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Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

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    Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

    I was link surfing and came across a question about care homes. I'd like to know what you would do if your mother or father had dementia. My mother is severely ill and I could never imagine pawning her off just to make my life easier, especially after she spent 2 years changing my diapers and spit up, staying up all night when I was sick even though she had to work 2 jobs, 20+ years raising me and digging me out of the trouble I got myself into, dealt with my childhood tantrums, teenage rebellion (which was pretty bad), ect and still always took care of me when I was injured no matter how insane I drove her. I know that if I suddenly lost my mind she would still never put me in a home.

    Question:
    My mother and her sister both are terrified of Nursing homes. My mother is nearly 85 and when I can get her assets in order, I need to put her in a nursing home. Problem is, she still knows me, but doesn't recognize she is home, that my dad (her husband) has been dead nearly 16 years and her mama's been dead around ten years. She has difficulty speaking a complete sentence and identifying things, like her cigarette lighter. She can't drive, cook, or be trusted to take her meds correctly. BUT, legally, you can't put anyone in a nursing home who doesn't want to go. It's a good law, but not always the best thing for a person like my mother. I've been caring for her six years now and have finally come to terms with the fact she'd be better off and I would too if she were in a nursing home. How can I get her admitted when the time comes if she refuses? I've heard if she went into the hospital, I could refuse to take her back to her home since there's nobody to care for her. As for my aunt, she's a little more coherent than mama, but cannot drive to get groceries or her meds. She lives alone and her daughters have health issues of their own and can no longer take care of her, but she refuses to accept this and won't go to a nursing home. She's fallen several times and had to lay there till she could (painfully) get to a phone and call for help. But my aunt knows where she is and what day it is, etc. She is just too stuborn to go to a nursing home, believing it's her daughters' moral obligation to care for her, no matter how exhausted, overwhelmed or ill they are. But before their mother, I'm more concerned about how to get my own mother into a nursing home. She somehow can remember she can't be forced to go. We live in Texas. I know laws vary from state to state. I guess my main question is, if a person poses a threat to themselves, can't care for themselves, is there a legal way to have them commited to a nursing home? Hope I don't sound like I don't love her because I do.
    Here are some of the answers:
    Now the falls...by both of them. Fractured backs, fractured ankles, torn rotator cuffs, stitches from busted heads, bruises that are so deep they take MONTHS to heal... Why don't they receive the wake up call? Why don't they see how this affects my mother and me?
    Brooke..you are sacrificing your health and the wellbeing of your family for your grandparents. Get over the guilt and get on with your life! They are not able or even willing to help themselves. [...] You sound like a wonderful granddaughter and I sound very harsh; but your responsibility is to yourself, husband and daughter. You have done more than enough. Getting your education is the best thing you can do.
    More than enough? Throw them away and get on with your life? No matter how much you do for them you can never pay them back. Alhamdulillah for Islam. I can't help hoping their children abandon them the same way when they are too aged and ill to work. Is this how we get repaid for spending 3 or 4 decades of our lives caring for children? They rebel when they are teenagers and throw us away the second we become a 'burden'.
    17
    I would put my relative in a home if they became a burden on me and my family
    5.88%
    1
    I would never put my relative in a care home no matter how much of a burden they were
    94.12%
    16

    #2
    Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

    Care homes,nursing homes,old age homes......very bad because every man wants to live with his family if anybody sends him or her to a care home,nursing home,old age home he or she will fill lonely.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

      Personally i have always wanted someone old to be living with me in my house (like my grandfather or grandfather), you can gain so many rewards by serving them and at the same time their company is something to be grateful for.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

        Originally posted by abc123d View Post
        Personally i have always wanted someone old to be living with me in my house (like my grandfather or grandfather), you can gain so many rewards by serving them and at the same time their company is something to be grateful for.
        List some please. :)
        8 powerful habits to succeed


        1. Wake up early!
        2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
        3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
        4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
        5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
        6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
        7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
        8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This id also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

        NEW UPDATE

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


        Watch this when you're distressed!

