How important are honeymoons?

[Oakenshield]

So you guys feel so comfortable to get to know your wife even intimately at your parents. Super-cringe.

depends how thin the walls are i guess.

[Kya]

Depends who is paying for the flights and hotel. If it's not me then I'm mad for it.

One doesn't need to fly to fancy country for honeymoon. Honeymoon can be somewhere driving distance. Go to national park and spend time in nature. You can even go camping or glamping more appropriately cuz you want it bit fancy, but you save on flight and hotel cost. Its the time spent together that matters more than the flight & hotel. Not everything in life has to be OTT fancy

[zi-zizou]

One doesn't need to fly to fancy country for honeymoon. Honeymoon can be somewhere driving distance. Go to national park and spend time in nature. You can even go camping or glamping more appropriately cuz you want it bit fancy, but you save on flight and hotel cost. Its the time spent together that matters more than the flight & hotel. Not everything in life has to be OTT fancy

But I want to feel special.

[Abu julaybeeb]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Honeymoon refers to a vacation for the newly wed couple. There is nothing haraam about this, as long as they do not engage in haraam activities during their travels and do not neglect what Allah made obligatory upon them. However, extravagance is not from Islam and the prophet alaihi salatu wa salaam said: “The most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenses.” [Bayhaqi] This pertains to the nikah, the mahr, and it can pertain to traveling expenditures spent right after the wedding as well... We should adopt simplicity in our lives without being stingy. If a honeymoon is taken, money or food should not be wasted in the least as this is a sin, and in order to achieve more barakah in the marriage how beautiful would it be for a newly wed couple during their travel to visit some orphanages and feed some poor families. By pleasing Allah from the start, Allah will protect the marriage. So to keep it short, If utilized in the right manner, it can be a means of barakah. If utilized incorrectly, it can wreak havoc on the marriage, bring upon the wrath of Allah and jeapordize your akhirah. But the concept of a honeymoon itself is not haram, although it is better not to call it that. Allahu alaam.

actually in regards to the mahr
it doesnt necessarily mean a pious women should ask for a really low mahr
or a blessed marriage should have a low mahr

if that was the case then all the prophets صلي الله عليه وسلام wives would have really low mahr but they didnt

i think there are different interpretations to this hadith
i recall one aalim saying in regards to this hadith and mahr


its when for example someone gives mahr and the girl asks for less than what was gonna be given

[Umm Hamasa]

actually in regards to the mahr
it doesnt necessarily mean a pious women should ask for a really low mahr
or a blessed marriage should have a low mahr

if that was the case then all the prophets صلي الله عليه وسلام wives would have really low mahr but they didnt

i think there are different interpretations to this hadith
i recall one aalim saying in regards to this hadith and mahr


its when for example someone gives mahr and the girl asks for less than what was gonna be given

Salaam brother, I did not mention that a pious woman must ask for a low mahr, i said the most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenses which is not my opinion but stated by the Messenger of Allah (alaihi salatu wa salaam), meaning that a marriage should be simple and the expenses that come before and after should also reflect simplicity. I rarely give my opinion about a topic, unless there is nothing stated in the Quran or Sunnah because Islam is not a religion of opinions. Please see the following for clarification:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.

Sahl ibn Sa’d reported: I was with people in the presence of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, with a woman stood up and she said, “O Messenger of Allah, she has given herself in marriage to you, so what is your opinion?” He did not give a reply. She again stood up and she said, “O Messenger of Allah, she has given herself to you, so give your opinion of her.” He again did not reply. She stood up a third time and she said, “She has given herself in marriage to you, so what is your opinion of her?” A man stood up and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, marry her to me.” The Prophet said, “Do you have anything for dowry?” He said, “No.” The Prophet said, “Go find something, even an iron ring.” So he went and looked until he came back and he said, “I could not find anything, even an iron ring.” The Prophet said, “Have you learned something from the Quran?” He said, “Yes, I know chapter such-and-such.” The Prophet said, “Go, for I have married you both with what you have learned from the Quran.” Sahih Bukhari 4854

Abu Dawood (2125) and al-Nasaa’i (3375) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Ali said: “I married Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, let me go ahead with the marriage.’ He said: ‘Give her something.’ I said: ‘I do not have anything.’ He said: ‘Where is your Hutami shield?’ I said, ‘I have it with me.’ He said, ‘Give it to her.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i, 3160.

