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  • Sick and no family support

    I'm a 24 yr old female with little family support. I'm becoming chronically ill and will not have health insurance soon. My parents have given up on me and believe I should just get married to someone to take care for my medical expenses and self. I am a weak person by nature and need support because of fatigue and a chronic stomach issue. I don't think this is right to get married because I'm sick but because my family is giving up on me and also thinks I'm fine when I'm not they are leaving me to fend for myself. I will have to pay house bills, car bills, and work a job all through the pain.

    I don't mind that they don't want to take care of me but its sad they think I should hide my condition. I feel I am gonna die soon. I have a feeling I will be declining in my health over the next few years and will die because of lack of support. I don't think I'll be able to get through the pain everyday. I'm in tears as I write this because my pain is misunderstood since I look fine on the outside but inside I feel horrible. I cannot go to the bathroom for days, I'm always so tired, and I cannot focus. I don't eat as much anymore because it stays inside my stomach for days. I stay in bed because of the heavy feeling and pain.

    I want to die because no one understands. I am young so doctors don't take me seriously. I can't go to the ER because its expensive. I believe I won't make it past 30. Sometimes I wish I can stop living so I don't have to be a burden on my family. I lost hope and think I must be a horrible person to have so many wrongs in my life. But my illness won't go away.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
    I'm a 24 yr old female with little family support. I'm becoming chronically ill and will not have health insurance soon. My parents have given up on me and believe I should just get married to someone to take care for my medical expenses and self. I am a weak person by nature and need support because of fatigue and a chronic stomach issue. I don't think this is right to get married because I'm sick but because my family is giving up on me and also thinks I'm fine when I'm not they are leaving me to fend for myself. I will have to pay house bills, car bills, and work a job all through the pain.

    I don't mind that they don't want to take care of me but its sad they think I should hide my condition. I feel I am gonna die soon. I have a feeling I will be declining in my health over the next few years and will die because of lack of support. I don't think I'll be able to get through the pain everyday. I'm in tears as I write this because my pain is misunderstood since I look fine on the outside but inside I feel horrible. I cannot go to the bathroom for days, I'm always so tired, and I cannot focus. I don't eat as much anymore because it stays inside my stomach for days. I stay in bed because of the heavy feeling and pain.

    I want to die because no one understands. I am young so doctors don't take me seriously. I can't go to the ER because its expensive. I believe I won't make it past 30. Sometimes I wish I can stop living so I don't have to be a burden on my family. I lost hope and think I must be a horrible person to have so many wrongs in my life. But my illness won't go away.
    Asalaamu Alaikum, My dear sister I know its hard. This life is not meant to be easy. Allah says:

    Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test? We certainly tested those before them. And ˹in this way˺ Allah will clearly distinguish between those who are truthful and those who are liars.(29:2-3)

    So we will be tested in various ways throughout our lives. However Allah also says:

    Allah does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done (2:286)

    However know that every trial that afflicts a believer is good for them because it is a sign that Allah wants them closer to him. It is a way of expiating sins and also enables one to gain immense and immeasurable rewards through patiently persevering. For Allah is with those who are inflicted by trials and hardships as long as they do not become impatient and blame him.

    We must remember that on the day of Judgement when we see the rewards of patiently persevering through trials and hardships then we will wish we went through so many more hardships and trials to the extent of being cut up into pieces as a Hadith describes just so that we can gain the immeasurable rewards of patiently persevering through trials and hardships. Therefore it is certainly a good sign for us to be thoroughly tested to breaking point as that shows that Allah is wanting good for us and that he wants to remove our sins and for us to be closer to him through patient perseverance. By patiently persevering through trials and hardships then we can also gain immeasurable rewards that would not be possible otherwise. Such people when they see their rewards on the day of judgement will wish they went through many more severe hardships and trials just to gain the huge rewards available to such people:

    Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world."(Al-Tirmidhi #1570)

    Here are two wonderful examples of patience through trials in the life of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) :


    ‘Ata ibn Rabah (Ra) related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas (Ra) say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise? "I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.” [Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]

    Story of ‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair

    ‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair had an operation, and the doctor amputated his leg. One friend came to visit him. ‘Urwah thought that the fried came to pacify him for the loss of his leg. So ‘Urwah told the visitor: If you came to give me condolence for the loss of my leg, I already submitted to Allah with patience to reward me for its loss. The guest told him, I came to inform you that your son fell down in a stable, and the animals stepped over him, and he died one hour ago. ‘Urwah said: O Allah! You took one child, and left me many…You took one organ from my body, and left me many organs…O Allah! You tested me with my body, and you were kind to leave me with good health. You tested me with the loss of my son, but you were kind in leaving me the rest of my children.

