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Husband not interested in intimacy

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  • Husband not interested in intimacy

    Salam alaikum I need advice but this topic is lacking haya, so if you are sensitive then please leave the thread now.

    My husband has almost no interest in sex. It's been that way since we married. I always initiate and he always pushes me away. He likes cuddling but nothing else.

    Cuddling is great but not when I go a month without intimacy. I feel unloved. We did discuss it before a few times and he says I'm beautiful and finds me attractive, but won't say why he has no libido. I am starting to think maybe he's asexual and hiding it. He doesn't believe in doctors so he won't go

    Before you remind me of grounds for divorce, No I don't want to divorce,I want to fix the problem. Divorce is not a solution it's just running away from the problem

    What is your advice what do I do from now on? Just accept that I'm in an almost sexless marriage? I guess I can accept it if I have no choice, but I'd rather not if I can fix it

  • #2
    Originally posted by Guest View Post
    Salam alaikum I need advice but this topic is lacking haya, so if you are sensitive then please leave the thread now.

    My husband has almost no interest in sex. It's been that way since we married. I always initiate and he always pushes me away. He likes cuddling but nothing else.

    Cuddling is great but not when I go a month without intimacy. I feel unloved. We did discuss it before a few times and he says I'm beautiful and finds me attractive, but won't say why he has no libido. I am starting to think maybe he's asexual and hiding it. He doesn't believe in doctors so he won't go

    Before you remind me of grounds for divorce, No I don't want to divorce,I want to fix the problem. Divorce is not a solution it's just running away from the problem

    What is your advice what do I do from now on? Just accept that I'm in an almost sexless marriage? I guess I can accept it if I have no choice, but I'd rather not if I can fix it
    This is an unacceptable situation which you should by no means accept. Your rights are being neglected.

    As for why this is happening, there could be a multitude of reasons. Asexuality, impotency, depression, low testosterone etc. You need to see a doctor or a marriage counselor. Preferably both. Communicate your unhappiness and keep trying to coax him to see someone.

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    • #3
      Walaikum Asalaam

      How long have you been married?

      Your have rights to intimacy and sadly your husband is not fulfilling it. This is not something minor. Being in a marriage with someone who does not satisfy you or provide your needs for intimacy is very dangerous. It can lead to an affair and even zina.

      Many people who are in sexless marriages are extremely unhappy are unfulfilled. Since they don’t get their needs from their spouses, men and also women resort to cheating, haram relationships and actions, like porn, etc.

      I’m not saying you will do this, but keep in mind that a sexless marriage in the long term causes nothing but fitna. One of the aims of marriage is for spouses to keep each other chaste. Your spouse is the only person you could be intimate with, and this relationship is very special and different than other relationships. If this aspect is gone, what’s the difference between a husband and any other person, like a brother, father, etc.

      You have to sit down and have a serious discussion with your husband. Let him understand how important this aspect of marriage is. You can get him to listen to lectures. He had to understand his rights and your rights in marriage. Also, saying your beautiful and attractive is meaningless if it’s not followed by actions.

      There can be many reasons why your husband refuses intimacy, such as:

      •Sexual problems like ED
      •Being assexual
      •Sexual abuse in the past
      •Porn addiction
      •Addicted to masturbation
      •Having an affair

      Keep in mind these are all possibilities, your husband may not be involved in any of these things. But these are just possible explanations for his behaviour.

      Give him a time frame that he needs to seek help with whatever issue and that if he doesn’t engage with you, you will leave. You can stay at your parents house for a while.

      You can’t just remain in a sexless marriage and try to fix it if your husband refuses to cooperate with you and see a doctor. You can’t fix your marriage if your husband isn’t willing to do his duties and be responsible. Sometimes there is a limit and you have to walk out. Divorce can be the only possible situation.

      See how long your willing to tolerate being in a sexless marriage and not being at risk of falling into any fitna or haram. If your husband is willing to change and work out his problems, then great. If he doesn’t, then divorce may be an option. You might not want to hear that, but it must be said.

      Don’t accept to be in a sexless marriage. It’s not worth it. You have desires and they must be fulfilled in a halal way, i.e, marriage. If their not fulfilled in that way, then there’s little meaning to that marriage and it’s time to move on and decide what’s best for your dunya and akhirah.

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