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Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk

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  • Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk


  • #2
    Re: Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk

    Good reminder brother. All the single men should know they need to change their ways and leave off things like this before they marry or it can and does ruin their wives lives (and their own) In truth, these things are what is affecting most marriages negatively these days. According to the thread (who is to blame for a mans lust) A lot of people seem to think it is the fault of the women, no, when we don't lower our gaze and are affected by the society, it is always our own fault. Pornography in itself is seeking out to look at things, it has multiple negative effects on a human, emotionally, spiritually and physically. It is a sore topic with a lot of men, they feel it is justified because they are single but it will have major consequences in their married life because once your sense of modesty dies, it is a disaster and hayaa only comes back through sincere and constant repentance.
    We wouldn't have half the marriage problems if men would not view these things as exciting but rather as something disturbing to their fitrah.
    The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

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    • #3
      Re: Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk

      Originally posted by liya1 View Post
      Good reminder brother. All the single men should know they need to change their ways and leave off things like this before they marry or it can and does ruin their wives lives (and their own) In truth, these things are what is affecting most marriages negatively these days. According to the thread (who is to blame for a mans lust) A lot of people seem to think it is the fault of the women, no, when we don't lower our gaze and are affected by the society, it is always our own fault. Pornography in itself is seeking out to look at things, it has multiple negative effects on a human, emotionally, spiritually and physically. It is a sore topic with a lot of men, they feel it is justified because they are single but it will have major consequences in their married life because once your sense of modesty dies, it is a disaster and hayaa only comes back through sincere and constant repentance.
      We wouldn't have half the marriage problems if men would not view these things as exciting but rather as something disturbing to their fitrah.
      When marriage becomes harder , fitnah will increase.

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      • #4
        Re: Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk

        Originally posted by TazZ- View Post
        When marriage becomes harder , fitnah will increase.
        Nobody said it is easy to avoid fitnah....
        Most Muslim people are in that boat brother. I am not sitting here judging the people who do it because there may be other ways that I sin. Nobody is perfect. We have our own weaknesses and flaws but the issue is that this is more major than people think. It is something that affects the mind, the heart and ultimately the behaviour of a person too. There are men on this forum arguing over looking for a 'virgin' pious sister yet some of them may not even protect their own minds and hearts from the things around them. I am sure that Allah wants the best for us and we all have our own trials and tests, but it is a matter of whether we pass the test or allow it to overtake us which is what has happened to most Muslim youth and older people aswell these days. From a loving and intimate act between two people, this has become a joke.
        When someone is watching something repeatedly, their mind is poisoned into thinking this is the only thing I am physically attracted to and expect their partner to be that. Their mind changes making them fixated on certain things, often fall into deviant thoughts and behaviours and normal acts of attraction and love don't affect them anymore. The funny thing is that that stuff is not even their own fantasies, we all grow up fantasizing about normal love but watching that stuff changes people's mind and sick mentally retarded people's fantasies (who make those movies) become the fantasies of the people who watch them. How do people not understand what they are doing to themselves?

        It is one thing to sin, but another to make excuses for them. When we sin, we should at least feel the WEIGHT of our sin like a burden, that is the only hope we have of stopping.I am just wondering, people complain about marriage etc but how can there be barakah in a suitor proposing to a girl for marriage when he is watching these things at home?
        The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

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        • #5
          Re: Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk

          Originally posted by liya1 View Post
          Nobody said it is easy to avoid fitnah....
          Most Muslim people are in that boat brother. I am not sitting here judging the people who do it because there may be other ways that I sin. Nobody is perfect. We have our own weaknesses and flaws but the issue is that this is more major than people think. It is something that affects the mind, the heart and ultimately the behaviour of a person too. There are men on this forum arguing over looking for a 'virgin' pious sister yet some of them may not even protect their own minds and hearts from the things around them. I am sure that Allah wants the best for us and we all have our own trials and tests, but it is a matter of whether we pass the test or allow it to overtake us which is what has happened to most Muslim youth and older people aswell these days. From a loving and intimate act between two people, this has become a joke.
          When someone is watching something repeatedly, their mind is poisoned into thinking this is the only thing I am physically attracted to and expect their partner to be that. Their mind changes making them fixated on certain things, often fall into deviant thoughts and behaviours and normal acts of attraction and love don't affect them anymore. The funny thing is that that stuff is not even their own fantasies, we all grow up fantasizing about normal love but watching that stuff changes people's mind and sick mentally retarded people's fantasies (who make those movies) become the fantasies of the people who watch them. How do people not understand what they are doing to themselves?