    So we must never lose hope as that is what our enemy shaythan wants. He wants to break us until we give up and he suggests to those who are completely broken to end their life so that their pain ends. But know that dying in such a way will never end the pain but it will only cause everlasting regret. This is because we must never end our lives before our appointed time. We are here for a reason and Allah tells us that he is testing us to establish which of us are best in deeds. So every trial and hardship is good for a believer as long as they do not become impatient nor blame Allah. Surely Allah knows what we are going through and through these trials and hardships he is purifying us so that we can meet him without any sins and so that we can gain immeasurable rewards that would never be possible without being tested so hard. Imagine wishing that we were tried even harder when we see the fruits of our patience in this life? So just keep imagining the rewards that Allah is keeping in store for you as a result of your patient perseverance. Put your full faith, trust, hopes and reliance in Allah and you will never want to give up.

    Please look through the following thread which is dedicated to providing help and advices to those going through trials, hardships and adversities:

    How we can get through hardships and trials in our lives - Ummah.com - Muslim Forum

    May Allah make it easy for those of us going through difficult trials, hardships and adversities and enable us to patiently persevere through them. Ameen
    10 steps to increase our imaan(faith)
    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192926
    Forty Good Deeds to do Everyday!
    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230798

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by hamza81 View Post

      Asalaamu Alaikum, My dear sister I know its hard. This life is not meant to be easy. Allah says:

      Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test? We certainly tested those before them. And ˹in this way˺ Allah will clearly distinguish between those who are truthful and those who are liars.(29:2-3)

      So we will be tested in various ways throughout our lives. However Allah also says:

      Allah does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done (2:286)

      n
      I know but I am very scared as no one in my family is taking me seriously but I am actually not going to the bathroom and losing my appetite. I cannot even gather the energy to find a job or function throughout the day. I only have a year to figure it out a diagnosis because I will be off health insurance and then I must find a job and pay extra with a poor health insurance plan if I'm still sick. I will also be working through the pain and I'm not even sure I can afford it. I think I may live with this pain forever and no one understands. Doctors can't even find whats wrong with me. But I struggle everyday just to poop. It's embarassing but even more so I'm fatigued and feel like I'm physically wasting away. I'm scared I may need surgery and not be able to afford it or I may have cancer. I'm tired of trying convince the doctors and the people around me that I'm sick. No one is ordering tests I'm just getting sent home with medications that don't work.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post

        I know but I am very scared as no one in my family is taking me seriously but I am actually not going to the bathroom and losing my appetite. I cannot even gather the energy to find a job or function throughout the day. I only have a year to figure it out a diagnosis because I will be off health insurance and then I must find a job and pay extra with a poor health insurance plan if I'm still sick. I will also be working through the pain and I'm not even sure I can afford it. I think I may live with this pain forever and no one understands. Doctors can't even find whats wrong with me. But I struggle everyday just to poop. It's embarassing but even more so I'm fatigued and feel like I'm physically wasting away. I'm scared I may need surgery and not be able to afford it or I may have cancer. I'm tired of trying convince the doctors and the people around me that I'm sick. No one is ordering tests I'm just getting sent home with medications that don't work.
        Try and look for a naturopathic Doctor for diagnosis inshaAllah.

        May Allah give you shifa, make it easy for you, make it a means of your forgiveness and give you a beautiful patience. Ameen
        10 steps to increase our imaan(faith)
        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192926
        Forty Good Deeds to do Everyday!
        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230798

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post


          But my illness won't go away.
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          I don't think this is right to get married because I'm sick
          you can still get married even if you are sick as long as the guy who is going to marry you is fully aware with your health conditions

          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          my family is giving up on me and also thinks I'm fine when I'm not they are leaving me to fend for myself
          before you say that your familly have left you to fend for yourself go and ask them if you can move to live with them because you can no longer pay for your bills i doubts any father would let hes daughter in such state while she can live with him

          ​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          I don't mind that they don't want to take care of me
          no this should bother you because it the responsibility of your male mahrams to take care of you


          ​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          I feel I am gonna die soon . I have a feeling I will be declining in my health over the next few years and will die because of lack of support.
          stop wasting your time thinking of feelings about imaginary future situations and focus on the present

          ​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          my pain is misunderstood since I look fine on the outside but inside I feel horrible. I cannot go to the bathroom for days, I'm always so tired, and I cannot focus. I don't eat as much anymore because it stays inside my stomach for days. I stay in bed because of the heavy feeling and pain.
          have you tried doing ruqya ?

