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  • a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

    :salams

    i was just wondering whats the wisdom behind a girl havin to leave her family to go and live with her husbands when dudes are menta be emotionally stronger anyway...

    hmmm i was gettn proper upset about this last night cos i was thinkn i have a 7yr old bro and by the time im married inshaAllah ima havta move away and like miss out on like watchin him grow up and everything, even though hes like only 7 we're proper tight, and i think we got the same kinda personality (LOL ermmm u know when hes gettn all serious and that) anyway i ended up gettin proper depressed about it cos i'll miss out on his life so much and i won't be like a proper big sister to him and i want him to come home and tell me about his day like everyday... but if im some other randoms house its not gonna be so easy... leavin ya fam is gonna be the hardest thing ever to do...

    and for any of u married couples out there, to the girls what was it like leavin ya fam? and to the guys was ya wife like majorly upset and what ya do?
    Last edited by RaNdOm; 20-06-06, 02:03 PM.
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

  • #2
    Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

    Wa alaikumusalam wr wb wm wj.

    sis..i hear ya. im not going to make u feel any worse than u feeling now. but life is full of sacrifices..and theres not much u can do about em..except get PL to do what YOU do ..so she can fill u in. Ring ure bro..evry day in the evening n ask him how hes doin n that. send him likle presies..shud be good..n hell neva forget ya:inlove:

    leaving ya fam is the hardest thing ti do...but i cant wait to get rid of myn!!!













    JOKEEEEE....lol..nahh i hear ya sis. inshaAllah ull be brave.:up:
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

      Aww Masha'Allah Random You're sho schweet:love:
      Yea I totally understand what you mean,It'll be so hard to leave my family..I mean I've got a lil bro too,he's only three,and I got a lil sis who's about 7 and I wouldnt wanna miss out on their whole growing up process and being the big sister who's always there for them and stuff.I think I would find it exceptionally hard to leave them all:(

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      • #4
        Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

        Funnily enough, in Sri Lanka the man moves in with the woman's family. Although i'd prefer it the other way around, as in if my *future* (InshaAllah) wife would come and live with me :)

        But i hear where you're coming from... I'm away from family now and i miss my 6 year old bro like mad!
        "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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        • #5
          "Seek forgiveness from your Lord, He is indeed oft-forgiving. He will send forth rain to you in abundance and furnish you with wealth of offspring and endow you with Gardens and endow you with rivers"

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

            :salams

            Its natural to feel like that.. and obviously your not the only one that will go through that phase or has been through that; :up:
            so dont worry its all part of life;


            All the best insha'Allah;

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

              Originally posted by RaNdOm
              :salams

              i was just wondering whats the wisdom behind a girl havin to leave her family to go and live with her husbands when dudes are menta be emotionally stronger anyway...

              hmmm i was gettn proper upset about this last night cos i was thinkn i have a 7yr old bro and by the time im married inshaAllah ima havta move away and like miss out on like watchin him grow up and everything, even though hes like only 7 we're proper tight, and i think we got the same kinda personality (LOL ermmm u know when hes gettn all serious and that) anyway i ended up gettin proper depressed about it cos i'll miss out on his life so much and i won't be like a proper big sister to him and i want him to come home and tell me about his day like everyday... but if im some other randoms house its not gonna be so easy... leavin ya fam is gonna be the hardest thing ever to do...

              and for any of u married couples out there, to the girls what was it like leavin ya fam? and to the guys was ya wife like majorly upset and what ya do?
              o0o0o0o so0o it v0z u hu v0z cryin lzt nite :p hahaha kiddin shhiddin

              lo00o0oo00oo00ol maaaaan dnt v0ri ill snd im 0va 2 ur new 0uze evrydy n if ya m0v up nurf vel cum liv vid u n an0y ur hzbnd 2 da max n0 prblm ahahahahhaahh :D:D:D:D:D:D:hidban: :hidban: :hidban:

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              • #8
                Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                Originally posted by bint
                Wa alaikumusalam wr wb wm wj.

                sis..i hear ya. im not going to make u feel any worse than u feeling now. but life is full of sacrifices..and theres not much u can do about em..except get PL to do what YOU do ..so she can fill u in. Ring ure bro..evry day in the evening n ask him how hes doin n that. send him likle presies..shud be good..n hell neva forget ya:inlove:

                leaving ya fam is the hardest thing ti do...but i cant wait to get rid of myn!!!













