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Cannot get over him

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  • Help! Cannot get over him

    Asc!
    hi im very new in here and i really need help. You see it all started about 4 years ago i met this guy whe dated for a while fast forward we haven’t talked in a year until recently something im not proud of happened i have made my share of regret and asked Allah’s forgiveness. To be honest i didnt think i had feelings for this guy i mean we were just friends until all of the sudden we stopped being friends because of that mistake we made. I begged Allah’s forgiveness and repented I still do. But i cant shake the feeling that im falling for him. And every salah i pray i cry that Allah releases me from this feeling and i pray for patience. It doesn’t feel like a heartbreak or a crush, its very odd feeling i didnt think he meant that much to me. Not a day goes by that i dont think about him and it has been 2 months now i pray to God that he gives me strength to get over him or to stop thinking about him and i really do try my best to do so. But it just feels like he is the one and i just want to move on and focus on myself and my deen but this feeling is eating me up.
    I really need your help, im at this point where i dont know what will help should i just tell him how i feel?

    jazakallah!

  • #2
    Is he Muslim?

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes he is

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Jana View Post
        Asc!
        hi im very new in here and i really need help. You see it all started about 4 years ago i met this guy whe dated for a while fast forward we haven’t talked in a year until recently something im not proud of happened i have made my share of regret and asked Allah’s forgiveness. To be honest i didnt think i had feelings for this guy i mean we were just friends until all of the sudden we stopped being friends because of that mistake we made. I begged Allah’s forgiveness and repented I still do. But i cant shake the feeling that im falling for him. And every salah i pray i cry that Allah releases me from this feeling and i pray for patience. It doesn’t feel like a heartbreak or a crush, its very odd feeling i didnt think he meant that much to me. Not a day goes by that i dont think about him and it has been 2 months now i pray to God that he gives me strength to get over him or to stop thinking about him and i really do try my best to do so. But it just feels like he is the one and i just want to move on and focus on myself and my deen but this feeling is eating me up.
        I really need your help, im at this point where i dont know what will help should i just tell him how i feel?

        jazakallah!
        Wa'alaykumasalaam

        It's good that you realised your mistake and sought forgiveness from Allah.

        If you like him then you should pray istikhara and approach him for marriage. By praying istikhara, you will know whether he is good for you or not when you make the approach. I advise marriage because you have obviously formed some type of emotional connection, if you or him married someone else then this emotional connection to an ex can sometimes cause problems for your spouse. I assume you are already compatible and probably have around the same level of iman. There is nothing wrong with pursuing marriage with him, I think you should make sure though that he realises the wrong of his previous actions too and has repented.

        Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “We do not see for those who love one another anything like marriage.

        Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1847

        Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani

        Although do not pursue another haram relationship with him. Either marriage or nothing. If you have any remaining male friends then you should cut them off too because we aren't meant to be friends with the opposite gender. It leads to bad things.

        Comment


        • #5
          You should get up in the last 1/3 of the night and pray tahajjud too and ask Allah (swt)` for what you really want. Ramadan is a good time to make praying in the night a regular habit.

          On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: 'Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?'" [Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud)]

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Jana View Post
            Yes he is
            Two choices: marry him or forget about him.

            Although make sure he has repented and is practising his Deen now. Because you honestly don't want to be married to someone without deen.

            Know that it hurts now but with time you will heal. Two months is still not a lot of time especially if you built up a lot of love for him.

            It's Ramadan, make dua that Allah gives you what is best for you.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by RuthlessSoftie View Post

              Wa'alaykumasalaam

              It's good that you realised your mistake and sought forgiveness from Allah.

              If you like him then you should pray istikhara and approach him for marriage. By praying istikhara, you will know whether he is good for you or not when you make the approach. I advise marriage because you have obviously formed some type of emotional connection, if you or him married someone else then this emotional connection to an ex can sometimes cause problems for your spouse. I assume you are already compatible and probably have around the same level of iman. There is nothing wrong with pursuing marriage with him, I think you should make sure though that he realises the wrong of his previous actions too and has repented.

              Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “We do not see for those who love one another anything like marriage.

              Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1847

              Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani

              Although do not pursue another haram relationship with him. Either marriage or nothing. If you have any remaining male friends then you should cut them off too because we aren't meant to be friends with the opposite gender. It leads to bad things.
              Hi marriage is not on my mind right now i don’t think im quite ready for it and he isn’t ether he has this major commitment issue. To be honest im really scared to approach him with marriage i know i’d scare him away.

              thank you i will pray tahajjud and istikhara.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by LaylaAb View Post

                Two choices: marry him or forget about him.

                Although make sure he has repented and is practising his Deen now. Because you honestly don't want to be married to someone without deen.

                Know that it hurts now but with time you will heal. Two months is still not a lot of time especially if you built up a lot of love for him.

                It's Ramadan, make dua that Allah gives you what is best for you.
                Hi i really would like to marry him but im so not ready for that and when it comes to forgetting about him i’ve tried everything. Usually getting over a guy has never been this difficult for me because it doesn’t feel like a heartbreak or sadness alltho im happy and everything is good Alx I rather be with him.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Since you don’t want to get married to him and can’t forget about him, the best thing would be to make a abundant Dua (especially in this blessed month) that Allah SWT helps you move on and find someone who values you enough not to play around with your feeling without commitment to marriage.

                  May Allah SWT grant you a righteous spouse.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Wa alaykumus salaam..

                    Forgetting him is easy..busy your mind in other things and give yourself time..don't expect the infatuation to go away straight away..

                    Time is a healer..
                    وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمۡ ءَامِنُواْ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلنَّاسُ قَالُوٓاْ أَنُؤۡمِنُ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ*ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّهُمۡ هُمُ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ وَلَـٰكِن لَّا يَعۡلَمُونَ


                    And when it is said unto them: believe as the people believe, they say: Shall we believe as the foolish believe? Beware! They indeed are the foolish? But they know not.
                    Al Baqarah : Verse 13

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Jana View Post

                      Hi marriage is not on my mind right now i don’t think im quite ready for it and he isn’t ether he has this major commitment issue. To be honest im really scared to approach him with marriage i know i’d scare him away.

                      thank you i will pray tahajjud and istikhara.
                      Then I advise letting this go because if you're not aiming for marriage and you go tell your feelings to him then the outcome is most likely a haram relationship.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Jana View Post

                        Hi i really would like to marry him but im so not ready for that and when it comes to forgetting about him i’ve tried everything. Usually getting over a guy has never been this difficult for me because it doesn’t feel like a heartbreak or sadness alltho im happy and everything is good Alx I rather be with him.
                        Why aren't you ready?

                        Comment

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