          ​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          I want to die
          leave those silly words for the kuffar who utter them at the slightest inconvenience because they have no motive to face any hardships and unlike muslims who seek to please allah by having patience

          ​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          I believe I won't make it past 30
          the purpose of life is worshiping god getting to specific age is irrelevant what really matters is what you have done in those years

          ​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          so I don't have to be a burden on my family
          you are a responsibility for your familly and not a burden

          ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          think I must be a horrible person to have so many wrongs in my life
          proper punishment is in the hereafter as for the hardships you are facing they are a test

          ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
          Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
          But my illness won't go away.
          when we want things we allways hasty and want them now we want to get rich now get married now get cured now only allah subhanahu wa talaa knows what is the ebst time for us to get something or if we should get it at all
          ​​​​​​​

          Comment


          • #6
            Sorry to hear that you're going through this, it sounds horrific. I think somehow you need to try and get a diagnosis. Do you actually not go to the toilet for days at a time? Not sure if this could be mere constipation or gastroparesis. I know someone with gastroparesis it's very serious and she has to be tube fed now because her stomach just isn't digesting whatever she puts in, but she's needed mulitple admissions to hospital and some surgeries to insert and maintain the tube. Don't let that put you off though because if you need medical intervention then it's better than suffering without it. Sorry to be graphic but: Are you holding your bladder/bowel and avoiding the bathroom cos you physically have so much difficulty getting there or is your gut just simply not processing and expelling what you consume?

            Is there any way you can apply for disability of some kind? I don't know how it works where you are. I'm in Britain where applying for disability is incredibly difficult but still possible and involves a lot of challenges- wouldn't surprise me if that's the case where you are as well.

            I know most doctors discourage this, but have you tried googling your symptoms and do you have any idea as to what you're suffering from? One thing I learned from my health problems was that I hit a firm dead end with NHS doctors and that meant having to find my own answers by going to forums for people with conditions like mine- often the patients are the real experts. Beware of fraudsters on these sites selling fake 'miracle cures', but other than that, such forums and sites are definitely worth checking out and were really helpful for me.

            I know this sounds like an extreme option, but your circumstance sounds fairly extreme as well: is there any possibility of adult (social) services (I think they're called DHFS or something in the US) placing you in some sort of care home for adults with disabilities (the equivalent of an old people's home but for young people who are too ill to care for themselves). There was a young woman on my friends list who was living in an old people's home cos she wasn't well enough to take care of herself so it sounds like a rare and unusual thing but it does happen. I can understand why parents think marriage is a preferable option to that but really they should be taking better care of you and they would if they weren't in denial. Sadly denial is their coping mechanism cos they don't want to face this and think if you carry on pretending for long enough that everything is normal then things will sort out themselves- also there isn't much of a concept or mental grasping of the possibility among elders that a person your age can be severely ill and disabled, especially if there wasn't any car crash or meningitis or coma or other extreme event to cause it and especially if you 'look' normal in terms of superficial appearance. I know from personal experience what that's like and had to battle with a LOT of denial in the first couple of years of illness.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by neelu View Post
              Sorry to hear that you're going through this, it sounds horrific. I think somehow you need to try and get a diagnosis. Do you actually not go to the toilet for days at a time? Not sure if this could be mere constipation or gastroparesis. I know someone with gastroparesis it's very serious and she has to be tube fed now because her stomach just isn't digesting whatever she puts in, but she's needed mulitple admissions to hospital and some surgeries to insert and maintain the tube. Don't let that put you off though because if you need medical intervention then it's better than suffering without it. Sorry to be graphic but: Are you holding your bladder/bowel and avoiding the bathroom cos you physically have so much difficulty getting there or is your gut just simply not processing and expelling what you consume?

              Is there any way you can apply for disability of some kind? I don't know how it works where you are. I'm in Britain where applying for disability is incredibly difficult but still possible and involves a lot of challenges- wouldn't surprise me if that's the case where you are as well.

              I know most doctors discourage this, but have you tried googling your symptoms and do you have any idea as to what you're suffering from? One thing I learned from my health problems was that I hit a firm dead end with NHS doctors and that meant having to find my own answers by going to forums for people with conditions like mine- often the patients are the real experts. Beware of fraudsters on these sites selling fake 'miracle cures', but other than that, such forums and sites are definitely worth checking out and were really helpful for me.

