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i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

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  • i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

    assalam alaikum

    i dont care what you think. i dont care if i'm exposing sins. i dont know why is this happening to me. 6 months back i was a completely different person....i never thought of becoming the person i am today.

    i cry all day, everyday. thats disturbing because previously ...for years... i've not cried infront of anyone (i only cried in the bathroom). now i just keep crying and even when i'm not crying i want to cry.

    i've missed fajr four times since eid because i'm in deeeep sleep (well its because i sleep like an hour before fajr). the first time it happened i asked my foster mother to wake me up. the other time i missed i asked her why she didn't wake me up and she be like i did, i came thrice to you.... and you did wake up...... (i dont remember any such thing)

    i dont know how i'll start wearing hijab to school.

    i dont know how i'll stop freemixing when i get back to school.

    i dont how i'll stop playing basketball with boys at school

    i dont know if i'll ever stop hating my biological father and my mother, especially, even after she died.

    i dont know how to get over missing my adoptive mother.

    i dont know how i can settle with my new foster mother....i've started hating her and do my utmost best to go against her wishes.

    i leave home at about 1 or 2am and then return at 4. i sleep for like 2 or 3 hours daily

    i haven't studied eversince i was sick (which is now about 2 months back) and dont feel like studying.

    i hate talking to people....infact hate people in general.

    i hate going to the hospital..i have blood tests everyday and keep visiting psychiatrists. i do everything to make my health worse and then dont even want to go to the hospital

    tbh, all i do is pray, read a biiit Quran, use internet...cry...cry...sleep...eat...cry...go to the hospital

    i keep saying i'll change but i dont know when and i dont know how.............. any advice would be appreciated


    actually i just want to die...but i want to go to jannah......... :(

  • #2
    Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

    when you grow up you change.
    you have tests at the moment.
    try to be more positive.
    try to read more quran with voice and listen 2 quran if u do not read.
    dont be too sad.
    and if u do then make more duas
    If you not on Quran and Sunah go to hell and leave me alone. No Kuffar, no Shia, no Mushrik Barelvis, no rejecters of hadith (even for your mathab) & no other deviants. :up:
    Our Arabic Blog http://al3arabiya.org/
    Our Islamic Blog http://carryonummah.blogspot.co.uk/
    Our YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbp...8-CYfRl_3_jpsw

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    • #3
      Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

      Originally posted by startingarabic View Post
      when you grow up you change.
      you have test at the moment.
      try to be more positive.
      try to read more quran with voice and listen 2 quran if u do not read.
      dont be too sad.
      and if u do then make more duas
      will everything just keep getting worse in the name of a test?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

        You're not alone sister...we all struggle...Allah loves you for trying though...continye toi strive to be good....never give up...:up:
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

          Originally posted by meentajir View Post
          will everything just keep getting worse in the name of a test?
          its the duyah, try to get closer 2 your creator and ask for his help when u are down - kid
          If you not on Quran and Sunah go to hell and leave me alone. No Kuffar, no Shia, no Mushrik Barelvis, no rejecters of hadith (even for your mathab) & no other deviants. :up:
          Our Arabic Blog http://al3arabiya.org/
          Our Islamic Blog http://carryonummah.blogspot.co.uk/
          Our YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbp...8-CYfRl_3_jpsw

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

            How comes you sleep so little meenatjir?
            I think that's probably what's affecting your mood so much .

            Things get always get better just remain strong and as patient as you can.

            tumblr_nkik2c2mTk1rfgouvo1_500.jpg
            [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][B][U][CENTER]Oh Allah, in your name, I die and live.[/CENTER][/U][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]
            [CENTER]:):lailah::lailah::lailah::lailah::)[/CENTER]

            [B][CENTER]Ya Allah, Grant Me A Heart That Sees[/CENTER][/B]

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            • #7
              Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

              Sahih International
              Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured."

              http://legacy.quran.com/13

              if you remember Allah more then u will have calmness in your heart.
              or tranquility
              If you not on Quran and Sunah go to hell and leave me alone. No Kuffar, no Shia, no Mushrik Barelvis, no rejecters of hadith (even for your mathab) & no other deviants. :up:
              Our Arabic Blog http://al3arabiya.org/
              Our Islamic Blog http://carryonummah.blogspot.co.uk/
              Our YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbp...8-CYfRl_3_jpsw

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                Wa alaikumsalam.

                I understand the sleep part sis, I've stayed up all night and slept just about 30 mins before fajr starts before. Was told that I was woken up but I don't remember a thing too.
                Get your sleep clock back to normal and it'll all sort itself out.

                You're really mature at this young age! May Allah swt reward you for all the struggle you go through.

