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Shall we really marry only for Allah's Sake

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  • Shall we really marry only for Allah's Sake

    Shall we really marry only for Allah's Sake
    Praise be to Allah and prayer and peace be upon His Messenger Mohamed
    As Salam Alykom
    This question was raised on another board, so I thought to share it with the answer here with all of u. A woman was discussing with someone that we must marry for the sake of Allah with the purpose of procreation and establishing a Muslim family. Her party made fun of her, she didn't believe that this must be our objective for getting married and asked her for an evidence from Quran. Well the evidence in Quran will be shocking for her. The Ayah says:
    " Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم): "Verily, my Salt (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allh, the Lord of the lamn (mankind, jinn and all that exists)." Quran 6:162)
    La hawala wala qowata ilabillah. With a thorough look, one realizes that not only marriage which is simply part of our lives in this world that must be dedicated to Allah, but rather our whole life, in addition to other items as mentioned in the ayah which Allah topped with prayer. And just take note that Allah started with prayer although one may say that prayer is simply part of life. Yes it sure is. However, due to its major importance for a Muslim, Allah made special emphasis on it putting it on top of other matters which must be dedicated only to Allah. In simple explanation, if at any point one would for example excel in his/her prayer only when people may see, the salat would be dedicated for people and not for Allah. Like wise the sacrifice. The order of prayer followed by sacrifice of course is a reference to Eidu Aldha " Therefore turn in prayer to your Lord and sacrifice (to Him only)." (Quran 108:1). then Allah brought the part of living. Living includes everything, work, education, marriage, food, sleep, entertainment and a long list of life activities. All with no exception must be fully and only dedicating to Allah. Have we fail to fulfill the condition of Niyah (intention), yes that is the point, Niyah in everything we do must be only to Allah. In case we fail to do so, therefore, the activity would be dedicated to ourselves. In the case subject of discussion, marriage, would be for love, shelter, financial support, beauty, position, social status or other. We certainly will attain a benefit, however, the benefit would be a self satisfactory one, with a very temporary short term impact. May be in some cases this impact may last only for the first week of marriage. After which people will find no solid ground to work out things. On the contrary when marriage is concluded for the sake of Allah, we don't mean u go and marry someone you don't like, Allah Sobhanhu wa Ta`ala blesses the marriage, makes things easy, inspires the person to even look at difficult situations as means to get closer to Allah, closely Assists the parents with raising children and many more benefits. Most important of which is attaining the satisfaction of Allah.
    Wallah a`alam
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  • #2
    good post :) of course, everything we do should be with the intention of pleasing Allah :D
    .: Rufaida :.
    .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
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    People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
    but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.
    ~ Ibn Atallah

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    • #3
      Assalamu Alaikum

      Very intesting post...JazakAllah khair for posting...
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      • #4
        excellent post sis, truly something all muslims should reflect upon
        .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
        نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
        دولة الإسلامية باقية





