What's happening!!? Terrible speech problem (aphasia?) social anxiety and toxic shame

[Sfe995]

Assalaamualaykum brothers and sisters.

Something terrible is happening to me for no apparant reason and it's getting me down.

I am a 22 year old man, and ever since I was a child I've always been known as quiet and shy. Except in certain situations, In primary/elementary school I did have a lot of friends I used to play with and visit at their house, and they used to visit me also. Back then my quietness/shyness was more of the healthy type. Not social

From about year 9/grade 9 in school the shyness/quietness seemed to have got worse, maybe it is because in high school there is more of a pressure on boys to be loud and tough and manly.
I don't think a week would pass without being asked 'Why are you so quiet' at least a few times.
In year 11 I started to pray and get into Islam. I was still quiet, shy and under confident. But I noticed people weren't giving me so much trouble for it. Maybe it is because they were used to me like this and see no reason to keep question me/bothering me and also people are a little more mature now.

I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but about two year later at around aged 18 when my emaan was peaking and I was really close to Allaah, I started suffering from waswas. Waswas in wudu and waswas in Salah.
I went to a couple of raaqis. Was told I have jinn/evil eye or sihr.

From the age of 19/20 I started to develop a big problem...stuttering/stammering and speech blocks. Not as bad as it is now.

Presently, at the age of 22, my state is worse than ever (except the waswas which has improved slightly)
My shyness/quietness has developed into really really bad social anxiety and toxic shame. My speech is really bad. Im stuttering and blocking in speech worse than before.

If Im on the phone or speaking to some and want to say 'How are you'?
I would be like h-h-ho...how are you?

Im not able to explain things and tell stories very well, So I don't do it. If I do, I am going to start speaking like the above. I find it hard to come up with words (aphasia)
I usually have to repeat things twice for people to understand.
I end up avoiding things and letting things slide because of this problem that I have. I avoid speaking to my family, and they probably think I don't want to talk.

I am not able to give dawah and share knowledge because of this problem. I am not able to come up with words properly and speak properly.

The only people I am not shy with, is my mom and sister who I grew up with. Everybody else causes me extreme social anxiety and toxic shame.

It seems as if everybody else has UNSHAKABLE confidence and fearlessness, even if they are non muslims or muslims with weak emaan.

All this writing and I still feel like I haven't explained my situation fully...

Also I am getting married this year in Shaa Allah to an amazing girl. It is only by the mercy of Allah that this is going to be happening despite my problem. But no one has ever mentioned my problem.
How will i be a good husband and father if im like this?
I cant be scared of my wife!!

I want to get a brain scan to make sure that there is nothing wrong with my brain or that I have no dead brain cells from a stroke or injury that I don't know about.
But scans and neurological visits cost money and I am not rich...

Another possibility is that these problems are being caused by sihr.

So yea, I don't know. These speech and anxiety and confidence problems are affecting my life.

[aelmo]

I understand what you're saying. An extreme, positive lifestyle change could fix that or at least make it better. Since your getting married to such a great girl, I am sure that can improve the situation.

With the anxiety issue, I would say that you just need to push yourself. It is extremely difficult and it may take a very long time but it will pay off in the long run.

Don't worry about people who have confidence but have weak eman. Eman is way better. And trust me a large majority of the time that confidence is a facade. People often act differently around shy people because the people's lack of confidence makes the more outgoing person feel more superior compared to the shy person.

It's tough living with anxiety but doing new things and bringing in more positivity into your life can change everything. Just do things that make you happy. Nothing haram though.

I wish you all the best in your life.

[hadmatter]

Same here. I've become so bad at expressing myself in words without long pauses in between. My memory has gone bad too.

[MuslimThinker]

Assalaamualaykum brothers and sisters.

Something terrible is happening to me for no apparant reason and it's getting me down.

I am a 22 year old man, and ever since I was a child I've always been known as quiet and shy. Except in certain situations, In primary/elementary school I did have a lot of friends I used to play with and visit at their house, and they used to visit me also. Back then my quietness/shyness was more of the healthy type. Not social

From about year 9/grade 9 in school the shyness/quietness seemed to have got worse, maybe it is because in high school there is more of a pressure on boys to be loud and tough and manly.
I don't think a week would pass without being asked 'Why are you so quiet' at least a few times.
In year 11 I started to pray and get into Islam. I was still quiet, shy and under confident. But I noticed people weren't giving me so much trouble for it. Maybe it is because they were used to me like this and see no reason to keep question me/bothering me and also people are a little more mature now.

