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  • Originally posted by Morose View Post

    You sound like a violent person. I hope I do not cross paths with you.

    Anyway, my general advice to everybody is in such situations, pretend to not notice and to not care. It is a far better response than a reaction.

    Respectability is superiority; and, a respectable man never his fists used, lest his knuckles be bruised.
    Spitting facts bro.
    What happened to the guy who used to troll the forum? Jk

    I hope you have been well.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Post

      I wish I had someone to teach me the same when i was younger. Someone to challenge the way i thought about things, someone to make me really think about the most important things in life
      Same here. I needed a good mentor when I was younger. But, life has taught me a lot. Alhamdulillah.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Morose View Post

        You sound like a violent person. I hope I do not cross paths with you.

        Anyway, my general advice to everybody is in such situations, pretend to not notice and to not care. It is a far better response than a reaction.

        Respectability is superiority; and, a respectable man never his fists used, lest his knuckles be bruised.
        I am not a violant person. I sometimes find it hard not to react. I know i shouldn't and many times i just let it be. Bit of a sad state of affiars when muslims who attend the masjid for salah act in this immature fashion. I have a good mind to do nothing, let Allah take care of it. He is watching, he knows who is intimidating who and who is stalking who and let him punish the oppressor if he wishes to! But i wont hold my breath cuz many times i have been the innocent party and nothing has happened to the aggressors. On a global scale how many atrocities get committed by non muslims against muslims and the perpetrators get away scot free. We live in an unjust and cruel world.
        'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]'

        Surah Ibrahim (14:7)

        Comment


        • Originally posted by neelu View Post

          Yeah you don't want to be with someone who takes issue with your race or expects you to live in denial of half of your identity just to assimilate in his family. I mean in the context of discarding the unIslamic aspects of the western lifestyle, that's fine and if you want to learn Arabic for the sake of your deen then that's even better, but I think with some people it's a case of they want a white (or in your case half white) trophy wife that they can show off about but at the same time expect her to live completely like a typical Arab wife in order to fit in with their expectations.

          I know of a mixed race convert sister who married a Pakistani guy and they have kids together. Both are practising but her in laws always treated her like a second class citizen because she wasn't Pakistani. She did her best to raise her kids Islamically, she regularly visited the in laws and attended their family gatherings as she was expected to, she learned to cook Pakistani food very well, but no matter what she did, she was always an outsider to them especially to her mother in law who'd blank her or give her attitude. Eventually these pressures caused cracks in the marriage and her husband left her.

          You need to find someone who accepts you as you are.
          I am not very good at pulling my thoughts all together but this was very well put. This is exactly what I think. Often times someone will come to us and say something like "my brother has always wanted to marry someone that looks like you" as if i'm supposed to feel honored and special but that instantly makes me want to say no. With a lot of these people we tell them that I wouldn't be compatible with them but they don't see that as an issue and I absolutely hate that.

          When I was younger I didn't notice all of these things. I genuinely thought that my family and I were like everyone else but that is not the case. Every year when I would go to a new school I was constantly bombarded with questions. It was very tiring saying the same thing over and over again. Eventually you realize that you're basically an animal at a zoo for people to watch and as I got older, especially with marriage issues that seems more true than ever.

          I am probably the only person in the world who complains about this kind of stuff but I really don't like feeling like I am different. I'm actually like a total anti social loser so people really shouldn't be thinking so highly of me. lol. Ideally I want to be with someone like me but i've only met like 3 families growing up who had a similar dynamic so they aren't easy to find. My mom thinks I should marry a revert. She doesn't really care actually but she thinks that I would be more compatible with someone from Canada or something like her.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by aelmo View Post

            I am not very good at pulling my thoughts all together but this was very well put. This is exactly what I think. Often times someone will come to us and say something like "my brother has always wanted to marry someone that looks like you" as if i'm supposed to feel honored and special but that instantly makes me want to say no. With a lot of these people we tell them that I wouldn't be compatible with them but they don't see that as an issue and I absolutely hate that.

            When I was younger I didn't notice all of these things. I genuinely thought that my family and I were like everyone else but that is not the case. Every year when I would go to a new school I was constantly bombarded with questions. It was very tiring saying the same thing over and over again. Eventually you realize that you're basically an animal at a zoo for people to watch and as I got older, especially with marriage issues that seems more true than ever.