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        • #5
          Jazakum Allah khairan
          it takes training though to really set forth this as a goal and just always retain this Ayah in mind. In many cases, people get captured by Dunia (this world) seeking very temporary pleasure. Simply changing the niyah (Intention) in any thing u do will help much.
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          • #6
            As Salam Alykom brothers and sisters
            I thought many times before posting more comments here for personal reasons, then I made sure that the Niyah is for Allah and decided why not share them. Usually when u discuss this point, u are faced with an objection how can we even entertain ourselves in the name of Allah? Well look at the story of Hanzala, I am sure many of you are aware of it. Abu Bakr met him in the market talking to himself and saying Hanzala became a hypocrite, Hanzala became a hypocrite. Obviously Abu Bakr was worried and inquired about the reason behind this harsh accusation. He told him, when we are in the company of the messenger of Allah we develop an extraordinary feeling of sprituality. Then we go back home, we smell women and play with our children we lose what we attained. Abu Bakr suggested they consult with the Messenger of Allah . The Messenger who of course does not speak out of his desires, explained to Hanzala saying O Hanzala if u retain the condition you develop while in my company, angles shall shake hands with u in the streets and on your beds, but it is an hour and an hour. In other words, if they maintain this condition, they shall become so pure and spiritual to the extend that allows them to physically see the angels then he commented you must mix between this and that. Also in a hadeeth the Messenger said what means entertain the hearts because if hearts become tird, they shall turn blind. Isalm calls for entertainment. But let us see, it all depends how u do it. If u go for a tennis game, to enjoy yourself and remain fit on the level to win the competition. Then your joy shall end on the stand while you receive the medal. However, if u go with the intention of following the sunnah seeking lawful recreation in order to be able to resume your duties towards Allah. Win or not, u shall certainly attain a sustainable feeling of entertainment people may spend thousands of dollars to get in vain.
            I still have more I might come back Insh aAllah
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            • #7
              as salam alykom
              May be a bit late but I still have something to say here
              about marraige again.
              most important is not only to look for your rights (for both partners) , but also make sure you know your liabilities. Make sure to know what marriage really is. It is never a liesure trip where a man and a woman wearing nice casual white clothes and running each after other on the beach with light music in the background. No it is life, it is a man who wakes up in the morning to work, face difficulties, come back home needing to find a "dwelling", of course he shall also know that even patting his wife's (who is probly tired from household chores) head or kissing her is sadaqah. Marriage is mutual responsibilities before having rights. But the standards here are putforth by Allah and only Him. For if we fail to look at it this way, nothing would be actually easy. Love is never enough, it usually fades away after the first, second maximum third time of the intimate relation, what really sustains is the mercy and amicable feeling giving by Allah.
              May Allah bestow His mercy and love () between all husbands and wives, may He gather between them in Khair, may He makes all married couples the best of Da`ia for Islam on earth.
              ameen
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              • #8
                sometimes ideas keep coming on
                Only when marriage is for Allah, that a woman can take her husband's departure for Jihad or even if he is honored by martyrdom. Only then she is capable to handle the situation. Because a man occupies a very special position in his wife's life. And also only then that a man can easily leave behind his loved wife and children to go for Allah's sake. Other wise, he shall never ba able to.
                May Allah grant us all Shahadah for His cause
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                • #9
                  It seems there are other ways to live a life in the cause of Allah as well - though marriage is considered half of the deen. note: it said marriage which is not restricted solely to the wedding but also the daily jihads that might occur. To make it a success it requires a strong and pious character - otherwise it might fail. And there might be brothers and sisters who are not ready for it or can not find an appropriate partner. however, one may grow with marriage insh'Allah. Allahu a'lam.

                  Marriage and a Womans Consent

                  Edited by Adil Salahi

                  Q. I have selected a husband for my daughter, but she says she will only accept him just to please us. She prefers one of her fellow students at university. From every aspect, her choice is far inferior to the other man. She always reminds me that I cannot get her married without her consent. This situation is causing us problems because my relatives are advising me to get her married to the man I have chosen and do it without delay. May I ask whether it is appropriate for a Muslim girl to remain unmarried?

                  M.A., Makkah

                  A. Let us clear the last point first: There is nothing wrong with a woman remaining single throughout her life. Some women simply do not like to get married, and there is no harm in that. They should be helped to lead the life of their choice, so that they are not made dependent on others throughout their lives. Such a woman may pursue her education so as to have a career as a teacher, nurse, doctor, or whatever may suit her talent and ability.

                  Your daughter is right when she says that you must not force her into a marriage without her consent. A woman complained to the Prophet that her father had married her to a cousin of his without her consent. The Prophet nullified the marriage. When he had done that, she said to the Prophet: Now I accept what my father has done, but I only wanted to make it clear to women that men have no way over them.

                  From the Islamic point of view, you can refuse to accept the man your daughter has chosen if you have concerns about his being compatible with her, or that he is socially unacceptable. With the description you have given me, you can easily refuse him. Therefore, you should tell your daughter that while you will not force her into a marriage she does not like, you will not accept the man she suggests because he is unsuitable. In order not to aggravate things, you should tell her your grounds for refusing him.

                  When she realizes that your objections to him are really valid, she may well see your point. The important thing is that she should feel that she is not dragged into a tug of war, and that she is not being forced to do what she dislikes.

                  - Arab News Islam in Perspective 5 September 2003

                  http://www.arabnews.com/?page=5&sect...=11&m=9&y=2003
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                  • #10
                    abdul-hakeem

                    please review posts of this nature, because this statement

                    "There is nothing wrong with a woman remaining single throughout her life. Some women simply do not like to get married, and there is no harm in that. They should be helped to lead the life of their choice, so that they are not made dependent on others throughout their lives. Such a woman may pursue her education so as to have a career as a teacher, nurse, doctor, or whatever may suit her talent and ability."

                    is very contrary to what most of us understand about islam, and arabnews is not where we learn our islam from

                    is there any daleel for this claim?
                    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
                    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
                    دولة الإسلامية باقية