                JOKEEEEE....lol..nahh i hear ya sis. inshaAllah ull be brave.:up:


                urrghhhh :vomit: i cnt d0 v0t rndm d0z :eek3: she bez nyc 2 im?!?! cnn i d0 [email protected]?!?!? errr N0 hahahahahah :p lo0o00oo0l @):hidban: :D :hidban:

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                  Originally posted by RaNdOm
                  :salams

                  i was just wondering whats the wisdom behind a girl havin to leave her family to go and live with her husbands when dudes are menta be emotionally stronger anyway...
                  Thing is, there is NO wisdom behind it.. why cant they guy stay at my house seriously... it's really sad. i know someone who got married when her little bro was only 1 :( and now coz of her husband's work shes had to move to a faraway country and shes gna be there for 8 years..! she misses her family so much, and she can only visit them once a yr! i just cant imagine wat would happen to me if i was put into that situation..

                  if i ever have to move outta my family's home then inshallah my house is only gona be 2 doors away

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                  • #10
                    Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                    Originally posted by PaGaL~LaDo0
                    urrghhhh :vomit: i cnt d0 v0t rndm d0z :eek3: she bez nyc 2 im?!?! cnn i d0 [email protected]?!?!? errr N0 hahahahahah :p lo0o00oo0l @):hidban: :D :hidban:

                    lol awww

                    u wil u vill,,:D

                    i can imagine....say no more:hidban:
                    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
                    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
                    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
                    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                      my sister in laws from Gloucester and we live up north in yorkshire, its like 3.5 hours away. when she got married her brother was 6. but she's quite lucky because we're a relaxed family and my brother takes her to gloucester quite frequently whereas other people i know only get to see their family on Eid or something, sometimes not even that. also, she rings gloucester everyday somethng my parents actually weren't too chuffed about, but like i said, they don't really say much, as long as shes happy.

                      My cousin, who got married recently at the age of 19/20, she lived in manchester and she got married to a guy from coventry which is also like 3 hours away or something, i think more. ayway she was telling us aswel that when she got married she cried for the first week every night :( and then she laughed because she said her hubby felt proper sorry for her and was like giving her extra attention :p lol aww

                      alhamdulillah i think im quite lucky, im getting married (inshallah) local :D few streets away! lol :)
                      "The successful marriage is not when you can live in peace with each other, but when you can't live in peace without each other."
                      Friends of Al Aqsa

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                        There's always the option for the girl to marry locally e.g. the same town/city, if she wishes to stay close to her Family, though this will limit how many rishtas you end up getting.

                        The wisdom behind the girl moving in with the husband is in the Desi culture, the son is responsible for looking after his parents in old age (esp the eldest brother), and it'll be the same for your brother's also to look after your parents in their old age (if your desi).

                        :)
                        Please Re-update your Signature

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                        • #13
                          Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                          Originally posted by greenwater
                          There's always the option for the girl to marry locally e.g. the same town/city, if she wishes to stay close to her Family, though this will limit how many rishtas you end up getting.

                          The wisdom behind the girl moving in with the husband is in the Desi culture, the son is responsible for looking after his parents in old age (esp the eldest brother), and it'll be the same for your brother's also to look after your parents in their old age (if your desi).

                          :)
                          Wisdom behind moving with the husband is NOT desi culture. Even Fatimah r.a. moved to Ali r.a.'s house when she was married to him. And what about the non-muslims, don't they do that? It's the natural thing to do, you are married to a guy so you go live at his home so he can fulfill his islamic duties for providing for you and so you two can start a new family.