              I know this sounds like an extreme option, but your circumstance sounds fairly extreme as well: is there any possibility of adult (social) services (I think they're called DHFS or something in the US) placing you in some sort of care home for adults with disabilities (the equivalent of an old people's home but for young people who are too ill to care for themselves). There was a young woman on my friends list who was living in an old people's home cos she wasn't well enough to take care of herself so it sounds like a rare and unusual thing but it does happen. I can understand why parents think marriage is a preferable option to that but really they should be taking better care of you and they would if they weren't in denial. Sadly denial is their coping mechanism cos they don't want to face this and think if you carry on pretending for long enough that everything is normal then things will sort out themselves- also there isn't much of a concept or mental grasping of the possibility among elders that a person your age can be severely ill and disabled, especially if there wasn't any car crash or meningitis or coma or other extreme event to cause it and especially if you 'look' normal in terms of superficial appearance. I know from personal experience what that's like and had to battle with a LOT of denial in the first couple of years of illness.
              Sadly, yes I can't go. The only thing that has helped is laxative teas but even then those don't do much. I always have the feeling of wanting to empty my colon but nothing comes out. I thought it could be something like gastroparesis (I really hope not) but I don't have symptoms like the other cases where I'm nauseaus or vomiting. I just always feel full and can't go to the bathroom as quickly. I scheduled a colonoscopy with my GI doctor to see whats going on but last time they gave me one I was just told I have IBS which didn't solve my constipation at the time. My constipation has gotten way worse the past 5 months to the point I can't get out of bed. I barely can move an inch from a room some days. Even though my appetite is there I don't eat as much as I used to. I can eat one dish and be done for the day. The worst part is it affects my sleep because all I feel is my bloated stomach weighing me down which doesn't help me breathe at night. I don't know if I have SIBO or some kind of diverticulosis. But the abdominal pain is persistent.

              My family thinks its all going to go away in a couple days, but I have been having this problem for months. My dad even says he could care less because after I'm off his insurance he doesn't care if I die or not. So I really have no alternatives at the moment. I would like to apply for disability but my family warns me signing up for disability could mean I may be discriminated against getting a job. So I just have been dealing with the pain taking laxative tea and grabbing my stomach in pain at my job. Everyone around me says I look sick and unhealthy but no one wants to support me in finding a solution. They're all too wrapped up in their own lives and money.

              My parents keep saying I'm so lazy and I'm useless, but if they felt my physical pain they would change that in a minute. The idea of being on a feeding tube or possibly having an ostomy bag freaks me out because I would be a greater burden for my family. If I get any worse than this I may have to actually leave my family and beg for someone else's support whether its halal or haram. I am in survival mode at the minute. I don't have any options and to think I am cornered into such a situation makes me think I may eventually have to rearrange my whole life to focus on healing. That may mean leaving my whole family in general because they are essentially aggravating the problem.

              Comment


              • #8
                neelu I wish I did live in the UK though because NHS is way better than America's healthcare system. I would at least have free healthcare appointments even if there is a waiting list. But here in America people are dying on the street.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
                  I'm a 24 yr old female with little family support. I'm becoming chronically ill and will not have health insurance soon. My parents have given up on me and believe I should just get married to someone to take care for my medical expenses and self. I am a weak person by nature and need support because of fatigue and a chronic stomach issue. I don't think this is right to get married because I'm sick but because my family is giving up on me and also thinks I'm fine when I'm not they are leaving me to fend for myself. I will have to pay house bills, car bills, and work a job all through the pain.

                  I don't mind that they don't want to take care of me but its sad they think I should hide my condition. I feel I am gonna die soon. I have a feeling I will be declining in my health over the next few years and will die because of lack of support. I don't think I'll be able to get through the pain everyday. I'm in tears as I write this because my pain is misunderstood since I look fine on the outside but inside I feel horrible. I cannot go to the bathroom for days, I'm always so tired, and I cannot focus. I don't eat as much anymore because it stays inside my stomach for days. I stay in bed because of the heavy feeling and pain.

                  I want to die because no one understands. I am young so doctors don't take me seriously. I can't go to the ER because its expensive. I believe I won't make it past 30. Sometimes I wish I can stop living so I don't have to be a burden on my family. I lost hope and think I must be a horrible person to have so many wrongs in my life. But my illness won't go away.
                  Asalaamu Alaikum,

                  Also sister it is very important that you look into your current diet and lifestyle habits. What is your diet like at the moment? what is your sugar and carbohydrate consumption like? Do you caffeinate? What is your water consumption like? Do you fast? What is your sleep patterns like? Many of the health issues we experience is to do with our microbiome levels in our gut. If they are out of whack then so will out gut health and immune system capabilities.

                  Also please try not to jump to the worst types of conclusions like assuming you have cancer or that you are going to die early etc. As life and death is only in the hands of Allah. There are always things we can do to improve our diets and lifestyle habits.

