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Online Nikah!

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    Online Nikah!

    <CENTER>Online Nikkah Chat Transcript

    </CENTER>

    Written by: Hamzah Moin


    I'm getting married *screams* : aa
    Abdul: wa
    I'm getting married *screams* : what's going on?
    Abdul: nothing much.
    I'm getting married *screams* : did u get any word on the banquet hall?
    Abdul: ugh
    Abdul: i tried everywhere ayesha and every place was so expensive
    I'm getting married *screams* : OMG!!!
    I'm getting married *screams* : abdul!!
    Abdul:
    I'm getting married *screams* : do you know much it sucks to wait! we've been waiting to get this nikkah done for months!
    Abdul: sorry
    I'm getting married *screams* : omg this is retarted
    Abdul: *retarded
    I'm getting married *screams* : shut upp
    Abdul: are you mad at me?
    I'm getting married *screams* : maybe
    Abdul: Well I have an idea (i)
    I'm getting married *screams* : oh this will be good
    Abdul: we can have an online nikkah
    I'm getting married *screams* : a what?!
    Abdul: yeah! it should be easy to do. i think everyone we need is online right now. let's get it done!
    I'm getting married *screams* : oh wow
    Abdul: come on, i'm sinning right now just typing to you. let's nikkah this thing asap!
    I'm getting married *screams* : arright arright lemme call my abbu and tell him the story... that u r being stingy and don't want to book a banquet hall and just want to do it online lolzz
    Abdul: lol
    I'm getting married *screams* : brb
    Abdul: k

    I'm getting married *screams* : omg my dad agrees haha
    Abdul: hahah i knew it. we're sooo stereotypical memons eh
    I'm getting married *screams* : yeah lolz
    I'm getting married *screams* : ok now what
    Abdul: well i jsut explained to imam saab our ordeal. he has agreed to perform the nikkah
    Abdul: *just
    I'm getting married *screams* : phew

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has been added to the conversation.

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : wtf
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : hu added me?!1
    Abdul: Imam it was me. i talked to you about it in the other window remember?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : oh yeah
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : do u no da hole ish?
    Abdul: sorry?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : fiqh man
    I'm getting married *screams* : imam i dont think u should substtute that as a curse word
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : wha?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : no no i meant the fiqh of a nikkah.
    Abdul: oh
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : hah yeah my bad.
    Abdul: hmmm i know the basics.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : no worries ill talk u threw it k?
    Abdul: k
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : first thing iz we need yo hunny bunny 2 leave da chat window
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : then we be needin her pops yknow wha im sayin?
    Abdul: so she has to leave and bring her dad in?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : str8 up
    Abdul: ok you got that ayesha? stay online but leave the window. and tell your dad to get online. i think he's on my list for some reason.
    I'm getting married *screams* : lolz my dad? he doesnt use msn 2 much. arright ill let him know.

    I'm getting married *screams* has left the conversation.

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : so where'd u 2 meet?
    Abdul: oh u know. she liked to view my naseeb journal and i liked her profile. a few salams and some private messages later it turned into a full blown fest on MSN
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aww man astagfirullah
    Abdul: I know. thats why we're doing this nikkah.
    Abdul: nice her dad is on

    dr. khan (phd) has been added to the conversation.

    Abdul: salams uncle
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" :
    dr. khan (phd): haalo?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : duz da pops no da dillio?
    dr. khan (phd): ajeeb
    Abdul: hahah uncle i invited you in... you have to be part of the nikah.
    Abdul: basically you are speaking on behalf of Ayesha
    Abdul: you there uncle?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : damn dis nigga types slow. itz been saying "dr. khan (phd) is typing a message" for ages.
    dr. khan (phd): Yes I Am Here.
    dr. khan (phd): Please Hurry.
    dr. khan (phd): Chai Is Almost Ready.
    Abdul: lol
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL wut a playa
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : anyhoo letz git dis sho on da road
    Abdul: okay.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : arright first ting ... u 2 mofos agreed to get hitch'd yeh? none of dis wuz forced?
    Abdul: yeah... it was all us.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight ... u have seen her b4 yeh? its good to no what she lookz like
    Abdul: yeah she sent me a pic of her
    dr. khan (phd): Ahh??
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : UH OH ... busted! lol
    Abdul: no no she had hijab on its all good.
    dr. khan (phd):
    Abdul: heh.
    Abdul: yeah.
    Abdul: hey imam you there?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : a/s/l?
    Abdul: WHAT?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : oh sorry man rong window lol
    Abdul: imam! hahah. i thought you were married!
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : I am. slots #2, #3, #4 still open
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : heh just remember u 2 dawgs arent like hitched yet aight. dont get hanky panky yet till we r done aight?
    Abdul: k
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight aight. we need 2 witnesses. 1 dawg & 2 dawgettes or 2 dawgs. either way man.
    Abdul: I got two guys that aren't doing anything. They've already changed their screen name so they're all set.

