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Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

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  • Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

    Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait


    "I don't care if I am 55 when I finish school, I will not get married until I finish my education."


    The above is a quote from a young Muslim woman pursuing what she calls her "education." Unfortunately, her strong dedication to finishing the Western undergraduate and graduate university "education" system reflects the ever growing trend among young Muslims in this society: to wait until they posses a "degree" before entertaining the prospect of marriage. What is even more grim is the fact that these young Muslims' parents reflect the same diseased ideology.


    Somehow, the Western system of "education" has replaced Islam as the central priority in Muslims' lives. This blind dedication to obtaining a degree is so ingrained in the Muslim family that if a daughter herself is interested in marriage, the parents will forbid the matrimony solely on the grounds that she must finish school. Thus, marriage has virtually become a bad word in several Muslim circles if that word "marriage" is at all connected with the marriage of a "daughter" who has not finished "school," i.e. "college." Of course, if she has not finished high school, marriage is beyond undesirable; it is unthinkable. Such counterproductive thought processes are contributing to the breakdown of the Muslim ummah, and they are preventing the true establishment of Islam in our society and lives.


    Every society has a foundation, and that foundation is the family. If we Muslims value obtaining Western college degrees more than we value establishing the foundation for an Islamic society, what does this say for the future of our ummah? Furthermore, what does it say about our claim that we are indeed Muslims? It goes without saying that there is benefit to holding a college degree, but when weighed against the benefit of marriage, which is half of our religion, marriage heavily outweighs it. Thus, when we see that in the hearts and minds of Muslims the benefits or "urgency" of a college degree outweighs marriage, there is something seriously wrong in our ummah not to mention our thinking.


    Although, on the surface, the issue of education versus marriage seems complex, the explanation for this phenomenon is actually quite simple: our basic values lie not in the akhira (Hereafter) but in the dunya (wordly life). Whenever we are presented with an order from Allah or His Messenger (i.e. marriage), we fulfill that order only in so much as it does not prevent us from attaining the glitter of the dunya. For many of us, if the order inconveniences our dunya too much, we ignore the order all together--hence, the quote above. For most of us, if something must give ---dunya or akhira---the choice is simple: akhira goes first. Hence, we have the prioritizing of school versus marriage.


    Another phenomenon prevalent in our ummah that is weakening the foundation of our Islamic society (family) and serves as a ground to delay marriage is Muslims' ever growing fascination with a chronological number attached to each person because that person happened to be born on a particular day in a particular year, commonly termed "age." Somehow, we have internalized the Western definition of "childhood" and "adulthood" so much so that we frequently refer to our young adult children of marriageable age as "children" or "too young" to marry. Both the labeling of adults as "children" and the excuse that adults are "too young" to marry are phenomena that are not only new to Islam but are inventions of the modern age in general. [editor's note: dare we forget the ages of many of the sahaabah? How Usama bin Zaid led an army in his teens, and how we had "teenage" mujaahideen?]. And just as we follow the people of the world into the "lizard hole" of "education," we follow our modern teachers (who have replaced the Prophet (saw) as our example) into the "lizard hole" of obsession with age. And just as holding a college degree has become the single most important accomplishment of the young Muslim and her family, so has age become the most significant determinant of whether or not a person is "ready" to marry.


    The question is, what do we do about it? First, we must reclaim our Islamic identity and reevaluate our purpose on this earth. When we do this honestly, we will discover that our purpose here is very straightforward: to establish Islam in our lives and then in the world at large. Everything else, such as attending a local university and obtaining a college degree, falls under the category of "accessories," i.e. "not necessary." Thus, when a Muslim is faced with the prospect of marriage, which falls under the category of "establishing Islam," there should be no hesitation, and any desired "accessory" should be pursued only in so far as Islam is pursued. As a result, there is the possible scenario of, yes, a "young married college student," or dare I say, "young married high school student."


    The benefits of marrying are enormous, and those benefits increase when marriage occurs sooner rather than later. Guarding the chastity of our youth and encouraging the birth of several children for the growth of this ummah [not to mention the fact the marriage creates an ideal scenario for man and woman to increase their chances of entering Paradise and fulfill half of their religion] are serious benefits that Muslim parents and youth need to reconsider. Let us reclaim Islam for ourselves and share it with the world, and let us start in the home by encouraging young men and young women to marry. Let us redefine "education" and "adulthood" based upon Qur'an and Sunnah. And may Allah bless us to please Him while we are on this earth through establishing Islam in every aspect of our lives without hesitation, and may we attain Paradise, our goal. Ameen.


    Taken from

    http://www.islamicawakening.com
    There is rest only in the aakhira.
    Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

    - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

    If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
    and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
    then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

    - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

    I saw a dog without any clothes on .
    That's right, a nude dog.
    The Deepweb is disgusting.
    - Unknown -


    Links
    The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
    Inheritors of Qur'aan

    Download Links





  • #2
    Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

    lol she sounds a tad like me. :D
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

      I don't get why it has to be a choice between education and marriage, why not just both :D
      .: Rufaida :.
      .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
      http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
      “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
      but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
      ~ Ibn Atallah

      Ramadan Activities for Children
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      • #4
        Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

        Originally posted by anna2000uk
        I don't get why it has to be a choice between education and marriage, why not just both :D
        cos some idiots of men..dont want them to educate!
        “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
        Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
        He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
        And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

          hmm... I find that quite pathetic!
          .: Rufaida :.
          .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
          http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
          “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
          but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
          ~ Ibn Atallah

