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32 F Never Found - Help?

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  • 32 F Never Found - Help?

    Bismillah I'm completely single and have been for my entire life. I have never had any premarital relationships or physical contact. I have given up on the idea of marriage; I have tried so hard to get married since the age of 25, but every time I've failed. I even asked my mother to find me someone when I was 22, but she said I was too young. So, she didn't begin searching until I was 25. But I'm now 32. I feel at this point as a female I have to accept that I may never get married, that maybe this is Allah's Will. Anyway, I don't know what to do - so, any duas on my behalf to get married would be good as well as practical tips on how to deal with loneliness or this crushing sense of failure that I experience. Please know my family and I have tried practically everything from online matrimonial sites or Muslim matrimonial apps, halal family meetings in real life, telling the Imam to letting others in the Muslim community know, etc. So, please do not advise me to try harder. 7 years of trying hard has been exhausting. Nothing has happened. I'm tired. I just want peace now. Please make this a positive thread - I don't need to know what to do. I just need fellow Muslims to be supportive of a sister who might never getting married: Please make dua that either (a) I get married with a man that will be good for me OR (b) that I acquire contentment with Allah's Will if I'm never meant to be married as per Allah's Qadr, and (c) that I am able to financially support myself through old age with halal income. And just give practical tips on what to do in those times I'm sad or down with no one to share my loneliness or wipe my tears. Thank you - jazakallah khayrran in advance.

  • #2
    May Allah give you whats best for you
    everything happens for a reason and Allah knows best

    never stop making duaa
    Insha Allah everything works out


    • #3
      Life is so strange sometimes. Some people look for years and get nothing and other people don't even care and get that special someone without even trying. Allah's will I guess. You never know though, that person could just appear one day without you seeing him coming.

      Inshallah you don't feel lonely anymore and no matter what, inshallah you are happy.
      Last edited by aelmo; 19-02-18, 05:18 AM.


      • #4

        May Allah grant you what is good in this dunya and akhira

        Don't be too hard on yourself, everything is created by the Qadr of Allah and Allah has final say over everything. Keep your regular worship and good deeds. If one day you want to try again, resume your search as long as you avoid what's not permissible. You may think something is bad, but Allah Most Knowing, it may be good for you.

        It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said:
        "The idolators and Quraish came and disputed with the Prophet (ﷺ) concerning the Divine Decree. Then the following verse was revealed: 'The Day they will be dragged on their faces into the Fire (it will be said to them): "Taste you the touch of Hell!" Verily We have created all things with Qadar. (Divine Decree)'" (Sunan Ibn Majah)
        39:37-38 Isn't Allah sufficient for His servant ? And [yet], they threaten you with those [they worship] other than Him. And whoever Allah leaves astray - for him there is no guide. And whoever Allah guides - for him there is no misguidance. Isn't Allah Exalted in Might and Owner of Retribution?


        • #5
          You are not alone in this. I went though it and it is so evil that it becomes a distraction effecting your mental health. I wanted 'peace' too, an ending to this rubbish marriage episode.

          So many sisters going through it, recently saw a CV of a 37 year old sister.

          I usually say to my never married siblings (one of them is going through this too) that it is better to be forever alone then to marry a total plank head. To hasten something that's not decreed for you is a call for disaster.

          It's true.

          Chill out, eat out, take the trash out and work out. I always mention on here that I LOVED MY SINGLE LIFE, it was amazing MINUS the rubbish marriage drama, I spent time with family and didn't feel alone. It was great but age was creeping in and the typical 'you are a woman, get married, who's going to look after, who'll marry you if you're old' always got in the way.

          I don't get why people hate 'spinsters', just let us women breathe, sheesh

          I had my moments but we forget that this is really testing our trust in Allah i.e tawaqqul why are you giving up? why have you decided your won doomed fate? Live your life, there is no guarantee when it comes to loneliness, how do we know what the future holds after marriage.

          I will make dua for you and all the lonely single ones. Unfortunately, some married people still feel lonely even though they have a 'companion'.

          I wish you all the best and I hope you have 100% from your family (otherwise it's more madness)

          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman


          • #6
            Inshallah Allah will make it easier for you. Quick question though, No proposals in the last 7 years? If you did have proposals, why were they rejected?