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

          25% of the staff in our home are good 75% are lazy, rough with the elderly and neglectful of them feeding and changing them etc. Even if it was a really good reason to place a old person there, I still wish people didn't have to.


          Comment


            #6
            Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

            The people that are in care homes are someone's parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, sibling and Islam teaches us to take care of our parents especially in old age. I can't stand the thought of any one of my family members being in a care home, no matter what the work load involves I would take care of them myself. My mother takes care of my grand mother although she is in Ill Heath herself May Allah reward her Ameen, and I intend to do the same for my mother.

            It's disgusting how these people treat their family members and see them as burdens as though they will never age and need the same assistance, even some Muslim families do this subhaan Allah just sad. :(
            “Whoever Allah wishes good for, He inflicts him (with hardship).” [Bukhari]

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

              Originally posted by Umm Anwar View Post
              The people that are in care homes are someone's parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, sibling and Islam teaches us to take care of our parents especially in old age. I can't stand the thought of any one of my family members being in a care home, no matter what the work load involves I would take care of them myself. My mother takes care of my grand mother although she is in Ill Heath herself May Allah reward her Ameen, and I intend to do the same for my mother.

              It's disgusting how these people treat their family members and see them as burdens as though they will never age and need the same assistance, even some Muslim families do this subhaan Allah just sad. :(
              Our is 137 bed home and we have no Muslim residents in there الحمد لله . Reason I know is that I tried to get a Imam in to do a talk for the residents and the Imam said sure he would pleased to come but the care home said sure, but only if two residents or more want it. I couldn't even find one Muslim resident!


              Comment


                #8
                Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                They make me feel so depressed. Kinda scared too even though I don't have kids.

                I feel like that is what results in drastic acceleration of brain degenerative diseases. My great grant mother Allah yerhamha (May Allah have mercy on her) was very active. She was known in the community, and was very active. I don't think she would have been as joyful or healthy if she was taken to a care home.

                I feel like our brains just like our bodies waste away when we have little to do. And when we seclude ourselves/ are secluded our health plummets.

                There was a study I read about how inhabitants of high altitudes that moved around a lot, and maneuvered objects on rough terrain had less bone loss than other elderly people. Mainly because their muscle mass wasn't wasting away, their bones remained healthy. And they were also generally healthier.

                Sorry for going off topic. But I feel like the downward spiral towards worse health starts when people take their parents to those care homes.
                Constant interaction with people (especially family) is far more beneficial than taking them to live under conditions that would be less than pleasant even if they maybe comfortable.

                I mean the least they could do is maybe get a nurse to check up on the parent. Why take them so far away? It makes me feel so sad, I seek refuge in Allah from that.

                All thoughts/hypotheses stated above are my own. :s

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                  I'm seeing some double standards here, let me explain:

                  When a non Muslim sends their parents to a nursin home, its looked down upon and they are judged very harshly.

                  When a Muslim man is asked/demanded that he makes sure his wife and kids come before his parents, then that is applauded.

                  Whats so different? they're in a nursing home, whilst the Muslim parents live alone and have no one, since Abu Inaaya has to move out with wifey and tend to her "Islamic rights".

                  We aint no different from kuffar in this sense and I think it's straight up hypocrisy when we judge them for doin this.

                  Being dutiful to your parents comes directly after worshippin Allah.


                  My apologies, this subject brings out the worst in me.

                  I ask Allah that He helps us be dutiful to our parents, be a source of peace for them and treat them as they should be treated.


