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  • just ask

    are you interested in moving forward

    if not, kick him to the curb as that UF user used to say in every other post



    cba with time wasters you get me

    Comment


    • Last edited by Ya'sin; 10-12-22, 07:50 PM.

      Comment


      • Oops the lower half of this post has gone off on a tangent. My main point was, I worry that there are guys out there who can 'smell' desperation in a woman. I worry that your insistence on waiting for someone who is kinda doing something disrespecful means you keep displaying behaviours showing guys that "I will tolerate disrespect- please marry me" and that will end up attracting the wrong sort of people such as your ex husband.

        Setting boundaries and politely saying it's not appropriate to delay responses for so long will NEVER in a hundred million years scare away a decent, respectful person EVER. Ask any decent respectable man you know and he'll tell you. I'm not saying kick anyone to the kerb over the slightest infractions. I'm saying setting boundaries will actually help weed out the time wasters and wrong people and prevent you from repeating the same mistakes of your first marriage that your parents seem hell bent on repeating. Sorry, I know no one likes to hear a person say negative things about parents but it has to be said.

        Your marriage search should not be a means of going round in circles repeating the exact same mistakes that were made the first time round. Maybe your parents don't quite get that but you do- so don't allow them to bully you into repeating them cos if that happens, they'll never say afterwards "oh my dear daughter, I'm so sorry we got it wrong a second time"- they're more likely to berate you for "not being able to hold down a marriage" and "becoming a burden". You've got enough problems without adding that problem on top of it.

        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

        going to edit this post
        So much wrong with your situation. First thing that's wrong is how much your parents are harassing you about this- though sadly this is extremely common. I'm sure there's a high number of older women with mental health problems in our community from the constant drip feed of torture due to not being married or being married and not being able to have kids or that sort of thing. The actual not being married or not having kids thing is not ideal but it's not the end of the world and many of us could live with that- it's the mental torture and harassment by 'well meaning' family, extended relatives, acquaintances (cos real friends would know better) and the constant microaggressions that are enough to break people.

        We've all heard that joke: aunties keep poking me at weddings saying "you're next"- they stopped doing it after I did the same to them at funerals.

        Most of us are too polite to respond like that but the joke is shared everywhere cos it resonates that much that so many of us are sick of the annoying questions and the excuse that they mean well really wears thin after a while. It's a microaggression (the older you get the less 'micro' the aggression and pressure is) masquerading as concern. You either tolerate the mental abuse on a permanent basis or you draw a firm line and get labelled as the bad girl with no manners- this is why you get girls who end up rebelling.
        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

        Comment


        • neelu

          The aunty and your next at funerals



          That is brilliant, made me laugh
          Last edited by Ya'sin; 10-12-22, 07:49 PM.

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          • Last edited by Ya'sin; 10-12-22, 07:49 PM.

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            • I thought it was a south Asian thing to berate women for being 'old', single and childless but it is international

              International love

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              • Women also get berated for getting married and tying themselves down to kids instead of 'making something of themselves' and throwing their lives away.

                There's no win for us

                Comment


                • Does anyone own a sunrise simulation alarm clock or just a sunlight simulator.
                  How beneficial do you find them compared to just an alarm?

                  I'm considering purchasing one as I'm struggling more than ever to wake up early.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by MyUsernameIs... View Post
                    Women also get berated for getting married and tying themselves down to kids instead of 'making something of themselves' and throwing their lives away.

                    There's no win for us
                    Yep That's already happened to me as a single person so minus the kids

                    If you work you're a cow
                    If you don't work your a cow
                    If you don't do either you'restill a cow

                    like someone said to me, the takdeer of a woman is the same as that of a cattle



                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by MyUsernameIs... View Post
                      Does anyone own a sunrise simulation alarm clock or just a sunlight simulator.
                      How beneficial do you find them compared to just an alarm?

                      I'm considering purchasing one as I'm struggling more than ever to wake up early.
                      A lady I used to work with said it's helpful as it slowly wakes her up rather than it being a shock
                      someone else I knew also liked it

                      I was going to get one for myself but it's too expensive

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by MyUsernameIs... View Post
                        Women also get berated for getting married and tying themselves down to kids instead of 'making something of themselves' and throwing their lives away.

                        There's no win for us
                        You need to do both

                        1) job

                        2) marriage/kids

                        Doesnt have to be either/or

                        they dont have to be mutually exclusive ygm

                        Comment


                        • Im free

                          no work for almost 1 month

                          partayyyy time

                          Comment


                          • Well you gotta be careful ygm

                            how much is it that you actually want to pursue a genuine marriage with this dude

                            vs

                            how much do you see this as more of an opportunity to get your parents off your back

                            what did he say when you asked

                            cos his words may be one thing but his actions are saying another

                            Comment


                            • u know what to do

                              Kick him to the kerb

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Post

                                You need to do both

                                1) job

                                2) marriage/kids

                                Doesnt have to be either/or

                                they dont have to be mutually exclusive ygm
                                Basically women are worthless if they don't have either of those
                                ​​​​​​It's made out to be that our purpose in life is to marry and have kids

                                which is ok but if someone can't get married they shouldn't be treated unfairly

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