            • #7
              We all know that our rizq has already been decreed to us before we were born it was all written. It's already been written as to how much we'll earn and have to live on regardless of what we pursue in terms of qualifications and work experience and/or inheritance and so on. I believe that being provided for in other ways such as with a spouse is also a type of rizq and if Allah (swt) wills for us to be married at a certain age to a certain person then it will happen otherwise it wont happen no matter how much you work towards it. Obviously if you actively sabotage attempts to get married then that's your fault but if you're doing the opposite such as making all sorts of efforts to meet people through halal channels and things still aren't working out, then that suggests that these things are out of your hands. That doesn't mean that you'll never get married in future, it just means it hasn't happened yet, but it still might or might not happen in future, we just don't know. I know women who got married in their 40s so don't believe people who say you're "past it" just because you're over 30. Also I understand that being single can be lonely and being under pressure to marry is depressing, but at the same time bear in mind that being single is better than being in a bad marriage, so your life isn't necessarily worse than many of the married women you know. My sister had a very good outlook on these matters when she was single. She pursued her career ambitions which included working abroad at times and my mum would say to her "but what about getting married?" and she said it's not like she had lots of great suitors knocking on her door whilst she was sitting at home so what difference does it make if she's travelling and besides, if Allah (swt) means for her to get married, it'll happen regardless of where she goes. It turns out she was right and she met her husband online whilst she was living in Japan in a town with very few Muslims. She also said "I'm not going to put my life on hold just to wait for some guy to pick me". She got married in her 30s (she's divorced now but that's a whole other story) and just imagine all the years she would've wasted if she'd just sat at home after graduating just putting her life on hold hoping someone would pick her. If there are things you want to do with your life, spend more time learning your deen, or a hobby you want to spend time on, artistic pursuits or start a business or just do things with your life aside from getting married then don't wait to get married to do those things. If they bring you happiness and independence and make you feel less lonely and depressed then they're probably worthwhile. Your life still has meaning as a single person. You don't need to be attached to the hip to someone else in order for your life to have meaning. You don't have to be a mother or wife to have credibility/value in your identity as a woman and anyone who says otherwise is lying.
              The Lyme Disease pandemic:


              • #8
                How are you OP?

                just thinking about the single sisters with problems and the married ones with problems

                it's difficult
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman


                • #9

                  Insha Allah everything will be better soon. After long years of struggle will come ease. Ramadan is coming soon and when you open your fast make dua from sincere heart to Allah swt about marriage life.

                  Along with your prayers, recite astaghfirullah abundantly as this opens doors to marriage and send durood upon Muhammad s.a.w.

                  QADAR ALLAH does snot mean that everything is game over it means that life is full of surprises and when good comes we will smile away.

                  Have yakeen ukhti in your duas because it is a dua that change a persons destiny.

                  May Allah swt give you a righteous husband sooon. S.a.w. Ameen. In my duas.

                  Have yakeen ukhti and you will be married soon sometime it takes years and if you need assurance i too been single my whole life and i am 33 with many problems from health to financial to marriage to everything.

                  But let us never ever lose hope in Allah swt !

                  Make dua and tell everyone you know family friends ummah members to make dua for you also.

                  Last edited by Believer1984; 13-03-18, 02:53 PM.
                  Jazak Allah Khair For All Your Duas.


                  • #10
                    You are only 32. May Allah bless you with Happiness and a good Husband. Ill pray for all our brothers and sisters who are Single.
                    "Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away" (21:1)


                    • #11

                      I feel the same. Alhamdulillah I look younger than my age and I get interest from guys younger than me but when they find out my age they disappear which is fine, they can have their preference but some of them feel the need to laugh about it with their mates. Doesn't make a sister feel good and weren't you the one who ket staring at me?!

                      I feel so sad and lonely tbh. I got excited over the weekend at a marriage event as their was a smart brother who showed interest but me being me didn't get no details as we only spoke for 30 seconds and he even whispered something to his mum about me, they kept looking over. Seemed promising but then after the event when it was time for one to ones I couldn't see him anywhere. I felt like I was making progress. I'm quite shy too so it has knocked me down.



                      • #12
                        32 is not old.

                        I know people that married later and had kids, and were happy - happy that things turned out that way.

                        Of course its not easy, I am in the same boat myself.

                        I never had a girlfriend or touched a girl, and have had zero luck with marriage. Irony is throughout my life I've had girls throw themselves at me, I was never tempted and always thought I would remain pure. Obviously now I am older, and there have been zero openings with regards to marriage. Not a sausage. I've spoken to my parents, my mum doesn't really know what to do, and kind of tells me to look myself. Which of course I have no idea about.

                        Do I look back with regrets? nope. I would do things exactly the same way if I was young again.

                        Those years of lowering my gaze, not speaking to girls casually, that was for Allah (SWT). Those are years of obedience to my creator and I hope it is accepted. I did that for Allah (SWT)'s pleasure.

                        That is the way to look at it. We can only do so much. That is what I have experienced.

                        I know people that have been with various girls, got into bad situations, and then got married quickly to someone else, have kids and live happily. That of course has no bearing on my life or anyone else's, so we should never question, why them? why not me? this is envy and a poison for the heart.

                        All I can really say is make dua, and keep trying. That's all I can do myself.

                        But try to keep your spirits up, still give thanks and don't let your head drop. We are obeying our Lord and doing things the right way. InshAllah we are kept on the right path.

                        Keep fit and healthy, invest time and money in yourself. Do things that make you happy, still enjoy your life.

                        May Allah (SWT) grant you a good spouse and make things easy.


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Believer1984 View Post
                          Along with your prayers, recite astaghfirullah abundantly as this opens doors to marriage and send durood upon Muhammad s.a.w.
                          ^ ^


                          • #14
                            Keep going sister.May Allah give you a great husband.


                            • #15
                              Qadr Allah, if it didn't happen it wasn't meant to happen.

                              Keep looking for a righteous husband, at least that way you can say that you did not abandon the sunnah of the messenger صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وسلم

                              "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                              – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)