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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by AbuMubarak
                      abdul-hakeem

                      please review posts of this nature, because this statement

                      "There is nothing wrong with a woman remaining single throughout her life. Some women simply do not like to get married, and there is no harm in that. They should be helped to lead the life of their choice, so that they are not made dependent on others throughout their lives. Such a woman may pursue her education so as to have a career as a teacher, nurse, doctor, or whatever may suit her talent and ability."

                      is very contrary to what most of us understand about islam, and arabnews is not where we learn our islam from

                      is there any daleel for this claim?
                      well, its good you see it that way. i simply want to spark a debate and its also good if we talk about it.

                      as i mentioned in the introduction of the article that we are encouraged to marry simply because marriage is considered "half of the deen".

                      however there might be brothers or sisters who are unable to find a partner or did not undertake the necessary efforts to find one. others might die in the cause of Allah as a shaheed or may choose to do other things in the cause of Allah until they marry. some of them might not marry at all.

                      i was married before i reverted and when i became muslim i did not consider to marry again though many muslims told me i should. my arguement was that i was married before (although it was a marriage with a "shaitan" - may Allah guide her to the right path) and that i could serve Allah in other ways as well.

                      however, i may assume that it was an educational process and i reached a point when it became clear to me that i should marry again (this time with a righteous muslima insh'Allah).

                      hence my point is that there is the hope that those who do not consider to marry at this time might marry at a later point in their lifes. some might not marry at all and remain a spinster.

                      i have also learned a true story when a friend of mine visited a home for elderly people (however said it may be that some people have to finish their lives there). to make it short, there was an old man who was very sad. he told my friend that he regret that he never married and had a family life children. it was something that is worrying him in his old age and there was no way to change it. (there is a related and intersting fatwa about spinsterhood at http://www.islam-qa.com - i might look it up later and post it here insh'Allah. if you can not wait - then you all feel free to go to the side and search for spinster or spinsterhood )

                      i may assume that it was not too late to marry but too late to have a real family life with kids and to see them growing up.

                      dont get me wrong - that does not mean that a couple who does not have kids or is unable to get some can not have a "real" family but i guess you understand my point.

                      and there might be people how are doing a job and working their soul off (i am not going to say the "a"-word) with a great benefit for the ummah and have the "excuse" that they can not find the time or not enough time to have a "real" marriage. and if they refuse to do their work or reduce it then it might be rather a harm than a benefit for the ummah (although this might only apply to a few people). hence, these people should taken into consideration as well and we shouldnt "blame" them for not getting married.

                      besides there might be people who may be not be matured enough or strong in their character that they are unable to engage in a partnership at that time. marriage is not a small thing (half of deen) and hence one should be aware what s/he has to expect. but as mentioned before one might grow with marriage and that situations can change at any time. and insh'Allah they might reach a point when they are ready for marriage.

                      never say never.

                      Allahu a'lam.
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                      • #12
                        Advice on the matter of spinsterhood

                        Question:


                        I am disturbed by the number of women in this society who do not have husbands and I wonder what is the solution?

                        Answer:

                        Praise be to Allaah.

                        The phenomenon of widespread spinsterhood (women remaining without husbands) is caused by a number of things, including the following:

                        1 Demanding too high a mahr, and the inability of young men to bear the expenses of marriage.

                        2 Girls refusing to marry early on the grounds that they want to complete their education.

                        3 Girls refusing to get married to a man who already has a wife.

                        4 Difficult conditions imposed by the wifes family or the husbands.

                        The ways to solve this problem are as follows:

                        1 The girls family should look for a suitable man who can make their daughter happy, and not seek to make excessive demands with regard to the mahr. Rather they should look for a man who is religiously committed and has a good character, who will be able to protect their daughters religious commitment and chastity, and make her happy.

                        2 Girls should not refuse to get married on the excuse that they want to continue their education, so that they grow old and reach an age where they can find no one to marry them. It is possible to come to an agreement with their husbands that they will continue their education after they get married. That is easy to do, praise be to Allaah.

                        3 A girl should not regard a man who proposes marriage to her when he already has a wife as unsuitable for her or unable to make her happy. Many girls refuse to accept a man who is already married, then time passes and they get too old and cannot find anyone to marry them. But Islam and the Sunnah of the Prophet permit a Muslim man to marry up to four women, on the condition that the man treat all his wives fairly.