                          Now the husband can stay at home with his family or he can move out and get his own place, that varies family to family and culture to culture. In desi culture, the eldest is responsible for the parents and sometimes the younger sibligngs too (especially if the age gaps is big or after the death of the parents). So even if the eldest moves out, he still looks after the parents. In arab culture the oldest doesn't move out, more often he's given a the in-law part of the house where he is separate and lives his own life w/his wife but is connected to the main house also and can go there too. All the younger siblings move out as they get married, the oldest stays in his place and the parents in the main house.

                          Everyone does what works for them. It's good to stay with the parents not only to look after them but also to have their guidance and life time of wisdom. Also, the parents help keep the son in straight line and protect the girl and give her company when he's away at work. But too many siblings living in one house does spoil the fun, and especially bro-in-law being the death to you (as per hadith), it's best to move out when he's there or have your parents move in w/you if others are old enough to live on their own in that house.
                          Banned permamently for not taking mods BS

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                          • #14
                            Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                            Salaams

                            Originally posted by RaNdOm
                            :salams

                            i was just wondering whats the wisdom behind a girl havin to leave her family to go and live with her husbands when dudes are menta be emotionally stronger anyway...

                            hmmm i was gettn proper upset about this last night cos i was thinkn i have a 7yr old bro and by the time im married inshaAllah ima havta move away and like miss out on like watchin him grow up and everything, even though hes like only 7 we're proper tight, and i think we got the same kinda personality (LOL ermmm u know when hes gettn all serious and that) anyway i ended up gettin proper depressed about it cos i'll miss out on his life so much and i won't be like a proper big sister to him and i want him to come home and tell me about his day like everyday... but if im some other randoms house its not gonna be so easy... leavin ya fam is gonna be the hardest thing ever to do...

                            and for any of u married couples out there, to the girls what was it like leavin ya fam? and to the guys was ya wife like majorly upset and what ya do?

                            you know, if you look at it islamically, then it's the wife's right to have her own accomodation.

                            there is much wisdom in this; considering how many marital problems happen because of the in-laws.

                            also if the if the husband is living with his family and has brothers, they are non-mahram to the wife and hence she has to observe hijaab at all times, in her own home which is unfair! and similarly if the husband lives with the wifes family and she has sisters (i hope i got that the right way round)

                            so that solves your first problem of having to go live with the husbands family. - you don't have to!

                            as for the leaving your own family, well you can either delay getting married or you could find find a husband who lives close, so you can frequently visit your own family.
                            Last edited by ibn suleman; 20-06-06, 11:04 PM.
                            i will bear any ordeal, but i will not beg


                            Watch the game, Learn the game, Control the game.

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                            • #15
                              Re: a girls gotta go when a girls gotta go

                              Originally posted by ibn suleman
                              Salaams

                              you know, if you look at it islamically, then it's the wife's right to have her own accomodation.

                              there is much wisdom in this; considering how many marital problems happen because of the in-laws.

                              also if the if the husband is living with his family and has brothers, they are non-mahram to the wife and hence she has to observe hijaab at all times, in her own home which is unfair! and similarly if the husband lives with the wifes family and she has sisters (i hope i got that the right way round)

                              so that solves your first problem of having to go live with the husbands family. - you don't have to!

                              as for the leaving your own family, well you can either delay getting married or you could find find a husband who lives close, so you can frequently visit your own family.
                              Well Said. Alot of the after marriage pressures amongst asians is all culture.

                              You have to live with your husbands family.. etc..

                              Most of these things arent from Islam at all.

                              Best thing to do is marry a revert I say who doesnt bring all the cultural baggage with him. I know many sisters who have married reverts and they are much more independant. I'm sure it would be quite cool giving dawah to the hubbies family as well :)

                              As for moving out.. Don't remind me
                              - Inna Ma'iya Rabbi Sayah Deen -

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