant write like a normal person.

  • #2
    Asalamu alaikum rahmatulah wa barakatu

    not necessarily. we were created with the need for human companionship i dont think having the desire for human comapany is a sign of weak iman

    i live by myself and it does get lonely at times but alhamdulilah with islam im happier than i ever was chasing after the dunya but you do get lonely and that doesnt mean im unhappy with Allah's decree wa lilahil hamd

    this secret nikah is worrying however. You need to check with someone of knowledge (not your husband) whether a person can be the wali in his own marriage as im pretty sure he cant. Dont let this guy hoodwink you no matter his level of knowldge sometimes the big shayatin in the community are those who claim knowldege. Im not saying your husband is like that inshaAllah he is good and pious all im saying is be careful and dont let your emotions cloud your judgement. only speaking to you for ten minutes on thursdays this is not fufilling your rights. Email islam qa or islam web or something and get a reliable fatwa on the wali issue before doing anything lest you inadvertantly fall into zina
    Imagine sleeping without praying isha and then waking up in your grave- bilal Phillips

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    • #3
      Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
      Asalamu alaikum rahmatulah wa barakatu

      not necessarily. we were created with the need for human companionship i dont think having the desire for human comapany is a sign of weak iman

      i live by myself and it does get lonely at times but alhamdulilah with islam im happier than i ever was chasing after the dunya but you do get lonely and that doesnt mean im unhappy with Allah's decree wa lilahil hamd

      this secret nikah is worrying however. You need to check with someone of knowledge (not your husband) whether a person can be the wali in his own marriage as im pretty sure he cant. Dont let this guy hoodwink you no matter his level of knowldge sometimes the big shayatin in the community are those who claim knowldege. Im not saying your husband is like that inshaAllah he is good and pious all im saying is be careful and dont let your emotions cloud your judgement. only speaking to you for ten minutes on thursdays this is not fufilling your rights. Email islam qa or islam web or something and get a reliable fatwa on the wali issue before doing anything lest you inadvertantly fall into zina
      Salaam brother. Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. And me too, I'm much happier than I was before I started practicing, alhamdullilah. And my husband doesn't live with me... he lives in a separate state so we can't have sexual relations. My husband is a good man, I think he is just stressed and busy so he doesnt have much time for me but I enjoy the time we talk together. He taught me a lot of different things about Islam overtime so I appreciate him a lot. And we contacted one of his teachers (he is a moulana/scholar) about the secret nikah and he said it was permissible since my dad and I don't have a relationship it would not make sense for him to by my wali. So he that my husband acting as the wali was ok, since I don't have any brothers, and i am nowhere near any of my male relatives. But my dad is very upset about this and he doesn't approve after he found out....

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      • #4
        Sis Im very worried about your marriage, seems like your husband is taking advantage of you. I dont want to cause fitna in your marriage but you need to talk to a scholar about this who is not your husband.

        may Allah ease your affairs. Im away from my husband now too and its not easy subhanAllah

        i also didnt have my father or brother as a wali but i did have a wali, there is no nikah without a wali

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Kaas View Post
          Sis Im very worried about your marriage, seems like your husband is taking advantage of you. I dont want to cause fitna in your marriage but you need to talk to a scholar about this who is not your husband.

          may Allah ease your affairs. Im away from my husband now too and its not easy subhanAllah

          i also didnt have my father or brother as a wali but i did have a wali, there is no nikah without a wali
          Salaam :) I don't feel my husband is taking advantage of me because he is not getting any sexual benefits or favors because we are in separate states. We contacted one of the scholars he learnt from and he said that because of my situation where my dad doesn't speak to me except once here and there and since my male relatives do not live in the USA, he said since my husband is an aalim he can act as the imam because the imam would be next in line for the wali in this situation. It's confusing but I will try and contact another scholar (without my husband finding out because then he will think I don't trust him) if this is allowed or not. Jazakallahu khairan :)

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          • #6
            Being lonely isn't a sign of weak emaan.

            I think we need to address the serious issue of "secret nikaah".

            The whole nature of your marriage - not just the validity - is questionable.

            Please ask someone local - who isn't connected to your husband - for some objective advice.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Umm Hamasa View Post

              Salaam :) I don't feel my husband is taking advantage of me because he is not getting any sexual benefits or favors because we are in separate states. We contacted one of the scholars he learnt from and he said that because of my situation where my dad doesn't speak to me except once here and there and since my male relatives do not live in the USA, he said since my husband is an aalim he can act as the imam because the imam would be next in line for the wali in this situation. It's confusing but I will try and contact another scholar (without my husband finding out because then he will think I don't trust him) if this is allowed or not. Jazakallahu khairan :)
              Oh alright sis i just really wouldnt want you to end up getting hurt. I know certain men are always looking for vulnerable woman to exploit. Maybe try to talk to your husband and say you appreciate how hard he works and you understand he needs his time to relax but you just feel very lonely and you miss him, and ask if he would be okay with speaking maybe 20 mins or twice every week, marriage is about finding common ground, something you're both comfortable with. If he's not in need of much comunicating but you are then you need to lower your expectation but he also needs to try more.

              i hope it works oht for you sis, sometimes having sabr is hard. But it will be worth jt. Make loads of dua in sha Allah.

              also your husband disliking you leaving the house is a good thing, its a sign of gheerah. My husband always tells me not to go out if it's unnecessary and he's totally right. Woman are safest in their homes

              wa iyaak jazakAllahu khair wa Allahumma barik

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              • #8
                Ten minutes every Thursday.