            I am probably the only person in the world who complains about this kind of stuff but I really don't like feeling like I am different. I'm actually like a total anti social loser so people really shouldn't be thinking so highly of me. lol. Ideally I want to be with someone like me but i've only met like 3 families growing up who had a similar dynamic so they aren't easy to find. My mom thinks I should marry a revert. She doesn't really care actually but she thinks that I would be more compatible with someone from Canada or something like her.
            It's hard to find someone compatible to marry no matter where you're from. Me and didi are Pakistani but we found it incredibly difficult (even before I had health issues). The first problem was we had quite a liberal upbringing and our parents are from city backgrounds such as Lahore, whereas most UK Pakistanis came from conservative families and their parents came from rural backgrounds- on top of that, in the few liberal families we knew, a lot of the guys our age ended up marrying English girls they'd met at uni or the workplace (and on top of that, I'm no longer a liberal). I used to think that white converts had it easy cos so many guys would actively seek white converts. Some years ago, a white convert sister told me how difficult it was for her to find someone to marry in the UK and I was shocked, I said I thought it was very common for Muslim guys to WANT to marry converts and she said: yeah, that's precisely the problem. They're not interested in the deen or compatibility, they are just looking for a blue eyed trophy wife that they can show off to the community about.

            She said she had random old women approach her in mosques who were complete strangers. They ask her all this stuff like are you a virgin, do you know how to make roti and would you wear shalwar kameez at home (she wears abaya/jilbab out of the house)? These were complete strangers she was seeing for the first time so she found all this very intrusive and insulting and it put her off so much, she was planning to leave the UK altogether- then as fate would have it, a friend introduced her to her (now) husband and they're doing fine together. He's from an Asian origin background but practising, modest and very respectful.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

            Comment


            • peeps praising me at the new job

              It is encouraging but im sure it is because im new and they are just being friendly and accommodating

              Im excited to go back to my old job ahah

              Im not too fussed about leaving the new place. Sure, i apologise to the team, but I despise some of the governmental policies and strategies this department creates

              So no tears from me.

              The secretary of this department is a khobis too

              Lol

              Comment


              • i didnt choose the single life

                The single life chose me

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Post
                  peeps praising me at the new job

                  It is encouraging but im sure it is because im new and they are just being friendly and accommodating

                  Im excited to go back to my old job ahah

                  Im not too fussed about leaving the new place. Sure, i apologise to the team, but I despise some of the governmental policies and strategies this department creates

                  So no tears from me.

                  The secretary of this department is a khobis too

                  Lol
                  backbiting? Hmmm
                  https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/lo...-qur-an-courseI am just a simple nomad.

                  Ephemeral reader

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Post
                    peeps praising me at the new job

                    It is encouraging but im sure it is because im new and they are just being friendly and accommodating

                    Im excited to go back to my old job ahah

                    Im not too fussed about leaving the new place. Sure, i apologise to the team, but I despise some of the governmental policies and strategies this department creates

                    So no tears from me.

                    The secretary of this department is a khobis too

                    Lol
                    Have i got my wires crossed? Are you leaving the new job to go back to your old one?

                    I didn't even know you had started your new job!
                    'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]'

                    Surah Ibrahim (14:7)

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by detached soul View Post

                      Have i got my wires crossed? Are you leaving the new job to go back to your old one?

                      I didn't even know you had started your new job!
                      Yup, going back

                      Yolo in this dunya. Gotta do what is best for me and makes me happier

                      the grass is not always greener on the other side

                      maybe i also need to work on my expectations and patience

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Kiro View Post

                        backbiting? Hmmm
                        I dont think it is kiro sensei

                        perhaps i am wrong but

                        she is not personally identifiable from my post

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Post

                          I dont think it is kiro sensei

                          perhaps i am wrong but

                          she is not personally identifiable from my post
                          Even so. I personally don't think it's good manners for a Muslim.
                          https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/lo...-qur-an-courseI am just a simple nomad.

                          Ephemeral reader

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Faith reloaded 2 View Post

                            Yup, going back

                            Yolo in this dunya. Gotta do what is best for me and makes me happier

                            the grass is not always greener on the other side

                            maybe i also need to work on my expectations and patience
                            Lol............you'll soon be switching jobs like pairs of shoes. Fancy some Nike trainers today. Next day fancy wearing some boots today. Next day Kickers. Lol.

                            I hope you find what you are searching for.
                            'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]'

                            Surah Ibrahim (14:7)

                            Comment


                            • Definitely see the wisdom now in lowering the gaze & limiting contact for both men & women. So many problems are avoided. Less mental disturbances, even if hard to do.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Kiro View Post

                                Even so. I personally don't think it's good manners for a Muslim.
                                Hmmm

                                when i mean secretary, i mean secretary of state, the head of a ministerial governmental department, a public figure who has power to drive policies and change, some of which can be detrimental to muslims in the UK and abroad

                                but yes, agreed that it is better to avoid

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