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  • #31
    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    Walaykum salam,

    When I was growing up, I had certain expectations about my life.¬* I started looking for someone to marry from the final year of my degree onwards.¬* I intended to get married during my twenties and I should at least be pregnant with my first child by the time I'm 30- that was the plan anyway.¬* Part of the plan was to adopt a child as well as raise my own kids.¬* I didn't expect to have a lucrative career and didn't have work ambitions (beyond earning halal rizq)- having my own family was my ambition cos I believed the real hard work is in raising children.

    As you all know, none of that ever happened.¬* My life was pretty much flushed down the toilet by the time I was 29 and I haven't recovered since.¬* The first 5 years of illness, I frantically spent much of my time researching various treatments and paid huge sums of money on various medications and supplements as well as making dietary and lifestyle changes.¬* I believed that my plans were on hold and that thoroughly treating this would lead to my health recovering sufficiently to be able to have some independence, run a household and be in a position to marry and start a family (ie all the stuff I expected I'd do in a marriage)- but none of that happened.

    Around five years ago, after much soul searching, I realised I need to adjust my expectations and accept that I wont have children- in fact I shouldn't have children as I'm in no fit state to take on that sort of responsibility.¬* I had to re-evaluate what I wanted out of life and I decided I still wanted to get married, just that it wouldn't be the sort of marriage I'd envisioned before I became ill because I can't take care of a home, do cooking and cleaning etc or have kids but that shouldn't mean being deprived of companionship that goes with being in a marriage.¬* It took me a while to realise the only offers I'll ever get in this life are of zina as that's all I'm considered worthy of- I find that infuriating.¬* I wont pretend that I never considered it; when the doors to halal options are all slammed shut and double locked, it's natural to ask what other options are there.¬* I hate being single.¬* It was fine in my twenties as I was young and could devote my time to other things and could envision a future for myself- now it's just lonely and frustrating.

    Now I'm at a point of trying to convince myself that I have a husband waiting for me in Jannah and it's just a case of getting there.¬* I think I've wasted too many years holding on to false hopes in this life, first it was false hope that I'd recover, then false hope that a good man could exist in this world who is worthy of me and my time.¬* I don't have expectations or hope about such things anymore.¬* I'm learning to accept that I don't have a future. ¬*¬*
    May Allah swt reward you greatly and contine to give you sabr to deal with and accept whatever happens in your life. I also hope Allah swt blesses you with what you did not have in this dunya, in Jannah.


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    • #32
      Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post

      Been in situations where people also commented at how they would not be able to cope with what I went through. Alhumdulillah though I know people have it a lot worse. We have so much to be grateful to Allah swt.
      I can relate.

      I was in a situation with the authorities and when my name was cleared, they recommended I get counselling because apparently others had ended their own lives after going through similar things. I thought "okay it was bad, but was it that bad"? In my mind thinkig "I've had worse". Anyway, I went ahead with their recommendation, and the counselor goes (after a few months) that shes never come across someone like me who was able to keep sane after such an experience. Her conclusion was that either I don't realize how bad the situation was, or that my childhood was so extreme and horrible that because I survived it, it psychologically made me unnaturally resilient which is what kept me sane.

      Apparently those who have had a good childhood would have ended their lives after such an event.

      Which of those 2 answers is the actual answer, I guess only Allah knows.

      But having said that, I'm sure others have it even worse, which is why I think, wasn't that bad alhumdulillah.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

        I can relate.

        I was in a situation with the authorities and when my name was cleared, they recommended I get counselling because apparently others had ended their own lives after going through similar things. I thought "okay it was bad, but was it that bad"? In my mind thinkig "I've had worse". Anyway, I went ahead with their recommendation, and the counselor goes (after a few months) that shes never come across someone like me who was able to keep sane after such an experience. Her conclusion was that either I don't realize how bad the situation was, or that my childhood was so extreme and horrible that because I survived it, it psychologically made me unnaturally resilient which is what kept me sane.

        Apparently those who have had a good childhood would have ended their lives after such an event.

        Which of those 2 answers is the actual answer, I guess only Allah knows.

        But having said that, I'm sure others have it even worse, which is why I think, wasn't that bad alhumdulillah.
        Wow. May Allah ease your affairs in shaa allah

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        • #34
          It didn't for anyone
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          https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiv...YMkhbbgtX-lL8Q

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          • #35
            No. But it's my own fault. And also no, because it wouldn't have either way.

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            • #36
              .....
              Last edited by Magic.; 22-06-19, 06:32 PM.
              8 powerful habits to succeed


              1. Wake up early!
              2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
              3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
              4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
              5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
              6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
              7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
              8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

              NEW UPDATE

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


              Watch this when you're distressed!