                I'm sorry - but what kind of marriage is this?


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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                  Ten minutes every Thursday.

                  I'm sorry - but what kind of marriage is this?

                  My husband also isnt the kind to text every moment of the day, but we would be on the phone once every week for hours, and text occasionally throughout the week.

                  again i dont want to cause fitna in anyones marriage, but this story makes me very sad. Brother indeed needs to step his game up

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Kaas View Post

                    My husband also isnt the kind to text every moment of the day, but we would be on the phone once every week for hours, and text occasionally throughout the week.

                    again i dont want to cause fitna in anyones marriage, but this story makes me very sad. Brother indeed needs to step his game up
                    It doesn't seem right at all. There's huge red flags everywhere.

                    The sister seems young. We don't want her to be taken advantage of.


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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Umm Hamasa View Post
                      Salaam everyone. I love Allah and i am very happy with everything he gave me. But sometimes i feel very lonely even though i know Allah is always with me. Is it normal to feel lonely sometimes or is it a sign of weak imaan? My father doesnt talk to me except once or twice a month and my mother is im not sure how to say without backbiting but a little bit materialistic? She doesnt talk to me at all unless she wants to talk about shopping/clothes/etc. She doesnt seem to care when i cry or when i accidentally burn myself from cooking. I love my mom very much and i tried to sit down with her for twenty minutes a day and teach her some duas and tell her some stories about the Prophets. But she is always going through her phone or changing the topic to clothes. I continued teaching her for about two weeks but i could see that i was forcing her and none of the even very short duas she was practicing or learning so i stopped. After i stopped she didnt ask me to teach her again so i could tell her mind was elsewhere. I am very happy that Allah gave me two parents and i dont want to force the religion on them but it makes me sad sometimes because they are getting old and I worry about what will happen to them after I die. They think im an extremist and they distance themselves from me. Also, I did a secret nikah a few months ago with an aalim but he doesnt live with me and he is poor so he said he wants me to move in with him in a few years when he can afford it. I didnt tell my dad because he doesnt talk to me unless absolutely necessary but he found out and says the marriage isnt valid because he wasnt present so i'm not sure if it was valid because my husband said he was the wali since hes an aalim but my dad said thats not how it works. I dont think my husband likes to talk to me so we only talk on thursdays for 10 minutes on the phone but he is tired from work so i dont want to bother him too much. He gets upset if i text him while hes working which i understand cause hes busy. I asked him if he could give me 5 minutes a day but he said no. So we talk for 10 minutes every thursday. So since my dad, mom and husband dont talk to me except once in awhile i end up feeling lonely. Also my husband doesnt like when i go outside and i dont like it either because i get harassed a lot and i dont want to displease him so i end up feeling very alone. im doing an islamic program online alhamdullilah and i try to keep busy with cooking and cleaning and worship and sometimes i will teach from home. But once in awhile i still feel lonely but i always try and pretend im strong and happy around everyone because I dont want to bring them down but i cry to Allah a lot. I guess my question is can people with strong imaan still feel lonely sometimes when they dont have any human companionship or is that only a sign of weak iman? And also what are things you do outside of worship that you can do alone that help when you're feeling lonely? I say outside of worship because I worship all day and still sometimes feel lonely. Jazakhallah so much everyone. This is probably the most i will ever open up on this forum lol i will probably regret opening up so much and edit this post to delete everything i said out of embarassment. Also i apologize if this sounded like im pitying myself because i accept the decree of Allah, whatever it is and i am happy that he has blessed me with so much especially for making me a muslim but im just venting and also sorry if it sounds like a second grader wrote this because when im very emotional i cant write like a normal person.
                      Continue to show kindness to your parents and do dua that Allah (swt) softens their hearts towards you.

                      As for doing something outside of worship then (if you do not already know) learn how to sew. You could make your own abayas etc. Or look for another hobby to take up that won't take much of your time.

                      About your nikah I can understand why your dad is upset. I know it is done now but you should have at least asked him to be your wali and told him that you are planning on getting married.

                      Also don't want to cause any fitna but if your husband can't text or call you he should not get upset if you send him a text even if it is while he is working. He does not have to read it there and then.

                      One more thing which sounds hypocritical is that he married you whilst he can not afford to keep you with him yet he was ok with a secret nikah.

                      How well do you really know him? I hope he is not using being poor as an excuse to stay away from you for other reasons. What gurantee has he that his situation will be better in a few years?

                      Last edited by Mintchocchip; 12-02-19, 10:38 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post

                        Continue to show kindness to your parents and do dua that Allah (swt) softens their hearts towards you.

                        As for doing something outside of worship then (if you do not already know) learn how to sew. You could make your own abayas etc. Or look for another hobby to take up that won't take much of your time.

