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I said no to a rishta due to my circumstances

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  • Curtains
    started a topic I said no to a rishta due to my circumstances

    I said no to a rishta due to my circumstances


    Error
    Last edited by Curtains; 25-05-18, 03:01 PM.

  • savo234
    replied
    Originally posted by Curtains View Post
    As

    Iím new to this and currently seeking advice.

    6 months ago I was introduced to a guy for marriage through family and met him. Things between us went well, I liked him and hoped for a second meeting. however, The same day of meeting him I received some really upsetting news and I was in a really difficult place. I was so upset, my mind could not comprehend much at the time and I just needed time and space. Unfortunately I was under pressure to give an answer if I wanted to peruse with this guy or not. Understandbly I was so distraught and was going through so much at the time I said no because I needed to get through what I was.

    Months have gone by and Alhamdulilah Iím in such a better place by the grace of Allah swt. Now that I am thinking clearly I keep regretting saying no to this rishta even though I know it wasnít my fault it was my situation. ive been feeling really upset and do not know who to speak to.

    i know my family will not accept going back to the guy and would feel silly if we asked for another chance. I donít even know if he liked me because my Family had said no before he said anything. But our meeting was very positive and he was very interested. I am also embarrassed and ashamed to tell my family .

    I see him on social media and wonder if I should message him. Iím seeking advice because itís not something I would even do normally. Iím not that kind of person.


    What is your advice, move on or message and see and explain to him that I wasnít ready due to circumstance but if he is willing I am to get to know him.

    ofcourse this is a big thing to do and as we were introduced by families it could ruin my name as it seems Iím going back on my decision of no and so on....
    Ask your wali to message him, thats all. I know its a little awkward specially in desi culture that the wali proposes someone he refused. Its awkward for both sides. But thats fine. Some guys take it personal " Haah, they rejected me before, now they are coming to me again because they tried for other men and could'nt get any better." So its kind of feeling in the man's heart " I was'nt their first priority and they are only settling for me".

    But it depends on the kind of person that man is. Something similar happened to me.

    Before my marriage, I got into contact by wali of a sister and they agreed on marriage but my parents put a later date. They cut contact because of delays and engaged the sister to someone else who after 8-9 months could not marry her and broke the engagement. Meanwhile, I got into touch with another family where I am married now. While I was in discussion with this family, the wali of this sister before approached me and told the whole thing that she was engaged and it broke down and if I am interested again, i could marry her or her younger sister/cousin.

    I liked their frankness and did not mind at all but I told them that I am in contact with someone and its not good to have multiple things going on, if my current discussion breaks down then I will come to you again. But that did'nt happen/

    Leave a comment:


  • Curtains
    replied
    Zi zidou I think you havenít read my post, it clearly states I was under pressure to give an answer. There was no such thing as delaying the response that was not an option.

    Given my circumstance I said no, I wasnít in a position to say yes with what was going on.

    I am a firm believer that everything happens by the will of Allah swt. If he is fixed then Alhamdulilah, if he is single and says no then Alhamdulilah, if he is single and says yes to pursue a meet then Alhamdulilah.

    we can all plan what we want but Allah is the best of planners. I donít know my future and what it holds but Iím certain Allah swt has a plan for me and all of us. Alhamdulilah he is the best of planners

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by bru View Post

    She clearly said she was in a bad place at the time, letís see you making smart decisions when in the same frame of mind.
    The correct decision would have been to not make a decision i.e. delay. It's not rocket science. Sisters delay even when they are in a good place!

    Leave a comment:


  • bru
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    You made a decision, a poor one in my opinion.
    She clearly said she was in a bad place at the time, letís see you making smart decisions when in the same frame of mind.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sister_2009
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    Sadly you have not.
    Well, that was quick. Looks like he hasnít figured it out after all. Haha.

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

    Iím glad youíve finally figured that out :slow clap:
    Sadly you have not.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sister_2009
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    No means no.
    Iím glad youíve finally figured that out :slow clap:

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
    The original, legit UF aunty was Imported_MMS, and hilarious, too. Oh, well, like so many, she doesnít post here anymore.

    OP, if you want to ask, get someone to do it; if not, no biggie... plenty of fish and all that.
    No means no.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Better hurry before he finds someone else.
    Probably already has

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Better hurry before he finds someone else.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Indeed there are aunties
    and a couple grandmas

    Leave a comment:


  • Sister_2009
    replied
    The original, legit UF aunty was Imported_MMS, and hilarious, too. Oh, well, like so many, she doesnít post here anymore.

    OP, if you want to ask, get someone to do it; if not, no biggie... plenty of fish and all that.

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    Do not worry people

    I am here, I am a real aunty and I wear salwaar kameez for authenticity just like other aunties who wear traditional ethnic clothing from their culture.

    A brief background about myself:

    -- I am qualified, I have a marriage certificate to prove it. You will have to check if it's fake or not - meh
    - I have been an aunty for the last 10-11 years I think. Giving advice to my nephews and nieces
    they are young and so am I.
    -I am sure I have helped people on the forum
    -I only give honest advice
    -i get a bit passionate

    That's that

    To the op now

    Lmso
    Lol.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Originally posted by shay5 View Post

    You said you had a good first meeting, we're in a time where its difficult to find someone good to marry so my advice would be to either ask your wali or get a male relative to message the guy and see if he is willing to meet for a 2nd meeting. Wish you well...
    You're right aunty shay

    Totally agree with you about the hardships of finding a good spouse

    My husband is blessed he found me


    ​​

    Leave a comment:

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