I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but about two year later at around aged 18 when my emaan was peaking and I was really close to Allaah, I started suffering from waswas. Waswas in wudu and waswas in Salah.
I went to a couple of raaqis. Was told I have jinn/evil eye or sihr.

From the age of 19/20 I started to develop a big problem...stuttering/stammering and speech blocks. Not as bad as it is now.

Presently, at the age of 22, my state is worse than ever (except the waswas which has improved slightly)
My shyness/quietness has developed into really really bad social anxiety and toxic shame. My speech is really bad. Im stuttering and blocking in speech worse than before.

If Im on the phone or speaking to some and want to say 'How are you'?
I would be like h-h-ho...how are you?

Im not able to explain things and tell stories very well, So I don't do it. If I do, I am going to start speaking like the above. I find it hard to come up with words (aphasia)
I usually have to repeat things twice for people to understand.
I end up avoiding things and letting things slide because of this problem that I have. I avoid speaking to my family, and they probably think I don't want to talk.

I am not able to give dawah and share knowledge because of this problem. I am not able to come up with words properly and speak properly.

The only people I am not shy with, is my mom and sister who I grew up with. Everybody else causes me extreme social anxiety and toxic shame.

It seems as if everybody else has UNSHAKABLE confidence and fearlessness, even if they are non muslims or muslims with weak emaan.

All this writing and I still feel like I haven't explained my situation fully...

Also I am getting married this year in Shaa Allah to an amazing girl. It is only by the mercy of Allah that this is going to be happening despite my problem. But no one has ever mentioned my problem.
How will i be a good husband and father if im like this?
I cant be scared of my wife!!

I want to get a brain scan to make sure that there is nothing wrong with my brain or that I have no dead brain cells from a stroke or injury that I don't know about.
But scans and neurological visits cost money and I am not rich...

Another possibility is that these problems are being caused by sihr.

So yea, I don't know. These speech and anxiety and confidence problems are affecting my life

Wa'alaikumsalam wr wb
Seeing your condition, I advise to see a doctor for this probably?
Maybe they send you for therapy sessions if necessary. Make du'a too.

That's good that you intending to make da'wah. In the intention itself there is a reward. The thoughts.
I think your wife will be understanding inshaAllah. I don't think anybody will blame you for your condition, something you can't control.
the important thing is also the heart amongst others. I share with you this hadith

Bukhari & Muslim]
https://sunnah.com/nawawi40/6

So don't worry too much

[Rumaysah~]

You might need therapy

Search practical self ruqyah on YouTube, watch all of them, follow the method.

[neelu]

[mynameis123]

Salam OP,

I don't think you have "dead" brain cells etc, I think you may have gone through certain situations growing up that have triggered this condition of yours - bro, I know its easier said than done but "practice makes perfect" you have to make your self-uncomfortable to a point where that task becomes comfortable.

Maybe make a list of things that you would hate doing and start doing them (obviously take baby steps).

I use to suffer from stage fright/ self-confidence issues, which I admit is nothing compared to yours but I despite being scared to death I took a course in Drama and yes I did embarrass my self in front of people for a couple of sessions but after that I slowly started getting comfortable to a point where I'd volunteer to go perform first in the class and alhamdulillah it has improved my daily life. (if you're from London, I can send you a link to that course - is designed to overcome shyness in a non-judgemental environment)

As far as the stammer is concerned, do you stammer when you're talking to your mum and sister?

[hasan2013]

Sister, I would like to advise you that being friends with the opposite gender is haram.

https://islamweb.net/emainpage/index...waId&Id=228157

Jazak Allah khair.

[neelu]

BarakAllah feeq. He advised the same thing, that's why we're no longer in touch. He's a very good deeni person mashaAllah.

Sister, I would like to advise you that being friends with the opposite gender is haram.

https://islamweb.net/emainpage/index...waId&Id=228157

Jazak Allah khair.