                        Islam Q&A
                        Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

                        http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...QR=22164&dgn=3
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                        • #13
                          as salam alykom brother abdulhakeem
                          I think being the thread startes I might as well clarify a point here. My objective from starting the thread was never to discuss whether or not it is mandatory to be married. But rather to stress that we should marry in the name of Allah, not for anything else. I will not elaborate, because I think the article is enough. Besides, the Ayah included as an evidence states that my living which covers everything in life adhulhakeem, whatever u mentioned such as work, jihad, education and even entertainment. So basically we are almost saying the same thing. Whether or not someone might be destined for marriage is not our issue here. But rather the aim of doing it is.
                          Hope I was able to shed some light akhi
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                          • #14
                            If a man or woman wants to get married that is fine, if he or she wants to wait until latter in life that is fine also. If he or she never gets married, that is fine as well. I will leave it up to the individual for such decisions. After all, the human race is in no danger of dying out from under population.
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                            • #15
                              A late reply

                              Bismillah
                              Praise be to Allah, Rub of the Worlds King of the Kings Owner of the universe, prayer and peace be upon His Messenger Mohamed, his household and companions.

                              "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Quran 30:21)

                              This Ayah occupied my mind since more than 8 years ago, I kept asking myself, Allah's promise is so clear and direct. Allah Say, and Truthful Is the Saying of Allah, He has put between you affection and mercy. I kept wondering to myself why do I see many marriages certainly lacking this important factor. Actually this is a basic aspect in any marriage. To be blessed with affection and mercy between the spouses.

                              Only two days ago, I thought that if the marriage was established based on what only Pleases Allah, then the promise of Allah shall be fulfilled.

                              Let me try and explain this in simple language. When one wants to meet day to day needs, including education, food, clothing, medical expenses, housing etc. One has two options. Either work for it through legitimate means as Allah Commanded us to or steel, accept bribery, and a long list of illegitimate behaviour.
                              Do you expect the outcome of such illegitimate behaviour to be blessed from Allah, to in turn bring about more blessed fruit? Of course not, usually you see the relations in such families not stable, the person in trouble with the sin is always suffering a discomfort feeling, heavy chest, uneasy surrounding. Children are not blessed, not maintaining a kind attitude towards the parents as they are supposed to be. Like wise, even committed Muslims these days do fall into the trap of shaytan who decorates the idea of being in love before marriage. Making it almost necessary. When you talk to a committed girl who observes the Islamic dress code, she would tell you of course I want to marry a devout man, but I need to know him first, make sure we are compatible, make sure we think alike, take a grasp on his personality. She continues, do you expect me to marry someone I dont know at all? They tend to forget that people go into relations for years, they even go to bed together and then marry and fail. Unless we go for the love that Allah Puts after marriage it cann't work. Actually, what happens is that Shyatan does put this firing feeling between the man and woman, blows it high enough to make it occupy their minds and hearts, they both turn to be center of attention of each other. The girl starts sitting on the couch eating pop corn with her friends and trying to analyze whether or not he is serious, O he texted me today, no he didnt wake me up today. And here is him talking to his friend O she is devout she wakes me up for fajr, you think she really likes me, you think it is time to propose to her, or should I hold on more. But this does not exclude the possibility of them exchanging words like I missed you, I love you and so forth. This type of communication is certainly not accepted to Allah. Through this, they go for marriage. But of course with the love which was not instilled by Allah but rather by shaytan. In such case, Allah Leaves the couple in order to try and attain these feelings. Just exactly when you turn to other than Allah to handle any of your affairs.

                              What actually happens is that either parties feel a need to have been able to attract the other gender. This does not stand as legitimate base for marriage in Islam. Yes we must be attracted to each other, yes we must have a basic liking for each other, yes parents must take girls opinion whether or not she accepts the male as partner so is the male is encouraged to look for whatever may attract him in the woman so that she would be sufficient for him to lower the gaze so is the woman. But to turn this into a goal of how to attract, how to keep the person, how to strive to turn the relation into something serious. This would be wasting time and effort in what does not please Allah. No matter how long the couple get to know each other, marriage is totally different as a relation. Love and mercy comes only from Allah to the married couple not the unmarried who are involved in a relation. I was discussing this wiht a number of young girls right now, they said but Allah also is the One Who brings hearts together. Yes of course, but the basic liking before marriage is more than enough to go for it, no need to extend it into more time to analyze the character, using your own analytical abilities or in depth judgment. Once you felt the need to do this rather than seeking Allah's Help to put the mercy and affection, this is when the danger starts.

                              And I assure you brothers and sisters shaytan is so clever to the extend that he can easily affect the most pious people. So just close the door, go for marriage, dont fear lack of understanding because Allah Promised to put this between the married couple who approach this the way Allah Pleases.

                              Alhamdulelah Rubel a`lameen and prayer and peace be upon His Messenger
                              Last edited by Muslimah56; 20-08-05, 01:57 PM.
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