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Breaking Promises when it comes to yourself - how to stop it?

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  • Breaking Promises when it comes to yourself - how to stop it?

    For me, when it comes to keeping promises to others I find myself diligent in fulfilling it even when I don't want to. But when it comes to promises I make for myself, I'm not as strict. I may fulfill them here and there, but there are times when I become lazy about it and just shrug my shoulders.

    But Allah does say in the Quran:

    لَّيۡسَ ٱلۡبِرَّ أَن تُوَلُّواْ وُجُوهَكُمۡ قِبَلَ ٱلۡمَشۡرِقِ وَٱلۡمَغۡرِبِ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱلۡبِرَّ مَنۡ ءَامَنَ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ ٱلۡأَخِرِ وَٱلۡمَلَـٰٓٮِٕڪَةِ وَٱلۡكِتَـٰبِ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ وَءَاتَى ٱلۡمَالَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِۦ ذَوِى ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡيَتَـٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَـٰكِينَ وَٱبۡنَ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَٱلسَّآٮِٕلِينَ وَفِى ٱلرِّقَابِ وَأَقَامَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَءَاتَى ٱلزَّڪَوٰةَ وَٱلۡمُوفُونَ بِعَهۡدِهِمۡ إِذَا عَـٰهَدُواْ‌ۖ وَٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ فِى ٱلۡبَأۡسَآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَحِينَ ٱلۡبَأۡسِ‌ۗ أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ ٱلَّذِينَ صَدَقُواْ‌ۖ وَأُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلۡمُتَّقُونَ

    It is not Birr that you turn your faces towards east and (or) west; but Birr is the one who believes in Allah, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, the Prophets and gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the orphans, and to Al-Masakin (the poor), and to the wayfarer, and to those who ask, and to set servants free, performs As-Salah (Iqamat-As-Salah), and gives the Zakah, and who fulfill their covenant when they make it, and who are patient in extreme poverty and ailment (disease) and at the time of fighting (during the battles). Such are the people of the truth and they are Al-Muttaqun (the pious)

    Surah al-Baqarah ayah 177 (2:177)

    Whenever I read this I get worried that the promises I make to myself might cause me to end up in Hell. May Allah protect us from Hell and His punishments, efface our sins bring us closer to Him and bless us all with Jannatul Firdos. Ameen.

    So what are some ways that you've encountered that help ensure that you keep the promises you make to yourself, especially now that Ramadan is almost over and the chains that bind the Shaytans will be let go soon.

    [Note: These are not about oaths you make to Allah, as if you make an oath you better be keeping that on lockdown and if you can't, then stop making oaths The type of promise in this topic is more of when you tell yourself that you'll try to eat healthier, or think more positively, or do this or that.]






    وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
    "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
    Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
    [2:186]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

  • #2
    Maybe change yourself little by little till you are qualified to make that oath?

    Or say in shaa Allah for oath so there is no penalty.
    https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/lo...-qur-an-courseI am just a simple nomad.

    Ephemeral reader

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Kiro View Post
      Maybe change yourself little by little till you are qualified to make that oath?

      Or say in shaa Allah for oath so there is no penalty.
      It's not about oaths though, since that's more in line with you making a promise to Allah.

      It's more about when you want to do something to better yourself, but you're lazy about it. Like when someone says that they want to wake up 30mins before Fajr so they can get in some Quran reading time, but once their alarm goes off they hit the snooze button since they're too tired. Or someone who wants to lose weight and decides to cut sugar. While they are good for a week or so, they see a new cheesecake at the store and instantly buy it. Or someone who wants to learn a new language, but stops since there's no one around to tell him/her to do it.

      Does that make sense?

      وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
      "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
      Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
      [2:186]

      .:.
      .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
      Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

        It's not about oaths though, since that's more in line with you making a promise to Allah.

        It's more about when you want to do something to better yourself, but you're lazy about it. Like when someone says that they want to wake up 30mins before Fajr so they can get in some Quran reading time, but once their alarm goes off they hit the snooze button since they're too tired. Or someone who wants to lose weight and decides to cut sugar. While they are good for a week or so, they see a new cheesecake at the store and instantly buy it. Or someone who wants to learn a new language, but stops since there's no one around to tell him/her to do it.

        Does that make sense?
        Yes. Then I think you should research on why you should do that thing and keep contemplating about it. The more you immerse yourself in that environment then perhaps you will want to do more.
        https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/lo...-qur-an-courseI am just a simple nomad.