Ibn Maajah (1887) narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: “Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honour and dignity in this world or a sign of piety before Allaah, then Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives, and none of his daughters were given, more than twelve uqiyah. A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says, ‘You cost me everything I own, and caused me a great deal of hardship’.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1532.

The Prophet alaihi salatu wa salaam set the highest example for his ummah in that regard, so that a clear understanding of what constitutes simplicity would be understood by the people.
Twelve uqiyah is equivalent to 480 dirhams, approximately 135 silver riyals. This was the mahr of the daughters and wives of the Prophet alaihi salatu wa salaam.

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/194:

Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter’s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allah alaihi salatu wa salaam were given when they were the best women in this world in all aspects is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship.

In Zaad al-Ma’aad (5/178), Ibn al-Qayyim quoted some of the ahaadeeth that indicate that the mahr should be reduced and that there is no minimum amount. Then he said:
These ahaadeeth indicate that there is no minimum amount for the mahr and that exaggerating concerning the mahr is makrooh, and that it reduces its barakah.

[Abu julaybeeb]

Salaam brother, I did not mention that a pious woman must ask for a low mahr, i said the most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenses which is not my opinion but stated by the Messenger of Allah (alaihi salatu wa salaam), meaning that a marriage should be simple and the expenses that come before and after should also reflect simplicity. I rarely give my opinion about a topic, unless there is nothing stated in the Quran or Sunnah because Islam is not a religion of opinions. Please see the following for clarification:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.

Sahl ibn Sa’d reported: I was with people in the presence of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, with a woman stood up and she said, “O Messenger of Allah, she has given herself in marriage to you, so what is your opinion?” He did not give a reply. She again stood up and she said, “O Messenger of Allah, she has given herself to you, so give your opinion of her.” He again did not reply. She stood up a third time and she said, “She has given herself in marriage to you, so what is your opinion of her?” A man stood up and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, marry her to me.” The Prophet said, “Do you have anything for dowry?” He said, “No.” The Prophet said, “Go find something, even an iron ring.” So he went and looked until he came back and he said, “I could not find anything, even an iron ring.” The Prophet said, “Have you learned something from the Quran?” He said, “Yes, I know chapter such-and-such.” The Prophet said, “Go, for I have married you both with what you have learned from the Quran.” Sahih Bukhari 4854

Abu Dawood (2125) and al-Nasaa’i (3375) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Ali said: “I married Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, let me go ahead with the marriage.’ He said: ‘Give her something.’ I said: ‘I do not have anything.’ He said: ‘Where is your Hutami shield?’ I said, ‘I have it with me.’ He said, ‘Give it to her.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i, 3160.

Ibn Maajah (1887) narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: “Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honour and dignity in this world or a sign of piety before Allaah, then Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives, and none of his daughters were given, more than twelve uqiyah. A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says, ‘You cost me everything I own, and caused me a great deal of hardship’.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1532.

The Prophet alaihi salatu wa salaam set the highest example for his ummah in that regard, so that a clear understanding of what constitutes simplicity would be understood by the people.
Twelve uqiyah is equivalent to 480 dirhams, approximately 135 silver riyals. This was the mahr of the daughters and wives of the Prophet alaihi salatu wa salaam.

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/194:

Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter’s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allah alaihi salatu wa salaam were given when they were the best women in this world in all aspects is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship.