                  Know that the vast majority of health issues that many of us experience are to do with our daily diets and lifestyle habits. That is the first place we must analyse and then try to make the relevant amendments to. By doing so it can significantly improve our health insha'Allah.
                  Last edited by hamza81; 1 week ago.
                  10 steps to increase our imaan(faith)
                  http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192926
                  Forty Good Deeds to do Everyday!
                  http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230798

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Chopper45 View Post
                    neelu I wish I did live in the UK though because NHS is way better than America's healthcare system. I would at least have free healthcare appointments even if there is a waiting list. But here in America people are dying on the street.
                    I'm sure you know laxatives work on only a temporary basis. Having said that, have you looked into senna? It is a type of leaf that has natural laxative effects and is from the Sunnah. Back when I was doing ruqya, the raqi recommended it for me that I should take it for a number of days (I think a week) but take it regularly such as 2-3 cups a day which I found too much cos emptying my bowels also saps all my strength but considering your condition, I'm thinking it could help and it's also a remedy from the Sunnah. I wouldn't suggest taking it long term, but at least for up to ten days to try and clear the gut out. After that, it would be a good idea to cut out any foods that are more likely to cause blockages and not digest properly. I know everyone is different but from personal experience I'd strongly suggest avoiding gluten, corn and sugar and increase your consumption of (preferably organic) green and leafy vegetables and salads. Some people find going grain free also helps. There's also a herbal supplement (find as pure a version as possible) called slippery elm which is quite effective at helping to clear the bowels and helping repair the gut and replenish lost nutrients. I'd also recommend organic bone broths, which means you leave organic bones (chicken or lamb or whatever) simmering on a low heat for as long as possible, some even do this for 24 hours and just top up every once in a while with extra water- this is also soothing and good for the gut. I know someone in the UK who makes organic halal bone broths but I don't know if anyone does this in the US. Colonoscopy sounds like a great idea and I really hope that helps you find out what's wrong. Whilst you're there, ask them to check your blood pressure and blood sugar because they can also cause these types of exhaustion (though not the constipation but it's still worth checking).

                    If you're eating so little, has this affected your weight? It's terrible that your parents are doing all the wrong things in this situation. My parents said some very hurtful things to me as well when my illness started and my mum also labelled me as lazy which was bad enough in the house, but also saying this sort of thing to her relatives and friends gave them this impression that I just mooch off my elderly parents like an ungrateful princess or something and this will be one of your harshest life lessons in learning to not give a damn what anyone thinks, not even your parents and elders cos if you follow their advice, they will literally drive you to an early grave and they wont appreciate your efforts in fact they'll blame you twice as much for being 'lazy' and not 'motivating yourself' enough to have the willpower to get better- as if this is in your hands. I know I've been there- you can't change what other people think only how you handle this and you'll have to develop nerves of steel otherwise it'll become both a physical health problem and a mental health problem (and you know how much mental health problems give others even more ammunition to deny that there was ever any physical health problem in the first place!).

                    For years I've been regularly taking calcium magnesium tablets as they help regulate my digestion. It's quite well known that magnesium in particular helps to get the bowels moving. I hesitate to suggest it partly because although it helped me, I think it might not be strong enough for your needs as my constipation is nowhere near as severe as yours and partly because in rare cases, some people have adverse reactions to magnesium, though others with health problems have found it very helpful. So in order of preference, I think you should first try the senna, then follow up with a gluten free, corn free, artificial additive free (and preferably sugar free and grain free) diet. A brother in a previous post mentioned caffeine, in my experience coffee causes constipation so I wouldn't recommend it, though I'm okay with tea. Then I'd recommend bone broths and slippery elm, then calcium magnesium tablets. Also if you have access to good quality honey (a lot of honey in the supermarket is not the natural kind as the bees are fed sugar but you need honey from bees that naturally collect nectar from flowers), that can also help treat stomach ailments and aid digestion- I'd recommend half a teaspoon a day mixed in a warm drink, even if it's just warm water with a little fresh lemon juice.
                    The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by neelu View Post

                      I'm sure you know laxatives work on only a temporary basis. Having said that, have you looked into senna? It is a type of leaf that has natural laxative effects and is from the Sunnah. Back when I was doing ruqya, the raqi recommended it for me that I should take it for a number of days (I think a week) but take it regularly such as 2-3 cups a day which I found too much cos emptying my bowels also saps all my strength but considering your condition, I'm thinking it could help and it's also a remedy from the Sunnah. I wouldn't suggest taking it long term, but at least for up to ten days to try and clear the gut out. After that, it would be a good idea to cut out any foods that are more likely to cause blockages and not digest properly. I know everyone is different but from personal experience I'd strongly suggest avoiding gluten, corn and sugar and increase your consumption of (preferably organic) green and leafy vegetables and salads. Some people find going grain free also helps. There's also a herbal supplement (find as pure a version as possible) called slippery elm which is quite effective at helping to clear the bowels and helping repair the gut and replenish lost nutrients. I'd also recommend organic bone broths, which means you leave organic bones (chicken or lamb or whatever) simmering on a low heat for as long as possible, some even do this for 24 hours and just top up every once in a while with extra water- this is also soothing and good for the gut. I know someone in the UK who makes organic halal bone broths but I don't know if anyone does this in the US. Colonoscopy sounds like a great idea and I really hope that helps you find out what's wrong. Whilst you're there, ask them to check your blood pressure and blood sugar because they can also cause these types of exhaustion (though not the constipation but it's still worth checking).