          It is one thing to sin, but another to make excuses for them. When we sin, we should at least feel the WEIGHT of our sin like a burden, that is the only hope we have of stopping.I am just wondering, people complain about marriage etc but how can there be barakah in a suitor proposing to a girl for marriage when he is watching these things at home?
          I see where this is going.. Subtle jabs at men with feminist tone.

          And as a side note, women are not innocent either. You are very clever in trying to sell this narrative that since some men occasionally watch porn ( not condoning it ) then they automatically should not want to marry virgin women. You are trying to portray your gender in a very positive light as if they are absolved of the blame.


          Take a hike ,you feminist man-hating troll.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk

            Originally posted by TazZ- View Post
            I see where this is going.. Subtle jabs at men with feminist tone.

            And as a side note, women are not innocent either. You are very clever in trying to sell this narrative that since some men occasionally watch porn ( not condoning it ) then they automatically should not want to marry virgin women. You are trying to portray your gender in a very positive light as if they are absolved of the blame.


            Take a hike ,you feminist man-hating troll.
            LOL...Wow...aren't you mature? Seems I hit a nerve there. I never said women are innocent ...not by a far shot. I even mentioned I am not judging as I have my own fair share of sins as does every person on Earth.
            Stats show men predominantly watch these things (although the number of women is increasing day by day).Not to mention, men are the ones who keep defending it as if it is a lesser sin. I stand by my opinion that it has many negative psychological effects aside from the fact that it is islamically wrong. Is there something wrong with me saying that?
            This has nothing to do with feminism. Alhumdulillah I believe in the rights Allah has given us respectively, not in the Western feminist man hating ideals. We in islam have our respectful views of our own and the other gender. I was talking about what is the right thing. Whether a woman does it or a man, it is damaging to them. My talk was gender non specific where I was talking about it's effects. I mentioned brothers specifically in 2 places because it is the brothers who talk a lot about purity and if me mentioning that means a brother maybe thinks twice before watching anything if he is seeking a pure spouse then so be it. I was simply pointing out something people need to think about, that men need to protect themselves also and secondly if some men do these things and are proposing to a girl at the same time, how can they expect barakah? Obviously if women are doing this and expecting a good guy then same thing but as it stands it is mostly a problem with the men in our society hence more aimed at men. Goodness... You have some issues with women mister!

            Oh and I have nothing against men marrying virgin women, it has nothing to do with me. I don't believe in that whole throwing people's past into their faces whether a man or a woman. My reasons as I said above was to make a man think and stop since it is more a problem with men than women.
            The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage - Mufti Menk

              Originally posted by TazZ- View Post
              I see where this is going.. Subtle jabs at men with feminist tone.

              And as a side note, women are not innocent either. You are very clever in trying to sell this narrative that since some men occasionally watch porn ( not condoning it ) then they automatically should not want to marry virgin women. You are trying to portray your gender in a very positive light as if they are absolved of the blame.


              Take a hike ,you feminist man-hating troll.

              LOL...Wow...aren't you mature? Seems I hit a nerve there. I never said women are innocent ...not by a far shot. I even mentioned I am not judging as I have my own fair share of sins as does every person on Earth.
              Stats show men predominantly watch these things (although the number of women is increasing day by day).Not to mention, men are the ones who keep defending it as if it is a lesser sin. I stand by my opinion that it has many negative psychological effects aside from the fact that it is islamically wrong. Is there something wrong with me saying that?
              This has nothing to do with feminism. Alhumdulillah I believe in the rights Allah has given us respectively, not in the Western feminist man hating ideals. We in islam have our respectful views of our own and the other gender. I was talking about what is the right thing. Whether a woman does it or a man, it is damaging to them. My talk was gender non specific where I was talking about it's effects. I mentioned brothers specifically in 2 places because it is the brothers who talk a lot about purity and if me mentioning that means a brother maybe thinks twice before watching anything if he is seeking a pure spouse then so be it. I was simply pointing out something people need to think about, that men need to protect themselves also and secondly if some men do these things and are proposing to a girl at the same time, how can they expect barakah? Obviously if women are doing this and expecting a good guy then same thing but as it stands it is mostly a problem with the men in our society hence more aimed at men. Goodness... You have some issues with women mister!

              Oh and I have nothing against men marrying virgin women, it has nothing to do with me. I don't believe in that whole throwing people's past into their faces whether a man or a woman. My reasons as I said above was to make a man think and stop since it is more a problem with men than women.

              P.S. Please debate or argue like a man, not a child. You sound like a 14 year old!
              The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

              Comment

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