    Witness #1 has been added to the conversation.
    witness #2 has been added to the conversation.

    Abdul: sup gentlemen
    witness #2: awwww man i didn't know his name would be capitalized.
    Witness #1: Waita go idiot.
    witness #2: stfu
    Abdul: Guys! we have an imam present! and an uncle!
    Witness #1: oh sorry.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : no worries dawg. inshallah that wont happen again ya hear?
    Witness #1:
    dr. khan (phd): Be Right Back. I'm getting my chai.
    witness #2: WTF? the uncle is getting tea now!?
    Abdul: well we can't really do anything until he gets back.
    witness #2: dude omg omg. i got an exam tomorrow. WHO THE HELL DOES A NIKKAH ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT?
    Abdul: listen man you two were the only people on my list that were online so i asked you two to be the witnesses okay?
    Witness #1: pipe down witness #2.
    witness #2: i swear if i fail orgo tomorrow then your marriage will officially suck.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : yo dawg chill
    dr. khan (phd): I am back. Let's begin.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight aight. we gotz da wallee in the hizouse.
    witness #2: what is that
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : a walee is like the wife's dawg y'know? a guardian.
    witness #2: oh
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : next up is two witnesses.
    Witness #1: yeah i'm here.
    witness #2: same
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : i take it u both are dawgs
    Witness #1: as opposed to?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : dawgettes.
    Witness #1: ummm yeah i'm male.
    witness #2: ^ you sure fooled me.
    Abdul: lol
    witness #2: lol
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL OWNED
    Witness #1:
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : aight aight. yo dr.k u dere?
    dr. khan (phd): Yes I Am Here.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : dawg u type funnie man.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : Abdullizo u gave yo hunny bunny the dowry right
    Abdul: ummm i gave her some
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : good enuf. wut was da amount
    Abdul: i basically just pasted 786 times in her window.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : lol dude that 786 ting is wacked
    Witness #1: yeah but it's easy to hack into any paki's e-mail account. there's always a 786 in there somewhere.
    witness #2: hey! it was you!
    Abdul: shut up guys i'm trying to get married
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : ok dr.k.
    dr. khan (phd): Yes?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : i need u to repeat this: "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for ______ to marry my daughter ______ for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs."
    dr. khan (phd): I Have To Write This Whole Thing Out?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : naw dawg. just copy paste it.
    dr. khan (phd): "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for ______ to marry my daughter ______ for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs."
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : naw dawg naw
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : u gotta fill in da blanks with bride and grooms name k

    dr. khan (phd):
    OK
    dr. khan (phd): "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for Ayesha Khan to marry my daughter Abdul for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two dawgs."
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : close. u just got it backwards lol.
    dr. khan (phd): lol
    dr. khan (phd): "I, the brider's father and guardian, grant permission for Abdul to marry my daughter Ayesha Khan for the sake of Allah (SWT) for 786 in front of these two kutai."
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : bam. str8 up gold
    Abdul: now what?
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : well itz da sunnah to da a khutbah but i cant do 1 right now
    witness #2: good I gotta study
    Witness #1: Shut up witness #2.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : so we just cut to me askin yo suga muffin if she accepts aight
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k abdul. get outta here so we can invite her.
    Abdul: arright.

    Abdul has left the conversation.
    I'm getting married *screams* has been added to the conversation.

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : yo sup ayesha
    I'm getting married *screams* : sup
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k we need yo permission to be da wife of the Abdullizo.
    I'm getting married *screams* : lol
    witness #2: what does that mean????
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : good enuf
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : now ged outta here so we can finis dis shiz

    I'm getting married *screams* has left the conversation.
    Abdul has been added to the conversation.

    Abdul: what happened?
    witness #2: she said no.
    Abdul: !!
    witness #2: jokes
    Witness #1: lol
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : LOL
    dr. khan (phd): hahaha
    Abdul: ugh
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k now 4 da grand finale

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has left the conversation.