                      If you're eating so little, has this affected your weight? It's terrible that your parents are doing all the wrong things in this situation. My parents said some very hurtful things to me as well when my illness started and my mum also labelled me as lazy which was bad enough in the house, but also saying this sort of thing to her relatives and friends gave them this impression that I just mooch off my elderly parents like an ungrateful princess or something and this will be one of your harshest life lessons in learning to not give a damn what anyone thinks, not even your parents and elders cos if you follow their advice, they will literally drive you to an early grave and they wont appreciate your efforts in fact they'll blame you twice as much for being 'lazy' and not 'motivating yourself' enough to have the willpower to get better- as if this is in your hands. I know I've been there- you can't change what other people think only how you handle this and you'll have to develop nerves of steel otherwise it'll become both a physical health problem and a mental health problem (and you know how much mental health problems give others even more ammunition to deny that there was ever any physical health problem in the first place!).

                      For years I've been regularly taking calcium magnesium tablets as they help regulate my digestion. It's quite well known that magnesium in particular helps to get the bowels moving. I hesitate to suggest it partly because although it helped me, I think it might not be strong enough for your needs as my constipation is nowhere near as severe as yours and partly because in rare cases, some people have adverse reactions to magnesium, though others with health problems have found it very helpful. So in order of preference, I think you should first try the senna, then follow up with a gluten free, corn free, artificial additive free (and preferably sugar free and grain free) diet. A brother in a previous post mentioned caffeine, in my experience coffee causes constipation so I wouldn't recommend it, though I'm okay with tea. Then I'd recommend bone broths and slippery elm, then calcium magnesium tablets. Also if you have access to good quality honey (a lot of honey in the supermarket is not the natural kind as the bees are fed sugar but you need honey from bees that naturally collect nectar from flowers), that can also help treat stomach ailments and aid digestion- I'd recommend half a teaspoon a day mixed in a warm drink, even if it's just warm water with a little fresh lemon juice.
                      Unfortunately, the laxatives I'm taking are exactly that. I am drinking senna tea like every other day. I already have a clean diet with vegetables and fruits and avoid processed foods and sugar. I even tried to move to a liquid diet. I never drank coffee before. I always drink water and plenty of it. This ramadan was the hardest because I could barely get through without horrible stomachpains from never going and I didnt even wake up to eat for suhoor everyday because I was full. I had to break my fast near the end because it was so bad. I am in fact taking magnesium citrate supplements to help with digestion. Nothing is working. I noticed though that if I do go it's not solid and mostly diarrhea even though I'm constipated. And yes, I even experimented to stop with the senna tea and see if my body would go naturally but I never felt I emptied out completely and it would ruin my day. So I went back on the senna tea. Still, I don't feel completely myself. Just like you said my family thinks I'm crazy. But I can clearly see in the mirror my abdomen is distended and never flat (even after the bathroom) and I am skinny girl so its very obvious. I look pregnant but I am positive thats not the case. I even set up an appointment with my gyno to see if it was a possible ovarian cyst or fibroid.

                      I have been thinking about trying other therapies like readjusting my spine, my skull or body structure because I am thinking it may be a nerve or structural problem. I also want to visit a gut health specialist. I'm focusing on investing a future in health and my wellness. This may cost me thousands. My family thinks I am crazy for this but I'm willing to try anything to get back to my normal self. I can't be like this everyday; it is a lesser quality of life especially for someone my age. I'm unable to go out most days just because of the pain and sluggishness and because of this I am being left out of my family. I refuse to be in denial like my family and just get married and carry on as if nothing is wrong with me.

