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How to reconcile and move on from trauma

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  • How to reconcile and move on from trauma

    Assalaamu alaikum,

    So my question today is how one can get past lots of painful past occurrences. Events that still give you sadness even though you're not in the situation currently, alhamdulilah.

    So sometimes you feel overwhelming thoughts and questions in your mind about why that happened, and the shaytan puts ungrateful notions of despairing from Allah and being discontent with the Lord's decree.

    I just want like, some good advice to help deal with these thoughts and to bury my past where it belongs - in the past. Maybe some hadiths, or quotes from salaf or naseeha from personal experiences?

    I've been to counselling a lot that I think I've exhausted a lot of the times I could go on the NHS. And sometimes I feel that psychological treatment is beneficial when dealing with the problem as it happens but what about when you recall trauma only here and there?
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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  • #2
    Wa alaikum salam rahmatullah wa barakatu

    It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:
    للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي
    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’
    “O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”
    but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

    Comment


    • #3
      Good question, and i had such a trauma in my life about 12 years ago, i dont question why that happened anymore and i dont dwell in the past, but that influenced how i deal with things to this day, i get paranoid about things and i get anxiety over irrarional thoughts because of that. I dont know if there is a cure, i once did hear a nice lecture about anxiety...

      https://archive.org/details/SelfImagePsychology

      it is the 3rd cd but all are very interesting..
      يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

      O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

      Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

      Comment


      • Fakhri
        Fakhri commented
        Editing a comment
        Jazaa'akillah Khair. I clicked the link out of vague curiosity, but I like listening to him. Haven't heard anything of his in a long time.

      • aynina
        aynina commented
        Editing a comment
        I hadent heared of him before these lectures, but i found them very interesting

      • Fakhri
        Fakhri commented
        Editing a comment
        Alhamdulillah. Really a very interesting, enjoyable and beneficial talk. Deserves its own thread I think. Will Probably share this with a few people inshaa'Allah.

    • #4
      (Anyone reading, please don't let the topic of the thread cause you to overlook the talk posted by Sr Aynina above. Alhamdulillah.)
      LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
      -------------------------------
      "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
      NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

      Comment


      • #5
        Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
        (Anyone reading, please don't let the topic of the thread cause you to overlook the talk posted by Sr Aynina above. Alhamdulillah.)
        You can post a thread if you like
        يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

        O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

        Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

        Comment


        • #6
          Assalamu alaykum

          beautiful quote from the brother above alhamdulillah

          Allah does not place any burden upon any soul, except that he / she can bare it. When you go through so many trials, so many tribulations know that you are honoured in the sight of Allah subhanahu Wa ta aala as he has placed these hardships upon you knowing that you will be able to bare them. Subhanallah.

          Always think positive of Allah subhanahu Wa ta aala for Allah is as we think of Him to be. When we understand Qadr and we understand that everything that happens in our life (be is good or bad) is from the decree and wisdom of Allah then we find it easier to accept our situation and praise Allah in all situations.

          Allah wants good for His servants. Sometimes hardships bring you closer to Allah and sometimes, they do not. It's always important to be confident though that what has happened will be khayr for you and by remaining patient and worshipping Allah in all situations, you will increase in your Imaan.

          In in your situation I would advise you to increase in your remembrance of Allah subhanahu Wa ta aaala. Keep your tongue moist with His remembrance and keep up with the adhkaar.

          Something which has also really helped me and perhaps you could also implement is to create a gratitude journal. Write down things in here which have happened which you are grateful for and subhanallah you will feel so much better. It doesn't have to be huge things it could be anything and make a habit of reading it regularly Insha Allah and you'll see how easy it is to overlook the good that happens to us whilst constantly pondering upon the bad
          https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • LailaTheMuslim
            LailaTheMuslim commented
            Editing a comment
            Jazakallah Khair for this beneficial post sis. We've missed u on UF, my fellow Layla!

        • #7
          Barakallahu feeki sis

          ive missed you and ummah forum too! Seems a bit dead though lol
          https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • #8
            Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
            Barakallahu feeki sis

            ive missed you and ummah forum too! Seems a bit dead though lol
            I agree. The forum is dead. I wonder what happened..?

            Comment


            • #9
              Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post

              I agree. The forum is dead. I wonder what happened..?
              I think when they did the new layout a lot of people didn't find their way around it and left... or just modern times... facebook and instagram etc are more popular perhaps...
              يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

              O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

              Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

              Comment


              • nudgetheputri
                nudgetheputri commented
                Editing a comment
                i miss all my reps and all the hate comments lol

              • aynina
                aynina commented
                Editing a comment
                me too hehe

            • #10
              Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
              Assalaamu alaikum,

              So my question today is how one can get past lots of painful past occurrences. Events that still give you sadness even though you're not in the situation currently, alhamdulilah.

              So sometimes you feel overwhelming thoughts and questions in your mind about why that happened, and the shaytan puts ungrateful notions of despairing from Allah and being discontent with the Lord's decree.

              I just want like, some good advice to help deal with these thoughts and to bury my past where it belongs - in the past. Maybe some hadiths, or quotes from salaf or naseeha from personal experiences?

              I've been to counselling a lot that I think I've exhausted a lot of the times I could go on the NHS. And sometimes I feel that psychological treatment is beneficial when dealing with the problem as it happens but what about when you recall trauma only here and there?
              Sister I too have been through some testing times and occurances that caused sadness. I kept reminding myself of Allah (swt)'s names and the fact that Allah (swt) is the best of planners. Also some other people had been in similar situations to mine but they became depressed and some turned away from the deen. Looking at how they dealt with the situation and the state it lead them too, I did not want to end up like them. I read alot of inspirational stories and of course the quran with meaning. I did not want to loose that connection with the deen.

              I also found that if I kept myself busy then I would not think too deeply about those incidents. Night times were worse though. So after doing the night adkhar if I could still not fall asleep I just listened to the quran until I fell asleep.

              Even now, actually last few days them thoughts are bugging me again but alhumdulillah we have been blessed with the 10 days of dhul hijjah which should help.

              I don't think we should supress our sadness we just need to kinda control it so it does not lead to depression. Be gentle with yourself, its ok to feel sad and even cry at times but then pick yourself up, remind yourself all what happened is in the past for a reason. Thank Allah (swt) for everything and never despair Allah (swt)'s mercy.

              Also conitinue with duas, they are mentioned in the Fortress of the Muslim. Remember Allah (swt), prayers and patience will get us through.

              Comment

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