                        About your nikah I can understand why your dad is upset. I know it is done now but you should have at least asked him to be your wali and told him that you are planning on getting married.

                        Also don't want to cause any fitna but if your husband can't text or call you he should not get upset if you send him a text even if it is while he is working. He does not have to read it there and then.

                        One more thing which sounds hypocritical is that he married you whilst he can not afford to keep you with him yet he was ok with a secret nikah.

                        How well do you really know him? I hope he is not using being poor as an excuse to stay away from you for other reasons. What gurantee has he that his situation will be better in a few years?
                        Thank you for your advice :) I do sow a little, i make my own niqabs which i may want to sell in the future in shaa Allah. And yes, when I'm doing something to keep my mind away from the loneliness it temporarily goes away but then creeps up again as soon as I'm done. So i try to stay as busy as possible, as shaitan likes to preoccupy an idle mind.

                        One thing I would like to ask if any of you know, am I sinful for not telling my dad? I didn't tell him for various reasons. Some I can mention, some I would like to not disclose out of respect for him. One of the main reasons I didn't tell him is because my dad looks down upon people of knowledge, because they tend to not make much money and he always talked about how he wanted me to marry someone with a lot of money with a strong educational background as my dad comes from a family where all of his siblings have double Phd's and they highly value education. So when my dad found out he was an aalim he was really disappointed in me. This is why I didn't want to tell him because I know he would say no to the marriage but I wanted to marry someone that would help me go to paradise. I don't care how much money or worldly education he has. We can build together overtime. My dad was already very disappointed in me because I dropped out of university to study Islam online because there was too much fitna in university and it was affecting my religious commitment and I wasn't enjoying my time as 99% of the people were not muslim. Then he became more upset when I started wearing niqab because he said it wasn't recommended or obligatory and I think he was worried about me being harassed since I live in America (his intentions i think were good though what he said was wrong.) I tried to explain that I am harassed much less in niqab and that the scholars differ in their regards to whether it is mustahhb or obligatory but he spent a lot of time trying to convince me to take it off and I didn't take that too well and I will admit I didn't react in the best way to that because it is my understanding that it is obligatory (though I don't look down on anyone who has a different opinion).

                        I have an older sister and alhamdullilah she is a nice girl but my dad always compares me to her and says why can't you be like your sister, look she is studying science in university, she is working, she got married to a doctor, she listens to me, she dresses normally. (when he said that it really hurt me, because I'm not trying to badmouth my sister because she is a nice girl but she dresses very revealing even to kafir standards, very very tight pants, short tops, etc.) My imaan in my opinion is quite firm so even though he says these things to me, I don't budge. But one time, i feel so bad for saying this but I started feeling jealous because my dad was always praising her and insulting my dress, so I put on tight jeans and I was going to go outside like that and omg once i put them on, i felt so awful inside, i actually vomitted because I could sense that God was angry with me and alhamdullilah i didn't go outside like that. It was a very weird experience and after that I told myself that I would never budge with the islamic dress code no matter what anyone told me as I am a slave to Allah, no one else.

                        My dad and me have always had a very strained limited relationship since i was a young girl (which I don't want to get into why) but it got exacberated once I started practicing Islam, and made decisions that he didn't agree with. Before he was just distant, but now i think he has a lot of enmity towards me. I don't think I will ever be able to make him happy until I stop praying, work,marry a rich guy and dress "normally." But I don't want to do that, especially a lot of people I think tend to overlook that money is a test... it ruined both my parents and i would rather avoid the tribulation of excessive wealth if I can cause I've seen it ruin so many other people. About my husband, I will answer your questions in another post soon in shaa Allah because i'm very hungry lol.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                          Ten minutes every Thursday.

                          I'm sorry - but what kind of marriage is this?

                          Salaam :) This post wasn't to complain about my marriage lol it was to know if loneliness correlates with weak imaan or not. Sorry if it came off that I was complaining about my husband. I love my husband and unfortunately things are rough right now with money so he doesn't get much time to speak to me, but that's not his fault. However, I appreciate all of your replies and you guys have convinced me to talk to a scholar that is not connected to him to confirm whether the marriage is valid or not.

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                          • #14
                            is this marriage valid you should go to a aalim and ask(and not an aalim your husband knows someone else)

                            i dont understand how your husband can be the wali
                            in a nikkah there is the husband , wife , wali of the wife

                            and u need one witness which the wali himself or any other person who conducts the nikkah can be
                            u also need a mahr to be given to u

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                              It doesn't seem right at all. There's huge red flags everywhere.

                              The sister seems young. We don't want her to be taken advantage of.

                              Thank you for being concerned about me. I don't feel i'm that young... i am 21 which i think is a normal age for sisters to be married. I think maybe I didn't explain things well so there has been a misunderstanding. I understand people being unsure of whether he can be the wali or not so I will check with another scholar. I also understand that 10 minutes once a week seems very minimal but my husband is struggling right now so I want to be considerate and not demanding and stress him out further. I don't see any other red flags besides those two things though.
                              Last edited by Umm Hamasa; 12-02-19, 02:23 PM.

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