                      As far as my energy, all I can do now is finish my higher degree and hope to find a job that can sustain my bills of finding a cure while paying off the necessities. And if not I am willing to restart my life completely and find those who can help me. I will move across the country if I have to. But I feel like half the person I was and I'm afraid I won't be able to put up a front when I'm with friends, coworkers, or even a husband if it happens. This is the one thing that has ruined my life. The worst thing is not being financially independent so that I can find a cure. Even living with my parents and making money my dad tracks my finances. So if they were to know what I spend it on they would never support it and call me wasteful or crazy. That's why I am waiting to finish school and hopefully distance myself to get on that track of my life. I've never understood why it had to be this way but my life just suddenly became so difficult overnight that sometimes I think its better if I could just end and not worry about it anymore.

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                      • #12
                        You're doing well to already have the discipline to maintain a clean eating diet and avoid processed foods and sugar. I'll also suggest that if fasting makes you more ill, then you shouldn't do it, or only do as much as you can manage without harming your health. Islam does contain exemptions for people who have health problems that are exacerbated by fasting. I had to stop fasting mid Ramadan in 2007 and never kept another fast again until two years ago when I kept one which was manageable, but regular fasting throughout Ramadan is out of the question. I know your diet is already restricted, but in my experience, most fruits are very bad for me as well so I can't help but wonder if the harm of eating it outweighs the benefit, but I wouldn't suggest it unless you can still balance and manage good nutritional intake without fruits.

                        I know the senna helps clear out your system but the thing is that senna is meant to be a temporary solution that people take for a few days to clear the gut then stop taking it. I actually find it a bit worrying that you don't feel like vomiting because your body is just building up this stuff and not expelling it. I really don't think senna's designed to be taken long term and especially if what comes out of you is more like loose motions then it means it's still not clearing your system properly. I mention this because when I had severe constipation, it went on for years that I'd forgotten what normal bowel movements were supposed to be like. Then someone suggested colonic irrigation and it cleared out my bowels properly which was amazing at the time but within a few months it would get clogged up again so I went again and again about four times that year and the result of that was that each time I went, I'd come home physically weaker and that was the beginning of my more severe health problems that have plagued me for the past 15 years. Maybe if I did it as a one off I could've gotten away with it, but more than that has sapped most of my strength to the point that I really struggle to walk, can't cope with noise, smells bright lights, developed a ton of allergies and I wish I could turn the clock back and have stopped myself from going again after the first time.

                        On the one hand, I wish you could stay at home so that at least your parents are paying for the roof over your head and you can focus on just paying medical bills and health costs, but on the other, if they attempt to exert control over your spending and prevent you from pursuing the diagnoses and treatments you need, then I understand why you're so seriously considering moving away. The calcium magnesium brand I take is called Solgar. About 20 years ago when all I had was mere C based IBS, someone on an IBS forum recommended calcium supplements to alleviate the C, so I bought one called Caltrate plus and found it very helpful, but the brand was discontinued so I tried alternatives. Solgar brand suited me but the others didn't. Then I went to a free consultation in a health store to talk about my stomach issues and the guy there said calcium and magnesium balance each other so should be taken together and that's when I started taking the solgar calcium magnesium and that worked for me. Oh another thing if you see a doctor is... I was going to say get tested for celiac disease but if you're already avoiding gluten then the test result wont be accurate. If they put a camera in your gut ask them if the villi are okay or flat- that's REALLY important.
                        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by neelu View Post
                          You're doing well to already have the discipline to maintain a clean eating diet and avoid processed foods and sugar. I'll also suggest that if fasting makes you more ill, then you shouldn't do it, or only do as much as you can manage without harming your health. Islam does contain exemptions for people who have health problems that are exacerbated by fasting. I had to stop fasting mid Ramadan in 2007 and never kept another fast again until two years ago when I kept one which was manageable, but regular fasting throughout Ramadan is out of the question. I know your diet is already restricted, but in my experience, most fruits are very bad for me as well so I can't help but wonder if the harm of eating it outweighs the benefit, but I wouldn't suggest it unless you can still balance and manage good nutritional intake without fruits.

                          I know the senna helps clear out your system but the thing is that senna is meant to be a temporary solution that people take for a few days to clear the gut then stop taking it. I actually find it a bit worrying that you don't feel like vomiting because your body is just building up this stuff and not expelling it. I really don't think senna's designed to be taken long term and especially if what comes out of you is more like loose motions then it means it's still not clearing your system properly. I mention this because when I had severe constipation, it went on for years that I'd forgotten what normal bowel movements were supposed to be like. Then someone suggested colonic irrigation and it cleared out my bowels properly which was amazing at the time but within a few months it would get clogged up again so I went again and again about four times that year and the result of that was that each time I went, I'd come home physically weaker and that was the beginning of my more severe health problems that have plagued me for the past 15 years. Maybe if I did it as a one off I could've gotten away with it, but more than that has sapped most of my strength to the point that I really struggle to walk, can't cope with noise, smells bright lights, developed a ton of allergies and I wish I could turn the clock back and have stopped myself from going again after the first time.