        Ephemeral reader

        Comment


        • #5
          Good thread

          Comment


          • #6
            I don't think it's possible to make a covenant with yourself, so I'd cross that off your list of things that may send you to Hell.
            Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

            None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
              I don't think it's possible to make a covenant with yourself, so I'd cross that off your list of things that may send you to Hell.
              I was thinking the same thing, but was not sure.

              I mean, if I resolve to do something and it is good, I am rewarded for the intention at least, am I not? But surely not punished if I then fail to do so (unless it is an obligatory act).

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                For me, when it comes to keeping promises to others I find myself diligent in fulfilling it even when I don't want to. But when it comes to promises I make for myself, I'm not as strict. I may fulfill them here and there, but there are times when I become lazy about it and just shrug my shoulders.

                But Allah does say in the Quran:

                لَّيۡسَ ٱلۡبِرَّ أَن تُوَلُّواْ وُجُوهَكُمۡ قِبَلَ ٱلۡمَشۡرِقِ وَٱلۡمَغۡرِبِ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱلۡبِرَّ مَنۡ ءَامَنَ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ ٱلۡأَخِرِ وَٱلۡمَلَـٰٓٮِٕڪَةِ وَٱلۡكِتَـٰبِ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ وَءَاتَى ٱلۡمَالَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِۦ ذَوِى ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡيَتَـٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَـٰكِينَ وَٱبۡنَ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَٱلسَّآٮِٕلِينَ وَفِى ٱلرِّقَابِ وَأَقَامَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَءَاتَى ٱلزَّڪَوٰةَ وَٱلۡمُوفُونَ بِعَهۡدِهِمۡ إِذَا عَـٰهَدُواْ‌ۖ وَٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ فِى ٱلۡبَأۡسَآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَحِينَ ٱلۡبَأۡسِ‌ۗ أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ ٱلَّذِينَ صَدَقُواْ‌ۖ وَأُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلۡمُتَّقُونَ

                It is not Birr that you turn your faces towards east and (or) west; but Birr is the one who believes in Allah, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, the Prophets and gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the orphans, and to Al-Masakin (the poor), and to the wayfarer, and to those who ask, and to set servants free, performs As-Salah (Iqamat-As-Salah), and gives the Zakah, and who fulfill their covenant when they make it, and who are patient in extreme poverty and ailment (disease) and at the time of fighting (during the battles). Such are the people of the truth and they are Al-Muttaqun (the pious)

                Surah al-Baqarah ayah 177 (2:177)

                Whenever I read this I get worried that the promises I make to myself might cause me to end up in Hell. May Allah protect us from Hell and His punishments, efface our sins bring us closer to Him and bless us all with Jannatul Firdos. Ameen.

                So what are some ways that you've encountered that help ensure that you keep the promises you make to yourself, especially now that Ramadan is almost over and the chains that bind the Shaytans will be let go soon.

                [Note: These are not about oaths you make to Allah, as if you make an oath you better be keeping that on lockdown and if you can't, then stop making oaths The type of promise in this topic is more of when you tell yourself that you'll try to eat healthier, or think more positively, or do this or that.]





                I think you have nothing to worry about here. The verse refers to the covenant humans made with Allah or make with Allah i.e that they shall worship him, follow his injunctions and commands and generally live life according to Allah SWT' s plan.

                When you make a covenant with yourself, Allah will not hold you accountable to it i.e if you fail in that covenant Allah will not punish you for not keeping your oath to yourself. It is a personal oath, it is not the same as the oath you make with Allah that you will obey him, worship him and follow his commands and prohibitions.

                So i think they are two different promises. So don't be too hard on yourself if you fail to keep promises you make to yourself. That's the way i see it anyway.
                'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]'

                Surah Ibrahim (14:7)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
                  I don't think it's possible to make a covenant with yourself, so I'd cross that off your list of things that may send you to Hell.
                  Originally posted by detached soul View Post

                  I think you have nothing to worry about here. The verse refers to the covenant humans made with Allah or make with Allah i.e that they shall worship him, follow his injunctions and commands and generally live life according to Allah SWT' s plan.

                  When you make a covenant with yourself, Allah will not hold you accountable to it i.e if you fail in that covenant Allah will not punish you for not keeping your oath to yourself. It is a personal oath, it is not the same as the oath you make with Allah that you will obey him, worship him and follow his commands and prohibitions.

                  So i think they are two different promises. So don't be too hard on yourself if you fail to keep promises you make to yourself. That's the way i see it anyway.