                  Your children will treat you in the same manner that you treated your parents.
                  There is rest only in the aakhira.
                  Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                  - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                  If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                  and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                  then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                  - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                  I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                  That's right, a nude dog.
                  The Deepweb is disgusting.
                  - Unknown -


                  Links
                  The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                  Inheritors of Qur'aan

                  Download Links




                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                    Originally posted by -Jibril- View Post
                    Whats so different? they're in a nursing home, whilst the Muslim parents live alone and have no one, since Abu Inaaya has to move out with wifey and tend to her "Islamic rights".
                    Honestly, I would rather live alone in my home until I die in it, than be stuck in a nursing home with no rights being patronized and ordered around like an invalid three year old. Being forced to wear diapers and told when to eat, when i'm "allowed" to bathe, what friends i'm "allowed" to have, when i'm "allowed" to go outside. Living at home alone is a dream compared to that nightmare. Why not just send old folks to prison?

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                      Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                      Honestly, I would rather live alone in my home until I die in it, than be stuck in a nursing home with no rights being patronized and ordered around like an invalid three year old. Being forced to wear diapers and told when to eat, when i'm "allowed" to bathe, what friends i'm "allowed" to have, when i'm "allowed" to go outside. Living at home alone is a dream compared to that nightmare. Why not just send old folks to prison?
                      Both are bad, why be alone when you have family?

                      Thats my point.
                      There is rest only in the aakhira.
                      Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                      - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                      If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                      and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                      then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                      - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                      I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                      That's right, a nude dog.
                      The Deepweb is disgusting.
                      - Unknown -


                      Links
                      The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                      Inheritors of Qur'aan

                      Download Links




                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                        Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                        Honestly, I would rather live alone in my home until I die in it, than be stuck in a nursing home with no rights being patronized and ordered around like an invalid three year old. Being forced to wear diapers and told when to eat, when i'm "allowed" to bathe, what friends i'm "allowed" to have, when i'm "allowed" to go outside. Living at home alone is a dream compared to that nightmare. Why not just send old folks to prison?
                        It's different here in the uk, there are mandatory person centred care plans that you will be dismissed for crossing that line. Residents can go to bed and get up when they please. They can use the garden when they ask to or if they are mobile they can walk where they want and eat when they want and also whatever they want (unless they are undereating and losing weight). CQC come and spot check regularly and you be surprised the charts we have to fill out every hour for every resident and there are lots of residents each with several from food charts, fluid charts, behaviour charts and incontinence charts etc. but really, the residents get to decide a lot as they should do. Ther're adults with a disease not babies, I agree with you.

                        The private companies expect so much work from the staff for like 6.60 per hour and they put the least amount of staff on as possible, meaning that you are always understaffed. THATS why staff get lazy and neglectful (mostly) because they are run off their feet 12 hour shifts cleaning up poop and sick then they get slain for not filling out paperwork on time. So the good practice rules are there from the authorities that produce the rules but, the private companies that employ the staff make it impossible almost, for people to do the job properly.

                        I am considered really good worker by the others but a slow worker.

                        But I don't care because I want to do stuff properly.


                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                          what about if your parent has cancer or has to go bathroom in a diaper? or doesn't even know who u r or they scream and yell and are afraid? is there no reason to have someone help you care for them? im sure not all nursing homes are bad im sure theres really good ones right?

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                            Originally posted by *Aisha View Post
                            what about if your parent has cancer or has to go bathroom in a diaper? or doesn't even know who u r or they scream and yell and are afraid? is there no reason to have someone help you care for them? im sure not all nursing homes are bad im sure theres really good ones right?
                            Very few. Small private run ones are the best. Mostly all the large ones are run by companies wanting to make profit and that's all their motivation so, the same will apply to them as what I have written.

                            If I had to place someone in there. I would visit without notice, ask to see charts of my family member, stay for more than a hour (to see if anyone comes to check on them or change them) place a small camera clock in their room. Visit them at other random times. The best time for a family member to visit would be 6pm as after supper staff are pressed for time to get everything done before end of shift.

                            If you do all that, then you should be ok.


                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Your Opinion on Care Homes / Nursing Homes / Old Age Homes

                              They recently put out a documentary on the mistreatment of elderly people in nursing homes... Scary stuff, my mom is in her forties so she is a long way away from that, but I would never be able to throw her in one of those places.

                              Comment

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