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              • #37
                that's something i never properly thought about

                no, when I was younger I thought I'd be married at 26 - I am now starting to come to terms with the fact that I may be (I say may but I mean very likely will be) one of those people that never does - not as devastating as it used to seem to me before...or maybe I'm just going through a period of calmness...or maybe it's the pleasant weather

                in general, i thought there was going to me more for me

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by cho09082489 View Post
                  that's something i never properly thought about

                  no, when I was younger I thought I'd be married at 26 - I am now starting to come to terms with the fact that I may be (I say may but I mean very likely will be) one of those people that never does - not as devastating as it used to seem to me before...or maybe I'm just going through a period of calmness...or maybe it's the pleasant weather

                  in general, i thought there was going to me more for me
                  Theres still hope
                  put the work in and make duaa and then leave it to Allah

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by cho09082489 View Post
                    that's something i never properly thought about

                    no, when I was younger I thought I'd be married at 26 - I am now starting to come to terms with the fact that I may be (I say may but I mean very likely will be) one of those people that never does - not as devastating as it used to seem to me before...or maybe I'm just going through a period of calmness...or maybe it's the pleasant weather

                    in general, i thought there was going to me more for me
                    the calmness usually comes and goes I noticed, usually goes when ppl keep asking are you married yet, why not, whats stoping you etc its annoying to say the least

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Bayna3 View Post

                      the calmness usually comes and goes I noticed, usually goes when ppl keep asking are you married yet, why not, whats stoping you etc its annoying to say the least
                      Use to happen to me all the time. The questioner often had a daughter of marriable age. Then I got married at 28 years.¬*

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Yeah I can't remember if I've posted on this thread. But yeah my life had taken a mostly unexpected turn since 18.


                        But I'm grateful because Allah is helping me with my deen, and strong iman and repentance in the longer term means more blessings in some respect, so Alhamdulilah.
                        وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                        And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                        أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                        Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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                        Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

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                        • #42
                          Completely unexpected

                          I never had the slightest clue I'd convert to Islam basically all I knew about Islam that muslims prayed with their heads on the ground I didn't even know what halal meant even though I'd see it on food

                          Dunya wise life has been a bit of a struggle so didnt expect that but then again I figured I'd be dead at 27 from an od or something so cant complain on that front

                          so yeah life has been unexpected. Worse than I expected in someways but also at the same time better than what I expected finding purpose and peace and contentment

                          Wa lilahil hamd

                          The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
                          ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                            I never had the slightest clue I'd convert to Islam basically all I knew about Islam that muslims prayed with their heads on the ground I didn't even know what halal meant even though I'd see it on food
                            In the UK, kufaar still don't know what halal means, so this led to alt right trolls claiming that "halal is a tax that's paid by companies to fund terrorism". The fact that it's untrue is irrelevant as hundreds of thousands if not millions of pig ignorant people are firmly convinced it's true. If you don't believe me or are unfamiliar with all this; I suggest taking a look at the Cadburys facebook page which has been inundated with hate comments because their products are suitable for vegetarians which they've said "is suitable for a halal diet". In particular take a look at their easter posts which is where they get the most hate comments for no reason. Actually I can show you a screenshot here:

                            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by neelu View Post

                              In the UK, kufaar still don't know what halal means, so this led to alt right trolls claiming that "halal is a tax that's paid by companies to fund terrorism". The fact that it's untrue is irrelevant as hundreds of thousands if not millions of pig ignorant people are firmly convinced it's true. If you don't believe me or are unfamiliar with all this; I suggest taking a look at the Cadburys facebook page which has been inundated with hate comments because their products are suitable for vegetarians which they've said "is suitable for a halal diet". In particular take a look at their easter posts which is where they get the most hate comments for no reason. Actually I can show you a screenshot here:
                              Thanks for that pic I needed a good chuckle

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                                Completely unexpected

                                I never had the slightest clue I'd convert to Islam basically all I knew about Islam that muslims prayed with their heads on the ground I didn't even know what halal meant even though I'd see it on food

                                Dunya wise life has been a bit of a struggle so didnt expect that but then again I figured I'd be dead at 27 from an od or something so cant complain on that front

                                so yeah life has been unexpected. Worse than I expected in someways but also at the same time better than what I expected finding purpose and peace and contentment

                                Wa lilahil hamd
                                Subhanallah, your post really made me think

                                When I was 18 I would never ever have thought that I would come to Islam. Iím Ďborní Muslim but my family are completely not practising & i was never taught about religion at all. I actually used to feel sorry for Muslims thinking wow they have to cover, have to pray 5x a day how difficult etc

                                Then at 19, Allah guided me & ive never looked back alhamdulillah. I remember when I used to see friends from jahilliyah they would think me practising Islam was just a phase & they would wonder how long Iíd keep it up for. I had everything going for me since coming to Islam (got a very well paid job at 19 just months after coming to Islam) graduated from a good uni at 21, married at 21, child at 24 but then things started to go downhill Qadr allah

                                subhnallah, I honestly never would have thought that I would one day practise Islam and especially so at such a young age. The thought of putting a hijab on or even praying would scare me & religion was never on my mind

                                Its so easy to be negative & to think rahh I canít believe x y and z happened, I didnít expect that, but I need to constantly remind myself of where I would have been if I was not guided towards Islam. Subhanallah
                                https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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