                  Allah may not hold you accountable, but it's more about you and your own accountability. Say someone wants to read the Quran every night and promises themselves that they'll do it, only for them to continue to fail. In that sense you wanted to do a good act, you'll be rewarded for intending to do a good act, but you'll feel horrible about not taking the proper steps in doing it.

                  Plus, you want to be someone who when they say they'll do something they'll do it. If you fail yourself, then how is that building your character? How are you growing if you let yourself be lax?
                  وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
                  "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
                  Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
                  [2:186]

                  .:.
                  .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                  Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post




                    Allah may not hold you accountable, but it's more about you and your own accountability. Say someone wants to read the Quran every night and promises themselves that they'll do it, only for them to continue to fail. In that sense you wanted to do a good act, you'll be rewarded for intending to do a good act, but you'll feel horrible about not taking the proper steps in doing it.

                    Plus, you want to be someone who when they say they'll do something they'll do it. If you fail yourself, then how is that building your character? How are you growing if you let yourself be lax?
                    I fail myself because all my energy and efforts are expended in not failing others.

                    Put others first.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post




                      Allah may not hold you accountable, but it's more about you and your own accountability. Say someone wants to read the Quran every night and promises themselves that they'll do it, only for them to continue to fail. In that sense you wanted to do a good act, you'll be rewarded for intending to do a good act, but you'll feel horrible about not taking the proper steps in doing it.

                      Plus, you want to be someone who when they say they'll do something they'll do it. If you fail yourself, then how is that building your character? How are you growing if you let yourself be lax?
                      As to holding yourself accountable i understand what your saying. At least you are trying, if you fail its ok everybody fails first few times. But if they keep at it, they will eventually succeed.

                      Best thing to do is to set yourself reasonable reachable goals. So dont try and read 1 or 2 chapters of the quran everyday, set yourself attainable goals like you will read 2 or 3 pages of the quran daily and then take it from there.
                      'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]'

                      Surah Ibrahim (14:7)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post




                        Allah may not hold you accountable, but it's more about you and your own accountability. Say someone wants to read the Quran every night and promises themselves that they'll do it, only for them to continue to fail. In that sense you wanted to do a good act, you'll be rewarded for intending to do a good act, but you'll feel horrible about not taking the proper steps in doing it.

                        Plus, you want to be someone who when they say they'll do something they'll do it. If you fail yourself, then how is that building your character? How are you growing if you let yourself be lax?
                        I was responding to where you said "I get worried that the promises I make to myself might cause me to end up in Hell" but now you say it's not about Allah holding you to account. Interesting.
                        Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worlds ending!

                        None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post

                          I was responding to where you said "I get worried that the promises I make to myself might cause me to end up in Hell" but now you say it's not about Allah holding you to account. Interesting.
                          I guess I'm still bad at explaining myself.

                          Oh well.
                          وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
                          "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
                          Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
                          [2:186]

                          .:.
                          .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                          Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Can you be a truthful person if you tell the truth to others, but lie to yourself all the time?

                            Can you be someone who has beautiful adab if you take care to be mindful of other people, but when you're alone you curse and insult yourself all the time?

                            Can you be someone who keeps their promises if you keep them with others, but when you're alone you break the ones you make to yourself?

                            Can you be righteous if you're not righteous when it comes to yourself?


                            Sometimes I think it's easier to be good to people, but it's hard to do the same for yourself at times. We all have this issue, which is why I made the thread. It's may be true that some of these things may not lead you to Hellfire depending on what it is, but if you think about it there could be some that do lead you to Hellfire.

                            Personal growth is a great way to raise your status in Jannah since it's all a part of tazkiyah.


                            Being truthful of yourself means knowing your shortcomings and striving to be better, instead of allowing your lies to make you complacent or lazy.

                            Having proper adab to yourself means that you won't fall into having self esteem issues or worry about your insecurities. Instead of hating yourself, you'll be more positive which will help with your mental health.

                            Keeping promises means that you won't procrastinate or be lazy. You'll have the drive needed to accomplish your goals and if you fail, then you'll take the necessary steps to do better next time.


                            So if someone wants to start taking the steps to fulfill their promises, what are some tips that you'd give them so they can grow and be a better person.



                            (hopefully this makes more sense than my previous posts....if it doesn't then may Allah bring someone to explain my words better and bless me with the ability to communicate my thoughts in a clear and concise manner. Ameen)
                            وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
                            "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
                            Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
                            [2:186]

                            .:.
                            .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                            Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              and who fulfill their covenant when they make it


                              sorry could someone elaborate what is the meaning of this?^
                              Last edited by reached; 23-05-20, 08:31 PM.

                              Comment

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