In Zaad al-Ma’aad (5/178), Ibn al-Qayyim quoted some of the ahaadeeth that indicate that the mahr should be reduced and that there is no minimum amount. Then he said:
These ahaadeeth indicate that there is no minimum amount for the mahr and that exaggerating concerning the mahr is makrooh, and that it reduces its barakah.

yes i know u didnt but i added the pious women because some people will think a pious women is someone who asks for very little where as someone who doesnt is not pious(not you but others)

yes these hadith and statements by ulama are good and authentic ok but they say not to exaggerate
what is affordable
what is easiest

im just trying to make it clear that this does not necessarily mean cheapest

ie if a person who earns 20k a year wants to get married a women could ask for 2k mahr

now if she asks him for 10k shes making it hard exaggerating not affordable

if for example the person earns 100k and the woman asks for 10k for this man it might be affordable easy not an issue at all

do you get where im coming from
and i havent taken anything from other than quran or sunnah


these ahadith show it can be interpreted in different ways


p.s the mother of believers wived mahr was not cheap or low it was considered quite a good amount in that time

[Umm Hamasa]

yes i know u didnt but i added the pious women because some people will think a pious women is someone who asks for very little where as someone who doesnt is not pious(not you but others)

yes these hadith and statements by ulama are good and authentic ok but they say not to exaggerate
what is affordable
what is easiest

im just trying to make it clear that this does not necessarily mean cheapest

ie if a person who earns 20k a year wants to get married a women could ask for 2k mahr

now if she asks him for 10k shes making it hard exaggerating not affordable

if for example the person earns 100k and the woman asks for 10k for this man it might be affordable easy not an issue at all

do you get where im coming from
and i havent taken anything from other than quran or sunnah


these ahadith show it can be interpreted in different ways


p.s the mother of believers wived mahr was not cheap or low it was considered quite a good amount in that time

I agree with your statement that the amount of money a woman asks for her mahr does not neccessarily reflect how pious she is. I also agree that the mahr of the wives of Prophet Muhammad alaihi salatu wa salaam were not cheap or expensive, but reasonable for the time.

My only point of disagreement is I believe the most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenses and the simplest. Even if you disagree with me there or interpret the hadith differently you will not be able to change my opinion because I will never disagree with the Messenger of Allah alaihi salatu wa salaam and that is what he stated in an authentic hadith with multiple chains of transmitters. The hadiths mentioned above show that even knowing a portion of the quran, a shield, or an iron ring can act as a mahr, because Islam is a religion of simplicity, not extravagance. But that does not mean if a woman asks for more than that she is a wicked woman nor does it mean that if she asks for less than that she is a righteous woman. Mahr like you stated is dependent upon the income of her husband and as long as it is reasonable and not excessive, there is no sin in that. :)

[Travolta709]

Want to go to honeymoon with my wife (married 5 years), can you advice something interesting ideas how to do it, thanks

[Morose]

With regard to what is called the “honeymoon”, it is even worse and more reprehensible, because it is an imitation of the non-Muslims and it is a great waste of money. It also leads to neglect of many religious matters, especially if this time is spent in a non-Muslim country, after which they come back with habits and customs that are harmful to them and to their society. These are matters which are dangerous to the ummah. But if the man were to travel with his wife to do ‘Umrah or to visit Madinah, there is nothing wrong with that, in sha Allah.

End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/176


Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) on Honeymoons.

Honeymoons are stupid.

I can see the use in getting to know one another, but newly-weds will not have kids and if they are living with in-laws, then the husband is really at fault here. Hence, buy a house before you marry and that is alone time taken care of.

[Abu julaybeeb]

Honeymoons are stupid.

I can see the use in getting to know one another, but newly-weds will not have kids and if they are living with in-laws, then the husband is really at fault here. Hence, buy a house before you marry and that is alone time taken care of.

thats easier said then done and not possible for evergone in this day and age rent or buy
so the cheaper option is to stay with family

and please dont say dont get married till u can afford your own place

yes its the womens right but if 2 people are ok with the idea of living with family then thats up to them as long as they stick by the sharia

its better then not being married in terms of halal and haram

[Morose]

thats easier said then done and not possible for evergone in this day and age rent or buy
so the cheaper option is to stay with family

and please dont say dont get married till u can afford your own place

yes its the womens right but if 2 people are ok with the idea of living with family then thats up to them as long as they stick by the sharia

its better then not being married in terms of halal and haram

You can rent - I would not recommend buying.

Yes, if the wife agrees to live with family, but I am just saying that a lot of the marriage problems you hear of are due to in-laws. Personally, I would have to live with family married and all.