          Ramadan Activities for Children
          <button id="tw_schedule_btn" class="tw-schedule-btn" style="padding: 4px 6px;position: absolute;left: 141px;top: 840px;background-color: #F7F7F7; background: linear-gradient(#FFF, #F0F0F0); border: 1px solid #CCC; color: #5F5F5F; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-shadow: 0 1px #FFF; white-space: nowrap;border-radius: 3px;font-size: 11px; display: none; z-index: 8675309">Schedule</button>

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          • #6
            Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

            Originally posted by anna2000uk
            hmm... I find that quite pathetic!
            but i must say there are rare that want their wives to educate themselves. and im gna have to look hard muahahahaa.!:D
            “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
            Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
            He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
            And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

              :start:

              :salams

              Originally posted by anna2000uk
              I don't get why it has to be a choice between education and marriage, why not just both :D
              An educational marriage! :D

              :salams
              Allah and His angels call down blessings on the Prophet . O you who believe! call down blessings on him and ask for complete peace and safety for him :inlove: (33:56)

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                Originally posted by bint
                cos some idiots of men..dont want them to educate!
                Salaamun 'Alaik,
                I think we need to strike a balance, these "idiotic men" (and I agree, they do have issues that they need to address!) feel threatened when their wives go to uni to study, e.g (and do forgive me if they seem a bit too "out there")

                1. They might get brainwashed and become athiests
                2. They might turn into feminists and stop doing the housework
                3. They might question the role of husbands and wives
                4. They might come back home as murtaddeen
                5. They might cheat on him

                Now I know these things might never happen, but some idiotic women fell prey to these ideas and thoughts whilst attending uni, which has made some men and I emphasise some men very wary of the education system in this country...
                And NO, I am not of one those men....
                So yeah, I guess its a few rotten apples that have messed it up for the rest of us.

                Wallahu A'lam
                Jibril
                There is rest only in the aakhira.
                Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                That's right, a nude dog.
                The Deepweb is disgusting.
                - Unknown -


                Links
                The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                Inheritors of Qur'aan

                Download Links




                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                  nah but theres nowt wrong wid..

                  educating..having kids..wokring the house..tending to the hubby!
                  “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
                  Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
                  He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
                  And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                    Originally posted by bint
                    nah but theres nowt wrong wid..

                    educating..having kids..wokring the house..tending to the hubby!
                    Its called Multi tasking :p

                    Us men are crap at that....i am anyway
                    Please Re-update your Signature

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                      Originally posted by SoulAsylum
                      Its called Multi tasking :p

                      Us men are crap at that....i am anyway
                      lol..u sed it :p
                      “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
                      Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
                      He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
                      And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                        Originally posted by -Jibril-
                        Salaamun 'Alaik,
                        I think we need to strike a balance, these "idiotic men" (and I agree, they do have issues that they need to address!) feel threatened when their wives go to uni to study, e.g (and do forgive me if they seem a bit too "out there")

                        1. They might get brainwashed and become athiests
                        2. They might turn into feminists and stop doing the housework
                        3. They might question the role of husbands and wives
                        4. They might come back home as murtaddeen
                        5. They might cheat on him

                        Now I know these things might never happen, but some idiotic women fell prey to these ideas and thoughts whilst attending uni, which has made some men and I emphasise some men very wary of the education system in this country...
                        And NO, I am not of one those men....
                        So yeah, I guess its a few rotten apples that have messed it up for the rest of us.

                        Wallahu A'lam
                        Jibril
                        quite silly reasons though isn't it :S
                        If someone is going to be so quick 2 leave Islam jst from going to uni I dnt think they had much Iman at the start?
                        .: Rufaida :.
                        .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
                        http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
                        “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
                        but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
                        ~ Ibn Atallah

                        Ramadan Activities for Children
                        <button id="tw_schedule_btn" class="tw-schedule-btn" style="padding: 4px 6px;position: absolute;left: 141px;top: 840px;background-color: #F7F7F7; background: linear-gradient(#FFF, #F0F0F0); border: 1px solid #CCC; color: #5F5F5F; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-shadow: 0 1px #FFF; white-space: nowrap;border-radius: 3px;font-size: 11px; display: none; z-index: 8675309">Schedule</button>

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                          Originally posted by bint
                          lol..u sed it :p
                          We cant all be brilliant at everything :p
                          Please Re-update your Signature

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                            Originally posted by -Jibril-
                            Salaamun 'Alaik,
                            I think we need to strike a balance, these "idiotic men" (and I agree, they do have issues that they need to address!) feel threatened when their wives go to uni to study, e.g (and do forgive me if they seem a bit too "out there")

                            1. They might get brainwashed and become athiests
                            2. They might turn into feminists and stop doing the housework
                            3. They might question the role of husbands and wives
                            4. They might come back home as murtaddeen
                            5. They might cheat on him

                            Now I know these things might never happen, but some idiotic women fell prey to these ideas and thoughts whilst attending uni, which has made some men and I emphasise some men very wary of the education system in this country...
                            And NO, I am not of one those men....
                            So yeah, I guess its a few rotten apples that have messed it up for the rest of us.

                            Wallahu A'lam
                            Jibril
                            I agree with the brother.

                            Firsty i strongly disagree with the use the word "Idiotic Men" as it shows disrespect to your muslim brother. ALLAH has made us each of us with unique qualities. A muslim brother has the right to seek a spouse that he feels comfortable with. Let me remind you the best of chracters are the once who posses the Islamic Personality.

                            The nature of the Universities, as a father/mother/husband, does not make you feel safe and secure. Its not a big surprise when they are hesitant about this.

                            However, this sort of issue should be sorted out before getting married.
                            Please Re-update your Signature

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

                              oh im sorry about the idiotic men. :S
                              “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
                              Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
                              He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
                              And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

                              Comment

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