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In law issues

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  • In law issues

    Salaam my brother and sisters,

    I am new to this forum. I am currently facing some issues and distress from my in laws and I also have issues going on in my own house (my parents).
    Also this is a very long story:
    I got married to husband 2 years ago alhumdulillah, and we are both very happy in our marriage. But we have a lot of pressure from his family. Around the time we got married we agreed that I will live with his family as his mother is on her own and he had been helping out with finance and other support, he was also helping to look after his maternal grandmother as she was a widow. My parents and I said that we did not want to pressure him into buying a property at that time as he has been through a lot in his life with his own parents separating. At the time both his mum and grandma expressed that they would be happy with us living with them.

    When I first moved into the house things were great, I really felt part of the family alhumdulillah. I got a job within weeks of moving there as I did not want to burden anyone with my finances. My husband does provide me with the basics. However his sister who had gone away to uni moved back in and then the trouble started. She came back and explained that she no longer believes in Islam ( I did not interfere with this but did try my best to explain to her and advice her on this). However apart from my husband, no body in his family seems to care about this. She also has full control
    over her mother. As soon as she has moved in my mother in law will belittle my husband on every occasion that he is not financially independent, he doesn’t have a mortgage etc. His mum will not even let him speak
    to his sister about Leaving Islam. She says absolutely horrible things about Islam and my heart cannot bear it anymore. Due to this I started a teacher training course so we can inshallah buy a house.

    Last year his grandma also passed away which has been very distressing for my husband, and I know he is getting depressed. I have tried to support him advised that he needs to speak to his doctors. However the other issue we have is that MIL and her siblings want to sell their mothers house to receive shares and they want us to buy it. They have offered to give us some money towards this but they also want me to ask my family. But we have recently had three deaths in my family and both of my parents are poorly and I just do not want to burden them with this. But honestly no one in my in laws seems to care, as soon as I sit down they will start talking about our finances and I cannot cope any longer :(!

    Brother and sisters I would really appreciate some
    advise on this, I am praying day and night for some ease in my heart about this. I feel really down and all
    i want to do is just leave, but I do not want to leave my husband in this situation, he is an amazing person Mashallah, but I can no longer cope in this place! The whole city, his family and my training are just getting to me.

  • #2
    I have just realised that I have put this under the topic of Islamic lectures? Please can someone tell me how I can change this? Jasakallah


    • #3
      Dear sister,

      Make lots of du'aa to Allah for ease and opening. Turn back to Him in obedience and love. Beg Allah for opening. I know that when one is in the eye of storm there seems to be no way out, but inshaa Allah you will get out and look back at your difficulties like vague memories.

      The only way to practically resolve your issue is to move to a separate lodging. Talk to your husband gently about your issues. Make him aware of your distress and let him confide in you too. If waiting to buy a house will take a while, go and rent a small studio flat or stay at a hotel for a few days a month. At the moment, I take it you don't have children, so it's much easier to navigate. Both of you will have to sacrifice to make your marriage work and prosper inshaa Allah.

      It would have been nice if a marriage could be sustained closer to extended family, but more often than not there are issues. A couple have to, hence, make very wise decisions. Sometimes going away for some amount of time will really help. Your husband should continue to be kind to his mother with patience and know that things will improve with Allah's will.

      May Allah guide your sister in law back to Islam and grant you all ample peace. Ameen.


      • #4

        i am sorry sister/brother that I have not replied to this but I can say I read your post and it gave so much ease. I have followed your advice and I can say alhumdulillah my heart is at so much ease this weekend. I really hope and pray that allah rewards you for your helpful words and advise :).

        Last weekend I did actually end up in historical due to severe chest pains, but alhumdulillah the doctors confirmed that it is not my heart or anything it is all due to stress so I have been focusing on managing that. Also we did go to morgatge advisor just for my MIL’s reassurance, but they confirmed that at This moment of time we can not afford a house. But inshallah in a years time we should be more stronger financially inshallah. My MIL has actually asked us to now leave in the next few months which has caused my husband distress and She also said that he will never be a part of her will, which I do not agree with but I have asked my husband kindly to move out and rent. Also alhumdulillah even though This much has happened as I have been making dua with an open heart like you advised i know allah wil help us alhumdulillah. We are now looking at properties to rent :).

        jazakallah :)