                Visit my anger thread, I think you need it. Stay calm and just focus on your studies for now. Don't neglect prayers, things will get easier as time passes :insha:

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                  It's okay... Calm down sis and take it slow. You're not alone
                  I love you, cherish you and worship you,
                  Guide me on your path to your janna,
                  Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


                  :love:Allah:love:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                    :wswrwb:

                    Don't sleep an hour before Fajr then, sleep straight after Isha :) If you're having some trouble getting up for Fajr, stick on some alarms on your phone and leave it next to your ear or close by. Try not to neglect your Salah :)

                    You have to strive to be better in order to obtain Jannah. Use your time and young age wisely and do not procrastinate. Know that Allah swt test us all and that if you remain patient and put your trust in Him, everything will get better :insha: :)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                      http://www.imgrum.net/media/11225812...796_1266656325
                      Attached Files

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                        Originally posted by meentajir View Post
                        will everything just keep getting worse in the name of a test?
                        I know at your age the diseases and problems you are going through is much more...but perhaps you are more closer to Allah than us cz the greater the trial greater is test...An ill person gets many rewards...the rewards that in akhirah many ll try to exchange for anything but they couldnt cept by will of Allah..there are muslims among us who came close to islam when their half lives were gone yet there is hope...bcz the mercy of Allah is such that its not bound for human thinking..it superceeds His anger over our sins.
                        ".......He giveth and spendeth (of His bounty) as He pleaseth. But the revelation that cometh to thee from Allah increaseth in most of them (kuffar) their obstinate rebellion and blasphemy.Amongst them we have placed enmity and hatred till the Day of Judgment. Every time they kindle the fire of war, Allah doth extinguish it;but they (ever) strive to do mischief on earth. And Allah loveth not those who do mischief."(5:64)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                          dont know ur whole story but having good sleep is important to ur overall health. also its good to have a schedule so try to sleep at night and wake up in morning. do something productive with ur time whether its work, school, etc. and in ur free time do something u enjoy and that makes u happy. live a halal lifestyle and that should start making u happier. dont stress too much about the future. take it a day at a time. try to fix one problem at a time. dont overwhelm urself. we all have good and bad phases. you just have to get over it and dont give up and contact people if u need to talk or need help of any sort. you're not alone and god will not forget the hardships u went through and inshallah he will reward u in this life and the next. take care of urself.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                            Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                            You're not alone sister...we all struggle...Allah loves you for trying though...continye toi strive to be good....never give up...:up:
                            although sometimes i say i will...but I'LL NEVER GIVE UP!!!

                            Originally posted by startingarabic View Post
                            its the duyah, try to get closer 2 your creator and ask for his help when u are down - kid
                            ok. thank you

                            Originally posted by zantz View Post
                            How comes you sleep so little meenatjir?
                            I think that's probably what's affecting your mood so much .

                            Things get always get better just remain strong and as patient as you can.

                            [ATTACH=CONFIG]84894[/ATTACH]
                            i stay out of the house at night and return some time before fajr...and i dont really...or cant really sleep at day time soo...thats how i sleep so little i guess

                            Originally posted by startingarabic View Post
                            Sahih International
                            Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured."

                            http://legacy.quran.com/13

                            if you remember Allah more then u will have calmness in your heart.
                            or tranquility
                            thank you again

                            Originally posted by ashmeo View Post
                            Wa alaikumsalam.

                            I understand the sleep part sis, I've stayed up all night and slept just about 30 mins before fajr starts before. Was told that I was woken up but I don't remember a thing too.
                            Get your sleep clock back to normal and it'll all sort itself out.

                            You're really mature at this young age! May Allah swt reward you for all the struggle you go through.

                            Visit my anger thread, I think you need it. Stay calm and just focus on your studies for now. Don't neglect prayers, things will get easier as time passes :insha:
                            i dont neglect prayers on purpose

                            i dont feel like studying

                            i cant fix my routine

                            maybe it doesn't look like that but this has been happening for over a month now

                            Originally posted by Fragile View Post
                            It's okay... Calm down sis and take it slow. You're not alone
                            do you cry all day about being illegitimate? being thrown away? being sick? being neglected? being a failure? do you stay out of your house at night time? do you do your utmost best to eat everything the doctors did not allow? do you feel like the only thing you have is hope? .....just wondering....

                            Originally posted by ~Umar~ View Post
                            :wswrwb:

                            Don't sleep an hour before Fajr then, sleep straight after Isha :) If you're having some trouble getting up for Fajr, stick on some alarms on your phone and leave it next to your ear or close by. Try not to neglect your Salah :)

                            You have to strive to be better in order to obtain Jannah. Use your time and young age wisely and do not procrastinate. Know that Allah swt test us all and that if you remain patient and put your trust in Him, everything will get better :insha: :)
                            i cant really make myself sleep....i've tried everything i know of...

                            i've kept alarms...very loud alarms...nothing works

                            thanks alot bro

                            thank you

                            Originally posted by snow_flakes View Post
                            I know at your age the diseases and problems you are going through is much more...but perhaps you are more closer to Allah than us cz the greater the trial greater is test...An ill person gets many rewards...the rewards that in akhirah many ll try to exchange for anything but they couldnt cept by will of Allah..there are muslims among us who came close to islam when their half lives were gone yet there is hope...bcz the mercy of Allah is such that its not bound for human thinking..it superceeds His anger over our sins.
                            thank you :)
                            Last edited by meentajir; 15-07-16, 09:31 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: i am a hypocrite.....and a coward......and procrastinating

                              :salams:

                              Take one thing at a time.

                              You've made a whole list of things you can't do and that can seem like a lot of challenges in one go and therefore it can really overwhelm you and lead you to give up before you've even started.

                              First of all learn to accept who you are and what you couldn't be. What you have now and what you don't have.

                              I admire your patience a lot [MENTION=105311]meen[/MENTION]tagir I think you've outdone most of us here and you already said that if a person like you has hope then what excuse do the rest of us have?
                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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