                          On the one hand, I wish you could stay at home so that at least your parents are paying for the roof over your head and you can focus on just paying medical bills and health costs, but on the other, if they attempt to exert control over your spending and prevent you from pursuing the diagnoses and treatments you need, then I understand why you're so seriously considering moving away. The calcium magnesium brand I take is called Solgar. About 20 years ago when all I had was mere C based IBS, someone on an IBS forum recommended calcium supplements to alleviate the C, so I bought one called Caltrate plus and found it very helpful, but the brand was discontinued so I tried alternatives. Solgar brand suited me but the others didn't. Then I went to a free consultation in a health store to talk about my stomach issues and the guy there said calcium and magnesium balance each other so should be taken together and that's when I started taking the solgar calcium magnesium and that worked for me. Oh another thing if you see a doctor is... I was going to say get tested for celiac disease but if you're already avoiding gluten then the test result wont be accurate. If they put a camera in your gut ask them if the villi are okay or flat- that's REALLY important.
                          Well I weaned off the senna tea and I can go to the bathroom but it takes me like 2 1/2 hours waiting for my stomach to send me a signal to go. Even then I don't completely go one time, but several times. Its not very realistic when I have to wake up early and be heading to work within the waking hour. My colonoscopy results came back normal, except for very mild internal hemorrhoids and IBS again. I found out I have a functional cyst on my right ovary, but apparently thats normal for some women and goes away after a few menstrual cycles. I'm out of options so I decided to work on pelvic floor exercises, squatting and lifting weights at the gym. I'm so weak I think my body is telling me I need to build muscle even though I can't consume enough. I just can't do cardio like I used to and lifting weights seems like the only thing changing my overall mood right now. I'm still exhausted but I have no other options as I really feel like I'm wasting away.

                          I'm hoping that in 4 months time the weightlifting will make a difference on my overall health. I can't really push myself with high intensity exercise but the small pumps and lactic acid kind of take my mind off the constipated feeling. I still feel bloated, but what can I do. I can't even bend during salah. Sometimes I sit. I just hope Allah swt doesn't hold it against me. It's hard to explain to others but my exhaustion is like a never ending battle and makes normal everyday life just hard to do.

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                          • #14
                            Allah (swt) wont hold it against you, there are so many evidences about this. This is why there are chairs in the back of the masjid for people who are too unwell to do all the movements and bend in sujood (usually the elderly sit in those seats but being young is not always synonymous with having good health, even if you look okay). Be very careful and take the weightlifting slow and avoid overexertion at all costs. If this is anything like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (my initial diagnosis before I found out I have Lyme Disease and coinfections), then exercise will make it worse. In normal healthy people, exercise helps keep the body active and healthy but in something like CFS, exercise makes it worse, in fact any extra activity can make you exhausted, even something as small as having a bath or vacuuming your room can wipe you out all afternoon if not for half the week (depending on severity).

                            Really sorry to hear your colonoscopy didn't reveal anything. The sad thing is most mainstream doctors do not have a clue about these sorts of conditions, they'll probably dismiss this as IBS or CFS and tell you to learn to live with it and get used to not being able to do anything anymore. Sorry if TMI- look away now if you are squeamish... For hemorrhoids', this will sound odd but I've heard a little coconut oil in the rear end can help- preferably what you do (particularly in cold weather when the oil is solid), is that you shape the oil into a 1 inch long capsule that's maybe a quarter inch or so wide and then insert that inside the butt hole and it's meant to help provide relief and make bowel movements a bit easier.

                            If you get nowhere with doctors, I'm thinking you might need to look into alternative options, particularly a qualified herbalist or 'hakeem'. I don't know where you're from but in Pakistan, hakeems tend to be quite good when it comes to finding herbs and treatments that doctors wont know about. Some of my relatives got nowhere with doctors but found hakeems quite helpful and over there they are very cheap and reliable. The main downsides are i) you'd probably have to see them in person cos they do things like check your pulse and ascertain a lot about your health just by seeing you and ii) the herbal remedies will sometimes taste bitter and gross so you have to be prepared for that but it's worth it. I know someone who had cancer and her doctor told her it was inoperable, to write her will and say her goodbyes and told her she wouldn't live more than a year. A relative pleaded with her to try the hakeem's remedy, to give up sugar and stick to clean eating and that was over 4 years ago. She recovered from the cancer and has gone back to work, but the remedy was smelly and bitter and tasted horrible so not everyone can cope with that. She had young children and was so determined to stick around for them that she was willing to do that.
                            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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