    Abdul: what the hell!?
    witness #2: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    Witness #1: best wedding ever.

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has been added to the conversation.

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : sorry dawgs. got d/c
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : abdullizo, do u accept Ayesha Khan as u r wife for 786 blings?
    Abdul: I accept.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : more.
    Abdul: errr... I accept Ayesha as my wife.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : bam. str8 up gold.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : did da uncle n witnesses c it?
    dr. khan (phd): Yes I did.
    Witness #1:
    witness #2:
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : k u n ayesha r officially married.
    Abdul: yes!

    I'm getting married *screams* has been added to the conversation.

    Abdul: hey Ayesha. change your screen-name! we did it!
    I GOT married *screams* : lol
    witness #2: finally. congrats. i'm out. ws

    witness #2 has left the conversation.

    Witness #1: congrats.
    Witness #1: may Allah (SWT) bless your marriage.

    Witness #1 has left the conversation.

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : waita go playa.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : now to show da otha window sum love ws
    Abdul: Jazakallah Imam.
    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" : np

    The Imam - "Baby Cause I'ma Thug" has left the conversation.

    Abdul: alone! finally!
    I GOT married *screams* : not quite.
    dr. khan (phd): Ayesha:
    I GOT married *screams* : yes abbu?
    dr. khan (phd): Congratulations. I love you. Once you are done with this chat please come downstairs to clean the kitchen. Khudahafiz.

    dr. khan (phd) has left the conversation. I GOT married *screams* : lol he could have just shouted. i'm only a floor above him.
    Abdul: so now what?
    I GOT married *screams* : oh ... you know

    #2
    HAAHHAHA..im printing this foshizzle out haha..o man sajid u gave me a good laff..and ya allah i needed it..ur the dog..dog..haha
    Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

    Comment


      #3
      LOL, i just knew mr sajid was going to place this here, I like the yahoo one post that here saj :p
      Please Re-update your Signature

      Comment


        #4
        Sajid, is there something you wanna tell us?
        Please Re-update your Signature

        Comment


          #5
          :wacko:


          Peace
          3:103 And hold fast, all together, unto the bond with God, and do not draw apart from one another. And remember the blessings which God has bestowed upon you: how, when you were enemies, He brought your hearts together, so that through His blessing you became brethren; and [how, when] you were on the brink of a fiery abyss. He saved you from it. In this way God makes clear His messages unto you, so that you might find guidance.

          Comment


            #6
            Asalamu Alaykum<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o:p></o:p>

            Best if I pretend I didn’t see this again!
            Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

            Comment


              #7
              lol nah its from the site maniacmuslims.com

              Comment


                #8
                rofl!!!

                The imam swears :|.

                Comment


                  #9
                  is that even a site..lol
                  Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by sajid
                    lol nah its from the site maniacmuslims.com
                    http://www.maniacmuslim.com/

                    Show Hamza some lowe.
                    Please Re-update your Signature

                    Comment


                      #11
                      :rofl1: :rofl1: :rofl1:

                      Sorry i found this hilarious!
                      Accept the changes in your life and they will accept you too

                      Comment


                        #12
                        :) i didn't finish reading it, i did read have of it. this Was Funny
                        Da imam is the Man.lol
                        Please Re-update your Signature

                        Comment


                          #13
                          :rotfl: Nice easy Nikah. I like it

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Muslimah
                            :rofl1: :rofl1: :rofl1:

                            Sorry i found this hilarious!
                            me too :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: i was cracking up laughing the whole way thru it LOL! nice one saj :p
                            .: Rufaida :.
                            .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
                            http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
                            “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
                            but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
                            ~ Ibn Atallah

                            Ramadan Activities for Children
                            <button id="tw_schedule_btn" class="tw-schedule-btn" style="padding: 4px 6px;position: absolute;left: 141px;top: 840px;background-color: #F7F7F7; background: linear-gradient(#FFF, #F0F0F0); border: 1px solid #CCC; color: #5F5F5F; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-shadow: 0 1px #FFF; white-space: nowrap;border-radius: 3px;font-size: 11px; display: none; z-index: 8675309">Schedule</button>

                            Comment


                              #15
                              funny :rotfl: and scary

                              just like Omar's new avatar of elmo.... (which I think is being run way too fast on my browser...... looks like he's on something )




                              Comment

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