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  • #46
    Originally posted by Mufti Cheesecake View Post
    You don't need to be married to give advice that comes from the Quran and sunnah. On top of that it assumes that people who are married are experts when it comes to marital relationships. By that logic, those who are divorced have even less right than single people when it comes to giving advice since their marriage failed. Also what about when the OP of a post rejects the advice and says what a married person suggested is wrong advice? Should we have a 3 strike system or something for married people giving advice too?

    Ultimately relying on the internet for marriage advice is a terrible idea, for numerous reasons. If we were actually concerned about it, we would just shut down the whole marriage section.
    So you think it was wise of you telling a desperate husband straight up his wife was a bad wife given the state of their marriage? or is advising a husband to not go overboard with compliments and to only compliment the wife once a day from sunnah?

    I do think you should refrain from advising married folk(s) what they ought to do.

    Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post

    Bad advice isn't breaking the forum rules unless it's deliberately unIslamic.

    And the original post that was removed by Hajar was arguably one of the best posts on the thread.

    And oddly enough her view on what the 'it all boiled down to' was rejected by the OP himself.

    So much for the mythical marriage 'wisdom'.
    I said what I said based on his initial post and I was not the only (married) poster to have thought of that. He did admit lack of intimacy was affecting his relationship with his wife but for him there were other, more pressing issues he wanted to deal with first so..yeah.

    Anyway, I never took you for a whiner. I have seen Abu Mubarak, among other mods, delete posts they deemed 'bad or unsuitable' so yes, this "trend" of deleting a post because it's bad is not new.

    Mods are far from perfect but we do often put up with a whole other level of stupidity than the rest of you so excuse us if our manners seem less than ideal or we don't entertain every/ any opinion y'all deem "good".
    Last edited by .Hajar.; 16-09-21, 02:44 AM. Reason: typo

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
      We should keep things the way they are but if someone is giving advise that is considered bad, they should just get an infraction which will eventually lead to a ban. Like the old system when people would bicker and get infracted if they didn't behave.

      That may help to keep people in check about how they share their thoughts.

      ​​​​​
      Sons are whining about 2 deleted posts, can you imagine the drama and hungama IF any of them were to actually get infracted for..wait for it..bad advice?

      -_-

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      • #48
        Linked

        You seem to complain about everything & every mod here

        I dont agree with everything, but that is life

        If this place brings you so much angst, it may not be the place for you

        As mods, and you have seen this before. We dont all do things the same. But we respect each others decisions, for the most part

        Hagar, Abu Abdullah keep this place running. Appreciate that, its not easy
        .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
        نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
        دولة الإسلامية باقية





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        • #49
          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
          I agree. This is overly authoritarian and ridiculous “modding.”

          Deleting something you consider “bad advice” sets a very bad precedent. Write a rebuttal, don’t delete. Unless it breaks the rules.
          This is what i would have done

          But i didnt read the original, so i am only going by general procedure
          .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
          نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
          دولة الإسلامية باقية





          Comment


          • #50
            Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post

            Sons are whining about 2 deleted posts, can you imagine the drama and hungama IF any of them were to actually get infracted for..wait for it..bad advice?

            -_-
            Hehe
            Can it be overlooked and just corrected, they're only young and will hopefully learn from it in sha Allah

            ​​​​​
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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            • #51
              Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post
              So you think it was wise of you telling a desperate husband straight up his wife was a bad wife given the state of their marriage? or is advising a husband to not go overboard with compliments and to only compliment the wife once a day from sunnah?

              I do think you should refrain from advising married folk(s) what they ought to do.
              Alright, sis.

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              • #52
                Cool thread.

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                • #53
                  This is one of the more lively threads in recent times.
                  https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/lo...-qur-an-courseI am just a simple nomad.

                  Ephemeral reader

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                  • #54
                    I feel a little lump in my throat at the tenacity of the young turks..gulp

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                    • #55
                      Originally posted by Mufti Cheesecake View Post
                      I KNEW I DIDN'T JUST DREAM IT. I was wondering where that comment went. Like really how was what I said bad advice?

                      The guy describes how he works and does things on the side because his salary isn't that much, so he's doing that to provide for them, so he's really busy, and then at home he has to do the chores, the cooking, the cleaning too, and that his wife has a weight problem that she should be working on but isn't. So I was like, well what is she doing then for the family? As the husband you need to put your foot down and tell her, maybe even complain to her parents, and if she doesn't then forsake her in bed, like this is from the Quran, what did I say wrong? And then I was like, and you need to carve out time to spend with her and be intimate with her, or else how is she going to be motivated if she has nothing to look forward to.

                      But other people on that thread were fixated on one or two lines out of that big block of text, which he admitted he wasn't spending time with her or being intimate with her, and labelled this whole thing as a lack of intimacy issue? The guy works the whole day, and comes home to a wife that does nothing, and is overweight, where is he going to get the time and energy first off, and second how is he going to be attracted to a lazy overweight woman?
                      Is not cooking, or not loosing weight the Koranic nushuz? It is not AFAIK, nor are these two things shar'i obligations for the wife. We should be careful in how we invoke the Koran dear brother.
                      “Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day either speak good or be silent.” — Prophet Muhammad pbuh | مَن كانَ يُؤْمِنُ باللَّهِ والْيَومِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا، أوْ لِيصْمُتْ

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                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                        We should keep things the way they are but if someone is giving advise that is considered bad, they should just get an infraction which will eventually lead to a ban. Like the old system when people would bicker and get infracted if they didn't behave.

                        That may help to keep people in check about how they share their thoughts.

                        ​​​​​
                        Who decides what is "bad advice"?

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                          Who decides what is "bad advice"?
                          Everyone can, the mods will have the final say though because they're the only ones who are able to remove the post, infraction if forum rules are broken.

                          It can still be challenged by members as long as it isn't going against the forum rules.
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by YahyaIbnSelam View Post

                            Is not cooking, or not loosing weight the Koranic nushuz? It is not AFAIK, nor are these two things shar'i obligations for the wife. We should be careful in how we invoke the Koran dear brother.

                            https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1704...ng-her-husband
                            The more correct view in this matter is that stated by a number of scholars, such as Abu Bakr ibn Abi Shaybah, Abu Ishaaq al-Jawzjaani and Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on them), who said that it is the womans duty to serve her husband within the bounds of what is reasonable and as other women who are like her serve husbands who are like him. She also has to take care of the house, doing things like cooking and so on, in accordance with what is customary among people like her and her husband. This differs according to circumstances, time and place, hence Ibn Taymiyah said: This varies according to circumstances. What the Bedouin wife has to do is not the same as what the urban wife has to do.
                            Edit:

                            But I understand theres a difference in opinion
                            Last edited by Mufti Cheesecake; 16-09-21, 10:53 PM.

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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by Mufti Cheesecake View Post
                              Alright, sis.
                              May Allah bless you with the best in this world and the next, aameen.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post

                                Sons are whining about 2 deleted posts, can you imagine the drama and hungama IF any of them were to actually get infracted for..wait for it..bad advice?

                                -_-
                                Bad advice according to you?

                                There's a difference between clearly unislamic and inappropriate advice which anyone would clearly object to and advice which you personally find problematic; I don't remember any other member specifically calling out that post as inappropriate or evil advice.
                                You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                                You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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